These are actual expressions, primarily from the Southern United States. Many of these colloquialisms are fading away, as they aren’t often continued by younger generations. But many of us have fond memories of hearing many of these funny sayings and expressions back when we were knee high to a bull frog. My grandmother used many of these old expressions even back when I was over the hill picking watermelons (before I was born).
I got a good laugh out of some of these. I hope you do to. Feel free to send in any favorites I missed.
Well that just dills my pickle!
That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe!
You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.
I’m finer than frog hair split four ways.
If you don’t stop I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.
He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin contest!
She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.
He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.
Don’t you piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!
He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!
You’re lyin’ like a no-legged dog!
Excuses are like backsides. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
That was faster than green grass through a goose.
She could make a preacher cuss!
Hell, she could even depress the devil.
You could start an argument in an empty house.
That coffee’s strong enough to float an iron wedge.
You look as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.
He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.
Why are you smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch?
Our preacher’s as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.
Each one of his sermons is better than the next!
He’s so windy he could blow up an onion sack.
He’s so useless if he had a third hand he would need another pocket to put it in!
She needs some fries to go with that shake.
That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob.
Why don’t you just take a long walk off a short pier.
They’re off like a herd of turtles.
She’s resting in peace in the marble orchard.
Well, don’t you look prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes!
He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!
(yeah, my great, great grandfather used to say that one when he was a boy).
He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.
If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.
Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!
Well, slap my head and call me silly!
Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!
Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!
He’s not particularly intelligent:
The engine’s runnin’ but nobody’s driving.
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose
He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.
He’s a little strange…
That boy’s two bricks shy of a full load.
I think that boy’s about two sandwiches shy of a picnic.
I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.
He’s acting crazier than a sprayed roach!
He’s so rich, he buys a new boat each time one gets wet.
You’ve got champagne taste with a beer pocketbook.
He’s tighter than a flea’s ass over a rain barrel.
He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.
He doesn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out.
It’s drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford clinic!
It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table!
It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
It’s hotter than two rabbits making babies in a sock!
He’s not particularly handsome….
He’s uglier than the east end of a horse headed west
He looks like something the dog’s been keepin’ him under the porch.
He is so ugly that my mother had to tie pork chops to his ears so the dog would play with him.”
She’s so ugly I’d hire her to haunt a house!
If I had a dog as ugly as him, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
“Living in sin”:
I heard they ate supper before they said grace!
Page Topic: Funny Southern Expressions, Sayings Phrases and Colloquialisms
My favorite to use.. IT’s an Alabama thing:
Too much Sugar For A Dime!!!
and
You Don’t Believe a Cow Horns A Hook!!
He was so nervous, he could thread a sewing machine while it was running.
You wait—that Gal is gonna drop him like a Hot Rock
I’m sweatin’ like a whore in church on Sunday.
It’ two degrees hotter than the hinges of Hell.
You better get left cos’ you aint’ right.
WHEN SOME SAYS THEY MIGHT?…. A GOOD I’VE HEARD FOR YEARS is….. Mites don’t fly this time of the year.
Duller than a bag of hammers.
WHEN SOME ASKS YOU IF IT WILL HAPPEN AND YOU KNOW IT WON’T HAPPEN AND/OR ASK WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING A SMART REMARK IS…………
The 10th of never. or When Satan goes iceskatin’ in Hell.
Another Fav of mine another Smart A%* remark when someone ask you will I want……
Sometimes I’ll say “Well people in Hell want ice water too and that aint’ goin happen either.”
If a frog had wings it wouldn’t bump its ass-a-hoppin’
if u want something
“ya and i bet people in hell like some air conditioning too”
convicing person
“he could sell ice to an eskmo”
“he could sell firewood in hell”
gag a maggot off a gut wagon (as gross as it gits)
I love using these for my family members that live in the north. Them damn yankees
144… Justin… in the South we do differentiate between Yankees and Damn Yankees……. Yankees come to visit, Damn Yankees come to stay!
Can’t remember where I heard this one and I hope I am saying it right;
“Don’t let that bulldog mouth over-run that puppydog ass.”
I assume it means; don’t talk trash/run your mouth, knowing you going to get your ass kicked. If this is incorrect, someone correct me please.
That boy is wound up like a cheap alarm clock
When sonmeone says they “might” do somethng, my Louisiana husbann says, “Mites stay on a chicken’s ass.”
“He’s so crooked when he dies… They will have to screw him in the ground!”
“The only way to tell if a girl is a true football fan is for her to be able to tell all the player’s apart by the their butt.â€
“Great Day in the Morning” (a polite exclamation that replaces “God Damn It”
“Boy, I will walk a mud hole in you and stomp it dry” (a threat always made by my elementary school teacher)
“I will be all over you like white on rice” (same teacher)
“Tits on a Boar Hog” (something useless)
I look like I was sent for and couldn’t go. (I look bad)
Them two old maids. One was trying to diet and the other was dying to try it.
I am as happy as a clam at high tide.
Joking around:
I am just joshin’ you.
I am just pullin’ you pud.
I am just chokin’ your chicken.
It’s hotter than a fritter!
She’s finer than hair on a frog!
You’re prettier than a spotted heifer in a pansy patch!
You could just charm the dew right off of a honey suckle.
beat it to fit and paint it to match :)
what the samhill is goin’ on?
well i’ll be ((surprised))
’bout tickled me to death ((something thats funny))
“You can put a porcupine in a wood chipper, but you will not make maple syrup.”
“that went over like a pregnant polevaulter”
and
“good Lord willin’ and the creeks don’t rise”
the mosquitos in lousiana are so big , they can stand flat foot and screw a chicken!
Sh*ttin in tall cotton
Ain’t got a lick of sense past a bisquits please
Break a few eggs to make an omelet
Sh*t the bed and clean it up tomorrow
Greener than grass
im so hongry my guts a rubbin a blister on my backbone
I’m goin’ to be on you quicker than a duck on a Junebug.
Joke: A Texas couple were stuck in an airport with a couple from New York after their flight was cancelled. The Texas woman asked the New York woman, “Where ya’ll from?” The New York woman replied, “Where we are from we don’t end our sentences with a preposition!” To which the Texas woman replied, “Oh well, where ya’ll from b**ch?”
A couple from my TN family:
“She don’t know whether she’s washing or hanging out!”
“I ate so much, I feel like a tick about to pop”
“uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits”
“I am just plum tired” LOL, I’ve said it myself a time or two…
When disciplining someone ” I’m going to paint your back porches red if you keep talkin like that!”
I am as tired as a cucumber in a convent
my dad used to say my mom could “tear up a steel ball with a rubber hammer” also if someone was a notorious liar he’d say “someone else calls his dog”
Finer than hair on a frogs rear, cuter than a speckeled pup , dumb as a box of rocks, slicker than butter on a marble , now you’re cooking with wesson oil ,i’m going to jerk a knot in your tail ,
its raining like pouring piss out out a boot
fixin means i’m about to do something , happy as a hog in slop, i’m going to whip you like cornbread batter
soda or pop = coke or a dope
grocery bag = a sack or a poke
shopping cart = a buggy
mowing the lawn= cutting grass
garden hose = hosepipe
BBQ = pork
tea = always sweet(there is no place for unsweetened in the south)
yall r funny lol
raining like cats and dogs
hotter than a nanny goat in a pepper patch!
Right smart = sufficient amount
Countrier than cornbread!
Slicker than snot on a door knob!
“Madder” than a hornet!
Honey, I love you like a fat kid loves cake.
git-r-done!
Colder than a witches tit!
If you follow a woman uphill hopefully she is properly attired.