The Funniest Jokes in the World

by


A scientific survey in 2002 attempted to find the funniest joke in the world. Thousands of people from dozens of countries voted on thousands of jokes. Each country had a different favorite. Overall, the number one and number two funniest jokes in the world, based on votes, are:
The funniest joke in the world:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
The Second Funniest Joke ever:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

The Funniest jokes in different countries:

Here are some of the top jokes in different countries:

The Funniest Joke in England and the United Kingdom:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

The Funniest Joke in the U.S.

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well known humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American newspapers. In January 2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to LaughLab. At the end of the column he urged readers to submit jokes that simply ended with the punch line:
‘There’s a weasel chomping on my privates.’

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 ‘weasel chomping’ jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the funniest joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked the Major: “Major Barry, what the devil’s wrong with Sergeant Jones’ platoon? They seem to be all twitching and jumping about.”
“Well sir,” says Major Barry after a moment of observation. “There seems to be a weasel chomping on his privates.”

However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was…

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

The Funniest Joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

The Funniest Joke in Austria

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”

The Funniest Joke in Belgium.

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

The Funniest Joke in Germany

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.”

The study was conducted through the Laugh Lab Web site: www.laughlab.co.uk

And might I add, as a free bonus to InnocentEnglish.com visitors, the funniest kids joke ever, perfect for every four year old:
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Poop!


(Yes, that’s the whole joke. Subtle, yet multi-layered, it works on so many levels for all ages- as long as they are four. Skeptical? Try it on any four year old. Note that the word “poop” may be replaced by any number of equally hilarious substitutes limited only by imagination and the vocabulary of the target audience).

 

 

Page Topic: Funniest Jokes in the World

 

 

1,059 thoughts on “The Funniest Jokes in the World”

  2. here is a funny joke
    A 70-year-old man went to the doctor’s for a physical. The doctor ran some tests and said to the man, “Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?” And the man answered, “Oh me and God? We have a really tight bond, he’s so good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off.”
    The Doctor was astonished. He called the man’s wife and said, “I’d like to speak to you about your husband’s connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?”

    And she said, “That idiot, he’s been peeing in the refrigerator!”

    now thats a funny one

  3. Seriously, people, you need to stop with the blonde jokes. They’re not funny at all, and quite offensive. Shut it.

  6. Little Johnny had a problem with gambling, and it was really getting on his dad’s nerves. So the dad decided to do something about it.

    On Johnny’s first day of school, his dad told his teacher to try to rid Johnny of his gambling problem. So when Johnny went up to her and bet her $5 that she had a mole on her butt, the teacher proved him wrong and took $5 from him.

    Later that night, the teacher called Johnny’s dad and said, “I think I got rid of Johnny’s gambling habit. I bet him $5 that I had a mole on my butt, and I didn’t, so he lost the bet.”

    “Not exactly,” Johnny’s dad said. “This morning, I bet Johnny $200 that he would see his teacher’s butt by the end of the day.”

  7. 2 rednecks are sitting in a bar talking.

    One says “man, if there was a nuclear war right now what would be the first thing you’d do?”

    The other Redneck thinks for a few seconds and says “Well damn man, I guess I’d just screw the first thing the moves”….”what would you do?” he replies.

    1st Redneck says quite quickly “I’d be real frickin still!”..

  10. a blonde went to the docter and said “doctor doctor ive broken every bone in my body!” so she poked herself in the leg and screamed “owww!’ then she poked herself in the legs and screamed
    “oww!” so the docter took x rays and came back a few minutes later
    and said “i have good news and bad news… the good news is you havn’t broken every bone in your body…the bad news is…youve broken yur finger.

  12. Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.

    The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,

    “I think they could be bird tracks.”

    The second blonde went to look and said,

    “No, I think these are deer tracks.”

    They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

  13. A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump.

    Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

    “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.”
    But the blonde insisted saying,
    “No. A bet’s a bet.”

    Then the redhead said

    “Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”

    The blonde replied

    “Well, so did I, but I didn’t think he would jump again!”
    ,no offence to blondes

  14. A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternooon. Unfortunately the builder wasn’t very good at the game and every time he missed a shot would shout ‘Shit, missed’.

    The game went on and after several outbursts from the builder, the priest could hold his tongue no longer. “Don’t swear like that” he told his friend, “or God will punish you”. The builder apologised and the game continued.

