Daily Quick Break: May 5, 2008: More funny quotes & jokes by stand up comedians

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But first, a couple of funny signs

Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

 

 

Now Today’s Daily Quick Break:

“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war.
Pretty impressive.  Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little
Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there.
Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me,
the guy in back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off. I’ve got the toe 
clippers right here.'”
    –Jerry Seinfeld

“I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed
it.”
    –Steven Wright

 “My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake
and threw her off the boat. That’s how she learned how to swim.

To read the rest, go to: More funny quotes & jokes by stand up comedians

1 thought on “Daily Quick Break: May 5, 2008: More funny quotes & jokes by stand up comedians”

  1. re: Steven Wright’s mom learning how to swim..either he wrote it & Paula Poundstone bogarted it adding her own twist on the end..or vice versa. don’t know when he 1st said it, but heard her say it nearly 30 yrs ago live & on HBO. Things that make ya go hmmm..

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