ANGELA: CUNT!I am so sick of people taking their insecurities out on me.
I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once… and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember… to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. Don’t worry… you will someday
I’ve been writing for this
magazine for fourteen years, Brad.
You’ve been here how long, a month?
(1) i wish someone would just put him out of his misery (2) do u want me to kill him (1) yeah…would you?
(1) So did you do it with him? (2) OF COURSE, I DID! He’s a well known photagrapher. He shoots like, for Elle like, on a regular basis. It would’ve been stupid of me not to… 3) You’re a total prostitute! 4) Hey…that’s how things are. You just don’t know because you’re this pampered suburban chick 5) Well so are you! You were in ‘Seventeen’ once and you looked fat so stop acting like your goddamn Christy Turlington!
(1)man, you are one twisted fuck. (2)nope. Im just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.
(1)you are one twisted fuck.
(2)no, i’m just a regular guy with nothing to loose.
(1)You’re one sick fuck. (2)Nope. I’m just a guy with nothing to lose.
(CAROLYN)
Yes! Oh, God! I love it!
(BUDDY)
You like getting nailed by the king?
(CAROLYN)
Oh yes! I love it! Fuck me, your majesty!
(CAROLYN) Ah, whose car is that out front?
(LESTER)
Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I always wanted and now I have it. I rule!
(CAROLYN)
Where’s the Camry?
(LESTER)
I traded it in.
(CAROLYN)
Shouldn’t you have consulted me first?
(LESTER)
Hmm, let me think… No.
(CAROLYN) We were just at a seminar.
Buddy, this is my–
(LESTER)
Her husband. We’ve met before, but something tells me you’re going to remember me this time.
(CAROLYN) Yes! Oh, God! I love it!
(BUDDY)
You like getting nailed by the king?
(CAROLYN)
Oh yes! I love it! Fuck me, your majesty!
(COLONEL)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you said you’re partners. So what’s your business?
(JIM #1)
Well, he’s a tax attorney.
(JIM #2)
And he’s an anesthesiologist.
(JANE)
Mom, do we always have to listen
to this elevator music?
(CAROLYN)
No. No, we don’t. As soon as
you’ve prepared a nutritious yet
flavorful meal that I’m about to
eat, you can listen to whatever you
like.
(Lester Burnham): I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once… and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember… to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. Don’t worry… you will someday.
(LESTER) So Janie, how was school?
(JANE)
It was okay.
(LESTER)
Just okay?
(JANE)
No, Dad. It was spec-tac-ular.
(LESTER) Well, what do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge to boot?
(BRAD)
Against who?
(LESTER)
Against you.
Can you prove you didn’t offer to save my job if I’d let you blow me?
(BRAD)
Man. You are one twisted fuck.
(LESTER)
Nope. I’m just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.
(LESTER) What makes you so sure she wants us to be there? Did she ask us to come?
(CAROLYN)
Of course not. She doesn’t want us to know how important this is to her. But she’s been practicing her steps for weeks.
(LESTER)
Well, I bet money she’s going to resent it. And I’m missing the James Bond marathon on TNT.
(CAROLYN)
Lester, this is important. I’m sensing a real distance growing between you and Jane.
(LESTER)
Growing? She hates me.
(CAROLYN)
She’s just willful.
(LESTER)
She hates you too.
(MANAGER) I don’t think you’d fit in here.
(LESTER)
I have fast food experience.
(MANAGER)
Yeah, like twenty years ago.
(LESTER)
Well, I’m sure there have been amazing technological advances in the industry, but surely you have some sort of training process. It seems unfair to presume I won’t be able to learn.
(RICKY)How much do you want?
(LESTER)
I don’t know, it’s been a while. How much is an ounce?
(RICKY)
Well, this is totally decent, and it’s three hundred.
(LESTER)
Wow.
(RICKY)
But this shit is top of the line. It’s called G-13. Genetically engineered by the U.S. Government. Extremely potent. But a completely mellow high, no paranoia.
(LESTER)
Is that what we smoked last night?
(RICKY)
This is all I ever smoke.
(LESTER)
How much?
(RICKY)
Two grand.
(LESTER)
Jesus. Things have changed since 1973.
*CUNT*
…my job consists of basically maksing my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men’s room so I can jerk off, while I fantasize about a life that doesn’t so closely resemble hell.
