#1: How dare you break wind before me!
#2: I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was your turn!
(1) Hey there you are (2) Do I know you (1) No, but there you are
1) Hey there you are! 2) Do I know you? 1)No, but that’s where you are you’re there!
1) how dare u break wind before me 2) sorry baby i didnt know it was your turn
1) I hate you!! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!! 2) Oh, Scott, it hurts Daddy when you say that. Honestly.
1) I was at this arcade with my friend, Steve, right? And we meet up with these French dudes who start yelling at us. Steve said something back. And then one of the guys said something in like Paris-talk. And they were all ‘Get out!’ and we were all ‘Make me!’. It was cool 2) Fascinating.
1) One Swedish made penis enlarger pump. 2) That’s not mine. 1) One credit card receipt for Swedish made penis enlarger pump signed by Austin Powers. 2) I’m telling you baby that’s not mine. 1) One warranty card for Swedish made penis enlarger pump filled out by Austin Powers. 2) I don’t even know what this is. This sorta thing ain’t my bag baby. 1) One book, Swedish made penis enlarger pumps and me, this sorta thing is my bag, baby, by Austin Powers.
1) Scott, I want you to meet daddy’s nemesis, Austin Powers. 2) What? Are you feeding him? Why don’t you just kill him? 1) I have an even better idea. I’m going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
1) Scott, what are your plans for this evening? 2) Uh, I was gonna stay in. There’s a good porno on cable. 1) And that’s how you like to live your life, is it? 2) Well, yeah.
1) Tell me about my mummy in the ’60’s. I’m dying to know what she was like. 2) She was ver groovy. Your dad loved her very much. If there was one other cat in this world who could love and treat her as nicely as your dad did, that was me. But unfortunately, for yours truly, that train had sailed
1) there you are! 2) do i know you? 1) no, but you’re there. that’s
where you are.
1) They’re always trying to get me lucky charms! (laughter) Why does everyone always laugh when i say that? 2) o, it s television commercial. An the kids chase the leprichan ‘we’re going to get ur lucky charms!’ And they put tiny bits of marshmellow in the cereal so the children think ‘ooo, we’re eating candy!’
1) What’s the plan? 2) First, I plan to soil myself. Then, I’m going to come up with a new plan.
1) You have a lot of explaining to do! 2) You have to admit, she does look a bit mannish. 1) Damnit, man, you’re talking about my mother! 2) Well, if that is a woman, it does look like she was beaten with an ugly stick!
1)Did you use a …condom? 2)No, baby! Condoms are for sailors! 1) Not in the ninties,(name)!
1)Hey Your There! 2) Do I Know You? 1) No, But Your There!
1)Look, I’ve got a gun in my room. Give me 5 seconds, I’ll go get it, and boom! I’ll blow their brains out. 2)You just don’t get it do you? You really don’t.
1)One Swedish made penis enlarger pump.
2)That’s not mine.
1)One credit card receipt for Swedish made penis enlarger, signed by Austin Powers.
2)I’m tellin’ ya baby… That’s not mine.
1)One warranty card for Swedish made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.
2)I don’t even know what this is. This sorta thing ain’t my bag, baby.
1)One book Swedish Made Penis Enlarger pumps, and Me. This sorta thing is my bag, baby. By Austin Powers.
1. What’s your plan ? 2. First, I plan to soil myself.
1. Austin, the Cold War is over! 2. Finally those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh? Eh comrades? Eh? 1. Austin… we won. 2. Oh, smashing, groovy, yay capitalism!
1. Dr. Evil… it’s about the sharks. When you were frozen, they were put on the endangered species list. We tried to get some, but it would’ve taken months to clear up the red tape. 2. You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads! Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can’t be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here!
1. Hey! There you are! 2. Hi… do I know you? 1. No, but that’s where you are! You’re there!
1. How dare you break wind before me. 2. Sorry baby, didn’t know it was your turn.
1. I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab! 2. Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.
1. I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me. 2. He doesn’t really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that. 3. No actually the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He’s quite wily like his old man.