    As soon as he missed another shot the builder shouted “Shit, missed.” and continued to do this every time he missed a shot for the next three holes.

    The priest was starting to get really angry by now and said “I must insist that you stop swearing this instant, otherwise God will hear you and punish you!”

    Once again, his pleas made no difference as the builder missed an easy putt on the seventeenth green and shouted out “Shit, missed”. Immediately the heavens parted and a bolt of lightning flew from the sky, hitting the priest and killing him stone dead.

    Suddenly, a booming voice was heard in the clouds, “Shit, missed!”

  15. you ever heard the story about the worlds biggest dog? if you havent then you must read on!

    OK so

    theres a man from New Zealand and hes in the pub when he hears a somebody mention “the worlds biggest dog”. this gets his attention so he scans the room to find the man who was speaking. he spots a short little man in the corner of the room. he has an irish accent and a huuuuge scar running from the top of his foread to the corner of his mouth.

    the man quickly walks over as he is curious to hear about this so called “worlds biggest dog” he sits next to little irish fellow and says
    “so.. did i just hear you mention ‘the worlds biggest dog’?”
    the little irish man looks at him from the corner of his eye and says
    “yes. you did hear me mention “the worlds biggest dog”
    and so thei irish man tells the NZ’er all about his adventure to find “the worlds biggest dog”
    it just so happens that “the worlds biggest dog” is located in northern Istanbul and the irish man has a small plane that can get them there in a matter of hours but they have to leave right now.
    so the man agrees and on the way to the plane he stops in at home to tell his wife abpout his journey and explain why he will be gone for a few hours.

    rougly 45 minutes after that the plane is soaring over the ocean on its way to istanbul. it is a very rickety plane but it is covered in photos of dogs and other house hold pets.
    the irish man is explaining to him how secret the mission is, that “the worlds biggest dog” is somewhat of a tabboo in northern Istanbul and must not be spoken of. he also explains that it is a perilous journey and one should not even THINK about going alone. it is at this second that the plane dies and starts rocketing towards the ocean! they crash with horrendous force into the sea and water quickely fills the plane. The new zealander man escapes but he does not see the irish man surface. alas, his guide is dead.

    the man swims to shore and sees a young Arab boy with a sign witch says in big lettering ISTANBUL so the man knows this is the right place. but unfortunately he is stuck with no guide, no directions to “the worlds biggest dog” and no way home. so he sets out for the local pub in the hopes he will find somebody who knows about “the worlds biggest dog”.

    After many minutes he stumbles upon a pub tittled “the big dog inn”
    “this looks promising” he thinks to himself and he walks rright on in that pub and sets himself down at the bar and orders a lime water with a hint of blue berry. it takes him a good while to work up the courage to ask about “the worlds biggest dog” especialy since he knows of its taboo in these lands but he sucks it up and promptly says to the bar man
    *cough*”uh excuse me. erm this is quite hard to say. but.. you erm” he looks around nervously and lowers his voice
    “you wouldnt happen to know anything about “the worlds biggest dog” would you?”
    the bar man smiles and leans back
    “why sir. it just so happens that “the worlds biggest dog” is just over that hill over there!”

    so the NZ’er excitedly thanks the man and sets on his way.
    he must have been walking for almost 10 hours when he comes across a dog. it is relatively small however and he is sure this musnt be “the worlds biggest dog” because it was only just past his ankles, never the less he must ask.

    so he kneels down and says the dog
    “uhh. are you the worlds biggest dog”
    “WHAT?! what did yyou say” the dog sputters
    “um are you the worlds biggest dog?” the man says
    “ohh no no no. no no. no im not” says the dog
    “no the worlds biggest dog is just over that hill there” he says

    so the man sets on over the hill to continue his search. hes walking for about 3 hours when he comes across another dog. he is sure this one cant be “th worlds biggest dog” but, never the less he must ask
    “are you the worlds biggest dog” he says
    “nah im not mate” answers the dog “hes just over that hill over there” and points with his tail.

