1) So the cosmic purpose of our meeting is for me to give you free advice? What do I get out of it? 2) We don’t know yet
1)Why wouldn’t your 8 year old self time travel 30 years to help you out? You’re obviously in trouble. 2) You think he’s here to help ME out? 1) Well of course! You didn’t think it was the other way around did you?
Baby don’t you worry about a thing. Everything is just going to be great. I mean how many of us turn out the way we think we will when we’re kids; really. I mean how many of us grow up to be astronauts or prima ballerinas. We just all do the best we can.
Did you hear what he just called his DOG??
Doesn’t the fact that I’m a hopeless dweeb make you despise me?
Holy Smokes! 99 channels and there’s nothing on!
I don’t think you’re dreaming ’cause you’re yelling and your EYE is sorta twitching.
I should have worn my magic bra and panties.
I should have worn my magic brown panties.
I’m having hallucinations! And I’m asking you to make them go away with some very powerful medication that I can pick up on my way to work!
Im the kid who has this habit of dreaming. Sometimes gets me in trouble too. But the truth is, I could no more stop dreaming, than I could make them come true.
Look there it is – that’s where we fell off the roof last year and that’s the bush we fell into and that’s where the possum went under the house with our shoe in it’s mouth! (…) You don’t remember the possum??? He was like this big and had really long teeth!!
So I’m 40, I’m not married, I don’t fly jets, and I don’t have a dog??? I grow up to be a loser!
There’s safety in sandwiches.
Waaa! Waaa! Somebody call the waaambulance!
Waaaah! Waaaah! Somebody call the waaaambulance!
We can’t go around talking about what we are going to be when we grow up….We are up.
We move a dozen times? What happens?
well at least my eye doesnt twitch like this!
Why does the moon look all orangey sometimes?
[ 40-year-old Russ is sleeping while 8-year-old Russ is up, dismayed and disappointed about the fact that at 40 he is not married, he doen’t grow up to fly jets and he doesn’t have a dog ]
8-year-old Russ: John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt/that’s my name too/whenever we go out, the people always shout/’there goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt’, na na na na na na na/John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt/that’s my name too/whenever we go out, the people always shout/’there goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt’, na na na na na na na! [ End of song ] WOW! LOOK AT IT! MAN! GEE!
[ 40-year-old Russ wakes up ]
8-year-old Russ: HOLY SMOKES! HOLY MOSES! LOOK AT THE MOON! FAR OUT!
40-year-old Russ: [ Opens door ] HEY, HEY, HEY, STOP THAT YELLING!
8-year-old Russ: HOLY MOSES!
40-year-old Russ: What are you doing up?
8-year-old Russ: [ Points to moon ] LOOK AT IT! IT’S HUGE!
40-year-old Russ: What is with you people?! IT’S THE MOON, OKAY?!
You travel 30 years across time… AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS STAND AND SCREAM ABOUT THE MOON COMIN’ UP?!
8-year-old Russ: But you can see the man in the moon REALLY GOOD TONIGHT!
40-year-old Russ: Well… did he speak to you? Did he invite you up for a little bit of cheese? DID HE BLOW FART BUBBLES OUTTA HIS BUTT? HUH? BECAUSE IF HE DIDN’T THEN THERE REALLY ISN’T ANY REASON TO BE EXCITED ABOUT THE MOON, IS THERE?
8-year-old Russ: Sorry. I’ll never get excited again. Obviously.
[ 40-year old Russ tries to leave ]
8-year-old Russ: WAIT!
[ 40-year old Russ returns ]
8-year-old Russ: Can I ask you a question? Why does the moon get, like, orangy sometimes?
40-year-old Russ: Because there is a, uh– a band of, uh– [ Pauses ] Just shut up and go to sleep, okay? Or better yet, GO AWAY!
8-year-old Russ: [ At top of lungs ] I KNEW IT!!!! I GROW UP TO BE A GUY WHO DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING!!!!
[ Russ goes to sleep ]
8-year-old Russ: AND WHO DOESN’T HAVE A DOG!!!!!!!! [ Song ] John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt/that
[ Both ”Russes” are at a wedding
reception for his cousin and they are dancing,
8-year-old Russ goes up to Amy ]
40-year-old Russ: In case I never get around to
askin’…
8-year-old Russ: In case I never get around to askin’…
40-year-old Russ’s dancing partner: Somebody’s makin’ the
move right now!
[ 40-year-old Russ looks at 8-year-old Russ and Amy ]
8-year-old Russ: Amy… will you marry me?
[ 40-year-old Russ overhears, runs and takes young
Russ away ]
Young Russ: HEYYY!
Amy: STOP! STOP! You wanna hear what I was gonna say?
Older Russ: No. No. HE HAD NO RIGHT ASKIN’ YOU WHAT HE
DID, OKAY?!
[Calling his future dog.]
Rusty: Chester! Here, boy! Come on, Chester! CHESTER! HERE, BOY COME ON, CHESTER! CHESTER!
Russ: KID, WILL YOU STOP THAT YELLING?!
Rusty: CHESTER!!!!!!
Russ: HEY! NOW!!!!!!!
[In a washroom.]
Rusty: Isn’t it cool we have to go at the same time?
Russ: Yes. I’ll cherish this moment for a lifetime.
[Rusty is playing with his toy plane.]
Russ: Why do you keep comin’ back here?!
Rusty: I came back to get my plane… and then I saw the popcorn.
Russ: Your plane?
Rusty: My mom gave it to me for Christmas. How’d you get it?
Russ: That is MY plane, okay? It was in his attic for a long time. I’ve had that plane for 30– [Slight pause.] 30 years.
Rusty: Then why does it have my name on it? Look. Right here. ”Rusty”.
Russ: Russell Morley Duritz.
Rusty: I HATE THAT STUPID NAME!!!! How’d you know my name?
Russ: Your mother’s name is Gloria. You’re father’s name is Sam.
Rusty: How do you know all that?
Russ: Your sister’s name is Joanne.
Rusty: But everybody calls her…
Rusty; Russ: Josie.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Kid, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Kid, The’