(with lisp) you stupid son of a bitch!
*where are we?*only the finest dining establishment in town!..open sesame!…….*Medevil Times?
… Can I eat your skin?
…….and if your love is truly giving , it will come back 10-fold .* That’s really insightful * I know , it was Jerry Springer’s final thought on friday’s show
1) Could I get a knife and fork ? 2) There were no utensils in medievil times , hence there are no utensils AT medievil times . Would you like a refil on that pepsi ? 1) There were no utensils but there was pepsi ? 2) Dude , i gotta lot of tables
1) When am I gonna gat a brother ? You said I was going to get a little brother to play with ! 2) Yeah well that’s why mommy has to go to happy hour
1) Why are we up here ? What are you planning to do ? 2) I don’t really have a plan as such . I’m pretty much going moment to moment here .
1)But I didn’t recieve any stolen goods! 2)(In his thoughts) Big screen TV…TV…TV… Deluxe Kareokee machine…chine..chine… Cream in his pants…ants…ants…
1)Can I fetch you something from the barkeep? 2)Dost thus have thou a mug of ale for me and me mate? For he has been pitched in battle for a fortnight and has a king’s thirst for the frosty brew, dost thou might have for thus. 1)I’ll be right back my lord. 2)My thanks to ye, fair wench.
1)Can you hang on a second. I have call waiting. Beep. Bah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah buh nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah…ahhh… 2)Knock it off! I know it’s you. 1)Beep. Sorry about that. Where was I?
1)Look, I appriciate you helping me out with Robyn but you have to understand I have no room in my life for a new friend. 2)So…what are you trying to say? 1)I don’t want to be your friend.
1)No, no, no! Get down from there! Uh…we’ll all go out together and uh…get a Heiniken! 2)Yeah! 3)I’m not thirsty anymore.
1)Robyn on line 2. (picks up the phone) 2)Hey…I had fun last night. When can I get you on my couch again? 3)Well tonight’s not so good. How about tomorrow?! 2)CHIP! 3)HAHAHAHAHA! I knew I’d get you on the phone that way!
1)the password is…..im not quite sure how to say this you know that little thing (moves finger in a flapping motion)2) NO IM NOT SAYING THAT TO MY MOTHER 1) its just skin steven.
1)The password is…I’m not quite sure how to say this. (whispering inaudibly) You know that little thing… 2)NO!!! I’m not saying that to my mother! 1)It’s just skin, Steven.
1)Uh oh! Steven called the fuzz! Bad boys bad boys! Whatcha gonna DO?!
1)You know, my brother is a speech therapist. 2)Tho? 1)Never mind.
1. Center. Center! 2.Oh- um nipple?!
1. I can’t believe they got the floors clean after what happen here.
2. What happened?
1. They had a lot of cats…
1. I want a brother. You said I was gonna get a brother to play with!
2. Thats why I’m going to happy hour.
1. my father was there, but he might as well have been away 2. sounds tuff. it isn’t father knows best anymore. it’s a kick in the face on a saturday night with a steel-toe codiac work boot,… a trip to the hospital, bloodied and bashed. reconstructive surgery….but what doesn’t kill us makes up stronger, am i right?
1. my father was there, but he might as well have been away 2. sounds tuff. it isn’t father knows best anymore. it’s a kick in the face on a saturday night with a steel-toe grip codiac work boot,… a trip to the hospital, bloodied and bashed. reconstructive surgery….but what doesn’t kill us makes up stronger, am i right?
1: The secret passwaord it …… NIPPLE!!!!2: nipple???? center
1: Where excatly are we going? 2: For a little ride on the information super highway.
1: Wow the old McNear place, never thought they would get the floors clean after what happened here. 2: What happened? 1: They had a lot of cats.
555-4329
Alright lets see what you got white shadow…I think salomis open.
beep* I was in the shower thought I heard the phone ring, that ever happen to you? Give me a call we’ll talk about it.
But but but we were eating and and i… we were talking and i made you scramby eggs!
But I made you scramby eggs?
By the way you might want to put on a bathing suit because you’ll be channel surfing in no time.
CAAAAAAABLE GUUYYYYYYY!!
CABLEGUY!!!!!!
cablo gubla
CABLUU GOOBLAAA!!!
