b
“Houston, we have one.”
“You look like a man-o-lantern.”
(Kid)Do you have any extra large condoms?
(Dad)Ohh,shut up Scottie you have a tiny penis.
(Kid)I’d tap that
(Dad)Oh. you’d tap that you think your cool with your jew fro
(Looking at her thong) There’s something wrong with her underpants….
-Is it true if you dont use it, you loose it.
Is that a serious question?.
-NOO no no
1) Do you have protection? 2)No I don’t like guns
1)You have really kind eyes, you know that?
2) Thanks. Umm… your hat has sequins.
1)you know how i know you’re gay?
2) how? because you’re gay and you know who other gay people are?
1)you know how i know you’re gay?
2) how? because you’re gay and you know who other gay people are?
1. I’d like to introduce you to my friend.
Shows him a vibrating shower head
2. Your friend is so shiny.
AAAHHHH…Kelly Clarkson
And now I’m making your blue pants silver.
Andy: “It’s not about butt hole pleasures at all.”
Andy: Do you like magic? little girl: yea. Andy: I thought you did, because I saw you walk in and there was something behind your ear… lemme grab it for you… *pop* BIG MONEY!
Andy: There’s something wrong with her underpants… Cal: Yea, they’re not in my fucking mouth
Because she had balls as big as her adam’s apple.
Cal:Hey Andy I’m sorry I wasn’t nice to you for like the past 2 years.
Andy:What do you mean you were nice to me
Cal: No I wasn’t I mean I kinda thought you were a serial killer…
Andy: Hahahah
Cal: No I’m serious
Dan rhymes with man and all men are jerkoffs… so go jerkoff!
David: For the first time, I woke up and came to work and I feel confident to say to you: that if you don’t take this Michael McDonald DVD that you’ve been playing for two years straight off, then I’m going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain. Paula: What do you suggest we play David? David: I don’t care anything, I would rather watch Beautician and the Beast, I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for 8 hours than listen to Michael McDonald, nothing against him but if I hear Yah Mo Be There one more time, I’m gonna yah mo burn this place to the ground.
Do you like to do it yourself?
Do you see a fucking turban?!
Do you want me to be fucking retarded?
Don’t ever be named Dan. Dan ryhmes with man, and men jerk off.
Drunk girl: “Dan rhymes with man and men jerk off.”
Drunk Girl: “Let’s get some fuckin’ french toast!”
Dude you just flick my nuts?
No I just punched you in the fleshy patch where your nuts used to be..
Dude… I’ve jacked it twice since I’ve been here
Friday, when I went home, I really wanted an egg salad sandwhich. And i was just obsessing about it. And i was like ‘man I’m gonna make on of those.’ So Saturday I went out and I got like a dozen eggs and I boiled them all. And i spent probably three hours…like three and half hours, makin’ you know, the mayonaise and the onions and paprika and, you know, all the accoutrement. And then, by the time I was done I just really didn’t feel like eating it….And I didnt have any bread.
From now on, your dick is my dick.
Get out of the fucking road virgin!!
Get out of the road virgin.
Girl: Can I help you? Guy: I don’t know, can you? Girl: Are you looking for something? Guy: Is there something I should be looking for? Girl: We have plenty of books, it depends on what you like. Guy: What do you like? Girl: We have plenty of do-it-yourself. Guy: Do you like to do it yourself? Girl: (Laughs)Sometimes, if the mood strikes. Guy: How is the mood striking you now? (Laughs) Girl: What’s your name? Guy: What is your name? Girl: Beth. Guy: Andy. Girl: Andy? Don’t tell on me Andy. Guy: I won’t Beth. Unless of course you want to be told on.
Go Fuck a goat
gyuity
He’s performing a public colonoscopy. Isn’t that sweet?
How old are you? 25? Im 40. God you need to get up on that.
hu
I can see through your shirt….NIIIIIICE
I dated this girl for a while… she was really a… nasty freak. She just loved to… get down with… sex all the time. It was like… anytime of day… she was like, Yeah, let’s go! I’m so nasty!… And I’d be nailing her and she’d be like, Oh, you’re nailing me! cool!
