#1. Now listen here, boy. See that? That’s shit. And this….this is Shinola.
(1)Hey mister, don’t call that dog lifesaver.(2) No?? 1()Call him SHITHEAD.
(1)You mean I’m gonna STAY this color?!?!?! (2)Naven, I’d love you if you were the color of a baboon’s ass.
(looks at newspaper and gasps) Stolen!
(singing) Oh, I’m picking out a thermos for you…
…and that’s all…is this chair…and this paddle ball game…and that’s ALL I NEED! Except for this lamp.
…Lord loves a workin’ man, don’t trust whitey.
…now I only have two things…my friends and…um…my thermos.
1) We’ll be in charge of keepin’ out the niggers.
2) I, SIR, AM A NIGGER! (and he proceeds to kick their ASS!)
1)(crying)I was watching a movie that made me think about the way we were. 2)What was it, Honey? 2)’The Way We Were.’
1)Damn these glasses! 2)I damn thee!
1)I know this is our first date, but do you think the next time you make love to your boyfriend, you could think of me?
2)Well, I haven’t made love to him yet.
1)That’s too bad. Do you think its possible that someday you could make love with me and think of him?
2)Who knows. Maybe you and he could make love and you could think of me.
1)I’d just be happy to be in there somewhere.
1)I’m hitchiking 2)How far you goin’? 1)Saint Louis, how far you goin’? 2)To the end of this fence.
1)St. Louis? 2) No, Navan Johnson. 1) I mean, are you going to St. Louis?
1)St. Louis? 2)No, Navin Johnson
1. Damn these glasses! 2. Yes sir. I damn those glasses.
1.) You know, while you were playing that just now, I had the craziest fantasy that I could rise up and float right down the end of this coronet, right through here, through these vales, right along this tube, and right up against your lips and give you a kiss.
2.) Why didn’t you?
1.) I didn’t want to get spit on me.
–Give me a bite of that corn dog.–What about germs?–Put a rubber on it.
Navin, I’d love you if you were the color of a baboon’s ass.
>Damn these glasses! >>Yes sir! I damn thee!
Ah yes, but no more 1966. Lets splurge! Bring us some fresh wine! The freshest you’ve got – this year! No more of this old stuff.
Ah yes, cat juggling…I’ve heard about this…
Ahhh, it’s a PROFIT DEAL.
Average run of the mill bastard
But, can you do this?
Come Shithead, Come!!
congradulations, your our 9th customer of the day, you’ve won a free OVEN MITT!
DAD—You see that?
NAVIN-Yeah.
DAD—That’s shit. And this is Shinola.
NAVIN-Shit… Shinola.
DAD—Son, you’re gonna be alright.
KSWISS916
kswiss916
Die, Milkface!
Don’t trust whitey. The Lord loves a working man, don’t trust whitey.
dont call him lifesaver call him ….head
For one dollar I’ll guess your weight, your height, or your sex!
Good Lord! I’ve heard about this… Cat juggling!
Gosh! You have my last name tattooed right there under the j’s! First I get my name in the phone book and now I’m on your ass! You know, I bet more people see that than the phone book.
Have you seen a five years old boy, blond hair and he’s
wearing a t-shirt that says ‘Bullshit’ on it?
He doesn’t realise he’s dealing with sophisticated people here. Marie, now just stay calm. Stay calm. Don’t look down, don’t look down! Look up! Just keep your eyes up and keep them that way, o.k.! Waiter there are snails on her plate. Now get them out of here before she sees them! Look away, just look away, keep your eyes that way! You would think that in a fancy restaurant at these prices you could keep the snails off the food! There are so many snails there you can’t even see the food! Now take those away and bring us those melted cheese sandwich appetizers you talked me out of!
He hates these cans!
He hates these cans!
He Hates these cans!!!! Stay away from the cans!!!!
He ran the old Cup ‘o Pizza guy out of business.
He ran the other Pizza-in-a-Cup guy outta business!
He’s shooting at the cans! He hates these cans!
Hey boy, I am in love with 3 !!! What’s a moron. NTNT give it me birdie birdie.
Honey, guess what – I wrote a song for you this morning.
(singing)
I’m picking out a thermos for you.
Not an ordinary thermos for you.
But the extra best thermos that you can buy,
With vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in!
I’m picking out a thermos for you,
And maybe a barometer too,
And what else can I buy so on me you’ll rely,
A rear end thermometer too.
HOW FAR ARE YOU GOING? ST.LOUIS. l’LL TAKE YOU TO THE END OF THIS FENCE. O.K, MY NAME IS NAVEN JOHNSON, WHATS YOUR NAME? O.K HERE WE ARE.
I am not a bum
I don’t need you! I don’t need anything! Except this ashtray.
I grew up a poor black child.
I have to go now, as someone is staring at me through binoculars.
I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.
I want you to have my zippo.
I was born a poor black boy….
I was born a poor black child
I was born a poor black child.
I was raised a white child in a poor black family.
I’m picking out a Thermos, for you.
I’ve got it! Mrs. Nuesbaum’s credit card, I got the guys who stole it.
