These are actual expressions, primarily from the Southern United States. Many of these colloquialisms are fading away, as they aren’t often continued by younger generations. But many of us have fond memories of hearing many of these funny sayings and expressions back when we were knee high to a bull frog. My grandmother used many of these old expressions even back when I was over the hill picking watermelons (before I was born).
I got a good laugh out of some of these. I hope you do to. Feel free to send in any favorites I missed.
Well that just dills my pickle!
That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe!
You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.
I’m finer than frog hair split four ways.
If you don’t stop I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.
He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin contest!
She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.
He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.
Don’t you piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!
He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!
You’re lyin’ like a no-legged dog!
Excuses are like backsides. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
That was faster than green grass through a goose.
She could make a preacher cuss!
Hell, she could even depress the devil.
You could start an argument in an empty house.
That coffee’s strong enough to float an iron wedge.
You look as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.
He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.
Why are you smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch?
Our preacher’s as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.
Each one of his sermons is better than the next!
He’s so windy he could blow up an onion sack.
He’s so useless if he had a third hand he would need another pocket to put it in!
She needs some fries to go with that shake.
That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob.
Why don’t you just take a long walk off a short pier.
They’re off like a herd of turtles.
She’s resting in peace in the marble orchard.
Well, don’t you look prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes!
He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!
(yeah, my great, great grandfather used to say that one when he was a boy).
He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.
If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.
Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!
Well, slap my head and call me silly!
Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!
Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!
He’s not particularly intelligent:
The engine’s runnin’ but nobody’s driving.
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose
He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.
He’s a little strange…
That boy’s two bricks shy of a full load.
I think that boy’s about two sandwiches shy of a picnic.
I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.
He’s acting crazier than a sprayed roach!
He’s so rich, he buys a new boat each time one gets wet.
You’ve got champagne taste with a beer pocketbook.
He’s tighter than a flea’s ass over a rain barrel.
He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.
He doesn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out.
It’s drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford clinic!
It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table!
It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
It’s hotter than two rabbits making babies in a sock!
He’s not particularly handsome….
He’s uglier than the east end of a horse headed west
He looks like something the dog’s been keepin’ him under the porch.
He is so ugly that my mother had to tie pork chops to his ears so the dog would play with him.”
She’s so ugly I’d hire her to haunt a house!
If I had a dog as ugly as him, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
“Living in sin”:
I heard they ate supper before they said grace!
Page Topic: Funny Southern Expressions, Sayings Phrases and Colloquialisms
Dilly as the day is long.
Where does that expression come from and what does it mean?
Pot calling the kettle black.
Jam up and jelly tight
Fit to be tied
He was so ugly when he was born, his Momma carried him upsidedown for a year thinking he had only one eye.
Even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while.
I heard this one from a teacher I had who was from Tennessee. It means that a lucky person can get the right answer, even though they have no idea how to solve the problem (or even though their methods are invalid).
My great grandma always says, “Why. It got so mad I could shit a squealin worm.
Colder than a cast iron commode on the shady side of an iceberg.
I remember when he was knee high to a grasshopper.
What does the following expression mean?: She always had a hair in her bonnet.
“It’s raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up.”
“He’s mean enough to bite himself.”
“She was so ugly when she was born, her Momma used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday.”
“It was so crowded that you couldn’t cuss the cat without getting fur in your mouth”
“He’s so skinny, he has to run around in the shower to get wet”
“His pants were so tight that if he farted, he’d blow his boots off”
It’s raining so hard that it’s like a cow pissing on a flat rock!!
“We were so poor growing up, we used to go down to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people’s fingers”
“My ol’ grandpa used to say, “Son, if it’s got tits or tires, sooner or later you’re gonna have trouble with it.”
“I’m so poor that if it cost a nickle to go around the world, I couldn’t get out of sight.”
After eating something spicy, my ol’ grandpa used to say “I’m gonna have to shit in the creek to keep from setting the woods on fire.”
Things my Mom used to say…
1. “Her teeth are so bucked that girl could eat corn through a picket fence.”
2. grinning like a possum eat’n sh#t
3. Crookeder than a dogs hind leg
4. Who put a bee in her bonnet?
5. Happier than a hound on a gut wagon.
and many many more. I’ve often thought of writing them down. Some were so unique that I never heard anyone else use them.
My grandma used to say “What goes over the Devil’s back comes back over his belly.”
“Those wise decisions you make when you’re young are those foolish ones you’ll live with when your old.”
“When poverty comes in the front door, love goes out the back.”
“If a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his butt.”
“A dog that will bring a bone, will carry a bone.”
“Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken”
“He’s so skinny, his pants had only one back pocket”
“She’s so fat, it takes two dogs to bark at her”
Positive attitude – “He’s the kind of guy, that if he fell into a pile of horse shit, he’d start looking for a pony”
Wilder than a peach orchard boar.
Wound up tighter than Dick’s hat band.
they live out in plum damn!
meaning plum out of the county damn near out of the state
These are from the Florida panhandle where I was born and raised. The first few are credited to my dad…
If a grasshopper carried a 45, the birds wouldn’t mess with him. (after someone uses an “if” excuse)
If a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his a** whenever he hopped. (same)
Credited to an ond highschool party buddy –
I’m so slick I can stand on my head in the bathtub naked and stack greased B.B.s with boxing gloves on. (one of my favorites lol)
Anonymous –
He’s dumber than owl sh*t.
