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There are the best George Carlin Quotes, Jokes and Lines:
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
What’s all this stuff about motivation? I say, if you need motivation, you probably need more than motivation. You probably need chemical intervention or brain surgery. Actually, if you ask me, this country could do with a little less motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me.
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
I like Florida. Everything is in the 80’s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ’s.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.
If a man smiles all the time he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
To read the rest, go to: The Best George Carlin Quotes, Jokes and Lines