Funny sayings:Sstupid and witty quotes and Funny Sayings from bumper stickers, T-shirts, graffiti etc.
Funny Sayings:
The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.
WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.
This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me.
I have the body of a god… Buddha!
Funny Sayings Part 2
I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
Auntie Em- Hate you, hate Kansas, taking dog. Dorothy
If you don’t like the news, go out and make your own.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep
Guns don’t kill people… but they make it real easy.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Born free… taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
Funny Sayings Part 3
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.
So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
If, a two letter word for futility
I don’t care, I don’t have to.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
All men are idiots … I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
My kid had sex with your honor student.
Earth first…we’ll mine the other planets later.
Give pizza chants.
Page Topic: Funny Sayings: a collection of some of the best funny sayings and quotes.
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Beauty is a light switch away……………..
When life gives you lemons, squirt them in your enemy’s eyes.
Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die…
For Sale: parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Evening news is where they start by saying “Good Evening” and proceed by telling you why it’s not.
Always take money from a Pessimist…They never expect it back…
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
there are three kinds of people in this world those who can count and those who cant
If its not broken fix it till it is
those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them
when life hands you lemons make lemonade and find someone eles who life handed them vodka and have a party
if barbie is soo popular then y do we buy her friends and boyfriends?
my kid is the kid who sold your kid the answers to making the honor role.
“GOD created the world, everything else is made in china.”
boys are like diapers…. hard to change and full of sh**!!!
a friend is a person that noes u vey well….. and likes u anyways
moo hoo ha. the only one that made me laugh was “You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.”
wzzzzzzzzzz up my bffs kathy hamilton and brianna ferguson will love these sayings.I rock!!!
i was so shocked when i was born i didn’t talk for a whole year and a half!!!LOL!!!
Money isn’t one thing it’s everything!!!Marry a man with money!!!
Always forgive your enemies, it annoys them.
Some people are that low they can parachute from a snake’s bum and still have time to free fall.
When life hands you lemons…freeze ’em, then throw ’em at the suckers who are pissing you off.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.
why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. and, An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
“Never take Life Seriously, Nobody gets out alive anyway.” ^^
If practice makes perfect and nobody is perfect why practice?
you’re unique just like everyone else!
it a cow laughs hard enough does milk come out it’s nose?
A man was standing along side of the road with a sign that says will work for food: so I handed him a coconut
work is for people who dont know how to fish
when life gives you lemons…. who the hells life and why is he giving you lemons?
Those who throw dirt only lose ground…. =/
If its not one thing, its your mother
If it doesn’t fit, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
what if the hokey pokey is what it’s all about?
Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
every thing is funny as long as its happening to some one else
i love work i sit on my ass lookin at it all day
money talks but all it ever says to me is good bye
The evening news is where they begin with “good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
funny lol
Im on a 30 day diet, so far ive lost 12 days!!!!
What are you going to do for a face when the monkey wants his butt back??
Talk to the hand (but quite frankly, it doesn’t give a crap either)
You never truly understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother
All generalisations are false… including this one