The best really stupid sayings and quotes from bumper stickers, T-shirts, & graffiti.Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.
Sex on television can’t hurt you… unless you fall off.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Drink ’till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
Page Topic: Stupid Sayings and Quotes
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever – so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in gravy.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.
So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
Mental backup in progress – Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case …coincidence?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Page Topic: A collection of the best really dumb, funny, stupid, hilarious, cute and witty sayings, quotes, bumper stickers, t-shirts and graffiti humorous one-liners and sayings.
I found out why dogs drink out of the toilet. My friend told me it’s because it’s cold in there. And I’m like: How did he know that!
MICHAEL JACKSON’S LAST WORDS “TAKE ME TO CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL”
Here’s to you and here’s to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here’s to ME!
when life gives you lemons sqweez thm in ppls cuts and run like hell!
When life give’s you lemons, stop making lemon jokes, the world has enough.
guns dont kill people husbands that come home early do….
“Don’t you think you’re underreacting?”
If I post an ORIGINAL lemon joke will everyone stop?
good:
When life gives you lemons, hope life also gave you sugar or your lemonade is gunna suck.
don’t drink and drive… u might hit a bump and spill your drink.
help i’ve fallen over and can’t…Hey! nice carpet
if at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence you tried.
If the early bird catches the worm, what about the worm?
if you choke a smurf what colour does it turn?
two wrongs dont make a right but three lefts do
If god is inside us, then I hope he likes Fajita’s, cause that’s what he’s getting.
If I look confused it’s because I’m thinking.
If 50 million people say a foolish thing, it’s still a foolish thing.
I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!
I’m not paranoid, they really are after me.
He who laughs last probably doesn’t understand the joke
Why is the word ‘Abbreviation’ so long?
Error. Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue…
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
three guys walked into a bar. the fourth guy ducked.
when you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
if earth is our mother, who’s our grandmother?
nobody knows anything but the people that do do not tell anyone
I love to procrastinate, but I keep putting it off.
besr site i ever seen!!!!!!!!!
whats the dumbest question???!!
asking a pregnant woman is she virgin …:P
Not a lemon one!:
If life gives you skittles, throw them at random people and yell “TASTE THE FREAKING RAINBOW!”
When life gives you lemons, throw them back and ask for the oranges you originally paid for.
You tried your best and you failed miserably…lesson is, never try!!
gotta love homer simpson
My wife and i were happy for 20 years… then we met.
don’t hurt yorself thinking it will make you dumb
-How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? – Homer Simpson
-Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
-Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils
-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
I dont hav a drinking problem.I drink,I get drunk,I pass out,no problem!
Im:
unreliable
irrisponsible
immature
disorganised
innoficiant
and unmotivated
but…
IM FUN!
no 1 dies a virgin,life screwz us all!
I just realized that I don’t have enough money to have a mid-life crisis…
shop sighn: antique tables made daily.
my imaginary friend thinks i have mental problems.
i do whatever my rice krispies tell me to.
i hear mimes.
Why is it called the roof of your mouth if its actually the ceiling?
Where does all the WHITE go when the snow melts??
Common sense is no longer so common.
When life gives you lemons, you SQUIRT them in your enemies eyes.
Where there’s a will there’s a way and where there’s a way you’ll usually find a stop sign.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Do the people in mickey mouse costumes at disneyland, smile for the camera.
Overall, the quotes are good, but you need one more. ” When live gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back, relax, and laugh as the world tries to figure out how you did it.”
“Your not the smartest pop tart in the crayon box are we now.”
Thanks, bye!
Reality’s a bitch!….fantasy is better and easier to control
If life hands you lemons you should be all like – where the hell did these lemons just come from? Then sell them on ebay for lots of money as ‘the lemons that just materialized from another dimension’ then write a book about how other dimensions are trying to communicate with us through lemons and sell the movie rights to James Cameron for the next box office hit. I’ll take those lemons anytime.
i dont know, is it correct to say pregnancy is a sexually transmitted infection!
When life gives you lemons throw them at the people you dont like
my imaginary freind took out a restraining order against me
a good friend will bail you out of jail a great friend will be sitting next to you saying dang we screwed up
after your house cathes on fire a good friend will make sure your ok but a really good friend will be sitting there with you hitten on the hot firemen
Be a nerd – no one can kill what already has no life
It’s better to be pissed off than pissed on.
If lifee gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Anyone wonder why dyslexic is so hard to spell?
When life gives you lemons look up at the sky and say, “WHY LEMONS??!?!?!?!?!? THERE TOO SOUR!!!!!!!!!!”\
two beer or not two beer( shakesbeer)
jk… just stop with the lemon jokes… they are lame
when life gives me lemons, i ask who the hell are you? what are the lemons for? why in gods name are you giving me them? i didnt ask for no damn lemons! oh and by the way…. what the HELL were your parents thinking when they called you life??
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
beauty lies in the number of beers taken..
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
the world makes all sorts of medicine including pills for anxiety depression anger etc. but they havent seemed to make any kind of medicine for stupid… thats just because you cant fix stupid!
81% of all statistics are made up on the spot
im proud of myself cuz i finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months and the box said 2-4 years
I herd hellen keller fell into a well and screamed her hands off
I Dream of a better world…where chikens can cross the road without having ther motives questioned
“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.”
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”
“What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?”
“If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?”
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
“You know your old when you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.”
You’re as useless to me as a jelly sandwich to a drowning rabbit.
I didn’t fall. I was testing gravity. It still works.
An idiot is the 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
Kids in backseats cause accidents, accidents in backseats cause kids.
In the memo field for all your checks, write “for sexual favors”.
If life throws you lemons..make Grape juice..then wonder how in the world you did it!
Want some? Step up!