#1: My daughter is getting weirder and weirder. #2: Oh don’t worry she’ll grow out of it.
-*friend*What does that stand for?
-*kevin*OH! the Gaming foundation of uh Harlem.
-*friend*I’ve heard of that, its a charitable organization?
-*kevin*You said it!
-*old man*What does that GFH stand for?
-*kevin*Oh, my great-grandfather, General Francois Heimlichmanuver, a WW1 adn 2.
-*old man*Good guy.
-*woman*What does it stand for?
-*kevin**forgot what he said here*
-*woman*Oh!
-*kevin*Graduated Full Honors; Oxford; But I guess you would know that.
-*man*I went to Harvard!
-*kevin*Yeah, right! Harvard Street!
-*kevin*Oh, its a gospel group I am in. Godlieness, faithfull and honest.
-*Priest*Amen.
-*kevin*Geeks for Hires. You’d fit in! You oughta try that out
-*kevin*Gas from humans
-*kevin*Girls from the hood
-*kevin*G-strings for the huge
-*kevin*Gotta feed the hungry
-*kevin*Girls feedin’ the homies
-*caterer*Is that a joke?
-*kevin singing*Godlieness faithfull and honest, Ahhhh!
-*woman*oh, oh,oh
-*kevin*Good, fine, and healthy. And baby, you know, BAM! you know what Im saying?
-*woman*Hmph!
-What does that stand for?
-OH! the Gaming foundation of uh Harlem.
-I’ve heard of that, its a charitable organization?
-You said it!
-What does that GFH stand for?
-Oh, my great-grandfather, General Francois Heimlichmanuver, a WW1 adn 2.
-Good guy.
-What does it stand for?
-*forgot what he said here*
-Oh!
-Graduated Full Honors; Oxford; But I guess you would know that.
-I went to Harvard!
-Yeah, right! Harvard Street!
-Oh, its a gospel group I am in. Godlieness, faithfull and honest.
-Amen.
-Geeks for Hires. You’d fit in! You oughta try that out
-Gas from humans
-Girls from the hood
-G-strings for the huge
-Gotta feed the hungry
-Girls feedin’ the homies
-Is that a joke?
-Godlieness faithfull and honest, Ahhhh!
-oh, oh,oh
-Good, fine, and healthy. And baby, you know, BAM! you know what Im saying?
-Hmph!
-Did you know Posiedon was an orphan too?
– Everywhere we go someones an orphan.
-Poseidon learned to apply himself, and he became ruler of the sea.
-I don’t care if he was chicken of the sea! I don’t wanna be no Poseidon!
-What does that GFH stand for?
-Oh, my great-grandfather, General Francois Heimlichmanuver, a WW1 adn 2.
-Good guy.
1) Aw, come one Paulie I was hungry! 2)You’re always hungry! 1) You don’t never let me eat. 2)You’re always eatin’!
1) Interest and late fee penalties have accrued! 2) ACCRUED!!!
1) Kevin, when are you gonna grow UP!? 2)I’m growin’ right now. [stands on tiptoes] See?
1) So what do you think? (showing his wife to #2)
2) You’re a lucky man! (#1’s wife smiles, revealing a big gap in her teeth) Whoaaa!
1) They delivered this to me ’cause you weren’t here 2)Well, what is it? 1) How’m I supposed to know what this is! I’m outta here, I’m not Latoya Jackson!!
1)Don’t you smell the cork, swirl it around the glass? What about the legs?
2)What about the booty?!
1)Good night, Irene, good night. Good night, Irene, good night. Good night, Irene, good night, Irene…
2)I wish I had some Dairy Queen!
1)Hey there, Chip! Slap me some skin! 2) How ’bout I just slap you?
1)I’m NOT wearin’ the hat! I hate hats! 2) Look, man, the woman is in a coma! The least you can do is wear the hat! 1)I’ll wear the hat!
1)Stuffed mushroom, sir?
2)Ugh, can’t you tell I’m in training? I’m top seed in the Zwickley 5-k!
1)Then what the hell is this?! (rips open t-shirt to reveal a tattoo of a puny motorcyle/moped thing)
2)A Harley, European style?
1)Ugh, what is this?
2)Puree of parsnip and crookneck squash
1)I thought it was nacho cheese.
1)Your balls dirty? 2)What? 1)I like my balls so clean that you can *sigh* feel every dimple. 2)OK. 1)The better the ball the better the play. Especially when you pull out that wood. The less amount of strokes you take to get it in the hole, the better, right? 2)youre sick, man. 1)Let me clean your balls for you. 2)Not as long as I have this stick, you won’t! 1)We’ll do them together. 2)No way, man! 1)I wash, you dry. Trust me. 2)Get away, man! 1)Fine, easy, chill!!! *puts golf ball into golf cleaner and cleans them, as 2 does a double take*
1-goodnight irene, goodnight irene I’ll see you in my…
2-..uh…
1-dreams
2-DREAMS!! I think I want some dairy queen
A sandwich is a sandwich, but that’s a meal!
Biker:(points to motorcycle)THIS is a Harley! What the HELL is this? (exposes tattoo of lousy cycle drawing)2:(stammers)A…Harley…uh, European style?
Denz-ail! DENZEL WASHINGTON!
Do NOT call the house. Why? Sound triggers it off, Man. That phone rings; BAM!! Im talking about vomit coming up, the womans got the shakes (starts convulsing) its ugly, man! You dont’ want to see that! Yeah, thats ugly
Here’s an activator, keep it wet!
I am a dentist, couldn’t be prouder! I am a dentist, yell a little louder!!
I have small hands, so that’s why I invented the Derek Bonds two-handed grip…
I went to Harvard.
If I could I would do it all over again, not for free but yeah….
If it’s a girl we want to name her either Amaretta, Caramel or Treblinka.
Load the grill with fatty meat, put it on a bun and eat eat eat!
Load the grill with fatty meat. Put it on a bun and eat eat eat.
Lynn!! If you drive away I’m gonna be standing here pointin’!
My great-grandfather, General Francois Heinrich Manuever, World War 1 and 2
Now unzip your bag and pull out your balls!
Nun: You think you’re the only orphan who ever grew up in Pittsburgh? Boy: No just the poorest!
Oh. You just chew the gum. That’s a option.
Perky Girl: Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order?
Kevin/Derek: Yes you may!
Say one of ems goin’ to their car after the game get’s hit POW! I don’t wanna see it happen but if it does I’m gettin’ PAID! THIS IS GONNA BE HUGE!
Sounds like you need a woman! Some people drink wine, some people date.
That’s some tight steering, boy, can’t get that in American cars.
There was blood and bubbles and butts and his eye was on me! His eye was on me, man!!!
this is gay
THIS MAN NEEDS A TIC-TAC!
Time for…Cookin’ in the Kitchen, with Kevin Franklin. What do we have? Oh we have salt for the children, we have cholesterol for the adults, we have fat for the fat people, we have sugar for the sugarholics and for the grown folks we have…MICKEY D’s! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!
You stay tan, now
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Houseguest’: Quotes from the movie ‘Houseguest’