Wedding Jokes and Quotes

 

 

Here are some pretty good jokes about nuptials, weddings, tying the knot. You get the idea.

 

 

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).

 

 

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

 

 

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next
day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”

 

 

Before marriage, a man years for the woman that he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent.

 

 

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “mommy, why does the girl wear white?” his mom replies, “the bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” the boys thinks about this, and then says, “well then, why is the boy wearing black?…”

 

 

The three ring joke: Did you know that every wedding involves three rings? Before the wedding, there’s the engagement ring. At the wedding, there’s the wedding ring. Ten years after the wedding, then comes the suffer-ring.

 

 

Two cannibals just finished a big meal and one turns to the other while rubbing his stomach with his fist and says, “You know, I just ate my mother-in-law, and she still doesn’t agree with me!”

 

 

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating
the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife,
“Please take the wheel, Dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it.”
So she drove the boat to shore.
Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him,
switched the TV channel, and said to him, “Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I’m having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes.”

 

 

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

 

 

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, ‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’ The other replied, ‘Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.’

 

 

There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation – “If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels.”

 

 

Page Topic: Wedding Jokes