#1 Crazy fuck here thinks he can levitate shit with his thoughts…knock it off! #2 The force is strong with this one. #1 Dude, don’t encourage him.
#1 Is that ingenuity or what!? #2 What does palm reading have to do with being topless? #1 Hell man, that makes the news easier to take. She could tell me I was going to die in 10 minutes so long as she was topless. #2 Your…male-ness amazes me. #1 What can I say, I love tits.
#1 Is that ingenuity or what!? #2 What does palm reading have to do with being topless? #1 Hell man, that makes the news easier to take. She could tell me I was going to ie in 10 minutes so long as she was topless. #2 Your…male-ness amazes me. #1 What can I say, I love tits.
#1 Well it’s the third nipple that does it. #2 Oh, you have a third nipple? #3 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! IT’S AS CLEAR AS DAY, LOOK AT IT FOR GOD’S SAKE! #1 You can stare at it, I don’t mind. #3 NO!
#1 Your fucking kidding, The Easter bunny did this? #2 All I said was the Easter bunny at the MinloPark mall was more convincing. He just juped the railing and knocked me down. #1 He’s fucking dead! #2 Oh, let it go, he’s under a lot of pressure. #3 What the hell happened to him?! #1 The guy in the Easter bunny suit kicked his ass!
#1.Brenda? #2.You SHIT!!
#1: How did I go from the verge of hot Floidean sex with Brandy to man of steel coital debates with you in the foodcourt?
#2: Cookie stand isn’t part of the food court.
#1:Well of course it is.
#2:Cookie stand is upstairs, food court is downstairs, we’re not talking quantum physics here.
#1: Cookie stand counts as an eatarie, eataries are part of the food court.
#2:Bullshit! Eataries that operate within the designated square DOWNSTAIRS count as the foodcourt…anything outside of said designated square is considered an autonomous unit for midmall snacking..now if you want to wax intelectual about the subject..
(1) Alright gentalmen, frrree your minds. (2) I would like to free something (1) Fulcas (2)Just what I was thinking (3) She said focus
(1) Hey look its a schooner! (2) Haha. You dumb bastard! It’s not a schooner, its a sailboat!
(1) If you and I made whoopee. (2) What the hell is whoopee? (1) Well..It’s, umm. (2) You mean like I fucked you? (1) Well…yeah
(Brandi) Suitor Number Three, is your kiss like a soft breeze, a firm handshake, or a jackhammer?
#1 Definitely a jackhammer. I’m in there with some pressure, and when I’m done you’re not the same as before. You’re changed.
#2 Where do you come up with this shit? That is the cheesiest response to an honest question I’ve ever heard! I saw you kiss and it wasn’t even anything like that!
#1 Who the hell did you see me kiss?
#2 Some dude backstage. I don’t know who he was, but he seemed unimpressed.
#1 : I didn’t kiss any guy backstage. I swear! I’m not gay.
#2 Hey, suitor-ette, this guy’s a homophobe! You heard how repulsed he sounded! Is this the kind of guy you wanna spend a vacation with, this hate-monger?
#1 I don’t hate gay people!
#2 So you love them?
#1 Yes!… I mean, no
#2 Textbook closet case. Self-loather. Can’t be comfortable with his own sexuality.
(Brandi) Suitor Number Three, what would our first date be like?
#1 Well, uh, first I’d take you shopping to stores you wanna shop in, and then we’d do a little lunch, probably at the Cheese Haus, followed by some golfing. And then at night, we’d take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus, and then I’d follow it up with a drive to a secluded beach where I’d pop on the radio and we could slow-dance till the sun came up
#2 That was the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard! I mean, look at you! You’re the kind of guy who would beg for sex! And I should know, we can smell our own.
(holds up tiny paper cup) Fill this with Coke, no ice!
-It’s a scooner
-ha, it’s a sailboat
-a scooner is a sailboat you retard
-Well you know what, there is no easter bunny, ya see that guy over there, its a guy in suit
…want a sip of my soda?
1 – you’re giving up? you? you used to be a stand up guy! what happened to that guy? the guy who punched amanda gross’s mother after she called him ‘low class’?
2 – that wasn’t me, that was you.
1 – oh, yeah.
2 – it wasn’t her mother. it was her grandmother.
1 – no wonder the bitch went down so fast.
1) And, just to let you know, im gonna fuck her in a very uncomfortable place. 2) What, like the back of a Volkswagon?