1. I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I’d be a vet. 2. An evil vet? 1. No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo. 2. An evil petting zoo? 1. You always do that!
1. In Japan, men come first and women come second. 2. Or sometimes not at all.
1. It’s no hassle. 2. Sh! 1. But 2. Sh! 1. I’m 2. Sh! 1. All I’m say 2. Sh!1. There gonna get a 2. SH! 1. I’m 2. Sh! 1. I’m just 2. Sh! 1. would 2. Sh…knock knock 1. Who’s there? 2. Sh! 1. But 2. Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh!. Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive sh! Now I have a whole bag of SH! with your name on it.
1. Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you. 2. What’s your point, Vanessa?
1. No, you’re right to be suspicious! I shagged her! 2. What? 1. I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
1. Not the time to lose one’s head. 2. No. 1. That’s not the way to get ahead in life. 2. No. 1. It’s a shame he wasn’t more headstrong. 2. Hmm. 1. He’ll never be the head of a major corporation. 2. Okay, that’ll do. 1. Okay.
1. Only sailors use condoms, baby. 2. Not in the nineties, Austin. 1. Well they should, those filthy beggars, they go from port to port.
1. Scott, I want you to meet daddy’s nemesis, Austin Powers 2. What? Are you feeding him? Why don’t you just kill him? 1. I have an even better idea. I’m going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
1. Some sake, Mr. Cunningham? 2. Sake it to me baby!
1. That’s Dr. Evil’s cat! 2. How can you tell? 1. I never forget a pussy… cat.
1. Wait, aren’t you even going to watch them? They could get away! 2. No, no, no. I’m going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying. I’m just gonna assume it all went to plan. …What?
1. What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two? 2. That’s my business. Now if you’ll excuse, I have to go to the little boys’ room.
1. Whoo! That is one crazy get-up, mister… Are you in the show? 2. No, actually, I’m English. 1. Oh… sorry.
1.) First, i’ll use a giant -laser- to punch a hole through the protective layer around the earth, called the -ozone layer-. Once there is a hole in the -ozone layer-…. 2.) Dr. Evil, that also has already happened… 1.) Shit!…..Oh hell, let’s just do what we always do – hijack a nuclear bomb and hold the world ransom, hmm, hmm? Good.
1: Did you use a condom? 2: No way! Only sailors use condoms!
1: Mr Powers, you’ll notice all the sharks have laser beams attached to their heads. I figure every creature deserves a warm meal. 2: Dr Evil? It’s about the sharks. After you were frozen, they were put on the endangered species list. We tried to get some, but it would have taken months to clear up all the red tape. 1: You know I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads. Now, evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can’t be done. Uh, remind what I pay you people for, honestly. Throw me a bone, here. What do we have? 2: Sea bass. 1: Sea bass? 2: They are…mutated sea bass! 1: Really? Are they ill-tempered? 2: Oh, absolutely! 1: Well, that’s a start.
1I like animals. I was thinking I might be a vet. 2An EVIL vet??
A) I’m going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly exotic and elaborate death.
B) Why don’t you just shoot him now? I mean, I’ll go get a gun, we’ll shoot him together, it’ll be fun. Bang! Dead. Done.
A) It does have an odd shape, sir.
B) What are you saying, son?
A) It appears to be in the shape of a Bob’s Big Boy, sir.
Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger is my middle name.
Allow myself to introduce… myself.
Allow myself to introduce… myself. I’m Richie Cunningham and this is my wife Oprah.
Allow myself to introduce………myself. My name’s Richie Cunningham, and this is my wife, Oprah.
Allow myself to introduce…myself
Allow myself to introduce…myself.
Allow myself to introduce…uh…myself.
Alotta Fagina: You know, in Japan men come first and women come second.
Austin: Or sometimes not at all!
