These are actual expressions, primarily from the Southern United States. Many of these colloquialisms are fading away, as they aren’t often continued by younger generations. But many of us have fond memories of hearing many of these funny sayings and expressions back when we were knee high to a bull frog. My grandmother used many of these old expressions even back when I was over the hill picking watermelons (before I was born).
I got a good laugh out of some of these. I hope you do to. Feel free to send in any favorites I missed.
Well that just dills my pickle!
That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe!
You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.
I’m finer than frog hair split four ways.
If you don’t stop I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.
He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin contest!
She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.
He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.
Don’t you piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!
He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!
You’re lyin’ like a no-legged dog!
Excuses are like backsides. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
That was faster than green grass through a goose.
She could make a preacher cuss!
Hell, she could even depress the devil.
You could start an argument in an empty house.
That coffee’s strong enough to float an iron wedge.
You look as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.
He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.
Why are you smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch?
Our preacher’s as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.
Each one of his sermons is better than the next!
He’s so windy he could blow up an onion sack.
He’s so useless if he had a third hand he would need another pocket to put it in!
She needs some fries to go with that shake.
That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob.
Why don’t you just take a long walk off a short pier.
They’re off like a herd of turtles.
She’s resting in peace in the marble orchard.
Well, don’t you look prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes!
He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!
(yeah, my great, great grandfather used to say that one when he was a boy).
He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.
If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.
Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!
Well, slap my head and call me silly!
Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!
Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!
He’s not particularly intelligent:
The engine’s runnin’ but nobody’s driving.
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose
He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.
He’s a little strange…
That boy’s two bricks shy of a full load.
I think that boy’s about two sandwiches shy of a picnic.
I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.
He’s acting crazier than a sprayed roach!
He’s so rich, he buys a new boat each time one gets wet.
You’ve got champagne taste with a beer pocketbook.
He’s tighter than a flea’s ass over a rain barrel.
He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.
He doesn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out.
It’s drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford clinic!
It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table!
It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
It’s hotter than two rabbits making babies in a sock!
He’s not particularly handsome….
He’s uglier than the east end of a horse headed west
He looks like something the dog’s been keepin’ him under the porch.
He is so ugly that my mother had to tie pork chops to his ears so the dog would play with him.”
She’s so ugly I’d hire her to haunt a house!
If I had a dog as ugly as him, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
“Living in sin”:
I heard they ate supper before they said grace!
Page Topic: Funny Southern Expressions, Sayings Phrases and Colloquialisms
You are so lazy, if you had a 3rd hand, you would need a pocket to put it in.
he was madder than fire
heres one my boss used to alwasy say “youins”. its used the same way yall would be but you say it like you + ins all smashed together.
I’m sweatin’ like a dog shittin’ peach seeds!
my grandfather used to often say “You’re drivin me up the wall” i always got a mental picture and thought it was hilarious.
Well, I’ve been living in Tennessee for four years, and I’ve heard all king of good expressions:
– We’re off like a herd of turtle on peanut butter!
– He could fall in a barrel of sh*t and come out smelling like a rose
– Give me some sugar.
– I’m freezing my tail off
– Like a ‘coon in the wood
– It is so good, it makes you want to slap your momma!
I’ve heard many more from my dixie wife and her southern family, but I reckon I can’t recall ’em all.
When a guy looked hungover, somewhat weary or on drugs, my mom would say “His eyes looked like two piss-holes in a snowbank.”
KINCK NACK PADDY WACK
IM gonna throw u in the paddy wagon little mister
When someone looks sick or worn out:
You look like you’ve been rode hard and put away wet.
The reference is a horse — nothing dirty.
Crazier than a run over dog.
“You look like a cat having Diareah on a busy dirt road!”
Tighter than a frog’s ass.
Knee-high to a grasshopper.
A fruitloop shy of a whole bowl.
Two eggs short of a breakfast.
Regarding two people that hate each other:
They’re like two cheeks on an ass, the only thing they have in common is a fart.
you couldnt catch a catfish in a coffee cup
Smilin’ like a possum eatin’ grapes
Greener than goose sh*t
Gotta piss like a pregnant camel
Well ah.. Suwannee!
Hot enough to fry an egg.
There’s more n’ one way ta skin a cat.
You best mind me.
Ima skin you alive.
Well butter my but and call me a biscuit.
Quit bein’ ugly.
Slower than molasses in January.
I’m so angry I could spit(nails).
Madder than a wet hornet.
Mind your P’s and Q’s.
God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.
Keep it up and you’re gonna get a switchin.
Most of these are attributed to my great-grandmother, and the others to my grandmother, my hero.
I’m in need of colorful Southern expressions that mean something like “I’m gonna put all my cards on the table,” and “Faster than… (whatever, such as,
“Faster than a hound’ll suck an egg!”)
Thanks!
Well spit in the fire and call the dogs.
“It’s hotter than an hootenanny.” – (A hootenanny is a barn dance.)
“It’s hotter than a bitch in heat.”
“It’s colder than a witch’s tit.”
“It’s like trying to put a dress on a worm.” (meaning something is difficult to do)
“Shit or get off the pot.” (Hurry up and do something or forget about it.)
“He looks like his face caught fire and someone put it out with a pitchfork.” (he’s ugly)
“Gayer than a two dollar bill.”
“Nobody here but us chickens.” (we’re all alone)
“We hoofed it.” (We were moving fast/hurrying.)
“I’m touching cotton.” (I’ve got to use the bathroom really badly.)
“Have to piss like a Russian race horse.” (have to pee really badly.)
Old saying when your getting in trouble “I am gonna skin your neck and run your leg through it !’
He is acting crazier than a “sprayed roach” !
