Funny Newspaper Headlines

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Here are some funny newspaper headlines:

 

 

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

House passes gas tax onto senate

Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan

Two convicts evade noose, jury hung

William Kelly was fed secretary

Milk drinkers are turning to powder

Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted

Quarter of a million Chinese live on water

Farmer bill dies in house

 

 

Page Topic: Funny Newspaper Headlines

 

 

52 thoughts on “Funny Newspaper Headlines”

  7. Mad Cow Chases Farmer With Ax.
    That was my cow! I can’t beleive old Bessie did that! Maybe the time the rabid raccoon bit her had something to do with it. I knew I should have taken her and it to the vet to get shot.

  11. “War Dims Hope For Peace”

    “Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian takes over”

    “Miners Refuse To Work After Death”

    “Enfield, London, Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide”

    “Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charges”

    “Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says”

    “Is There A Ring of Debris Around Uranus?”

    “Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half”

    “Hospitals Are Sued By Seven Foot Doctors”

    “If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile”

    “Typhoon Rips Through Cemetary; Hundreds Dead”

  16. those r all so good how funny i was all like no way! that is so funny i can’t really put it in any simpilar terms it was just sooooo good you should do stand up keep u p the good work i love it that so funny i’m still lafing!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. “Council to stamp on Dog Mess”
    “Patient at Death’s Door – Doctor’s pull him through”
    “Body scan on drugs runner reveals $4000 in Crack”
    “Man fatally murdered”
    “Family of 17 defects from North Korea”
    “Gunman shot by 999 Cops”

    And one of my personal favourites….

    “Mrs Ryedeils bust revealed to a nearby school”

  19. Sun Blamed for Warming of Earth and Other Worlds
    By Ker Than, LiveScience Staff Writer
    posted: 12 March 2007 07:27 am ET

  20. Mayor Fights Erection in Town Square

    That one reffers to an erection of a statue. Get your minds out of the gutter!!!!

  26. How about this one in today’s Palm Beach Post:

    “Second man found shot dead in car in Riviera Beach”

    My question is “how big was the car?” that they didn’t see the second man when they found the first one!

  42. HAHAHAHA!! DAMN!! XDDD

    I CAN’T FREAKIN’ BREATH!! BRING THE JAWS OF LIFE!! AND EAT ME!! XDDD

    ITS NOT EVEN THE REAL POST BUT SOME OF THE COMMENTS KILLED ME!!!

    All gotten from HeadlineHumor.com:

    ‘Tiger Wood plays with own ball, Nike says’

    ‘Psychics predict world didn’t end yesterday’

    ‘Sun or rain expected today, dark tonight’

    ‘Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.’

    The Sampson Independent- ‘Bonnie blows Clinton.’

    ‘Specialist: Electric chair can be :Extremely Painful:’

    ‘Clinton’s firmness got results.’

    ‘Jane Fonda to teens: Use head to avoid pregnancy’

  46. A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland.

    Polish Search-and-Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

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