1)Dammit, Bill — how could you do something like this to me? 2)Something like what? 1)Oh, come on, we’re not children. I didn’t have anything to do with this Fidelity nonsense and you know it. 2)All I’ve got is my integrity. That’s all I have. Now I don’t know why you turned your attack dogs on me.
1)Dave, the country’s sick. 2)And you’re gonna get it to the hospital
1)Did you get someone to double for me there, out front? 2)We’re working on it. 1)Try to find someone who looks like me this time. That last guy was a joke. 2)We’re doing our best, sir.
1)Good morning, Randi… 2)Oh, good morning, Mr. President. I’m so relieved that you’re alright. You really had me scared. 1)What’s with her? 3)Don’t worry about it.
1)Have you ever driven through a red light? You know, on an empty road where you know it’s safe and nobody’s around. 2)I’m not sure… I might have. 1)Well, let’s say your mother was in the car and you had to get her to a hospital. You’d do it then for sure wouldn’t you?
2)Well… I gues I would… Yeah. 1)Now, let’s say the whole country Was in that car. The entire United States of America. 2)In the car?
1)In the car. 2)I see what you mean.
1)I thought you said I wasn’t going to see her. 2)It’s just five minutes. She comes in. You wave to the press. She leaves. 1)Yeah, but the First Lady…Couldn’t we start with a cousin or something? 2)She hardly ever sees him and it’ll be so fast, she won’t have a chance to tell. 3)Be a professional. If you can convince her – – you can convince anybody.
1)It doesn’t look very good. 2)They say it hit both sides of his brain… Even if he makes it he’s gonna be a vegetable. 1)I can’t believe he’d do this. 2)I know. 1)Where’s the girl? 2)She’s a little hysterical right now. We’ve got her upstairs in a laundry room.
1)Mommy, is that the President? 2)I sure hope not.
1)My name is Alan Reed. I’m the White House Communications Director. This is Bob Alexander, our Chief of Staff. We met you earlier tonight at the hotel, remember?
1)Now whenever he stands at a podium, the President always puts onehand in the pocket of his coat… 2)At a press conference. 1)What?
2)That’s at a press conference. Otherwise he just puts `em right out here.
1)Oh my God… I thought it was a legitimate deduction, I swear to God. See… I need a piano for my work sometimes… 2)Mr. Kovic. We’re not here about your taxes. 1)You’re not? 2)No. Your government needs your help.
1)Thank you, Mr. President. It certainly is nice of you to be with us here today considering your busy schedule and all. 2)Well, Don — it’s true that I have a busy schedule. But I’ve got a feeling that when folks find out about your five hundred dollar cash rebate on all `93 LeBaron and LeBaron convertibles you’re gonna be even busier than I am.
1)The budget’s a very complicated thing. Even I don’t understand it sometimes. Now occasionally we have to make some cuts and… 2)But we went there. We saw those kids. 3)Yeah. And if you can find a way to cut THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS from the federal budget, then you can keep your lousy shelters. And don’t ever send for me again.
1)The guy’s in a coma, Bob. 2)I don’t give a shit.
1)These are the living quarters. The President’s bedroom is on this side and the First Lady’s is over there. 2)First Lady… 1)Don’t worry. You won’t even see her. They barely talk anymore. 2)You’re kidding? 1)It happens. This is where you’ll be sleeping.
1)This woman’s amazing, Murray. She flies on an I.B.M. 2)I don’t have enough work for the people you gave me already. 1)She’s got three kids and the husband’s a diabetic…Diabetic? 3)Si. Diabetico.
1)Well, I must say, Mr. President, even for a man with a mild stroke you seem to have made a remarkable recovery. 2)Thanks. I’m feeling much better. 1)No signs of paralysis, no circulatory changes. Your E.M.G. is completely normal and your blood pressure has even gone down. Have you been exercising recently?
1)What about her. 2)Her?… Oh — the First Lady…She was giving that commencement speech up in Bryn Mawr. I managed to catchher before she left the hotel. 1)And… 2)I told her his blood pressure went up after a little incident at `the hotel.’ She seems to hate him more than ever. 1)Fine.
1)What about the Vice President? 2)Vice Presidant? 3)Well… We didn’t want to have to get into this but…The Vice President is mentally unbalanced. 1)No. 2)I’m afraid so.
1)When did you know?… About me. 2)I think in the car. 1)The car? 2)On the way to the homeless shelter. You looked at my leg. Bill lost interest a long time ago.
1)You are a very handsome man. 2)Thank you, Mr. President. 1)Just get rid of that grin. You look like a schmuck.
1)You can’t kill the President! 2)He’s not the President! He’s an ordinary person. I can kill an ordinary person.
1)You scheduled a whole day with the First Lady? 2)It’s a homeless shelter. 1)Excuse me. 2)It’s gonna be great. ‘Caring abouthis wife. Spending time on her favorite issue…’ 1)I don’t want him caring about his wife!
and we’re walking
Bob Alexander and eight other members of the Mitchell Administration were indicted on thirty-four counts of election law violations and obstruction of justice. Ironically, the indictments came just forty-eight hours after final passage of the Bill Mitchell Jobs Bill, a comprehensive employment program.
Bob Alexander has accused me of…Let me read this to make sure I get it right…Illegally influencing government regulators on behalf of major campaign contributors — interfering with an ongoing Justice Department investigation – – and violating Federal election laws in the area of campaign finance. Okay — let’s get right to the guts of it… Each one of these charges is absolutely true.
Do you know how many different kinds of laws we’ve broken?
Don’t.
First off I’m initiating a program to try to find a decent job for every American who wants one.