(laughs)
Alotta… Alotta Fagina
And this is how you chose to live your life? Riiight…
And this is my number two man… his name?… number two
As long as people are still having premarital sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free enviroment, I’ll be as sound as a pound!
Au contraire baby, you can’t resist me.
Austin- Who does number 2 work for?
Tom Arnold- Thats right you tell that turd whos boss
AUSTIN: (holding a gun to Scott’s head) It seems the tables have turned again, Dr Evil.
DR EVIL: Not really. Kill the little bastard, see if I care.
SCOTT: But, Dad, we just had a major breakthrough in group!
DR EVIL: I had the group liquidated, you little shit! They were insolent!
Austin: Allow myself to introduce… myself.
Austin: And what is your name? Woman: Ahlotta Fagina. Austin: What? I could’ve sworn you just said- Never mind
Austin: Hey, there you are.
Stranger: Well hi, do I know you?
Austin: No, but thats where you are, your there.
Austin: That’s Dr. Evil’s cat
Vanessa: How do you know?
Austin: I never forget a pussy…..cat
Austin: Well, finally those capitalist Pigs will pay for their crimes, hey commrades, Eh.
Basil: Austin, we won.
Austin: Oh, smashing, groovy, yay Capitalism, heh, (To Girl) Hello. (To other Girl) Hello!
AUSTIN[Straining]: Who…does…Number…2…work…for Who…does…Number …2…work…for?
COWBOY GUY[played by Tom Arnold]: That’s right buddy, you tell that turd who’s boss!!
Begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism!
but sadly, that plane has sailed
Cmon dont force it, youre gonna blow out your o-ring, drop a lung.
Cowboy: WHOWEEEEE!!! Boy what did you eat
Cowboy: WHOWEEEEE!!! Boy, what did you eat!?!
danger,powers no my middel name is danger oohh!! a inlarger thats not mine a pink slip singed by Austin Powers.
Danger….is my middle name.
Dealer: You have four, sir. Austin: I’ll stay…I…also like to live dangerously.
Din-din! I want chicken I want liver meow mix meow mix please deliver!
Do I make u horny, randy? Do I make u horny babey, ya?!
Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?
Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes Mr. Powers? I designed them myself.
Does that make you HORNY?
Don’t get heavy, man.
don’t look at me like i’m frickin’ frankenstein
Dr. Evil… it’s about the sharks. When you were frozen, they were put on the endangered species list. We tried to get some, but it would’ve taken months to clear up the red tape.
Finally, we come to my number two man. His name? Number Two.
First things first, wheres your shitter?
Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho!
Here’s the plan. We get the warhead, and we hold the world ransom for…..One MILLION DOLLARS!!
HI DO YOU HAVE THE SONG I JUST CALLED TO DAY I LOVE YOU IT’S FOR MY DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY YEAH WE HAVE IT
How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails…whores bath? Personally before I’m on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a how’s your father!
I didn’t spend 6 years at Evil Medical School to be called mister, thank you very much!
I don’t bite…..hard.
i don’t bite…hard
I eat because I’m unhappy and I’m unhappy because I eat. It’s a vicious cycle
I hate you! I wish I was never artifically created in the lab!
I hate you. I hate you! I wish I were never artifically created in a lab!
I never forget a crow cat.
I never forget a pussy… cat.
I tell you, baby….that’s not mine!
I used my mojo, then they used their mojos, then we got cross moj-ination and their heads started to explode, you know.
I want chicken, I want liver. Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver!
i won’t bite– hard!
I won’t bite… hard.
I won’t bite….hard.
I’m going to place them in an easily escapable situation
involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
I’m gonna have a scar there, you idiot. Honestly, who throws his shoe? – You fight like a woman!
i’m having trouble controling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!
I’m hip, I’m with it.
I’m very badly burned!
I’ve been frosen for 30 fricken years throw me a fricken bone
I’ve been frozen for 30 years. I’ve got to see if my bits and pieces are still working.
