how do you know there’s not a conspiracy?! like maybe the x-files is right. where do all these movies come from anyway? how do we know spielberg, lucas, sonnenfeld, emmerich haven’t been visited by aliens? maybe they’re aliens themselves…maybe they’re simply preparing us for what’s to come.
(1) i think so. yeah….you’re not buying this are you?
(2) no. i’m not. but… (smiles) it’s kinda cool.
(Casey sniffs the scat.)Zeke: Whoa, easy boy.
-Your the freaky Stephen King kid, there’s one in every high school.
1) Nothing wrong with him you asshole, he’s tweeking, let him fuckin’ tweek!
1) Trust me, man, i’m a genuis. 2) Then why are you repeating your senior year?
1)Blow me Delila cuz im sick of your shit 2) Then leave and take your little freak dike with you. 3) Fuck you tit bags!
1)you borrow equipment from science labs? 2)I’d like to think of it as stealing
1.So they’ve just been setting us up over the years with their E.T.’s and their Men In Black movies, just so no one would believe it if it ever happened.
2.I think so.
1.You’re not much into sports.
2.I feel that a person should run only when he’s being chased.
1:Ah man…I’m really not in the mood Ms. Burke…I’m clean.
(Ms. Burke pushes him and students cirlce around them to see the action)
1:Not today. It’s too damn hot and I’ve got zero fucking tolerance.
2:Eat me you asshole! I’m the one with no tolerance, you pathetic little runt!
1:What are you going to do, call my mother?
2:How am I supposed to do that little Zekey boy? Do you even know where she is? Europe? Sri Lanka? Japan? I wonder what remote location she went to this week to hide from her great big bastard mistake. Iv’e taken your shit for too fuckin’ long! Dickless, drugged induced mistake for a human being!
1:Oh, woman what are you on?!
2:Woman?! did you just say woman?! I’m sick of you little boy. And if I have to see you peddling your little wonder dust again, i’m gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you’ll be sucking my toes till graduation.
(She stomps away)
1:She got some bad shit.
1:It must really blow being you
2:You have no idea
Deliah: Casey, when did you become Sigourney Weaver?
Mary-Beth: I’m pretty alien myself today. I’m Mary-Beth Hutchinson from Atlanta. I’m new here.
Stokley: No shit.
Mary-Beth: What’s your name?
Stokley: Why do you want to know my name?
Mary-Beth: Because I don’t have friends, and correct me if I’m wrong, you seem to have one less than that. So I just thought-
Delilah: (interrupts) Stokley, are you seducing the new students again? (to Mary-Beth) Hi, I’m Delilah, happy to have you at Herrington.
Mary-Beth: Thankyou.
Delilah: Hey, don’t you just love the way Stokley accessories the different shades of black in her ensemble?
Stokley: Fuck you, gutter-slut.
Delilah: I don’t know why you insist of being such a bad example for you’re people.
Mary-Beth: What people?
Delilah: Well, I hope you’re not a violent lesbian like your newfound friend here.
Mary-Beth: Um, no. I’m not aware of any lesbianism in my lineage.
Delilah: Oh, that’s too bad Stoke, I guess you’ll just have to keep looking for Miss Right.
Stokley: (leaving, walks into Delilah) Bipolar-Bitch.
Stan: Blow me, Delilah, cause I’m sick of your shit.
Delilah: Go on, get the fuck out of here and take your little freak dyke with you.
Stokley: Fuck you, tit-bags.
Stan: I’m not an alien. I’m discontent.
Stokley: (after being walked into) Get a fucking eye dog.
Stan: Maybe if you didn’t paint your fucking eyes shut..
Stokley: (after shooting at Delilah) Should have known that crazy bitch was one of them.
Stokley: We just have to trust each other.
Deliah: And I’m supposed to trust you? Tell me something Miss lesbian, when did you start liking boys?
Stokely: What the fuck are you talking about?
Deliah: I see the way you look at Stan. So, When did you stop muff diving?
Mary-Beth: She’s not a lesbian, all right. That was a hoax.
Zeke: Oh man, I’m really not in the mood, Miss Burke. I’m clean. Not today, it’s too damn hot and I’ve got zero fucking tolerance.
Miss Burke: Eat me, you asshole. I’m the one without tolerance, you pathetic little runt.
Zeke: What are you gonna do, are you gonna call my mother?
