Pull your horns in there, boys! Nobody’s dropping an H-bomb in the middle of my beloved state!
(1) If you were an alien in a shopping mall, where would you be?
(2) Lingerie.
(1) Not you. The alien.
(2) Lingerie.
(1) so what do you take fellas? light meat or dark? (2) you have to ask?
(1) were not going to bend over and take this!(2) (mooning)
(1)Half a click? What are you, in Vietnam?
(2)Hey, I’m diggin’ this. Work with me baby, work with me.
(1)No sex?
(2)No time for sex.
(3)Bummer.
(1)We didn’t know you were coming to see the show.
(2)You damn well better make it a good one, Sergeant.
(1)That’s General.
(2)Not if you screw this up.
(1)What? Were you on some cheerleader site and you accidentally got linked to the USGS site?
(2)Somethin’ like that.
(takes a peek in lens) 1. There are single-celled organisms in here. 2. (laughs) Yes, I know. 1. But they weren’t there before. 2. So they snuck in! 1. There was no sneaking in, it’s amazing, as if they’re evolving, it’s Evolution. 2. They’re growing! Nobel, here we come. 1. Yeah, but it’s 200 million years worth in just a few hours. 2.(winks) That’s fast.
-The rock is bleeding.Have you ever seen a rock bleed before?
-Umm, rocks are not supposed to bleed.
1) DON’T TAKE THE LEG!!! 2) (to another doctor) Now it’s heading for his testicles! 1) TAKE THE LEG! TAKE THE LEG!
1) I need some ice cream
2) Ok what flavor?
1) Doesn’t matter, it’s for my ass….
1) I’ll get the lubricant!
2) There’s no time for lubricant!
3) There’s always time for lubricant!
2) We might have to take the leg
3) Dont take the leg! Ira don’t let them take the leg!
2) It’s moving up!
3) Take the leg take the leg!!
1) Ira Kane, head of the science department, Glen Canyon Community College.
2) Harry Block, United States Geological Survey.
3) Wayne Grey. I took some chemistry in high school.
1) Is there anything I can do for you? 2) I’d like some ice cream. 1) OK, what flavor ice cream do you want. 2) It doesn’t matter. It’s for my ass.
1) Is there anything I can get you?
2) Some ice-cream.
1) What flavour would you like?
2) Any damn flavour, it’s for my ass.
1) Nice underware. 2) Gaterbelt? At a day function?
1) So, do they give the Nobel Prize out in yearly payments or is it just one lump sum, like the lottery? 2) Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. 1) Oh, I’m not getting ahead of myself. I’m very concerned about the potential tax consequences.
1) you know how to use one of these things? 2) just ’cause i’m a scientist doesn’t mean i’m a pussy.
1) You remember protocol, don’t you? 2) Yeah, I got some protocol right here for you, Russel, come and get it!
1)She’s just an ice queen in need of a good humping…IRRAAA IRRRA
2) Stop it that’s disturbing
1) I’m not doing anything…IRRRA IRRRA
1)Wait. . How do you two know that? You don’t know anything! 2) Haven’t you noticed how shinny and flake free our hair is?
1)What were you doing?2)What do you mean?1)You’re partner could’ve been killed.2)I know,but we discovered this,I thought this could’ve been my project,it was like they were resting in my hands.1)What about me?2)You’re nice.1)I thought I was a humorless ice queen in desperate need of good humping.2)You HEARD that?
1. I’d like an ice cream please.
2. What flavor.
3. It doesn’t matter, it’s for my ass.
1. I’ll get the lubricant.
2. There’s no time for lubricant.
3. There’s always time for lubricant.
1. Hey, Ira, look at that backside, theater in the round, that’s the trunk space you want in a late model car. Who does that remind you of? 2. Dr. Reed?! 1. Bullseye!
1. Let me ask you something, how come you get to be a colonel and I’m just a private? 2. I WAS a colonel. 1. Yeah, you obviously served your country with distinction!
1. Mr. Kane, there seems to be a mistake here, see me and my brother both got a C minus on our reports. 2. C minus, me too! 3. Allow me to share something with the whole class. Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems, both entitled Cells Are Bad with both just one paragraph.(reads aloud) Cells Are Bad, my uncle lives in a cell, it’s ten feet by twelve and he has to read the same old boring magazine everyday. The End.
1. The red markings on the map is the growth of the alien ecosystem outside the contained area. Unless we do something immediately, we will lose Glen Canyon in three days, in a week, the rest of Arizona, then the entire Southwest. In two months, the United States officially belongs to them and we’re extinct.
1. There’s an old abandoned mine half a click south of here. We could go into the cave through there. 2. Half a click, what are you, in Vietnam?
1. They took the rock, the samples, all the little wormy critters. 2. All the data is gone, they cleaned us out. 1. I’m calling the cops! 2. The cops? They ARE the cops!
1. Watch it now, take it easy, that’s my baby.(men turn over trashed car) Come on, be careful! Who’s gonna pay me the damage to my damn car? 2. Son, I tell you we don’t do that, it’s force majure. 1. Force majure my ass! That car’s a ’73 Buick Riv!
1. Wayne, what’s this? (holds up towel) 2. That would be an all-cotton towel, sir. 1. It’s a DAMP towel, Wayne, what the hell is a damp towel doing on my chaise? 2 Let me take care of this for you. 1. Well, you better, because you’re the pool manager and if there’s anyone who knows about the dampness on my chair, it’s you.