    so the man sets on his way. hes walking for what felt like days when he comes across a mighty dog. it is about the size of a horse and is the most amazingly beautiful thing he has ever seen. he runs excitedly up to the dog and says
    “you must be the worlds biggest dog! look at you your amazing” he exclaims
    “no. no im not the worlds biggest dog. hes just over that hill over there”

    disapointed but still ditermined the man continues on his way. he is only walking for around 30 minutes when he comes across a huge dog. around the size of a house, with ears that reach all the way to the ground.
    “you have got to be the worlds biggest dog” the man says
    “nah im not hes just over there” and the dog points to a huge mount range

    the man growns and says “ohhhh i’ll never mmake it over there. i’ll die and i will never find “the worlds biggest dog”
    the dog says “oh gee if it means that much to you i’ll make you a mountain jacket out of my fur it is warmer than the warmest wool and sturdier than any steel yet it breathes like egyptian cotton.
    the man says “yea alright why not”

    after 4 months the jacket is ready. the man puts it on and sets out for the mountain. it takes him almost one whole year to climb the mountain range. when he reaches the top he can see as far as the horizon lets him . it is a wonderous view yet he cant see and dogs. but still he continues untill suddenly he finds a ginormous dog. ridiculously huge a dog that is almost as tall as a sky scrapper. the man needs a mega phone to talk to him
    he yells “EXCUSE ME!! ARE YOU “THE WORLDS BIGGEST DOG”?!!!”
    dog shuffles then his huge head comes screaming down towards him
    “n-n-n-n-no i-i-im no-not” he stutters
    “t-t-thats the w-w-w-or-worlds biggest d-d-ddog over there”

    so man continuse untill he coes to a huge brown wall. although he is very confused because it seems to be very warm and soft and smells alive. h rans as far as he can in each direction to find a way around this strange strange wall. but to no prevail. suddenly he clicks. this MUST be the foot of “the worlds biggest dog”! it just has to be. he looks up and sees it streetching miles and miles and miles and miles and miles and miles into the sky. he removes his jacket and starts to climb. he is climbing for days before he reaches the top. it is like a huge brown field. nhe notices lots of huge black animals about the size of a horse bouncing around the place and thinks these have got to be fleas. he aproches one of the fleas and says
    “sir and you living on the back of the worlds biggest dog?” the flea looks and him and says
    “i have no idea what you are talking about”
    so the man continues on head upward in the hopes of reaching the dogs head. he is walking for many weeks before he comes to the edge on the field. there is a small slope witch heads right down o a drop off. he cant even see the ground he is so high up. he realises this must be the dogs nose. so he climbs down and all the way around the Humongous flap witch is the dogs ear. he nestles himself right in the and wispers to the dog
    “are you the biggest dog in the world”
    there is a small pause
    “yes.. i am the biggest dog in the world”

  16. dude these are funny. i told one to my boyfriend and he couldnt stop laughing and he called his mom and told it to her. and i was bursting in laughter after his mom started laughinggg. !

  17. Everyone seems to be re-hashing the same lame jokes. Here’s my second attempt at a funny one on this site, it’s one I heard yesterday and everyone who hears it laughs.

    So a fleeing Taliban rebel, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

    Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neck ties.

    The Taliban asked, ‘Do you have water?’

    The Jewish man replied, ‘I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $50.’

    The Taliban shouted, ‘Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you right on the spot, but I must find water first!’

    ‘OK.’ said the old Jewish man, ‘It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.’

    Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

    Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead.

    ‘Your f***ing brother won’t let me in without a tie!’

  19. I worked with kids, guarantee I have a funnier joke for little ones.

    Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Drip-eep.

    It’s fool proof. Works with anything. Smell-eep, stink-eep.

  22. hope you enjoyed those and yes i have a semi morbid sense of humor but still they were just to entertain, btw this is the wworst joke ive ever heard made by my friend zack, wann hear two short jokes and a long joke? joke joke joooooooooooke :P

  23. A man and his younger girlfriend were sitting in the urologist office and the nurse calls him back.
    They meet with the Doctor and he asks what the problem is.
    “Well, I really like this young lady here but I’m afraid my equipment is just not up to satisifying her. Can you do anything to help?”
    The Doc replies, “We do have a new proceedure that we can try but it is still in the experimental stages. I can graft a baby elephants trunk to you that will replace what you were born with.”
    The girl then said, “Oh God yes. You have to get that!”
    After the surgery and recovery, the man is able to satisfy his young lover better than she could have ever dreamed. They decide to get married.
    One night, they are having dinner with the girl’s parents to celebrate the engagement. Just after they are seated, the elephant trunk darts across the table, grabs a baked potato and disapears back under the table.
    Shocked by what just happened, the girl’s father looked at his future son-in-law and said, “Do that again.”
    The man replied, ” Well Sir, I would but I don’t I take another hot potato up my butt.”

