These are actual expressions, primarily from the Southern United States. Many of these colloquialisms are fading away, as they aren’t often continued by younger generations. But many of us have fond memories of hearing many of these funny sayings and expressions back when we were knee high to a bull frog. My grandmother used many of these old expressions even back when I was over the hill picking watermelons (before I was born).
I got a good laugh out of some of these. I hope you do to. Feel free to send in any favorites I missed.
Well that just dills my pickle!
That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe!
You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.
I’m finer than frog hair split four ways.
If you don’t stop I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.
He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin contest!
She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.
He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.
Don’t you piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!
He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!
You’re lyin’ like a no-legged dog!
Excuses are like backsides. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
That was faster than green grass through a goose.
She could make a preacher cuss!
Hell, she could even depress the devil.
You could start an argument in an empty house.
That coffee’s strong enough to float an iron wedge.
You look as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.
He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.
Why are you smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch?
Our preacher’s as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.
Each one of his sermons is better than the next!
He’s so windy he could blow up an onion sack.
He’s so useless if he had a third hand he would need another pocket to put it in!
She needs some fries to go with that shake.
That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob.
Why don’t you just take a long walk off a short pier.
They’re off like a herd of turtles.
She’s resting in peace in the marble orchard.
Well, don’t you look prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes!
He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!
(yeah, my great, great grandfather used to say that one when he was a boy).
He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.
If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.
Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!
Well, slap my head and call me silly!
Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!
Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!
He’s not particularly intelligent:
The engine’s runnin’ but nobody’s driving.
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose
He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.
He’s a little strange…
That boy’s two bricks shy of a full load.
I think that boy’s about two sandwiches shy of a picnic.
I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.
He’s acting crazier than a sprayed roach!
He’s so rich, he buys a new boat each time one gets wet.
You’ve got champagne taste with a beer pocketbook.
He’s tighter than a flea’s ass over a rain barrel.
He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.
He doesn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out.
It’s drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford clinic!
It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table!
It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
It’s hotter than two rabbits making babies in a sock!
He’s not particularly handsome….
He’s uglier than the east end of a horse headed west
He looks like something the dog’s been keepin’ him under the porch.
He is so ugly that my mother had to tie pork chops to his ears so the dog would play with him.”
She’s so ugly I’d hire her to haunt a house!
If I had a dog as ugly as him, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
“Living in sin”:
I heard they ate supper before they said grace!
Page Topic: Funny Southern Expressions, Sayings Phrases and Colloquialisms
well ain’t that the berries!
I lived in the south most of my life. Here are some of the funnier ones I remember:
1) Dumber than a box of rocks
2) Dumber than a bag of doorknobs
3) Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch coming down
4) Built like a brick sh** house
5) That smell could knock a buzzard off a sh** wagon.
6) He was God’s own drunk.
7) Commode huggin drunk
8) He was gay as a spring dress
9) Sh***in in tall cotton now (means doing very well)
10) He’s so dumb he could mess up a wet dream.
11) Wouldn’t believe him if he told me the sun comes up in the morning.
12) Messed up as a soup sandwich
13) Went home to Jesus (died)
14) Went home to Elvis (died for the non-religious)
15) He’s so lucky if he fell in a bucket of sh** he’d come up with a silver dollar in his teeth
He’s as lost as last years Easter egg
She’s so fat she could sit on a quarter and squish a booger out of George Washington’s nose
If you get rejected while asking a girl to dance you say “I didn’t ask you to dance, I said you look fat in them pants”
If you wanna impress a girl ‘Boy you’re dad must’ve been a thief, it looks like he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes” or “You must be dog tired, cause since I’ve laid eyes on you, you’ve been running through my mind”
If you hear a guy say a fat girls pretty you say “Yeah pretty fat”
For a slow person “You move like peanut butter in January”
to a fast person ‘Boy he’s gone like yesterdays wind”
When you’re financially ruined “I couldn’t get a graham cracker on credit with 15 cents down”
I once heard an old man say “I’ve got one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel”
A few more:
1)She looks like she got beat with the ugly stick.
2)Sweatin like a Democrat on election day.
3)He ran off like a turpentined kitty.
4)These pants are like the Grand Hotel– no ballroom.
5)If I tell you a banty rooster will pull a wagon, hitch him up.
6)He’s so tight he squeaks when he walks.
7)Can you carry me down to the store? (give me a ride)
8)I’m fixin to…
9)If you want to fight me you better pack a lunch and bring a flashlight.
She’s uglier than homemade sin.
My PawPaw refered to high strung people as wound up tighter than dicks hatband.
Here’s another. Useless as a one legged man in an a$$ kicking contest.
Has anyone heard the saying: “I’ll be there with bells on!” Do you know what it means?
..give a 50 cent answer for a nickle question. (too much detail ….talks to much)
I’ll knock you so far down in your shoes you’ll have to pull your socks down to look out!
I’ll slap a knot on your head and slap it off before it has time to rise!
If I tell you a rooster dips snuff look behind his wing and you’ll find a can!