Miss Burke: Oh, and how am I supposed to do that, little Zekie-boy. Do you even know where she is? Europe, Sri Lanka, Japan… Hmmm, I wonder what remote location she went to this week, to hide from her great big bastard mistake. I’ve taken your shit for too fucking long! You dick-less, drugged induced excuse for a human being.
Zeke: Yo, woman, what are you on?
Miss Burke: Woman?! Did you just say woman?! I’m sick of you, little boy. If I have to see you peddling your little wonder dust again, I’m gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you’ll be sucking my toes till graduation.
Zeke: Shoot her Casey, she’s fucking one of them man!
Deliah: (possessed) There’s nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. We’re everywhere.
Stokley: (grabs the gun from Casey) I’ll fucking shoot her!
Stokley: (after shooting at Delilah) Should have known that crazy bitch was one of them.
aliens are takin over the earth,weigh it.
Aliens are taking over the earth…weigh it.
believe me man i’m brilliant, then why are you repeating your senior year?
Casey, when did you become Sigourney Weaver?
Casey, when did you become Sigourney Weaver?
Casey: Everyone’s been acting really weird, especially the faculty.
Stokely: Tell me about it, it’s like they’ve all turned into fucking pod people or something.
Casey: Into what people?
Stokely: Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Small town gets taken over by aliens. …That was a joke.
Casey: HaHa you’re taking it. (About 3 min. later ) show down haha.
Casey: i only run when im being chased.
Casey: SHOW DOWN!!!!!
Casey: You can be such a…
Delilah: What?
Casey: Pretty cool human being when you aren’t being a first class grade A bitch.
Condoms, magnum sized….cherry flavored
crash & burn casey
Delilah: Are you hitting on me, Casey?
Casey: No, I was just saying you can be pretty cool sometimes, this not being one of them.
Delilah: Ooo Stan, watch it! These are Este Lauder lips. It takes 72 minutes to apply
Stan: Sor-ry..
Dont you ever get tired of being something your not…..i know i am
For gentle reliefe of blockage caused by diatery stress chocolate flavored laxatives. Not a chocolate lover huh? Then how about these? Condoms, magnum sized and they’re cherry flavored. Oh come on Miss Burke it’s on me
For gentle reliefe of blockage chocolate flavored laxatives. Not a chocolate lover huh? Then how about these? Condoms, magnum sized and they’re cherry flavored. Oh come on Miss Burke it’s on me
Fuck you gutter slut
Fuck you titbags.
Garanteed to jack you up!
Girl: Is this usually the point where someone says let’s get the fuck outta here?
Boy: Let’s get the fuck outta here.
go a-fuck away stan
He’s tweakin let him fuckin tweak!!!
He’s tweakin, let hm fucking tweak
He’s tweekin, let him fuckin tweek!!!
hey, shutup.
HIs external existance is nowhere compared to the agony of the loneliness that he felt
I a contridiction.-Zeke
I always wanted to do that.
i am allergic to asprin so that stuff would probably kill me
I am saving my sick days for when I feel better.
Why don’t you just stick a pen in my eye.
I can’t seem to find a….pencil!
I don’t think anyone should run unless their being chased.
I dont think a person should have to run unless their being chased, sir
I had my heart set on something cherry flavored.
I just didn’t want to never have done that.
i just don’t want to have died and never have done that
I need a…pencil
I used to think the only alien in this high school was me.
I’m alergic, I can’t you know I can’t!
Just take the fucking drug its the only way.
I’m gone for five minutes and i come back and everyone’s a fucking alien. If i’m gonna have to men in black your ass your gonna fuckin sniff it!
Crash and Burn Casey!
Walk Much? You ran into me beast!
Man get a fucking eye dog! Maybe if you didn’t paint your fuckin eyes shut!
i’m just doing my part to the deconstruction of americza
I’m not putting that, that hack drug up my nose…it’s so…80’s.
I’ve always wanted to do that
If you were going to take over the world would you blow up the white house Indepence Day style or slip in through the back door?
If you were going to take over the world would you blow up the white house independence day style or would you slip in through the back door?
If you were going to take over the world would you blow up the White house independence style or sneak in through the back door?
Im gone 5 minutes and everyone goes all alien on me now fucking sniff it before I go Men in Black on you
In your car. Outside. Amoungst the aliens boy that’s…. convinient.
Isn’t this the part when someone says lets get the Fuck out of here!
