(1) Annie… I love you.
Come here.
(2) Yes. I love you.
(1) I want a divorce. Stay calm.
(2) But we just made love!
(1) He brought her… to my son’s Bar Mitzvah!
(2) Is she a gift?
(1) I am not a drunk!
(2) Really?
Let’s examine the evidence.
Look, all bottles!
And gallon jugs.
(2) I had guests.
(1) Who? Guns ‘N’ Roses?
(1) I gave Aaron a home
and a daughter. I washed and ironed his shorts.
(2) You did?
(1) Well, I supervised.
(1) What’s the matter with you,
Why are you so crabby today?
Is it school? …I know what it is.
It’s a boy.
(2) I’m a lesbian, mom.
But that’s not the issue here.
(1) When you say ‘Lesbian’…
(2) Don’t tell Daddy!
I want to tell him myself when the time
is right. Like Father’s Day.
Or Christmas morning.
(1) Where were you?!
(2) I was… I was at a friend’s.
(1) You were with that man again.
Mother, I am so disappointed.
(2) I’m sorry, but he is your father.
(1)what’s her name?
(2)shelly! shelly the baracota
(BILL) Elise, this isn’t right. It’s hormonal.
You can’t do this.
(ELISE) Watch me!
(BILL) But this is my stuff!
(ELISE) It’s the 90’s, Bill. Downsize!
(BRENDA) Jason, look. I remember how great
it was when we were a family.
Even though we’re not together now,
you still have both of us.
(JASON) Yeah, you guys can’t even pick out
my birthday card without a lawyer.
(ELISE) Annie, you have an amazing attitude.
You are so cheerful. You are.
You are genuinely happy. It’s a beautiful thing.
(ANNIE) Thank you.
(ELISE) Lithium?
(ELISE) As agreed, I sold our assets
to a friend of mine.
Here’s your half.
(BILL) Fifty cents?
(ELISE) Considering our history together,
I thought a dollar was very fair.
Oh, all right!
Take it all.
(ELISE) God, poor Cynthia. If only she had called me.
If only I were listed.
(ELISE) Hello?
(BILL) Listen to me, you piece of garbage.
(ELISE) I can’t hear you.
(BILL) I’ll sue you! I’ll break you!
You vindictive sack of silicone!
That’s my car, you piece of plastic!
(ELISE) I’m not Monique’s mother. Angela
Lansbury’s Monique’s mother.
Shelley Winters is Unique’s mother.
Sean Connery’s Unique’s mother.
(BARTENDER) Perhaps some coffee now.
(ELSIE) I take that back. Sean Connery
is Monique’s boyfriend.
He’s 100 years old,
but he’s still a stud.
(ELISE) I’m seriously thinking of taking
the role of Monique’s Mom.
And I’ve been thinking
about who she is. What she’s about- I’m sure you’re
doing the same thing with Monique.
(PHOEBE) Sure. I’ve been thinking like,
streaks… just around my face.
(ELISE) Oh!
And what a beautiful face.
Anyway, the reason I called is
if we’re going to work together
– I think we should get to
know one another.
It’s important.
(PHOEBE) Bill is so wrong.
You are not Satan.
(ELISE) Oh, stop!
(ELISE) You don’t understand. There are only
three ages for women in Hollywood:
Babe, district attorney,
and Driving Miss Daisy.
(ELISE) You were always jealous of me ’cause
I was blonde, beautiful and talented.
And I could have any guy I wanted.
(BRENDA) And did! Every guy!
Most of the senior class
and half the faculty.
(ELISE) Well, it was the 70’s.
(referring to Elise)
Annie: She looks wonderful. Has she had any work done?
Brenda: Honey, she’s a quilt.
1. (out of the corner of her mouth, whispered.) Get the fork. (slightly louder) The fork. (pause) FORK!
1. I drink because I am a sensitive and highly strung person. 2. No, that’s why your co-stars drink.
1. Let’s examine the evidence. Look! Nothing but bottles and gallon jugs! 2. I had guests! 1. Who? Guns N Roses?
1.ahh He brought her to my sons Bar Mitzvah! 2. Is she a gift?
1.Alright..what do you want us to do?
