Hilarious Jokes

 

 

OK, hilarious is a pretty strong word. Let’s just say here are some pretty funny jokes.

 

 

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, – “This is the WORST book I’ve ever read!” “It has NO plot and far too many characters!”
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks – “So, you’re the one who took our phone book…”

 

 

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged him and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”
“Dear God! Did you try to stop him?”
“No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”

 

 

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word
through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop
decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the
belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing while several applicants demonstrated their skills, he
decided to call it a day. Just then a lone, armless man approached him and
announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer’s job.
The bishop was incredulous. “You have no arms!”
“No matter,” said the man, “observe!” He then began striking the bells with
his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a
suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, while rushing forward to strike a
bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to
his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop immediately rushed down the stairways. When he reached the
street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful
music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the
bishop through, one of them asked, “Bishop, who was this man?”
“I don’t know his name,” the bishop sadly replied, “but his face rings a
bell.”

 

 

Q: What kind of work does a weak cat do?
A: Light mouse work.

 

 

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

 

 

A doctor vacationing in Panama met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here in Panama?” The doctor replied, “I’m looking for Panama Real Estate .”  “You have the money?” asked the lawyer.  “Well, remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.” The lawyer looked puzzled. “Gee,” he asked, “how did you start the flood?” 

 

 

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6’5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

 

 

Page Topic: Hilarious Jokes