He’s so tight you could shove a quarter up his a** and he’d grind it into a dime. (being cheap)
Lea, the phrase is actually that somebody’s got a “bee in their bonnet.” which means that they’re awful angry over somethin’. I don’t feel like putting a lot, but a few include,
“It’s hotter than two possums makin’ love in a wool sock.”
“It’s hotter than a nun out here!”
“I’m just as fine as froghair!”
“I feel fatter than a possum stuck in a fence hole.”
“He/She’s just as cute as a bug’s butt!” (they’re really cute. usually referring to a little kiddo)
djaeetyit??
garbled: did you eat yet > didya eat yit > djaeetyit
“Well I be John Brown” (surprised)
“we in the short rows” (almost finished)
“She’s lost as last years Easter egg”
“Hangin in there like a hair in a biscuit”
“Oh shine!” (surprise)
“I do all I can and the easy ones twice”
“I done told you fifty eleven times”
“I’m fair to middlin”
“We’ll be leaving around noon-thirty”
“She went to shit and the hogs ate ‘er”
“Looka here!” (listen to me)
“Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out” (get out)
“pop a squat” (sit down)
“Well look what the cats dragged in”
My dad used to always say when someone asked him how he was doing, “Fine as froghair, and twice as jumpy”
“She’d scare a haint up a thorn tree.” (Ugly girl)
“He’s so skinny he has to run around in the shower to get wet.”
You don’t have the sense God gave a chigger!
In case you didn’t know, a chigger is a little grass bug that buries its head in your skin before suffocating.
referring to someone with bad aim…
he couldn’t hit the water if he fell out of a boat!
The rain is coming down like a double cocked bull peeing on a flat rock!
If you’re gonna run with the big dogs, you got to learn how to pee in the tall grass!
(Don’t get in over your head)
Growin up in Virginia, my father would always say
“You look like a monkey humpin a football”
when I was having trouble carrying something or confused.
“she’s about a half a bubble off plum” (not quite right)
“you ken put your boots in the oven – but that don’t mak’em biscuits” (when someone tells a lie)
id rather have a broke back in hell
When something doesn’t matter: “It’s six of one, half a dozen of another. Which means, one is about as long as the other is short : )
When your girl says she’s leaving ya: Don’t let the door knob hit ya where the good lord split ya.
Someone ugly: That poor boy’s uglier than a mud fence and it dabbed with tadpoles!
Someone who talks too much: Her tongue was tied in the middle and loose at both ends.
Someone slow: That poor boy’s so slow, it would take him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
I better run now, cuz I’m busier than Rosanne Barr on a bag of Cheetos
its a funny song , i like the words (y):]
But it drags on to long and it gets a bit boring afta a bit (n) :[ x
I’m sweetier than a porn star on a hot day between satin sheets!
Crying like a pine knot in a sawmill
My wife is so cold when she spreads her legs the furnace kits on.
He was so nervous he was shaking like a .50 cent ladder.
this is so funny
this is something I heard from my auntie once
birdie birdie flying high dropped a message from the sky angry farmer wiped his eye and said what a good job cows can’t fly
Im fixin’ to give you a knuckle sandwitch (I’m going to hit you)
She can burn water(can’t cook)
He’s tightern bark on a tree. (He’s cheap)
“The devil’s beating his wife.”
(means it’s raining while the sun is shining. happens a lot during the summertime in the deep south. I work with guy from New York. He was down here in the Baton Rouge office one day, and I made that comment during a summer shower, and he didn’t get it. I had to explain it to him over and over and he was still confused. In case you’re a Yankee reading this I will explain once more: The sun represents the devil, and the rain represents tears. Thus, “the devil’s beatin his wife.” And I can’t believe southerners are the ones who gets the “stupid” stereotype.)
Ooops… I made an error in my previous comment when I said “Yankee”, for there is no such term in the South. “Damn Yankee” was what I meant.
“Tougher then a $2 steak” (something’s tough)
“It’s like trying to put a g-string on an alligator” (Something’s hard)
That boy had about the same chance as a fart in a whirlwind That really tourques my jaw Im ganna count to three and if you dont get over here im ganna count to ten
I’m from Georgia and there are a whole lot of sayings we use in regular conversations that aren’t really funny but that most Yankees don’t understand.
“I’ve got a blue million things to do today.” or “We’ve got a blue million of those.” It just means a great many.
“I’m starting to get ill.” this does not mean you are getting sick. It just means you are getting angry/frustrated.
“They’re sitting in tall cotton.” meaning that they are wealthy.
“Don’t get your knickers in a twist.” don’t get riled up over nothing.
we also use the word “coke” for any and all sodas, even if it is a pepsi or sprite or other flavor. It is still a “coke.”
and also, forty eleven can mean the same as blue million. As in, “I’ve got forty eleven things to do today.”
When you “cotton on” to something it means you understand it. As in “She didn’t cotton on to my sarcasm.”