I’m having trouble controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE
Is it too much to ask to have sharks with friggin laser beams?
It’s a television commercail.
It’s a television commercial! With this cartoon leprechaun! And all of these children are trying to chase him..Hey leprechaun man! Leprechaun man! We want to get your lucky charms! haha! Oh, and there’s all these little tiny bits of marshmallow just stuck right in the cereal so that when the kids eat them, they think, Oh this is candy! I’m having fun!
It’s a television commercial, and the little children are chasing him screaming leprechaun man, leprechaun man we want to get your Lucky Charms. Oh and there’s always little tiny marshmallows just stuck right in the cereal so that when the kids eat them they think oh this is candy i’m having fun!
It’s freedom, baby, yeah!
Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich.
Judo chop!
Ladies and Gentlemen Mr. Burt Backarack.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the world’s deadliest assassins.
Let me say that i have a whole bag of ‘shh’ with your name on it!
Mama Cass, deceased. Ham Sandwich.
My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy – the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.
My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy – the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.
my father was a relentlessy self-improving boulangerie owner from Belguim with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery
My firend Sweet Jay took me to this new video arcade in town right and they don’t speak english there so Jay got into a fight and he’s all quit hassalin’ me cause i don’t speak French or whatever, and the guy says somethin in Paris talk and we’re all SHUT UP and they’re all GET OUT and we’re like MAKE ME it was cool!
My friend Sweet Jay took me to this new video arcade in town right and they don’t speak english there so Jay got into a fight and he’s all quit hassalin’ me cause i don’t speak French or whatever, and the guy says somethin in Paris talk and we’re all SHUT UP and they’re all GET OUT and we’re like MAKE ME it was cool!
My God Vanessa, You are so incredibly beautiful!
My god, Vanessa’s got a fabulous body… I bet she shags like a minx.
My God, Vanessa’s got a fabulous body…and I bet she shags like minx! How do I tell them that because of the unfreezing process I have no inner monologue? I hope i didn’t say that out loud just now.
my name is allota,allotta fagina
Name: Austin DANGER Powers. Sex: Yes please
Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!
Nerd Alert!
NERD ALERT!!!
No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I’ll be sound as a pound!
Number two, you look so youthful!! And Frow, u look so… riiight!
Oh, behave.
Ok, I get it, I have bad teeth!
One Swedish made penis enlarger.
ow behave!
Pardon me for being rude, it was not me it was my food. It just poped up to say hello, and now its gone back down below.
Pardon me for being rude. It was not me it was my food. It just popped up to say hello and now it’s gone back-down-below.
pardon me for being rude. it was not me it was my food. it just popped up to say hello. and now its going back down below.
Sake to me!
SCOTT!!!!
SCOTT: I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!
DR EVIL: Scott, it hurts Daddy when you say that, honestly!
Scott: I wish I was never artifically created in a lab Dr. Evil:Oh Scotty it hurts daddy when you say things like that
sea bass, killer sea bass
Send in the FemBOTS!
SEND IN THE FEMBOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sex- yes please!
Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?
shaved scrotum
She’s rancid.
She’s the village bicycle! Everybody’s had a ride.
She’s the village bicycle! Everybody’s had a ride.
She’s the village bicycle, everyone’s had a ride!
sherbert
Show that turd who’s boss!
So my friend, Sweet Jay, took me to that new video arcarde in town, right? But they don’t speak English there, so we’re all, or whatever, and then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I’m like, and they’re like, and we’re like, It was cool.
So my friend, Sweet Jay, took me to that new video arcarde in town, right? But they don’t speak English there, so we’re all, or whatever, and then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I’m like, ~Back off!~ and they’re like, ~Get out!~ and we’re like, ~Make Me!~ It was cool.
Someone is always after me lucky charms!
