These are actual fortune cookie fortunes.
Confucius say you have heart as big as Texas.
You have an unusual equipment
for success, use it properly.
Because of your melodic nature,
the moonlight never misses an appointment.
You will gain admiration from your pears.
You will receive a fortune cookie.
Never wear your best pants
when you go to fight for freedom.
A starship ride has been promised to you
by the galactic wizard.
You love Chinese food.
Someone will invite you to a Karaoke party.
Don’t behave with cold manners.
Typed like any other fortune cookie:
Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery.
Don’t forget you are always on our minds.
From the same people holding the prisoner?
What you left behind is more mellow than wine
(for a bathroom?)
There is no mistake so great
as that of being always right.
Never forget a friend. Especially if he owes you.
A tub and a rub will change your day.
THAT WASN’T CHICKEN.
Suppose you can get what you want.
If you’re happy and you know it, and you realy want to show it, if you’re happy and you know it, eat a monkey.
“Its about time I got out of that cookie.”
(sent in by Michael-Asheville, NC)
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Another site with great fortune cookie fortunes is  weirdfortunecookies.com/
Page Topic: Funny Real Fortune Cookie Fortunes
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i got a fortune cookie that said..
“if your friend wants to drive, don’t stand in their way.”
their is more then one meaning to that! haha
I got this one from Panda Express “ASK YOUR MOM!”
If you were looking for a fortune, HA! because i must have screwed up your day!
“A foot is a device for finding furniture in the dark.”
“Never depend on others to make you happy, you can do it yourself” LOL!
lawl!! “You are about to become $8.95 poorer.
($6.95 if you had the buffet)” I got that from Panda Express xP
“Your fly is down”
What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine.
I had general tso’s chicken once and received a fortune cookie saying “That wasn’t chicken” :O What did I eat then?!
LOL! I just found a fortune cookie that said “to forgive is to forget.” on one side and the other side has my lucky numbers and “Perdonsar es de olvidarse.” THATS SPANISH!!!
You are doomed to be happy in marriage.
Lol. My fave so far that I’ve got : ” Ignore previous cookie “
‘This cookie is poisoned.’
“You sing as softly as a bird” I got this one a few years back, if only they knew how untrue it is…
You DONT want to know how long I’ve been in there
A few years ago I got one that said “The SAT answer’s are A D D C B
“Sorry…out of my mind….back in five minutes”
the worst one… “You will have a romantic evening the next full moon” add in bed to the end it’s terrible
you can add
in bed
in his bed
in your mother’s bed
in her bed
in your brother’s bed
in your sister’s bed
in the bathroom
in his bathroom
in your mother’s bathroom
in your brother’s bathroom
in your sister’s bathroom
in her bathroom
in th public bathroom
in the outhouse
in his pants
in her pants
in your pants
in your mother’s pants
in your brother’s pants
in your sister’s pants
funniiest 1: Ooops…Wrong Cookie
“45.6% of all statistics are made up”
I got one on vacation that said: Your relationship will soon change,
The day I got back to school my crush asked me to be his girlfriend!
some men dream of fortunes, others dream of cookies.
I once saw this in a fortune cookie:
If you can achieve greatness in bed, stay in bed,
If not then GET OUT OF BED!
I just made this great fortune:
This cookie doesn’t tell fortunes…but others do.
LOL!
I once opened a fortune cookie in Orlando, Florida, that said: “You will soon be hungry. Order carry-out.”
Good food is full of nutrients, but the nutrients of life are what you need.(in bed)
From Asean Bistro in Columbia, MD: “Hungry is the man who seeks salvation in a cookie.”