He (or she) is uglier than homemade soup!
The lights are oon but nobody’s home.
He’s a few bricks short of a load!
She’s a few fries short of a Happy Meal!
If someone is dunning you for money and you have none- “you can’t get blood from a turnip”
If someone thinks you’re inexperienced or don’t know what you’re talking about “I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck yesterday.”
“meaner than a junkyard dog”
Goin up a coon’s ass to get a milkshake. (me and my dad says this when someone asks where we’re goin)
Hell no!! We don’t say anything even close to that in the “South”.
He could talk the hind leg off a donkey.
Oh Gawd-amighty! She’s drunk as the Lord again!
1. She’s so ugly, she’d back lightnin’ up a tree.
2. Dog-tired (wore out slap-dab out…tired! haha!)
3. I’d rather build a tin beak and go pick sh*t with the chickens! (…if you are opposed to a certain activity-Courtesy of my Gramma Mozelle)
4. That makes my butt want to chop stove wood! (makes you mad)
5. Blow your snot-horn (blow your nose- courtesy my aunt mae)
6.
Mind that frayed cord – it’ll knock your pecker into yer watchpocket! (for the would-be electricians)
I’m so broke I can’t afford to pay attention.
whats the difference between a yankee and a damn yankee? a yankee comes to visit and a damn yankee comes to stay1
We was so poor we’d eat cereal with a fork and share the milk
Tennessee
“Madder than a wet hen!”
“quit yer yappin!”
“If ifs and buts were gifts and nuts we’d all be happy”
“Mad as a hornet”
“Like a bump on a log”
“Talkin a mile’ a minute”
“All(of)Y’all”
“Like the east bound end of a west bound mule”
“You could wear the horns off a billy goat”
“laughin like a kookabura”
I grew up in Georgia and here are a few ive heard:
Your more miserable than a horse in a hay less barn!
I feel like a pork chop at a barmitzvah.
Your a couple of cards short of a full deck!
This guy is going down quicker than a pogostick in quicksand!
Use the ones you want if any. Also, I like the site.
1) It’s colder than a witches tits in a brass bra
2) Nothing exceeds like excess
3) She’s so Buck toothed I bet she could eat a pineapple through a picket fence!
4) I heard they weren’t married, but I’m not gonna gossip
5) I’m wound up tighter than an 8 day clock
6) Heck I knew you were sorry, now apologize!
dont get ya panties in a bunch
happier than a pig in poop
dumber than a door-nail
i use to walk up hill 5 miles both ways
dont let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya
I was about as nervous as a virgin at a prison rodeo! meaning one was really nervous!!
Some old sayings from my papaw and father.
…no thanks I just had a watermelon..(definately don’t want any)
….If I had that car (house-ect) and he had a feather up his A#@ we’d both be tickled
…Ugly as a moose chewin ice..
..could break an anvil with a rubber hammer..
..seen better heads in a cabbage patch -(real ugly)
Well butter my butt and call me a bisquit
(don’ argue with the idiots)
Grandma always said, don’t wrestle with the pig, you both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
cute as a puppy dogs ear.
it’s as cold as a well diggers ass.
it’s as cold as a witches tit.
“All that meat and no tators.”-Grandpa Jake
“I need a tampon, my nipples hurt.”-My brother Hunter
“You comin’ down with a cold youngin’?” “No it’s just my ovary’s actin’ up.”- My 3 yr old cousin Tristan
“Hey Bubba! Ma burned supper!” “Awwww……again?”- My 1 yr old cousin Beau (Tristan’s brother)
He’s all hat and no cattle
That kid could break an anvil
Pissin’ in the wind (doing something useless/hopeless)
If brains were gunpowder he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose.
He’s screw a snake in a sandstorm if someone’d hold it out straight for him.
I hope the good lord loves him cause no one else ever will.
Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
Well, ain’t that just tits on a duck! (Mild surprise.)
I’d walk through hell and half of Georgia to be with you!
Like nailin’ Jello to a tree. (difficult)
Ornery as an old Pine Knot!
My grandma and aunt always use to say:
“It’s colder than a well diggers butt in china”
“It’s hotter than a witches tit in a brass bra”
Most of these are usually preceeded or followed by God bless him. This seems to make it OK to utter almost any critisism.
A couple more:
Beauty is only skin deep but ugly is to the bone
Longer than a visit from my mother-in-law
Only got one oar in the water
Slicker than two eels in a barell of snot
10 pounds of shit in a five pound sack
No matter how good she looks somebody is tired of putting up with her shit.
Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.
It’s as cold as a banker’s heart.
You’re gettin’ on my last nerve.
That boy theres meaner than a rattle snake
Shoot Fire
Hand me that Bippy over there
Well I reckon that outta work
Slower than molasses
Stubborn as a mule
does anyone have sayings for someone who is a good liar? Like:they ought to give that girl an Emmy she’s such a good liar? Anything like that?
If it had a brain it would be dangerous!:)
“Oh, he wouldn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground”
My great grandfather said in defense of why his neighbor backed his truck down a cliff