I hope you have a big trunk, because I’m putting my bike in it
I may be a virgin but I could fuck you up! . . . yeah
I really don’t feel like becoming a lamp shade in some creepy apartment
I respect women. I respect them so much that i just stay clear away from them.
I’m a virgin. I always have been.
I’m gonna go hunt for some hoes
I’m hungry…Let’s get some fuckin FRENCH TOAST!
Is that an Aza poster? How hard did the guys at the frame store laugh when you broungt this in?
Is that the Six Million Dollar Man’s boss? Why do you have that?
It’s been a while since I’ve been with a man. Spent a long time with the ladies. Looking to get back up on that pogo stick.
Its going to kick asttttthhhhhh
Its like a code that is ingrained into every man’s DNA that tell you when to tackle drunk bitches.
Jay: Dude, it’s not a big deal. You like to fuck guys. It’s cool. I got friends who fuck guys. pauseIn jail.
Know how I know you’re gay? Because you don’t have sex with women!
Know how I know you’re gay? Because you like Coldplay.
Let’s get some fuckin freeench toooast
me so horny .. me love you long time!!
me so horny, me so stupid!
MY UNCLE USED TO DRIVE A HO RUNNER
no andy i dont want your giant box of porn. dude not cool
No, Im not gay, Im just celebate.
No. You let that seed grow into a flower. Then you fuck the flower.
Oh she was a Ho..For Sho
Oh, You are a virgin? I just thought you were going to kill us
She had hands as big as Andre the Giant and she had an Adam’s apple as big as her balls
She was a ho, fo sho…
She’d be like, let’s screw…I’m so nasty. She was down with sex, all the time.
should i ask her out?
nah man you wait for that seed to turn into a plant and then you fuck that plant
SHUT UP DAVE!
smoke my pole
Sucka Mothafucka!!
Tell me something Montell, why weren’t we invited to party. What are we, Al Qaeda?
that fucker came out of no where
That fucker came outta nowhere!!
That’s how a tiger know he got to tackle a gazelle. There’s a code written in his DNA that says: tackle the gazelle. And beleive it or not in every man there’s a code that says: tackle drunk bitches.
This is not a good look for me!!!
You look like a man-o-latern.
Today’s forecast…dark and cloudy with chance of driveby.
We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And… it’s a woman fuckin’ a horse. We get there and we think it’s gonna be awesome and… it is not as cool as it sounds like it’s gonna be. It’s kinda gross
what do i do if she says no? if she says no you punch her in the fuckin head!
Yeah, I bet that was cool. I ride a bike…bikes…bikecycle…bicycle
you guys are so far up your asses
You know how I know you’re gay?
You wax your anus!
You know how I know you’re gay?
You waxed my anus!!
you know how i know you’re gay?
You know how I know you’re gay? Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts
You know how i know you’re gay? Because you two are holding eachother every so gently.
You know how I know you’re gay? I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sour dough bread once
You know how I know your gay? You said you aren’t sleeping with women anymore!
You know how when you grab a woman’s breast… it feels like… a bag of sand.
You know I always thought that Matt Damon was a bit of a project fag light. But I think he rocks the shit in this one.
You know what’s a fun game? taking 3 motrin P.M’s and trying to jerk off before you fall asleep. It’s great because you always win.
You know when you grab a woman’s breast…. and you feel it….. and it feels like a bag of sand
You look like a man-o-lantern.
You need to put your ho on a leash!
You should definitely tell her, because I saw this movie called Liar Liar and the message was, Don’t lie. And that was a smart movie.
You wanna know how i know your gay, you have a bumper sticker of a rainbow on your car that says i love it when balls are in my face, that is how i know you are gay
You’re puttin’ the pussy on a pedestal
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ’40 Year Old Virgin, The’: Quotes from the movie ’40 Year Old Virgin, The’