Chip – Uh ohhh!! Thteven’th called the Fuzz! Bad boyth, bad boyth – watchya gonna doooo?!
Come back here so that I may brain thee!
Come back here so that i may brain thee!!
Does this card go to your boss?
NO, IT GOES TO ME. I’M A PERFECTIONITH, PERFECTTIONISSIST
Don’t dig too deep. You might get burned by the molten lava!
Don’t get burned by the molten lava
Don’t worry about the tip but I’ve got one for you: stay away from Robin, she’s taken.
Dont dig to deep, you might get burned by the molten lava
Dos thou have among thou a mug of ale for me and me mate ? He has been pitched in battle for a fortnight and his a king’s thirst for the frosty brew thus thou might have for thus
down! down! down! red knight’s goin’ down!
Down, Down, Down, Red knights going down
Dry land is not a Myth ! I’ve seeen it !!!! Kevin Costner :Water World . I don’t know what all the fuss is bout , I saw that movie six times! It Rules !
dry land is not a myth!
EE uuhh EEEE, squad 51 squad 51 man down, possible back injury. Dixie, were gonna need an IV in D5W with ringers lactate stats. Administer lidacane drip, prepare to defribulate…CLEAR
EHH ER EHHH…squade 51, squade 51…man down..posible back injury
free cable is the ultimate aphrodesiac
Get on the friggan horse man, I dont think hes kidding.
Good morning, Mary Sunshine. And how are we today?
Gotta warm up dont wanna pull a hemi….
You any good? Meet me under the boards youll find out…
Haaaarddddd….Erection?? No but thanks for noticing
He think’s you’re the cat’s pajamas
He who hesitates, masturbates.
Hello Steven, you look RESTED!
Hey Rick, I never made a slam dunk before, thanks for the boost.
Hey Steven! I’m on a pay phone! Are you there? Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up…okay. We’ll I’ll call you back later.
HEY YOU GUYS PLAY HERE TOO…WEIRD I was just out and about, thought I’d see if anybody wanted to play some round ball
Hey, I was just blow drying my hair, thought I heard the phone rang…that ever happen to you? Anyways, call me, we’ll talk about it.
How about a tequila?
I am the bastard son of Claire Huxtabul.
I can be your best friend or your worst enemy.
I cannot listen to any of your instructions . FOr you are my sworn enemy . ANd are about to meet your demise .
I cannot listen to any of your instructions, for you are my sworn enemy, and i must fight u to the death.
I checked her out about a week ago…And I’m healthy as a horse……Not a drip!
I checked her out my self last week…and Im as healthy as a horse..Not a drip..
I didn’t do this to you, you did this to you. I can be your best friend or your worst enemy…you seem to prefer the latter.
I don’t hate you!
I don’t know, but she looks pretty available to me. I’d strike while the iron is hot. He who hesitates, masturbates, know what I’m saying?
I forgive you , I only hope my neurologist will feel the same
I got you a big screen TV, delux kareokee machine, and a stereo system that would make George Lucas cream in his pants!
I just wanna hang out:NO BIG DEAL!
I just wanted to hang out. NO BIG DEAL!
I know, it was Jerry Springers final thought last friday.
I’d strike while the iron is hot if I were you. He who hesitates, masturbates.
I’ll juice you up!
I’m just jerkin’ your chain!
I’ve haqd a few drinks . You might want to buckle up
If we don’t fight to the death…they will kill u both!
if we dont fight to the death, jim, they will kill us both.
In a preparing your service I noticed you were previously wired across town at 1258 and a half Chestnut. Last week the billing was transfered to one (drill sounds) Robin Harris. Smells like heartbreak to me.
is this the jim carey movies that states the phrase Oh BIlly?
Isn’t it funny we ended up in this position ? Seriously ?
It apperes as if someone has takein the liberty of updateing your home entertianment system.
Its like when Spak had to fight Kirk on Star Trek. Best friends forced to do battel…duh duh de de de de de de de duh duh de de…
Its ok chip we all get a little lonely sometimes…Ya but I get really lonely I MEAN CMON LOOK AT ME!!!!
Jesus, where is the cable guy already?
Just give me one hot minute!
Lickeress, 2 o’clock!
My brother’s a speach therapist- Sssso?
No ‘if’s’, ‘ands’, or ‘buts’ about it….well maybe some butts… BIG ONESSSS.