1. You’re a member of the USGS? 2. Signed up over the internet. 1. What, you were on some cheerleading site and it accidently linked you over to the USGS site? 2. Something like that.
1.(disgusted) Man! Now I’m a Hawaiian warrior? You know I’m thinking seriously about moving, maybe down to California. 2. You mean over the fireman exam? Big deal, you flunked out, you know how many times I failed in life? A ton.
1/_Allow me to share something with the entire class…. Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems both entitled *Cells are Bad* and both with just one paragraph which I unfortunately committed to memory…. Cells are bad. My uncle lives in a cell. It’s ten foot by twelve and he has to read the same boring, old magazine everyday. The end Although my standards are nowhere where they used to be I could not bring myself to put A’s atop those beauties…. sorry guys
2/_ That’s ok
3/_ ok
1/_I would’ve rocked your world.
2/_You already have
1/_If I was a giant nasty alien bird in a department store, where would I be?
2/_Lingerie
1/_Not you, the bird.
2/_Lingerie
1: Aw cool. Snag one. 2: Snag one? 1: Yeah snag one and put it in the bucket. 2: No I’ve seen this movie the black dude dies first. You snag one.
1: No sex? 2: No time for sex. 3: Bummer.
A guy got killed at my country club last night. A real douchebag. But that doesn’t make it right.
All those girls in the photos are… over eighteen.
anybody got a can of raid??
are you sure you can handle this all on your lonesome
Blue Monkey! Blue Monkey!
Despite all the warnings, she was smokin’ in bed and fell asleep. Bad move.
Despite all the warnings, she was smoking in bed and fell asleep. Bad move.
don’t snap at me ira, unless you want an angry solid gold dancer on your hands.
Don’t you ever tell anyone where I’ve been
ewww..it’s like a big lougie!
mosaltof!! it’s a boy!
Fruit basket for General Woodman!
Give Back my friend you giant sphincter
God gave you two god damn hands for a reason!
Great flaming whore balls!
Great googa-mooga!
Great googamooger!
Harry, we have no time for you to pretend like you know what you’re talking about
have you ever used one of these before? )holding a gun0
Just b/c i’m a school teacher doesn’t make me a pussy!
hehe haha toki toki! ZOLESSA
How Many Cells Do single Celled Organisms Have?
i don’t care if we melt this state down to beaded glass…
I know the USGS looks good on my resume’, but am I really growing as a person?
I ought to send the whole jacked up bunch of you to prison. Not the state prison with the cushy jump suits. The federal prison…with the crotch spiders!
I see you’ve been warming my seat, now I’ll need a pair of spy goggles and a hot chocolate!
I seen this movie. The black dude dies first.
I swear to God! I will NEVER shoplift again!!!
i think he’s giving her a bit of the cane madness.
I think he’s gone to giver her some of that Kane Madness.
I think we’ve already established that Ca Caw and Tookie Tookie doesn’t work.
I would have rocked your world.
I’m no biologist, but how many cells do one-celled organisms have?
I’m no scientist, but how many cells are in a single celled organism?
I’m no scientist, but how many cells are in a single-celled organsim?
It’s hard to believe that a single biology professor making in excess of $17,500 a year found time to grade all your exams but a single shocking anomaly had been made, pretty much of you all got A’s.
it’s in meeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
JUST A SECOND!…bitch…
Keeping my seat warm for me? I’ll have a hot chocolate and a pair of spyglasses.
Let’s shampoo us some aliens.
Liar Liar Pants On Fire!
mahseltov its a boy!
Man! You shoulda seen the size of that thing he put in you! It was this big! You took it like a man!
moz altof it’s a boy
nasty
NASTY!
No I’m just an ice queen in need of a good humping
OH Ira…IRA(humping the air)
Play that funkie music white boy…
Ready for lunch or have you already eatin?
Sing! Sing! Rub some funk on it!
stand back harry im gonna shoot him
Take the leg! Take the leg!
That’s a muffin you like to butter, a rump you like to roast.
That’s like a big loogy!!
The bastard won’t even talk to me.-Dr. Reed
Well you did call him an asshole.-Ira
Their Aliens
THERE’S A FLY IN MY SUIT!! THERE’S A FLY IN MY SUIT!!
THERE’S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBE!
There’s always time for lubrication
They called it…the Kane Madness.
wait i seen this movie the black dude dies first
Wayne Gray, tok some chemistry in high school
Wayne Gray, took some chemistry in high school…
Wayne Gray. Took some uh, chemistry in high school.
wayne i think we have established that cha-cha and tookie tookie don’t work
Wayne, I think we’ve established that ‘caw-caw, caw-caw’ and ‘tookie-tookie’ don’t work.
We’ve established that ca-caw ca-caw and tookie tookie don’t work.
what is that fire truck doing out there?
it looks like it’s about to perform a giant enema!!
WHOA! I ALMOST WEN’T DOWN ON THAT ONE!
Yeah, I got some protocol for you, Russell
You are so beautiful, to me…
I’m gonna shoot him.
No, stand back, Harry. I’ll take care of this one myself.
[Tagline] Have a nice end of the world
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Evolution’: Quotes from the movie ‘Evolution’