Stage 1, laser cutting beginning…laser cutting complete. Stage 2, warm liquid goo phase beginning…warm liquid goo phase completed. Stage 3, animation beginning…animation completed. Stage 4, cleansing beginning…cleansing completed. Stage 5, evacuation beginning…evacuation com…evacuation com….com…..com…..
Stage 1, laser cutting begins. Laser cutting complete. Stage 2, warm liquid goo phase beginning. Warm liquid goo phase completed. Stage 3, animation beginning. Animation completed. Stage 4, cleansing beginning. Cleansing completed. Stage 5, evacuation beginning. Evacuation com….evacuation com….com…..com….com…
That makes me angry. When Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. When Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people DIE!
That really hurt! I’m gonna have a lump there, you idiot! Who throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman!
That’s not your mother, it’s a man, baby!
The details of my life are quite inconsequencial…
The details of my life are quite inconsequential.
Their always after me lucky charms.
There are only two things in this world that scare me: Nuclear warheads…and carnival folk (shudders) smell like cabbage.
There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It’s breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
there you are! – why hell do i know you.. – no but thats where you are, your THERE!
There’s nothing as pathetic as an aging hipster.
These Boots Are Made For Walkin’.
They’re always after me lucky charms.
They’re always after me lucky charms.
This is me in a nutshell: Help! I’m in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?
This is my happening and it freaks me out!
Throw me a fricken’ bone
Throw me a frickin’ bone here!
Throw me a frickin’ bone here! I’m the boss! Need the info!
VANESSA: Did you use protection?
AUSTIN: Yes, I always carry my .9mm automatic.
VANEESA: No, I mean did you use a …condom?
AUSTIN: No, baby! Condoms are for sailors!
VANESSA: Not in the ninties,Austin!
AUSTIN: Well they should, those filthy buggers, they go from port to port.
Vanessa: Wait, the FLOSS! Austin: All right, I get it. I have bad teeth.
VANESSA: Yes, that’s you in a nutshell.
AUSTIN: No, this is me in a nutshell. ‘Oh no! I’m in a nutshell!’.
VANESSA: You know, a lot’s changed since 1967.
AUSTIN: No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners, while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I’ll be sound as a pound.
Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe’ with webbed feet.
My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.
My childhood was typical – summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds pretty standard, really.
At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of 14 an austrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles – there really is nothing like a shorn scrotum – it’s breathtaking…I suggest you try it.
Wait I forgot something in the lobby, i’ll take the esclator, on 2nd thought why not take the stairs, why take the stairs when i got a perfectly good canoe!, wait i’ll just take the elevator!
welcome to my underground lair
welcome to my underground lair it’s been 30 years but i’m back
Well, no offense, but if that is a woman it looks like she was beaten with an ugly stick!
When I get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset… people die!
Who does number two work for?!?!
Why don’t we go in the back and shag?
Why must I be surrounded by frickin’ idiots?
Woman: How dare you break wind before me!
Man: I didn’t know it was your turn baby!
Y’know I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin’ laser beams attatched to their heads. Now evidently my cycloptic colleague here informs me that that can’t be done.
yeah baby yeah!
Yeah baby, yeah!
Yeah, and I can’t believe Liberace was gay. I mean, women loved him! I didn’t see that one coming.
Yeah, and I can’t believe Liberace was gay. I mean, women loved him! I didn’t see that one coming.
Yes, I’m having difficulty controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!!!
You didn’t happen to see……..anything at all?
You didn’t happen to see … anything at all!
You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads. Is that too much to ask?
you make me randy baby.
You put the wrong EMphasis on the wrong SYLable.
you shot me in the arm!
you shot me in the leg ….. a. hole
You’re a bit switched on, you’re a bit of all right
You’re switched on! You’re smashing! You’re shagadelic, baby!
Your forgeting Scott we’re in a volcanoooo.
We’re surrounded by liquid hot mag-ma.
your’re the diet coke of evil, one calorie, just not enough.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery’: Quotes from the movie ‘Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery’