Slightly Less Clean Limericks

Some of these limericks are suggestive, but they are still much more mild than many limericks out there, particularly the ones about a great many people from Nantucket, who apparently have quite a variety of very interesting social encounters…

 

Here are a some slightly clean limericks

 

On the breasts of a barmaid at Yale
Are tattooed all the prices of ale,
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Are the same, but they’re written in Braille.

An old maid phoned the desk and said, “Joe,
What’s the noise from that room down below?”
“Oh, they’re holding,” he sighed,
“An Elk’s Ball just inside.”
“Well then, tell them,” she said, “to let go!”

A team playing baseball in Dallas.
Called the umpire bad names out of malice.
While that worthy had fits,
The team made eight hits
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.

There once was an old man named Cohen,
Who cut off the foot of Tim Bowen.
Now it wasn’t that hard,
For Tim slept in the yard,
And Cohen clipped Bowen while mowin’.

(That limerick was pretty clean
You say with a tone a touch mean
But consider the lawn
That Tim’s foot would lay on
There’d be plenty of red on that green!)
-InnocentEnglish

(Hey, that limerick, it was our first.
It wasn’t the best nor the worst.
It was in the middle
But still it’s a riddle
Why there wasn’t first thirst to rehearse).
-InnocentEnglish

I memorized this when I was 10 and thought it hilarious: So did my friends the first 25 times I told it to them. After that, not so much…

There once was a maid from Magrass
Who had such a very nice ass
Now don’t raise a stink
It’s not what you think
It was brown had long ears and ate grass!

 

 

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