Funny sayings:Sstupid and witty quotes and Funny Sayings from bumper stickers, T-shirts, graffiti etc.
Funny Sayings:
The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.
WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.
This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me.
I have the body of a god… Buddha!
Funny Sayings Part 2
I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
Auntie Em- Hate you, hate Kansas, taking dog. Dorothy
If you don’t like the news, go out and make your own.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep
Guns don’t kill people… but they make it real easy.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Born free… taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
Funny Sayings Part 3
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.
So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
If, a two letter word for futility
I don’t care, I don’t have to.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
All men are idiots … I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
My kid had sex with your honor student.
Earth first…we’ll mine the other planets later.
Give pizza chants.
Page Topic: Funny Sayings: a collection of some of the best funny sayings and quotes.
Â
Â
Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up any of your floppy disks?
Error. No keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
How many of you believe in telekenesis? Raise my hand.
They say people are all shapes and sizes, well round is a shape too.
Remember your unique, just like everybody else.
I’ll Have The chicken Breast Hold The Chicken
TALK TO THE LEFT HAND BECAUSE YOU AINT RIGHT!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHA
life is like a monkey it’s cute and cudley on a good day but throws s**t in your face on a bad day
love is like jalepenos good at the start but a pain in the a$$ in the end
if you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend:)
drama. they say they hate it. but its funny because they create it.
i could rock your world, if youd turn up the amp:D
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most, live the longest
hey occifer i swear to drunk im not as god as you think i am
did you know 5 out of 4 of high school students don’t know their. Fractions
how can you expect the unexpected if the unexpected is expected to be unexpected?!?! What??! LOL
there is one special child in the world…. and every mother has one
Don’t be shy… Your mum wasn’t
Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not all that bright. (sorry guys!)>.<
the left lane is the right lane and the right lane is the wrong lane.. WHAT?
I want to post my own funny saying “An archeologyst is the best huseband a women can have,the older she gats the most interested he is in her.
this sentence is a lie.
Don’t run your fingers over my truck, and I won’t run my truck over your fingers!
HaHa! Last time I heard that joke I fell off my dinosaur!!
I’m not smiling at you. I’m just trying not to laugh!
Men are like parking stalls. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped!!
My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely!!!
Friendship Is Like Peeing In Your Pants…Everyone Can See It, But Only You Feel It!
when life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it
Constipated people don’t give a crap
No you don’t get. You think you get it but you don’t. That’s why I want you to get it. Get it?
if at first you dont succeed then skydiving isnt for you
My train of thought has been delayed
it’s only funny till someone gets hurt…..then its histarlical
HEY YALL
if you are ugly and you entered an ugly contest, they would kick you out and say sorry no professionals
a good friend will help you with your homework a best friend will do it for you and get the answers RONG on purpose LOL
inside of me there is a thin woman trying to get out, i usually shut the cow up with some chocolate!
if it were not 4 tomas edison, we all would b watchin tv in the dark!!True frnds dont let you drive naked!
roses r red violets r blue, god made me pretty. Wat happened to u?
The only one that made me laugh was the one Joe posted.
“Constipated people don’t give a crap.”
When I see an old lady slip and fall on the sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh…
But, then I think, ‘What if there was an ant that was on the sidewalk and she fell on it?’ Makes you think.
true friends help you out of your burning house but best friends would be roasting marshmellows and hitting on the firemen
he said i love you
i sneezed and said i’m sorry i am allergic to bull sh**
I couldn’t fix your brakes, so i made your horn louder.
4 out of 3 people don’t know fractions!
Me talk grammar good.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
And for those who know DeathNote:
“L: Hey Kira. Light: What? L: >) Light: Oh crap! OxO ”
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
Change is good, but dollars are better.
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.
If this saying didn’t exist, somebody would have invented it.
Why get even when you can get odd?
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.
A day without the sun is like… you know, night.
If time is on your side, what’s on the other side?
How is it that “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for kickboxing.
I’m lost. I’ve gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
A person who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
It’s not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility.
Don’t worry too much about what people think, because they seldom do.
1492: Native Americans disover Columbus lost at sea.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
At first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
>> Yeah, those are out of my agenda, so give credit to the CDWJHSODA.
A woman is like a diesel engine. Once you get her warmed up she runs a long, long time. Men are like a firecracker. They go up, explode and then their out.
Behind every woman, is a man staring at her behind.
Huked on phonix wurked fer I.