These are actual expressions, primarily from the Southern United States. Many of these colloquialisms are fading away, as they aren’t often continued by younger generations. But many of us have fond memories of hearing many of these funny sayings and expressions back when we were knee high to a bull frog. My grandmother used many of these old expressions even back when I was over the hill picking watermelons (before I was born).
I got a good laugh out of some of these. I hope you do to. Feel free to send in any favorites I missed.
Well that just dills my pickle!
That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe!
You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.
I’m finer than frog hair split four ways.
If you don’t stop I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.
He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin contest!
She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.
He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.
Don’t you piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!
He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!
You’re lyin’ like a no-legged dog!
Excuses are like backsides. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
That was faster than green grass through a goose.
She could make a preacher cuss!
Hell, she could even depress the devil.
You could start an argument in an empty house.
That coffee’s strong enough to float an iron wedge.
You look as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.
He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.
Why are you smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch?
Our preacher’s as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.
Each one of his sermons is better than the next!
He’s so windy he could blow up an onion sack.
He’s so useless if he had a third hand he would need another pocket to put it in!
She needs some fries to go with that shake.
That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob.
Why don’t you just take a long walk off a short pier.
They’re off like a herd of turtles.
She’s resting in peace in the marble orchard.
Well, don’t you look prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes!
He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!
(yeah, my great, great grandfather used to say that one when he was a boy).
He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.
If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.
Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!
Well, slap my head and call me silly!
Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!
Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!
He’s not particularly intelligent:
The engine’s runnin’ but nobody’s driving.
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose
He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.
He’s a little strange…
That boy’s two bricks shy of a full load.
I think that boy’s about two sandwiches shy of a picnic.
I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.
He’s acting crazier than a sprayed roach!
He’s so rich, he buys a new boat each time one gets wet.
You’ve got champagne taste with a beer pocketbook.
He’s tighter than a flea’s ass over a rain barrel.
He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.
He doesn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out.
It’s drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford clinic!
It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table!
It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
It’s hotter than two rabbits making babies in a sock!
He’s not particularly handsome….
He’s uglier than the east end of a horse headed west
He looks like something the dog’s been keepin’ him under the porch.
He is so ugly that my mother had to tie pork chops to his ears so the dog would play with him.”
She’s so ugly I’d hire her to haunt a house!
If I had a dog as ugly as him, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
“Living in sin”:
I heard they ate supper before they said grace!
Page Topic: Funny Southern Expressions, Sayings Phrases and Colloquialisms
I ain’t got a dog in that hunt! (Don’t really care what happens)
he’s slower than molasses on a cold winters night.
he’s so ugly that i’m beginning to think his parents are siblings
I’m fuller than a tick on a Hound Dog’s ass.
I’ve seen better teeth on a Jack-O-Lantern.
He’s got summer teeth…..some are over here, some are over there.
She’s so buck toothed she could eat an apple through a picket fence.
That space between his teeth is so wide he could eat a pineapple through a tennis racket.
I’m sweatin’ like a whore in church.
She has such pretty blond hair, I don’t know why she dyes her roots black.
I seen better hair on an Anchovie.
Well butter my biscuit, look who’s here.
dumber than 4 oclock noon
its hotter than my neighbors wife
get your ass in the saddle meaning lets go
like a thoroug bred in a donkey race ill beat ya ass
get your helmet on meaning get in the game pay attention
this aint my first rodeo
slow down your speaking swahilli meaning your misunderstood or talking to fast or what not
Ugly as home made sin, drunker than Cooter Brown!
Mean enough to charge Hell with a quart of ice water.
So ugly she has to sneak up on her own bath water.
So buck toothed he could eat an apple out of a pop bottle
Ive heard my Grandma say…”He’s useless as a plugged nickel”….
Useless as a screen door on a submarine….
I’m from the mountains of Western NC and these are some I grew up with:
“It’s colder than a well-digger’s butt in the Yukon.”
“It’s raining like pouring piss out of a boot.” (said whenever it was raining very hard)
“He was as dead as four o’clock”
“You can’t drive a spike with a tack-hammer” (a response often used by a guy accused of having a big butt)
“We were just talking about her and bless Pat here she come” (this is only one of a thousand ways the phrase “bless Pat” is used. It can be used in just about any conversation where somebody wants to give special emphasis to something, i.e.”I started down them steps and bless Pat if I didn’t slip and roll all the way to the bottom.” lol!!)