1) Did you ever fart in front of her? 2) Why do you ask? 1) I never farted in front of Rene, not once. Then last week I let one slip. Today she dumps me. 2) You think THAT’S why Rene dumped you? Come on, she’s not the shallow type. 1) She was going down on me at the time. 2) Shut up! 1) What can I say? I was feeling very relaxed. I’m relaxed, I squirt. 2) If all she did was dump you, you got off light!
1) Do you remember that party?
2) Might that have been the one where you fucked Rick Derris on the pool table?
1) Haven’t you heard the phrase the customers always right? 2) let me tell you someting the customers always an asshole.
1) Hey, you got something to say to me? 2) Yeah, about a million things, but I can’t say them monosyllablically enough for you to understand them all!
1) I use that to fuck them someplace uncomfortable. 2) what like the backseat of a Volkswagon?
1) i was gonna propose to her. 2) where? 1) the Universal tour 2) you’re kidding what part? 1) when Jaws pops out of the water. 2) thats the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.
1) Im so happy to see you! 2) Yea well you really showed that by elbowing me in the fucking tit!
1) Look Mommy, it’s a schooner! 2) You dumb bastard. It’s not a schooner, it’s a sailboat. 1) A schooner IS a sailboat, you stupidhead! 1) Oh yeah? Well, the Easter Bunny over there isn’t the real Easter Bunny! He’s just some guy in a suit!
1) Look, its a schooner! 2) You sorry bastards, its not a schooner, its a sailboat! 3)A schooner is a sailboat, stupidhead. 2) YA KNOW WHAT!!! THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY!! THAT GUY OVER THERE, HES JUST A GUY IN A SUIT!!!!!!!!!!
1) oh so now you’re attacking my libido? 2) there’s no libido to attack! 1) no libido to attack?? (they get it on) 1) that was romantic, right? passionate yeah 2) no ****** that was too little too late 1)too little? you said it was a good size! 2) effort you retard, the effort was too little too late…and now that you mention it, when a girl says its a good size, it’s a nice way of saying its small.
1) Ok, now that we’re broken up, I want a few things back from you, I want my comic books and the remote control to my tv. Now, I know it’s gonna be hard for you to give these things up becuase of their sentimental attachment to you. 2) Look, if I have any of those things, it’s because you took them to my house and left them there
1) She calls you callow in here. 2) you say that like its a bad thing 1) well it means frightened and weak willed 2) really. shit. that was the only part of the letter i thought was complimentary.
1) should i call you Logan, weapon X?
2) no, Wolverine!!!
1) that was too little too late. 2) too little? you said it was a good size! 1)I meant the effort you retard, the effort was too little too late. but now that you mention it when a girl tells you its a good size thats a nice way of saying its small.
1) Wait, I thought you were taking Brandie to Florida? 2) Yea, I was, but it gets worse. I was gonna propes to her. 1) Shit, where? 2) The Universal tour. 1) What part? 2)When Jaws pops out of the water. 1) Thats so romantic!
1) well, if it isnt my neighbor…
2)…would you feel that iron grip, like burt reynolds and shit
1) What does palm reading have to do with being topless? 2)Makes the news easier to take. She could tell me I was gonna die in ten minutes, so long as she told me topless. 1) Your maleness amazes me sometimes. 2)What can I say? I love tits.
1) What you wanna say something? 2) yes about a million things but I can’t express myself monosalavically enough for you to understand them all.
1) wow its a scooner. 2) hahaha you dumb bastard its not a scooner its a sailboat. 1) a scooner is a sailboat stupid head 2) you know what? there is no Easter Bunny! Over there thats just a guy in a suit!
1) You know, there is a room you’re supposed to do this in. 2) Yea well some pervert wanted to see me naked so bad he busted in twice while I was changing, this just saves him the trouble
1) You should see yourself a grown man with his hand down his pants. 2) Yea I probably look like my old man.
1) You’re glowing. 2) If I have any glow, it’s because I just got laid. I’d look the same if I banged anyone in that elevator, present company excluded.
1)- Meanwhile, you’re stuck with a hand that smells like shit. (2)- Just a small price to pay for smiting one’s enemies.
1)Ask him about the elevator. 2)Tell me about the elevator. 3)It goes up and down.
1)Cops never come in here. 2)Neither does any other self-respecting consumer.
1)Did we ever get along? 2)Once or twice. 1)How come we went out as long as we did? 2)You had cable.
1)Did you ever sleep with someone?2)Yeah….3)NO, I mean actually sleep with someone not just fuck them on a gaming table.
1)Good buys, great people, earthy aromas…They know me here. 2)I wouldn’t be too proud of that.
1)Guys no cuttinng in line. 2)This is for Brodie
1)Haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘The customer is always right’? 2)Let me tell you something–a little secret, okay? The customer’s always an asshole!