Lets get the Fuck out of here
its a devils cult or something maybe they worship a comet who the fuck knows
Look we all do it…casey. why me first? it’s your birth right man just fuckin take it.
man what the hells wrong with him? nothings wrong with him you asshole his tweakin let him fuckin tweak.
Mary Beth: Who is that girl staring at you Zeke?
Zeke: Oh, thats Vanessa, she stalks me all the time.
Mary Beth: Oh, want me to throw pancakes at her?
Zeke: Yeah, I will play the flute and dance in tights
Casey: I want to watch you in tights Zeke!
MaryBeth- I can’t I’m alergic
Deliliah- Yeah and im Portugese who cares
Marybeth:you borrow it from science labs?
Zeke:I like to think of it as stealing actaully.
Maybe they worship commets. Who the fuck knows?
Mrs.Burke-Now how am I supposed to do that little Zekey boy? Do you even know where she is. Europe? Sri Lanka? Japan? I wonder what remote location she went to this week to hide from her great big bastard mistake. I’ve taken your shit for too fuckin’ long. Dickless, drug induced excuse for a human being/
ms. berk: ……i’m gonna shove my foot so far up your ass you’ll be sucking my toes till graduation
My own recipe; Guaranteed to jack you up.
NO…FUCKING…WAY!
now get focused–or get the fuck off my team!!!!!
oh! showdown!
Pain stan?…Why dont you come in here and i’ll show you some fucking pain
SCAT – garaunteed to JACK you UP!
She got some bad shit.
So Stokely, when did you stop muff diving?
so…aliens just have been setting us up over the years, creating this happy, make-believe, little existence with their e.t. and their men in black movies just so nobody would believe it if it really happened?
Stan: What about you Zeke how do we no your not one of thoes fucking things. Zeke: I don’t get high on my own stash man. Stan: Fuck that man your taking it. Casey: You’re taking it ( giggles). Stan: What the hells wrong with him. Zeke: Nothing the hells wrong with him you asshole he’s tweekin let him fucking tweet. Stan: Now you
Stan? Why Stan!?
stokely: bi-polar bitch
Stokely: Body snatchers is a story somebody made up, dingus. It’s located in the fiction section of the library.
Casey: Yeah, so is Schinder’s List.
stokely: crash and burn, casey.
Stokely;is this usually the point where someone says lets get the fuck outta here.
Stan: lets get the fuck outta here
The only alien in this school is you casey!—-ZEKE
This better be important or someone is going to be doing laps until sunrise!
This is where I get my equpiment.
You borrow it from science labs?
I like to think of it as stealing actually.
Trust me man, I’m brilliant.
Tweek, Tweet…ur takkking it.. oooo, showdown!!
what’s up with coach…he’s thirsty
You can be a pretty cool human being..when your not being a first class grade A bitch
You can be a pretty cool person when you’re not being a first class grade-A bitch.
you can be a pretty cool person when you’re not being a first class, grade-A bitch.
You wouldn’t have liked it here, anyway.
Zeak = Sea dwelling organism
Zeke-For gentle relief of blockage…caused by strees. Chocolate flavored Laxatives.
Zeke-How ’bout these? Condoms. Magnum sized. And they’re cherry flavored.
Zeke: Aliens are taking over the earth- weigh it.
zeke: fuck this shit (drives away)
Zeke: Guaranteed to jack you up!
Zeke: He’s tweakin’ let him fucking tweak!!
Zeke: I leave for five minutes and when I come back everyone is a fucking alien. Don’t make me turn men and black on you now you better fucking sniff it.
ZEKE: I leave for five minutes, come back, and everybody’s fucking aliens, now if i have to Men In Black you Ace, your going to fucking sniff it. ~—-edited version—-~
Zeke: I like to think of it as stealing actually.
Zeke: If I have to Men in Black your Ass you’re gonna fucking sniff it
Zeke: Listen, if someone comes in here just grab a hold of me and pretend we’re making out. The punishment will be less severe.
Zeke: Not today Ms Burke, It’s too damn hot and i got Zero Fucking tolerance.
Zeke: Trust me man, I’m brilliant.
ZEKE:Answer me something, Marybeth. Why are you naked?
MARYBETH: Oh. Does it bother you, Zeke, my body? I’m gettin’ kinda used to it myself.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Faculty, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Faculty, The’