That smell will gag a maggot.
“Man if I were him I wouldn’t buy any green bananas.”
(When you don’t feel good…) I feel like I been eat by a bear and s%&t down a cliff….
He’s madder than a mashed cat
’bout as dumb as a box of hair
hes tighter than dicks hat band
To describe someone who looks tired – “You looked like you were pulled through a knothole backwards”
Hes blinkin’ like a frog in a hailstorm!
“Sh*t fire, n save matches!”
“Call him Bream,cause he’s got hands like a fish!”
“Yer d*mn skippy!”
“He’s bout’ smart as a post!”
“She’s dumb as dirt n twiced as ugly!”
“He could talk a hound off a meat wagon!”
“hes got an alligators mouth and a hummingbirds ass”
You could throw her in the river and skim ugly for two days!
I feel like I’ve been rode hard an’ put away wet! (tired)
Don’t worry about the mule going’ blind, load the wagon.
It’s colder than a well digger’s as*
I grew up in Alabama my whole life… Here’s some phrases..
1) Your so mean, a snake wouldn’t bite you without dying..
2) Who pissed in your Cheerios? (Who made you mad?)
3) Yeatyet? (Have you ate?)
4) You’ont to? (Do you want to?)
5) Bless your pea-picking heart?
6) You ain’t the brightest bolb/crayon in the box… (Your dumb..)
7) She/he’s over the hill.. (He/she is old..)
8) Goes to bed with the chickens/ rises with the chickens.. (in bed early or up ealy..)
9) Busy as a bee..
10) Why buy the cow.. When you get’n the milk for free? (Why get married, when your get’n the benefits anyway?)
11) Your so hot you could fry an egg on your forehead.. (Running a fever.)
12) Ain’t got a pot to piss in.. (Don’t have anything..)
13) I’m gonna knock the fire outta you.. (I’m going to kick your butt..)
14) Sweatin’ like a pig.. (Hot)
15) You kiss your mama with that mouth? (Used when someone uses bad language..)
There are some many phrases that Rednecks/Hillbillies use that Yankees don’t… Thank God for that…
Ah honey, No one would notice on a even on a gallopin goose.
Ya didnt bring that ladder witch-ya-ditch-ya? ( with you did you)
MY grandma would always say this in shock or surprise: ” Well Good Lands!!”
” she is as beautiful as rain in west Texas”
“busier than a snub tailed cow in fly season”
“im so hungry i could eat the back end out of a dead skunk”
“she looked at me like a cow looking at a new gate” (confused as hell)
“he was as happy as a two peckerd billy goat”
“that floor is slicker than a greased up dog turd”
“the only way them britches aint to tight is if she got shot in the ass and was trying to stop the bleeding”
She is about as exciting as a broken rake!!
Shes colder than a nudist on an iceberg.
Well butter my buns and call me a biscuit!
u have to walk softer than a rabbit pees on cotton
you couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn (bad aim)
She’s got more Chins than a chinese Phone Book.
If you don’t quit that I’m gonna snatch you bald headed.
Busier than a peg-legged preacher at an a$$ kickin contest.
she’s so dumb she couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with directions on the bottom.
that ain’t right.
Not No but Hell No!
He’s higher than a kite.
She couldn’t carry a tune with a bucket with a lid on it.
There’s nothing like pot liquor poured over cornbread! (It’s the pea juice)
Oh yeah and we crank our cars to carry people places!
Thats crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory.
DUMB AS A DAY OLD HOG!
Ive got quite a few…ive lived in the south my whole life…
1) Your as useless as tits on a boar hog
2) Your making a mountain out of a moll hill (making it a big deal)
3) I walked all over hell and half acre
4) Shes playing possum (pretending to be asleep)
5) Going to hell in a handbasket
6) Couldnt carry a tune in a bucket
7) You could argue with a fence post
“Couldn’t shoot fish in a barrel”
“Grinnin’ like a possum”
“Up before the chickens”
“Till the cows come home”
“Were you raised in a barn, child?” Referring to someone who leaves the front door open behind them.