2. PAY
Annie: Elise, you’re gifted,talented and successful. Brenda, you’re wonderfully verbal. And I am seeing a very talented therapist. We’re in our prime!
Annie: Guys look at us. Elise you are a successful actress, Brenda you have a beautiful son who loves you and I am seeing a very talented psychiatrist, now we are in our prime.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Brenda, I speak, on behalf of my dearly departed brother, your father, that Morty is garbage, and that it would be an honor to take him out.
Brenda: The time has come. Spill it. Those lips, what’s in em. Are the wax?
Bye bye love, hello pop tarts
Bye bye love….hello pop-tarts.
Don’t get mad, get everything!
Don’t get mad….Get everything
Doormat. Lesbian
Elise: And Monique…Monique…She is a great character.
Brett: Thank you. Man what a kick. Elise Elliot, in a Brett Artounian film.
Elise: So tell me, how do you see her?
Brett: Well I think we’d go for…grotesque.
Elise: What?
Brett: Oh all the way. No makeup, overhead lighting, bring out every wrinkle, every crag. With you in the part Monique’s mother won’t be another Jurassic fleshbag in a wheel chair. She’s epic. It’s like Elise Elliot…the crypt keeper. Wow.
Elise: This isn’t about him. This is about my lips. Look at them. I want Tina Turner, I want Jagger. Fill em up.
For now, I’ll just use the F-word. Felony!
Hi, I’m Phoebe. I’ve seen all your movies and I want to be just like you. Only, me!
I am saying this to you in the true spirit of sisterhood, You are full of shit (brenda to Elise)
I forbid you to let that plate leave the country……..Jackie O had one just like it
I say this with love compassion
and true sisterhood….
You are full of shit!
I’m very sorry I’ve ever met you. And I’m sorry that I allowed myself to love you for all those years. I’m sorry that I did nothing but be there for you every minute of every hour and support you in you’re every MOVE. I’m sorry!
If I give you another face lift you are going to be able to blink your lips!
If I give you any more collagen, they’ll look like they were stuck in a pool drain.
If it isn’t the Vampire Lestat and Louis!
If only she’d called me. If only I was listed.
It’s the ’90s, plastic surgery is like good grooming.
It’s the 90s, plastic surgery is like good grooming.
Look! You could sell your broche, your son…
My Morty becomes this big shot on T.V. He was selling electronics, right? On our 20th wedding anniversary it hits midlife crisis major. He starts working out, he.. he grows a mustache, he gets an earring. I said, *Morty, Morty, what are you? A pirate? what’s next? A parrot?* And all of a sudden I’m a bid drag. I’m holding him back because I won’t go roller-blading.
My, my, the bulimia has certainly paid off.
Now, I ask you, Duarto, who’s supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus? It’s a conspiracy, I know it is! I’ve had enough. I’m leading a protest. I’m not buying another article of clothing until these designers come to their senses!
Oh by the way daddy, I’m a lesbian…..a big one.
remember, don’t get mad, get everything!
Sean Connery is Monique’s boyfriend! He may be three hundred years old, but he’s still a stud!
She gave Gil the best years
of her life. Sacrificed her youth…
Always put herself last to bolster
his ego, his drive, his ambition.
Just as her dignity hung by a thread,
he ran off with a pre-schooler.
Shelly, look at you- The bulimia has paid off.
Thanks to Cher’s pioneering efforts, you haven’t reached puberty!
There she is. Princess Pelvis!
Wake up and smell the audit!
We gotta nail Bill.
We gotta… slaughter him.
Right off the face of the planet!
Him and that tramp. That infant!
I need a drink.
We’re going to have dinner!
Can you believe that? Oh my God!
Do you know what this means?
It means he’s re-prioritized.
He’s worked through his
relationship phobias – His fear of intimacy, his thing about
my poisoning his food.
He’s ready to recommit.
What Morty can’t you afford to buy her a whole dress?
Who’s supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus?
Who’s your friend? Some Beverly Hills science project?
why don’t you go try this on in YOUR SIZE
why don’t you try this on….in your size
You are married. You have a daughter. You don’t need self-esteem.
You think that because I’m beautiful I don’t have feelings. Well you’re wrong. I’m an actress. I’ve got all of them!
You vindictive sack of silicone!
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘First Wives Club, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘First Wives Club, The’