First, I’d like to announce something that might come as a surprise to many of you. I’ve asked Bob Alexander to resign as White House Chief of Staff.
I don’t want to tell kids that they have to sleep in the street because we want people to feel better about their cars. Do you want to tell them that?
I dont think you were pretending…
I forgot that I was hired to do a job for you and that it was just a temp job at that. I forgot that I had two hundred and fifty million people who were paying me to make their lives a little better and I didn’t live up to my part of the bargain. See, there are certain things you should expect from a President. I ought to care more about you than I do about me… I ought to care more about what’s right than I do about what’s popular…I ought to be willing to give this whole thing up for something I believe in.
I know we haven’t always gotten along. I know we’ve disagreed politically and I suppose I know what you think of me personally, but I’ve always tried to respect the role you wanted me to play. When I’ve disagreed with this administration I’ve kept it to myself. When you wanted my support you always had it.
I once caught a fish that was this big.
I once caught a fish…THIS BIG
I’m the President and as they say ‘The buck stops here.’ So I take full responsibility for every one of my illegal acts. But you see that’s not the whole story, and I think each one of you is entitled to the truth. I have written proof here in the form of notes, memoranda and personal directives’ proving that Bob Alexander was involved in each one of these incidents and in most cases planned them as well.
In the boldest initiative yet of the `New Bill Mitchell’ presidency, the President has proposed a comprehensive full employment program, unparalleled since the days of F.D.R.
Issue One: ‘The New Bill Mitchell.’ Two weeks after his brush with death the President is suddenly bounding around the country with the energy of a high school track star. Is this merely overcompensation or the indefatigable greatness of a truly great man.
It’s Christmas time! And everybody works at Christmas time!!
It’s simple, Alan. We send the Vice-President to Africa or something, dig up some dirt on him, force him to resign and get our `President’ to nominate a new one. The whole thing takes a few weeks tops.
Like I was saying, if we took that cash and stuck it in even an ordinary savings account, we’d be making twelve million a month in interest.
Look, I’ll make this easy on you. I never see him anymore. I barely know him anymore. I’d just kinda like to know where he is.
Louie Louie.
Mabel says it’s too far on the bus. Jennifer’s boss tried to hit on her again and Lola’s been crying in your office for an hour.
Now this man is using a robotic mechanism for picking up the engine. The large arms that you see duplicate all of his arm movements exactly, so it’s as if he’s lifting two thousand pounds.
Okay, so that makes…Two, eighty-four, carry the three…Three hundred and fifty-six million. And that means we can keep the program.
On occasion for security purposes, the Secret Service hires someone to double for the President at public functions and exposed situations.
One of the things they’re trying to do here at Helping Hand, is keep verbal skills alive. The first thing that goes with these kids is their ability to communicate and they need to get to them before this happens.
Remember the convention speech? ‘An America stronger than the one we
were given. An America prouder than the one we found.’
So confident was the white House in the President’s recovery, that they have just sent the Vice President on a twelve nation African goodwill tour.
Sometimes, two people just change and it’s better for everybody if they go their Own way. Over the last few months! Bob and I have come to believe in different things. He thinks this country is fine and we should go about doing business as usual. I just don’t feel that way. Not anymore.
Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I just got carried away. I was really good though, huh? So I guess there must be something pretty important going on for the President to go through all of this.
Thank you for doing this Helen
That was some magic trick. You made their funding disappear!
The country is sick. And we’re gonna get it to a hospital.
The President continued his convalescence, resting in the White House for the second straight day. His personal physician pronounced him in perfectly good health.
The President has requested this rare joint session of Congress so that he could personally answer the allegations raised by Bob Alexander, his former Chief of Staff
The stroke hit at 8:42 p.m. just as the President was concluding his remarks to a joint session of Congress. Spokesmen at Bethesda Naval Hospital confirm that it was a `massive edema’ and unlike his previous stroke, it has rendered the President totally incapacitated… Vice President Nance has already been conferred with full executive authority and has assumed the Presidency in accordance with the 24th Amendment.
The White House now classifies the President’s condition as a `slight
circulatory problem of the head.’Although technically a stroke, spokesmen say the President’s condition is farfrom serious and he ought to be up and around sometime soon.
There’s certainly a lot of things about this country that we should be discussing, but I realize that’s not possible now. As all of you know, my former Chief of Staff has implicated me in a scandal involving Fidelity Savings and Loan, and once people start talking about scandal it’s hard for them to talk about anything else. So fine. Let’s talk about it.
There’s no mistake, Bill. If you veto their funding, it’s not a mistake. If you hurt someone intentionally, it’s not a mistake.
This is mine, Al — all mine …I made him. I built him. And no cocksucker is gonna come in here and take it away from me just because he happens to be Vice President of the United States!
Vice president Nance is a good and decent public servant and I’d like to apologize for any pain this may have caused him or his family.
We need our friends and even our enemies to feel safe and secure… We need them to feel like they can go to bed at night knowing President Mitchell is fully in control… We need them to feel like he’s sitting right here in this chair.
We’re walking…we’re walking…and we’re stoping.
When I first began to look into the allegations concerning Fidelity Savings and Loan, I thought the wrongdoing was restricted to the Vice President’s office…But as I began to investigate, I realized that this pattern of corruption extended much higherI was saddened to discover at least fifteen separate acts of intervention by this administration, most with the full knowledge of the President and all of them illegal. Federal regulators were influenced, records were destroyed, and pressure was brought to bear, in same cases by President Mitchell himself.
Who was she, Bill? Another patriotic secretary?
Why can’t you die from a stroke like everybody else?
`Vice President’s office linked to First Liberty scandal. Justice Department may investigate.’
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