1)He said he was gonna screw her in a very uncomfortable place. 2)What, like the back of a Volkswagon?
1)He said he was gonna screw her in a very uncomfortable place.2)What, like the back of a Volkswagon?
1)How much do I owe you? 2)My treat. As long as you promise, next time you pop your old lady, you make her call you ‘Jay.’ Snootchy Bootchies. 1)Let’s hope there is a next time.
1)I don’t hate gay people! 2)So you love them? 1)YES!
1)If we fell in love, how would you propose to me? 2)When Jaws popped out of the water.
1)If you were a car, what kind of car would you be? 2)The kind you’d never dump your boyfriend in.
1)Look at this guy, hes a homophobe, you dont want to end up with this guy. 2) wait, I dont hate gay people. 1)So you love them. 2)Yes…I mean no! 1)See, the mans uncomfertable with his own sexuality
1)Man, you’re really making that last, aren’t you? 2)Waste not, want not.
1)Oh yeah, look its a sailboat. 2)You saw it too? Dammit!
1)Oh, a sailboat! 2)Brenda? 1)Dick!
1)pendum publishing gave me 50,000 based on a treatment and a sample chapter.
2)you kidding.
1)She called you callow…
2)you say that like it’s a bad thing
1)It means frightened weak-willed
2)Damn. I thought that was the only part that was complementary.
1)Suitor #2, if we were making whoopee wh- 2)What’s whoopee? 1)Um, well, being intimate. 2)You mean fucking?
1)tell him steve dave 2)fuck off fan boy
1)That was too little too late. 2)Too little?! You said it was a good size! 1)The effort, you retard, the effort was too little too late. But now that you mention it, when a girl says its a good size, its a nice way of saying that its small. 2)Hey!!
1)They call her Trish the dish. 2)Nobody calls me that.
1)What’s the funny guy doing with his hands? 2)I don’t wanna know.
1)you ever slept with somebody? 2)uhh…yeah. 1)i mean slept next to them, not just fucked them on a gaming table.
1)You wanna say something? 2)Yeah! About a million things, but I can’t express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand it all.
1- She called you callow 2- You say that like it’s a bad thing
1-When are you boys going to learn…women want romance, not Mr. Toad’s Wyld Ride! 2-Hey, be fair, everyone wants Mr. Toad’s Wyld Ride
1. If we were making whoopee… 2.What’s making whoopee? 1. You know, being intimate…
2. You mean fucking.
1. What the hell is this?!? 2. Maybe they’re setting up the easter bunny stand. 1. No. The easter bunny stand is across from the food court- it’s been up since two days after christmas! I WANT ANSWERS!
1.) What you know that kid or something?
2.) I hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath insues.
1.) What is with you today?
2.) Dont get me wrong I dont wish the kid any harm but his mother should have to suffer that horrific ordeal so she will learn to manage her child better.
1.) Kinda a harsh lesson dont you think?
2.) Listen, not a year goes by, NOT A YEAR, that i dont read about some horrible escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could have easily been avoided had some parent, i dont care which one but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!
1.)Suitor number 2… 2.)Don’t call me suitor number 2, call me the second suitor.It sounds like a bathroom code. 1.)All right, second suitor if we were making woopie… 2.) Whats woopie? 1.)If we were uh, being intimate… 2.) Oh you mean like fucking?! 1.) yes if we were uh, you know, what sort of sounds would you make? 2.) (Slap sound, dog howling noises) Im sorry i cant answer that its sort of personal.
1.How did I go from being on the verge of hot Floridian sex, to coincidal debate with you in the food court. 2.Cookie stand isn’t part of the food court. 1.Of course it is. 2.The food court is downstairs the cookie stand is upstairs, it’s not like we’re talking quantum physics here. 1.The cookie stand’s an eater, and eateries qualify as part of the food court. 2.Bullshit! Eateries operating in the designated square downstairs qualify as part of the food court. Anything operating out of said designated square qualifies as an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. Now if you want to wax intellectual about it….shit. Hold this. 1.Where are you going? 2. Sher shay la femme.
16? I thought she was 36. Come on guys. Tell me you wouldn’t have popped her.
1: Besides i saw you kiss someone and i didn’t look anything like that. 2: Who did you see me kiss? 1: Some dude back there but he didn’t look impressed. 2: I didn’t kiss any guy back there. I’m not gay! 2: Hey suterett you heared this guy hes a homophob.
1: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega.
1: I heard you were going to propose in some theme park. When are men going to learn that women want romance, not Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride?
2: Be fair, EVERYONE wants Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.