  25. well guys I have a joke I am not sure it is funny but I would like to share it.

    once upon a time there was a competition on who is going to write the longest english book

    3 people entered the competition (American-British-Canadian)

    The American wrote 700 pages

    The British wrote 900 Pages

    The Canadian wrote 1500 pages

    they told every one to read his book

    The American Said (once upon a time…….) and completed his story

    The British did the same

    The Canadian said the 1st sentence in the first “A man rode a horse” the last sentence in the last page “a man got of his horse” and the 1499 pages are “DERGN DERGN DERGN” (THE HORSE’S SOUND WHILE MOVING)

    LOL

  26. YOU THINK THATS FUNNY READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!:
    Blonde Riding a Horse
    One day this blonde is riding a horse. As they are trotting along the blond decides she wants to go faster and do some tricks so she starts turning the horse around in a circle. All of a sudden she starts to slip so she grabs the horses mane. But even though she has hold of the mane she was still slipping. so she decided the best thing to do was to not fall off by putting her foot in the saddle. So she’s riding along hanging from her foot, with her head banging on the ground, almost near death when the K Mart guy comes over and turns of the horse.!!!!:):):)

  28. try this… A bear and a rabbit are in a forest when a Genie pops up. The Genie says, “you both will have 3 wishes and i will grant them no matter what.” The bear wished that all of the bears in the forest were girl bears. The rabbit wished for a motorcycle. The bear wished for all the girls in the nation to be girl bears. The rabbit wished for a helmet. The bear wished for all the bears in the world to be girl bears… and the rabbit simply said, “I wish this bear was gay.”

  33. a couple of female deer staggered from a clearing in the woods, disheveled and bewildered. one said to the other, “I’ll never do THAT again for 3 bucks.”

  35. Ok addmittedly some of these jokes are so rubbish lol
    heres my contribution, hope y’all like it,
    if not then you can go to hell (:

    ok so a guy comes home from work and finds his wife outside the house with all her bags packed and ready to go, with a taxi waiting.
    he asks whats going on and she replies:
    “ted im leaving you! ive just found out that i can get $400 a night in las vegas for doing what i do for you for free!”
    so the guys says “wait a minute” runs in the house and comes back ten minutes later with his pags backed also.
    and then laughing he says ” i cant wait to see how youre going to live on $800 a year!”

  37. wow these jokes are so stupid i actually killed myself by jumping off a 100 story building.

    LOL see thats a joke lets see how many people understand it

  38. hey ricky is okay i red ur comment… i jus skip da borin midel bit!oi dobedo ur joke is soooo not funy. i got 1 ere it is…
    a dog went into a telegrm office, tuk out a blnk form an’ wrote “woof woof woof, woof woof woof,woof woof woof.” the clerk xamned the paper and said to da dog “there ar only nine words ere, u cud ‘ave anuva woof for da same price”.
    “but that wud make no sense at all!”. replied da dog! lolage!!!! i find it funy anyways!

  39. if a blonde and a brunette were to jump off a cliff, who would die first?…..the brunette cause the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!

  40. woman 1: “my husband keeps a photo of me in his wallet and the other day it saved him from a thug.”
    woman 2: “of course it did – your face would stop anything!”

    not as good as some of the other jokes, but i like it! ;-)

  41. a cop has a sniper a pirate has a cannon and an indian has a bow and they are seeing whose ammo goes farther so the cop shoots his sniper and goes so see he accidently shot someone in the leg and helps that person to a hospital the indian shoots his bow and goes to see he shot someone in the hand and helps them to a hospital the pirate shoots his cannon and goes to see a boy laughing so hard tears were coming out and the pirates asks why he is laughing so hard and the boy says” i just farted and my house blew up!