1) Ah, who’s car is that out front? 2) It’s mine. !970 Pontiac Firebird, the car I’ve always wanted and now I have it. I RULE!
1) Could he be more pathetic? 2) I think he’s sweet. And I think he and your mom haven’t had sex in a long time.
1) Could he be more…pathetic? 2) I think he’s sweet. And…I think he and your mom have not had sex in a long time.
1) Mom, I’m not in the mood for a Kodak moment right now. (2 slaps 1) 2) Listen to me, you ungrateful little brat!
1) Oh, let’s all sell our souls and work for Satan ’cause it’s more convenient that way! 2) Could you be a little bit more dramatic please?
1) Would you like some Smiley Sauce?
2)
No. No, actually… I’d like to fill out an application.
3)
There’s not jobs for manager, it’s just for counter.
4)
Good. I’m looking for the least possible amount of responsibility.
1) You total slut, you’ve got a crush on him! 2) What?! Plea- 1) You were defending him, you love him, you wanna have like 10’000 of his babies. 2) Shut up!
1)…Well, how about I throw in a sexual harrasment charge to boot.
2)Against who?
1)Against you! Can you prove that you didnt try to save my job if I let you blow me?
2)……Man……you are one twisted fuck
1)Nope, I’m just an ordinary guy with nothin to lose
1)What are you doing?
2)Saying hi to my monster.
1)You are a total prostitute! 2)Hey! That’s the way things really are! You just don’t know because you’re this pampered little *suburban* chick. 1) So are you! You’ve only been in Seventeen once, and you looked fat, so stop acting like you’re goddamn Christy Turlington! 2)Cunt! God! I am SO sick of people taking their insecurities out on ME!
1. Are you scared? 2. I don’t get scared. 1. My parents will try to find me. 2. Mine won’t.
1. Are you trying to look unattractive? 2. Yes. 1. Well, congratulations. You’ve succeded admirably.
1. At least I’m not ugly! 2. Yes you are. And you’re boring. And you’re totally ordinary. And you know it.
1. Do you just want to lose weight, or are you looking to increase strength and flexibility as well? 2. I want to look good naked!
1. Don’t you feel naked? 2. I am naked.
1. Don’t you mess with me, mister, or I’ll divorce you so fast it’ll make your head spin! 2. On what grounds? I’m not a drunk, I don’t fuck other women, I’ve never hit you, I don’t mistreat you… I don’t even try to touch you because you’ve made it so abundantly clear how unnecessary you consider me to be! But I did support you before you got your license, and some people might think that entitles me to half of what’s yours. So, turn off the light when you come to bed!
1. Excuse me for speaking so bluntly sir. But those fags make me want to puke my fucking guts out. 2. Well, me too son. Me too.
1. Got a minute? 2. For you, Brad, I’ve got five!
1. How’s Jane? 2. What do you mean? 1. I mean, how’s her life? Is she happy? Is she miserable? I’d really like to know, and she’d die before she’d ever tell me about it. 2. She’s… she’s really happy. She thinks she’s in love. 1. Good for her. 2. How are you? 1. God, it’s been a long time since anybody asked me that. …I’m great. 2. I’ve gotta go to the bathroom. 1. I’m great.
1. I don’t think you’d fit in here. 2. I have fast food expierience. 1. Yeah, like twenty years ago! 2. Well, I’m sure there have been marvelous advances in the industry, but surely you must have some sort of training program. It’s unfair you presume I won’t be able to learn.
1. I need that Super Smiley with cheese asap! 2. You need more than that my little hombre
1. I see you’re smoking pot now. I suppose you think smoking illegal psychotropic substances is a good example to set for our sixteen year-old daughter?! 2. You’re one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak.
1. I was filming this dead bird. 2. Why? 1. Because it’s beautiful.
1. I’m not paying you to do… whatever it is you’re doing. 2. So don’t pay me. 1. Excuse me? 2. I quit. So you don’t have to pay me. Now leave me alone. 3. I think you just became my personal hero.
1. Man, you are one twisted fuck. 2. Nope, I’m just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.
1. So Janie, how was school? 2. It was okay. 1. Just okay? 2. No dad, it was spectacular.
1. So, you’re fucking psycho-boy on a regular basis now? Tell me, has he got a big dick? 2. It’s not like that. 1. What, hasn’t he got one? 2. I’m not going to talk about his dick with you, OK?
