These funny limericks were written by  and sent in by Albert Van Hoogmoed. Thanks Albert for sending them in. If anyone else would like to send in some original limericks, please feel free.
“Skinny No More”
There once was a fellow named Sarge
who married a psychic named Marge.
The weight soon appeared,
and just as he feared,
his medium became extra-large.
“A Clown on Viagra”
A clown went to Doctor McDougal
with pain in his whatcha-ma-doodle.
With turns of his wrists
and a couple of twists
he’d made it look just like a poodle.
“Clinton’s Dog”
Old Buddy the dog was a male,
made friends with a wag of his tail.
He sniffed someone’s crotch
on the President’s watch.
He sniffed but he didn’t inhale.
“The Hula Dancer”
She danced by the light of the fire,
the object of lust and desire.
A skirt made of grass
had covered her ass
‘til somebody set it on fire.
“Bonfire at the Nudist Camp”
Last weekend they built a big fire.
The flames shot up higher and higher.
Buns were toasted
and wieners were roasted
when folks got too close to the fire.
“At the Retirement Home”
The guys now adore Sadie Fetters.
They send lots of flowers and letters.
It seems they’re in awe
since her doggie bra
made pointers out of her setters.
“Learning Magic in Prison”
A serial killer named Graff
was learning some tricks from the staff.
He learned really quick.
His first magic trick
was sawing a woman in half.
“Titanic Survivors’ Day”
The day starts with prayers in the chapel.
Some people with nightmares still grapple.
Some go for a hike
or tournaments like
ice fishing and bobbing for apples.
“VA Hospital Picnic”
Each year they invite lots of people,
enjoying events by the steeple.
They have lots of fun,
their favorite one,
a 3-legged race with 3 people.
“Impressing the Ladies”
There was a teenager named Lance
who put a big squash in his pants.
It did him no good.
He learned that it should
be placed in the front of his pants.
The funny limericks on this page are by Albert Van Hoogmoed. So are the other ones. ;)
its funny
i don’t know who wrote this one, but i’ts always been my favorite.
“There once was a woman named Bright
who traveled much faster than light.
She left one day in a relative way
and arrived the previous night!”
i made these 2 :
there was a young man from spain
who was trapped on a speeding train
he tried to shout out
but there was no-one about
so pulled the emergency chain
there was a young boy from bude
who ran around totally nude
he was caught by his mum
who smacked his bum
and told him he was very rude
I wrote this one.
I took my young son to the movies
it was nothing but cleavage and booties
So I think we’ll stay home
until he’s futher grown
’cause for now he still thinks girls have cooties.
I had a plane ride in which some horribly sick lady was flying. She was possibly lucky to make the flight alive. So in ode to her……..
To Denver as sickly lady was flying
walking assistance was needed as she was trying
She wore a torso brace
Which contorted her face
Because I’m sure she was slowly dying!!
A sickly lady was flying to Denver
She was sucking down oxygen when ever
The O-2 in the bottling
Kept her from mottling
Though we expect her life soon to sever!!!
She was wheezing and hacking lung butter
Other passengers were starting to mutter
Hubby only could stare
While monitoring her air
Though he looked like he just wanted to shutter!
They aren’t the best lines but it’s the result of rapid jamming.
there once was a fish called bob
whose penis was starting to throb
so he went to the doc
who put meds in his cock
and now he’s leading a fish mob
nice limericks and poems
hi soooooooo badddddddddd
I wrote this one…
There once was a young man called Jake
For his birthday, he made a huge cake
He took it outside
But slipped, took a ride
Which threw them all in the deep lake.
I just wrote this one in English…
There was a young man who died
His life was nothing but pride
He arrived up above
With feelings of love
But for him, Heaven was denied.