  43. Great jokes people – keep em coming :)

    A guy phones home from work on his lunch break, and a strange woman picks up the phone. “who’s this?” he asks the woman. “I’m the maid of the house” she relplies. “I don’t have a maid!”. “Well I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house” she says.
    “I see, and where is the lady of the house?” asks the man angrily. “She’s in the bedroom upstairs with her husband” answers the maid. Now the man is furrious “I’M HER DAMN HUSBAND” he yells angrily. “How would you like to make a quick $50,000?” he asks the maid. “sure, what would I have to do?” Controlling his rage, he instructs her, “go to my dresser drawer, take my gun out, and shoot that cheating witch and the guy she’s sleeping with!!”
    The phone goes quiet for a minute, and eventually 2 gun shots ring out, and the maid comes back on the line. “what do I do with the bodies?” she asks. “go throw them in the pool” replies the man. “but you don’t have a pool” the maid says. There is a long pause and the man asks “is this (905)890-5508?” …..

    :)

  44. An older married couple are waiting at a hotel lobby in LasVegas, getting ready to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary, when a provocatively-dressed woman approches the man. “hi there stranger, my name is Bambi, welcome to the Belagio Hotel” she purrs in a sexy voice. “Get out of my face you wench” yells the man, and the woman slinks away. “That wasn’t very nice” says the man’s wife; she was very polite, and you were very rude to her!” The man exclaims “That woman is a prostitute!” but his wife doesn’t believe him, no matter how hard he tries to convince her. Finally, he comes up with a plan. He tells his wife to go hide in the bathroom of their suit with the door ajar so that she can hear any conversation in the room. He then calls down to the front desk, and asks for Bambi to be sent to his room. A few minutes later, there’s a knock on the door, and Bambi comes in. “Hello Bambi, so how much do you charge for your services?” he asks her. “$200 per hour” she replies. “$200 per hour?!” The man looks shocked – “I was willing to go as high as $25 for the entire night” he sputters out in mock disbelief. “Well, you’re not going to get anything for that kind of money sir” she mutters. “Too bad” he replies “because that’s all I’m willng to offer you”. So with an angry scowl, she turns around and leaves the hotel room without another word. The wife comes out of the bathroom, and the two of them have a good laugh together, the husband had proved his point, and with that they retired for the night. The next morning, the husband and wife are enjoying their free continental breakfast down in the lobby of the hotel, when Bambi spots him. She walks over, puts her arm around the man’s shoulders, glances at the man’s wife, and then back at the husband and calmly says “you see what you get for $25 per night?”

    LMAO now THAT’S funny stuff :)

  45. One more ’cause I’m bored :)

    At a big opera performance on Broadway, at the last minute, the conductor falls ill. The performance is about to be cancelled, but somehow the producers manage to find a substitute conductor to fill in. All night he keeps making mistakes, and the music sounds horrible. People in the audience start booing and heckling him, and he just keeps on conducting the orchestra, although his performance gets worse and worse and worse. He is obviously angry with the audience for booing him. Finally he can’t take it any more – he lunges at the closest audience member and stabs him with the conductor’s sticks. The man dies in hospital later that night. With hundreds of witnesses, it’s a short trial; the conductor is sentenced to death for murder. The big day comes, and he’s strapped into the chair, a priest says a prayer for him, and then the switch is pulled, and 100,000 volts is pumped into his body. But he just sits there smiling, and afer several minutes, the man is still alive, so the power is turned off, and he is allowed to go free to the astonishment of everyone there. A news reporter approaches him, and asks “How were you able to survive all that electricity for so long?” To which the man responds “it should be pretty obvious by now….I’m a bad conductor”

  47. If you don’t like the jokes than don’t come on the wedstie eny more thats over 300 coments most complaning that they dont like the website and how much thay dont thinke hate the jokes how thar not funny…

  49. This is the joke:
    At a zoo, there was a kangaroo that could escape his enclosure every night. Then, one day, the zoo keepers built a 20m fence so he couldn’t escape the enclosure. The next day, the zoo keepers found the kangaroo wandering the grounds. During that same day, the zoo keepers built a 50m fence, but he got out again. During the next day, while the zoo keepers were building a 100m fence, the Camel in the next enclosure asked him “How high do you think they’ll build a fence to stop you from jumping over?” “They can build a 1’000’000’000m fence if they have to,” replied the kangaroo, “but, if they leave the enclosure door open every night, I’ll keep getting out!

  50. There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!

    The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, “Oh no. That couldn’t be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie.”

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