I’ve got one! I’ve got a special purpose! Its great, it’s fantastic…I was scared to tell you about it…Your Mom’s gonna love me!
I’ve heard about this before……………CAT JUGGLING
If this woman doesn’t get her buns out of here, I’m going to drive this bike up her BUTT!!!
It’s HIM!!! What is him doing here?!?!
It’s him…what is him doing here?
Its a profit deal…
Jeez, this shit really works!
JOHNSON, Navin R. Sounds like a typical bastard.
Johnson, Navin R., sounds like a typical bastard!
Lord loves a workin’ man, don’t trust Whitey. See a doctor and get rid of it. Right.
Lord loves a working man, dont trust whitey,see a doctor and get rid of it.
Mama always knew how to treat me right. For my 18th birthday, she prepared my favorite meal… tuna fish on white bread with mayonnaise, a Tab, and a couple of Twinkies.
Marie, are you awake? Good. You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. I’m glad because there is something that has always been very difficult for me to say. I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. I’ve never been relaxed enough around anyone to be able to say that. You give me confidence in myself. I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days and the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days and the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. Anyway, I’ve decided that tomorrow, when the time is right, I’m going to ask you to marry me, if that’s o.k. with you. Just don’t say anything. You’ve made me very happy.
My dear family,
Guess what? I found out what my special purpose is for. Gosh what a great time I had. I wish the whole family could have been here with me. Maybe some other time, as I intend to do this a lot. Every chance I get. I think next week I will be able to send more money, as I may have extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin
Navin! Johnson! R…..I’m somebody!!
Next time you make love to your boyfriend, could you think of me?
Oh boy! What a life saver. That’s gonna be YOUR name! Ol’ lifesaver! C’mon everybody, fir fire there’s a fire!!! (moments later) Chinese guy) Hey kid. Don’t call that dog lifesaver. Call him shithead!
Oh I’ picking out a thermos for you. Not an ordinary thermos for you. But the extra best thermos, you can buy. With vynal and stripes and a cup built right in!
Oh my god, I’m endangering your life. COVER ME. …. You’re covered.
OH, IT’S A PROFIT DEAL!!
Okay, now hold a balloon in your mouth. Do you have a balloon? (He pauses). Ahh (checking his coat pockets), oh yeah, I got one right here!
One, two, three…..four five six
one…….two……three,four,five!
ow dont blame yourself how was you supposed to know thats iron balls mcginty
Pay to the order of Mrs. Wilbur Stark… one dollar and NINE CENTS!
Pay to the order of__________One dollar and 17 cents
Poor Hobart. His dear wife, Hester, took some money out of her savings account, and had to pay a substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
[gunshot]
kswiss916
PS. Is Grandma still farting?
She tattooed my name on her ass. Not just my name, a lot of names and funny sayings too! She’s got one up here that says ‘Slippery when wet.’
somebody hates these cans!!!!
thats shit this is shinola
The ashtray and the paddle game and the remote control, that’s all I need… and these matches…the ashtray and these matches and the remote control and the paddle-ball… and this lamp
The good news is, I may have some extra money coming in soon as I’ve found some extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job.
The new phone book’s here! The new phone book’s here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes me somebody! Things are going to start happening now.
The new phone book’s here! The new phone book’s here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes somebody! Things are going to start happening to me now.
THE NEW PHONE BOOK’S HERE, THE NEW PHONE BOOK’S HERE!
THE NEW PHONE BOOK’S HERE, THE NEW PHONE BOOK’S HERE.
The new phone books are in! The new phone books are in!
The new phonebook’s here! The new phonebook’s here!
These cans are defective, they’re springing leaks, come over and look at this.
Things were never easy for me. I was born a poor black child.
this is perfect, I won’t have to change a thing!
Tuna fish salad on white bread with mayonnaise, a Tab and a coupla twinkies.
typical run-of the mill bastard
Uh, anything in this general area right in here. Anything below the stereo and on this side of the bicentennial glasses. Anything between the ashtrays and the thimble. Anything in this three inches right in here in this area. That includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers.
Wanna fillup, Mrs. Nusbaum?
Well I’m gonna to go then! And I don’t need any of this! I don’t need this stuff, (he pushes all of the letters off the desk), and I don’t need you. I don’t need anything except this (he picks up the ashtray) and that’s it and that’s the only thing I need, is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one – I need this! The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I am, some kind of a jerk or something? And this! And that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.
What in the wild wild world of sports is going on here !!!
What is you a moron, why don’t I take this phonebook and shove it down your throat, you Opti-Grab Lover !!! two hundred and fifty big ones, two hundred and fifty dollarinies…..
What’s happening to my special purpose?!
WHAT?!?! That guy jipped me. He put daisy stems on my roses.
yeah, i’m back…oh yeah, they’ll be here for a while..(smiling)
You mean I’m going to stay this color?!?
You mean I’m gonna stay this color?
You sir are talking to a nigger!!
You would think that in a fancy restaurant at these prices you could keep the snails off the food!
[singing] I’m picking out a Thermos for you! Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in!
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Jerk, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Jerk, The’