Daily Quick Break: December 29, 2007: Mitch Hedberg Quotes, Jokes and Funny Comedy One Liners

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Mitch Hedberg Jokes: Here are  some funny quotes, jokes and one liners by stand up comedian Mitch Hedberg, who died of an apparent drug overdose ioin 2005 at the age of 37, at the height of his career as a stand up comic.  Thanks for the laughs, Mitch.
I had a velco wallet in a casino. That sound annoyed the hell out of me. Whenever I lost money, and I opened the wallet, it was like the sound of my addiction.
 
I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.
 
Why are there no during pictures.
 
Every time I go and shave, I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving as well, so I say, “I’m gonna go shave too.”
 
My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got half way. She’s an actress, she just never gets called to the set.
 
I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
 
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
 
I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don’t call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips…
 
I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.
 
If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible.

To read the rest, go to: Mitch Hedberg Quotes, Jokes and Funny Comedy One Liners

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