My uncle used to always say “I could stand flat footed and piss over a dump truck” meanin he’s gotta go bad
When referring to someone of good character: “He’s good people.”
To express surprise:”Good-NIGHT!” “Great day!” or :Great day in the mornin!”
“Who do you favor?” (Which of your relatives do you look like?
“Where do you fall?” (in your line of siblings e.g. Oldest, youngest, middle child)
To describe where one is staying: “He’s over to ____’s”
Unkempt hair= kitchen
Something favorable = the cat’s pajamas
Something inferior = can’t cut mustard
Here’s a few…
Tighter than a camel’s ass in a sandstorm.
Tighter than a hawks ass in a nosedive.
Like trying to get fly shit off a pinhead with boxing gloves on.
My PawPaw couldn’t stand a lazy person. He’d say stuff like, “That boy wouldn’t work in a pie factory, afraid he’d get full and have to quit. and my favorite was, ” that boy wouldn’t holler sooey if the hogs was eatin’ eem.
“It’s colder than a witches titty in a brass bra”
“It’s hotter than forty hells”
“I’m sweatin’ like a $2 whore in Church”
“I feel like a bag of smashed a$$holes”
“i feel like i’ve been ate by a wolf and sh*t of a cliff” (used usually when you’re hungover)
“Does a bear sh*t in the woods?” (when you’re refering to something that’s true)
“He doesn’t know his head from his a$$”
“Just cut your shamer off and feed it to the chickens” (basically that guilt isn’t helpful)
“SWeet mother of all that is Good and Holy!”
“Well slap me silly and call me _____!”
Going to church dos not make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car
From my Okie born (1917) and Okie bred mother:”As stubborn as a blue-nose mule” and “As busy as a cranberry merchant”.
Jenny: The expression is “Queerer than a THREE dollar bill” meaning something that is strange or unusual, because there IS such a thing as a two dollar bill. I have several of them XD
“Busier than a one-armed paper hanger”- really busy
“More nervous than a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs”- extremely nervous
“Not the sharpest spoon in the drawer”- extraordinarly dumb (because there’s no such thing as a sharp SPOON)
“A few grains short of a full silo”- quite strange
“A bit left of center”- a little strange
“Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets”- dumb
“Shallower than spit in a paper towel”- referencing someone who is superficial or something that is very shallow
“An ounce of prevention’s worth a pound of cure”- take care of business before it gets out of hand
“Drier than lizard spit on a hot rock”- really dry; compliments of old folk in my family XD
Don’t set that bowl on your head or your tongue will slap your brains out to get at it.
That gumbo will make a Chihuahua break a chain.
That’s the worst taste I’ve had in my mouth with the lights on!
That tastes like eatin’ a lard sandwich in a outhouse.
It’s on like a chicken bone!
It’s hotter than a donkey’s a$$ in a pepper patch
lower than a worms belly in a wagon rut(for someone feeling bad or poorly)
he’s just a hole in search of a donut
He’s poorer than Job’s turkey.
Sweatin’ like a hooker on nickel night
Nuttier than squirrel shit.
That smell could knock a buzzard off a gut truck.
Drunker than Hogans goat
Fit to be tied
F#$@ked up as a football bat
Dumb as a soup sandwich
madder than an old wet hen
Busier than a 2-bit whore on nickel night
i live in the south and ive heard this a couple times- “your face looks like someone tried to put out a forest fire with a jack hammer.”
haha. i like that one.
oh and for the dumb people out there, it means your UGLY!
“i have to piss like a race horse”
i say that sometimes. lol
that girls hotter then a 2 dollar pistol
*&%^ fire save the matches
hello hand (talkin to a dumb person who dont listen)
countin your chickens before they’re hatched
you look the south end of a north bound cow
Shit fire and save matches!
Queer as a football bat
Assin’ around
Too lazy to scratch his own ass
Goin’ around your ass to get to your elbow (going the long way to get somewhere, and not because it’s the scenic route)
I’m fixin’ to show you what a whuppin’ is all about! (I’m about to beat your butt like it’s never been beaten before)
Pretty is as pretty does.
He’d argue with a wall as long as it’d stand there and take it.
If it was in your ass you’d know! (In response to “Where is the ___?”)
Bless her heart/bless her buttons! (Usually after saying something like “she’s ugly as homemade sin” or “her blood is pink from ‘shine” (moonshine))
Jesus loves him, but he’s the only one.
He could talk the ears off an elephant!
He’s like a mule halfway home after plowin’ all day. (You’re not going to change his mind or his path.)
She’s pretty as a pumpkin and half as smart.
If that boy was any smarter we’d have to water him every week.
its hotter than a three d*&$ed dog
Get your straw out of my kool aid(mind your own business)
make like a tree and leave(leave)
flake off(go away)
when someone says “there are starving kids in Africa, eat your food” say then ship it to them
who put grummpy in ur cereal this morning(grummpy)
when someone says “wats up”say UR CHOLESTERAL!!!!
I broke the theremometer(im really sick)
when someone says can i have_____ say sure i’ll pull it out my butt
“He wouldn’t have the sense to pour piss out of a boot with directions on the bottom”
“Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up first”
Busier than a one armed paperhanger with the crabs.
Heard the geece fart in the water before. (smart)
She was so ugly when she was born,our momma used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday.
He’s so skinny he has to run around in the shower too get wet.
He’s so mean, he’d bite himself.
It’s so dry, the Baptist are sprinkling and the Methodist are using a damp washcloth.
It’s raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up.
I’ve been to two goat ropin’s and a county fair and I ain’t seen nothin’ like this.
Raisin’ kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken.
She’s so fat, it takes two dogs to bark at her.
“Son, if it’s got tits or tires, your’re gonna have trouble with it”