1. Somebody should just put him out of his misery. 2. Do you want me to kill him? 1. Yeah, would you?
1. This is a four thousand dollar sofa upholstered in Italian silk. It is not just a couch. 2. IT’S JUST A COUCH!
1. What a freak! And why does he dress like a bible salesman? 2. He’s just so confident, it can’t be real. 1. I don’t believe him. I mean, he didn’t even like, look at me once!
1. What do you want? 2. Are you kidding? I want you.
1. What the hell do you think you’re doing? 2. I’m going to whale on my pecs and then do my back.
1. When I was your age, I flipped burgers just to be able to buy an eight-track. 2. That sucks. 1. No, actually it was great. All I did was party and get laid. I had my whole life ahead of me.
1. Where’s your wife? 2. Uh, I dunno. Probably out fucking that dorky, prince-of-real-estate guy. 1. Your wife is with another man and you don’t care? 2. Nope. Our marriage is just for show. A commercial for how normal we are when we’re anything but.
1. Yes, I suck dick for money. You should see me fuck, I’m the best piece of ass in three states. 2. Get out. I don’t ever want to see you again. 1. What a sad little man you are.
1.) I’m glad you saw that! 2.) Why, so I could see what freaks you and dad are?
1.) Well atleast I’m not ugly! 2.) Yes you are. And you’re boring, and totally ordinary, and you know it.
1.What? 2. Ahhh whose car is that outfront? 1.Mine, 1970 Pontiac Firebird, The car I always wanted, Now I have it. I rule!
1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I’ve always wanted, and now I have it.
1: Do you party?
2: What?
1: Do you get high?
1:Whose car is that in the driveway? 2:That’s mine. A 1970 Pontiac Firebird. I’ve always wanted it and now I have it. I rule!
555-0199
You don’t get to tell me what to do ever again.
(1) You are one twisted fuck! (2) Nope! I’m just an ordinary guy, with nothing to lose.
A: Would you like some Smiley sauce with that?
B: Lester, Stop!
A: No, you wont tell me what to do, EVER again.
Actually this is her business. She is the drive through manager. You can never tell me what to do ever again.
All right, so shoot me. I was whacking off.
That’s right. I was choking the bishop. Shaving the carrot. Saying hi to my monster.
And then one day…. he was just… GONE.
Angela: Jane, He’s a FREAK!
Jane: Well then so am I! And we’ll always be freaks and we’ll never be like other people. And you’ll never be a freak coz you’re too… perfect.
Angela: Yeah well at least I’m not ugly.
Janes boyf: Yes you are. And your boring and ordinary and you know it.
Angela: That’s how it really is you just don’t know because your some pampered little suburban chick. Girl: So are you and you were only in 17 once and you looked fat so quit acting like your
good damn Christy Turlington
Are you masturbating???
Both my daughter and my wife think I’m a loser and I guess there right, I haev lost something
both, my wife and my daughter think that i’m this gigantic loser and they’re right. i have lost something. i’m not exactly sure what it is.
Brad: Hey, Lester…..got a minute? Lester: For you Brad, I’ve got five.
Brad:(reads)…my job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men’s room so I can jerk off, while I fantasize about a life that doesn’t so closely resemble hell.
But don’t worry… You will someday.
but jane he’s a freak! -well then so am i!
Can you prove you didn’t offer to save my job if I’d let you blow me?
Carolyn: Honey. Don’t be weird.
carolyn: lester could you make me a little later, please, because i’m not quite late enough
Dad: How was school? Daughter: ok. Dad: just ok? Daughter: No dad, it was spectacular.
don’t give up on me dad
Don’t give up on me dad.
Don’t interrupt me … honey!
Don’t placate me like I’m your mother, boy.
Don’t you feel naked?
I am naked.
Everything that was meant to happen does. Eventually.
Everything that’s meant to happen does…eventually…
frankly
GROWING?! She hates me. She hates you too.
He just pulled down his pants and was like ‘Say hello to mister happy!’
he’s like….so confident. he can’t be real.
Honey, I watched you the whole time, and you didn’t screw up once!
Honey, this is Ricky Fitz *giggles* he just moved in nextdoor. Well, thanks, Ricky, for the, for the thing thing.
Honey, this is Ricky Fitz *giggles* he just moved in nextdoor. Well, thanks, Ricky, for the, for the thing.
I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.
