Verne Troyer Facts and Jokes

Here are the top facts about Verne Troyer.
(The actor who played Mini Me)



Verne Troyer can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What the hell was that?”

In a recent survey it was discovered the 52% of American women lost their virginity to Verne Troyer. When the other 48% lost theirs, they had to try not to say his name out loud.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Verne Troyer once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Verne Troyer. Too bad he didn’t look under the bed.

The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodge ball Verne Troyer played in second grade.

If you can see Verne Troyer, he can see you. If you can’t see Verne Troyer, you may be only seconds away from instant death.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Verne Troyer.

Verne Troyer has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true, if you want to call Verne Troyer a giant meteor.

Verne Troyer does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. NOBODY follows Verne Troyer.

Verne Troyer once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and knocked down Amelia Earhart’s plane while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Contrary to popular belief, Verne Troyer, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Verne Troyer has 72. And they’re all poisonous.

If you ask Verne Troyer what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Insurance companies can no longer afford to offer insurance protection against acts of Verne Troyer.

When Verne Troyer sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Verne Troyer has never had to pay taxes.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Verne Troyer’ fist.

Verne Troyer can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Verne Troyer once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes fulfilling his waitress’s greatest desires.

What was going through the minds of all of Verne Troyer’ victims before they died? His shoe.

Verne Troyer is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Verne Troyer as a Code 45-11… a suicide.

Verne Troyer doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

A Handicapped parking sign is in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Verne Troyer and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Verne Troyer will attain statehood in 2012. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Someone once videotaped Verne Troyer getting pissed off. Once.

If you spell Verne Troyer in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Verne Troyer originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this “glitch,” the Vernster replied, “That ain’t no glitch, biatch.”

Verne Troyer once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by mouthing the word “Bang!”

Verne Troyer once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Verne Troyer re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor with a very long tail. They still owe him a beer.

A U.S. military general once tried to tell Verne Troyer that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. The general then immediately added that they were pretty effective after all, to which Saint Peter replied “why do you think we’re so backed up up here?”

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Verntatorship.

Verne Troyer is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Verne Troyer.

Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… These are some of Verne Troyer’s warm-up exercises.

Verne Troyer is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Verne Troyer.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Vince Troyer gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Verne Troyer has breathed on.

When Verne Troyer is crossing the street, the cars have to look both ways.

Verne Troyer ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. And got one.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Verne Troyer didn’t kill you in your sleep.

Verne Troyer destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Verne Troyer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

Crop circles are Verne Troyer’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Verne Troyer was born with a sledge hammer in his hand. The doctor never regained consciousness.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Verne Troyer out. But NOTHING can keep Verne Troyer out.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Verne Troyer allows to live.

Verne Troyer does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Verne Troyer is Pain.

Verne Troyer has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

Verne Troyer invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So the next time Verne Troyer is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

The Book of Verne
Chapter 1 – On the 6th day God created Verne Troyer. On the 7th day He decided to lay low.
Chapter 2 – Moses didn’t part the Red Sea, Verne Troyer did… with his fist.
Chapter 3 – Sodum and Gomorrah turned to salt at the sight of a Verne Troyer roundhouse kick.
Chapter 4 – If Verne Troyer had been around, you wouldn’t have heard of David or Goliath cause he would have kicked both of their asses.

Verne Troyer Facts originated Feb 25, 2007, Adapted from Chuck Norris Facts- by InnocentEnglish.com

 

 

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