No i tahght you a lesson I can be your best friend or your enemy you prfer the ladder this concloudes our brodcast today Click.
oh i see you just want to chill out in front of the tub for a little while. YOU WERE NEVER THERE FOR ME WERE YOU MOTHER. YOU EXPECTED MIKE AND CAROL BRADY TO RAISE ME. I AM THE BASTARD SON OF CLAIR HUCKSTABLE. I LEARNED THE FACTS OF LIFE FROM WATCHING THE FACTS OF LIFE.
Oh I see, were playing prision rules huh.
Oh my god! Someone shot my brother! I think it was like, an asian gang or something. They were speaking something weird, it was like…… asian
oh my god, oh my god, my twin brothers been shot! i think it was an asian gang or something, this was this guy, he looked asian! he was speaking in another language, im pretty sure it was…..asian!
Oh, nice jump spiderman.
Oh, so I’m the tardy one? Well maybe I shouldn’t have come at all, JERKOFF!
Ok I’m going , taking off . (walks on the spot getting quieter) Seeya! ………Bye !
Oooooooh, shit.
Penis….peeeniiis…
Vagina?
YES!SHE GOT VAGINA! SHE GOT VAGINA!
Perfered costomer my ass!
Reality isnt father knows best anymore, its a kick in the face on a saturday night with a steal toe grip kodiak workboot, and a trip to the hospital bloodied and bashed…… for reconstructive surgury. But what dosent kill us makes us stronger right?
Reality’s not father knows best anymore… it’s a kick in the face on a saturday night with a steel-toe kodiak work boot!
Robin showed me the birthmark on her left shoulder. It’s very sexy!
SAlT PEANUTSS SALT PEANUTSS
She was a working girl, but she kinda liked you…. you might have been able to get a freebie!
Silence of the lambs…
Smell the smelling salt!
somebody has to kill the babysitter
Steven, are you taking the pot?
Stevey time to leavey!
suit yourself, no sweet of my sack.
That’s gonna be a GOOD ONE!
The arrangement of your major appliances and furniture was causing some noisy picks and humbars in your reception…i moved a few things, cleared it right out. Isnt it cool?
The future is now. Soon every american home will integrate their television, phone, and computer. You’ll be able to visit the Louve on one channel and watch female mud wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home or play Mortal Kombat with a friend in Vietnam. There’s no end to the possiblities.
The Password is Forskin|i cant say that to my mother| why she probably saw yours as a small child| well ewww gross stop it okay.
The password is VAGINA!
The password is. . . . .
the password is… penis
The password is….
The password is….nipple.
The password is…nipples.
The problem with real life is that there is no danger music.
The red knight sucks the big one! your goin down red knight! down down down, red knights goin down! down down down, red knights goin down!
The red knight sucks the big one!! Red knights goin’ down, down , down down red knights goin’ down.
There are other little cable boys and girls out there that still have a chance!
There’s no such thing as free cable.
This concludes our broadcast day. click.
Tonight, let’s drop the bomb on that kareokee machine. No ifs ands or buts. Well, maybe a few butts. BIG ONES!!!
WELL DONT DIG TO DEEP YOU MIGHT GET BURNED BY THE MOLTEN LAVA.
Well i was takin a wis thouhg u might of called.
Well, then I guess I’m not the dirty one, JERK-OFF!!!
Whats the deal with the chicken man…have the eggs had a chance to hatch yet???
Whoa, nice jump Spider-Man!
Whoa, nice jump Thpider-Man!
Would you like some jui-ce?
Yeah Steven, Look oooouuuuut!!
You don’t understand Steven. Somebody has to kill the babysitter.
You don’t understand Steven. Somebody has to kill the babysitter.
I LOVE SIOBHAN
you mean illegal cable? who told you that? what is his name? I want it. you’re offering me a bribe. what you have just done is illegal, and in this state, if convicted, you could be fined up to $5,000 or spend 6 months in a correctional facillally…
You mean illegal cable? Who told you that I want his name. You’re offering me a bribe. What you have just done is illegal. And in this state if convicted, you could be fined up to a 5000 dollar penalty, or spend six months in a correctional faciiiiillity.
You’d better buckle up…I’ve had a few drinks. ha! I’m just jokin’ with ya!
You’re sexy. What? You heard me.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Cable Guy, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Cable Guy, The’