I didn’t LOSE my job, it’s not like ‘oops, where’d my job go?’, I QUIT!
I didnt lose it. It’s not like, whoops, where’d my job go?? I QUIT!!
I don’t think that there’s anything worse than being ordinary.
I feel like I’ve been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I’m just now waking up.
I flipped burgers to be able to buy an eight-track.
i guess i could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me
but it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world
sometimes i feel like i’m seeing it all at once and it’s too much
may heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst
and then i remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it
and then if flows through me like rain and i can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life
you have no idea what i’m talking about, i’m sure
but don’t worry
you will someday
I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it is hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I am seeing it all at once, and it is too much and my heart fills up like a ballon that is about to burst. And then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain, and I can’t feel anything but gratitude, for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I am talking about I’m sure, but don’t worry, you will someday.
I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world.
i guess i could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. sometimes i feel like i’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a baloon that’s about to burst… and then i remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and i can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life…i know, you have no idea what i’m talking about. but don’t worry, you will.
I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me…but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst…and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life…You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry…You will someday.
i guess i needed the royal treatment, so to speak
I have always heard that your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn’t a second at all, it stretches forever, like an ocean of time…for me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars…and yellow leaves, from the maple trees that lined my street..or my grandmother’s hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper…and the first time I saw my cousin Tony’s new firebird. And Janie…and Janie. And…Carolyn. I guess I could be really pissed off about what happened to me…but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst…and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like the rain. And I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life…you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry…you will someday.
I have some tiki torches in the garage
I mean, I think ‘lagoon,’ I think waterfall, I think tropical. This is a cement…hole.
I need a father who’s a role model, not some horny geek-boy who’s gonna spray his shorts every time I bring a girlfriend home from school.
I refuse to be a victim!
I rule
I RULE!!
I suck dick for money!
I suppose I should be pissed off about what happened to me. But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world.
I wanna look good naked.
I wanted to tell her it would get better, but I didn’t want to lie to her.
I will sell this house today
I will sell this house today!
i wouldn’t remember me either.
I’m just a regular guy with nothing to lose.
I’m just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose
I’m not obsessing. I’m just curious.
I’ve been a whore fot the advertising business for the past fourteen years. the only way I could save myself is if I started firebombing.
if he worked out a little, id totally fuck him.
If I had to go to NY tonight to live, would you come with me?
If people I don’t even know look at me and want to fuck me, it means I really have a shot at being a model.
it was one of those days when it’s a minute away from snowing and there’s this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it, right? and this bag was like, dancing with me. like a little kid begging me to play with it. for fifteen minutes. and that’s the day i knew there was this entire life behind things, and… this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. video’s a poor excuse. but it helps me remember… and i need to remember… sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world i feel like i can’t take it, like my heart’s going to cave in.
It’s a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself.
It’s okay. I wouldn’t remember me either.
IT’S OKAY.SEE I KNOW THAT IF THEY’RE JACKING OFF TO ME THEN I HAVE A REALLY GOOD SHOT AT BEING A MODEL.
It’s that psycho next door. Jane, what if he worships you? What if he’s got a shrine with pictures of you surrounded by dead people’s heads and stuff?
its a 1970 firebird the car i have always and now i have it……i rule
JANE: My parents are coming tonight. They’re trying to, you know, take an active interest in me.
ANGELA: Gross. I hate it when my mom does that.
JANE: They’re such assholes. Why can’t they just have their own lives?
Janey, thats like almost a mile!
Janie is a pretty typical
teenager. Angry, insecure,
confused. I wish I could tell her
all that’s going to pass……….
But I don’t want to lie to her.
Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus.
Janie: I need a father who’s a role model. Not some horny geek boy who’s going to spray his shorts everytime I bring I girlfriend home from school.
janie: dont you feel naked?
Ricky: i am naked.
Joyless? I am not joyless. There happens to be a lot about me that you don’t know Mr Smarty Man.
LESTER (V.O.)
Lester:(V.O) Both my wife and daughter think I’m this gigantic loser, and… they’re right.
Lester: Well, I bet money she’s going to resent it. And I’m missing the James Bond marathon on TNT.
Lose it, I didn’t loose it. It’s not like, whoops! where’d my job go? I QUIT!
Mom’s mad!
Mom: I’m sorry you had to see that awful scene tonight, Jane, but in a way, I’m kinda glad you did.
Jane: Why?! So I can finally realize what freaks you and dad are??!!
My company sells an image. It’s part of my job to live that image.
My dad thinks I paid for all this with catering jobs. Never underestimate the power of denial.
My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge and, at least once a day, retiring to the men’s room to jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn’t so closely resemble hell.
My job mainly consists of masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, while at least once a day retireing to the mens room to ‘jerk off’ while fantasising about a life which dosent so closely resemble hell.
my name is lester burnham. this is my neighborhood, this is my street, this is my life. i’m 42 years old. in less than a year i will be dead. of course i don’t know that yet and in a way, i’m dead already. look at me, jerking off in the shower. this will be the highlight of my day, it’s all down hill from he´re.
My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood. This is my street. This… is my life. I’m forty-two years old. In less than a year, I’ll be dead.
Never under estimate the power of denial.
Never Underestimate the Power of Denial
Never underestimate the power of denial.
No I dont have to listen to you ever again
No I’m glad now because uhh,… because you are old enough now to learn the most important lesson in life. You cannot count on anyone except yourself. ..sniff…deep breath….You cannot count on anyone except yourself. …You know its sad but true, and the sooner you learn it the better.
Oh yea. Well at least I’m not ugly.
Oh, and another thing. From now on, we’re going to alternate our dinner music. Because frankly, and I don’t think I’m alone here, I’m really tired of this Lawrence Welk shit.
one of my clients works for a pediatrician, i cut her a deal, she keeps me in clean piss.
Remember those posters that said, Today is the first day of the rest of your life? Well, that’s true of every day but one — the day you die.
Smile! You’re at Mr. Smiley’s!
Smile! You’re at Mr. Smiley’s.
so much beauty
Something tells me that your going to remeber me this time
Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world…I feel like I cant take it…and my heart is going to cave in
supervisor: You twisted fuck.
Lester: No, I’m just a regular trying to get by.
That’s $50,000 dollars, that’s someone’s salary. That’s somone who is going to get fired, because Craig has to pay women to FUCK him!
That’s my wife, Carolyn. See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That’s not an accident.
That’s our next-door neighbor, Jim……………and that’s his lover, Jim.
THAT’S….WHAT….YOU….THINK!!
Their sycamore? How could you call it THEIR sycamore? Come on, a substantial portion of the root structure was on our property!
There happens to be a lot about me that you don’t know, Mr. Smarty Man. There’s plenty of joy in my life.
There happens to be a lot about me that you don’t know, Mr. Smarty Man. There’s plenty of joy in my life.
There’s nothing worse in life than being ordinary.
this country if going straight to hell.
This isn’t life, it’s just stuff. And it’s become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that’s just nuts.
This isn’t life, it’s just stuff. And it’s become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that’s just nuts.
This shit it top of the line. It’s called G-13. It’s genetically engineered by the U.S. Government. It’s extremely potent, but a completely mellow high. No paranoia
This will be the highlight of my day.
This would be the highlight of my day.
Today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus.
Uh-oh, mom’s mad…..
We’ve met before, but something tells me you’re going to remember me this time.
Welcome to America’s weirdest home videos!
Welcome to America’s weirdest home videos.
well actually Janine is senior drive through manager, so technically you are on her turf
well then i’m a freak too!
Well, you want to know how things went at my job today?
They’ve hired this efficiency expert, this really friendly guy named Brad, how perfect is that? And he’s basically there to make it seem like they’re justified in firing somebody, because they couldn’t just come right out and say that, could they? No, no, that would be too… honest. And so they’ve asked us–
–you couldn’t possibly care any less, could you?
why does it he dress like a bible salesman?
WILL SOMEBODY PASS THE FUCKING ASPARAGUS?!!
Will someone please pass me the fucking asparagus?
would you like some smiley sauce?
You are so busted!
You better watch yourself Janie or you’re going to turn into a real bitch, just like your mother!
You can talk, you bloodless, money grabbing freak.
you cant tell me what to do ever again
You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry, you will someday.
You like…muscles?
You love him…You want to have, like…ten thousand of his babies
You should see me f*** I give the best piece of a** in three states
you total slut, you got a crush on him, you were defending him you’re in love him you wanna have like 10,000 of his babies
You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have. When I was your age, we… lived in a duplex! We didn’t even have our own house!
You’re one to talk you bloodless, money-grubbing freak.
You’ve just become my idol
Your So Busted
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