1: What do you know that kid or something? 2: I hope his pants get caught, and a blood bath ensues.
1: You wanna say something?
2: Yeah! About a million things, but I can’t express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand it all.
You saw it too?
a grown man with his hand down his pants … ha yea i look like my father
A schooner is a sailboat, STUPID!
A scooner IS a sailboat, stupid-head.
a smilie face mean i went down on him a face with a wink means he went down on me a circle means we had sex a circle wit an x means i had an orgasm a house means we did it inside and sum grass means we did it out side.
A: The Cookie Stand is not part of the food court. B: Of course it is. A: The Cookie Stand is upstairs the food court is downstairs, it’s not like we’re talking quantum physics here. B: The Cookie Stand counts as an eatery, eateries are part of the food court. A: Bullshit! Eateries that are part of the food court are set in set designated area, anything else is an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. Now if you’re going to wax intellectual to me…. holy shit.
Adventure, Excitement, a Jedi Craves not these things.
Adventure, excitement…a Jedi craves not these things.
Are you kidding me? I have never met a person who lives in as much fear of his mother as you do.
Are you nuts! The guy looks like a date rapist!
B/ I should tell my mum what we do in here everynight/
B GF/ what that you sit here and play ninetendo and I leave unfufilled
Breakfast, shmreakfast. Look at the score, for Christ’s sake. It’s only the second period and I’m up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Rene, but Hartford, The Whale, they only beat Vancouver, what? once, maybe twice in a lifetime.
Breakfast? Breakfast shmreakfast! Look at the score for gods sake. I’m only in the middle of the second and I’m winning 12 to 2. Breakfast come and go Renee. Now Hartford, the Whale, hey, they only beat Vancouver once maybe twice in a lifetime
Brenda?? Dick!!!
BRODIE MAN, NOOCHIE NOOCHIE.
Brodie- That guy tried to screw my girl-friend in a very uncomfortable place.
Suiter#3- What like the backseat of a volkswagon?
Brodie: Breakfast, shmreakfast.
BRODIE: doesnt matter, it cant happen. TS: why not? it’s bound to come up. B: its impossible, lois could never have supermans baby. do you think her fellopian tubes could handle his sperm? i guarentee he blows a load like a shot gun right through her back. and what about her womb? do you think its strong enough to carry his child? T: sure, why not? B: hes an alien for christ’s sake! his kryptonium biological makeup is enhanced by earth’s yellow sun. if lois gets a tan, the kid could kick right through her stomach. only someone like wonderwoman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. the only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. and that would kill him. T: how is it that i go from the verge of hot floridian sex with brandy to man of steel coidal debates with you in the food court? B: cookie stand is not part of the food court. T: of course it is B: the food court is downstairs, the cookie stand is upstairs, its not like we’re talkin quantum physics here. T: the cookie stand counts as an eatery, the eatery is part of the food court. B: bullshit. eaterys that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court. anything outside of said designated square is considered an atonymous unit for mid-mall snacking. now if you wanna wax intellectual about teh subject–holy shit…
brodie: holy shit! i never thought i’d see the day when two such highly recognized mischief makers such as yourselves douse their drawers at the sight of a mall security guard.
Brodie: I already did once today! But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on this plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane starts spinning around, going out of control, so he figures it’s all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad! So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and they land safely and everyone puts their penises or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
Gill: Well, did he cum, or what?
Brodie: Jesus Christ, man! There’s just some things you don’t talk about in public
Brodie: why dont you fuck her in the ass
Brodie:there that was romantic….passionate, yeah Renee:no Brodie that was too little too late Brodie:too little? you said it was a good size! Renee:the effort you retard, the effort was too little too late; and now that you mentioned it, when a girl says it’s a good size it’s a nice way of saying that it’s small Brodie:…….HEEEYYYYYY!
call me donny
Chercher la femme.
Come on Doug!!!
Come Son Of Jor-El, Kneel before ZOD! Snoochie boochies! (Laughs hysterically)
COME SUNOFDUREL NEEL BEFOUR ZIDE SNOOCHIE BOOCHIES HEHEHEHEHE.
Come, son of Jor-El, kneel before Zod! Snootchie-bootchies!
Cookie stand’s not part of the food court.
T.S.: Sure it is.
Brodie: The food court is downstairs the cookie stand is upstairs it’s not like we’re talking quantum physics here!
T.S.: The cookie stand is an eatery, an eatery is part of the food court.
Brodie: Bullshit! Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court, anything operating outside the said designated square is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking.
Damn that’s hot!
Did you see that stink palm, he even licked his hands
Didn’t I dump your ass this morning?
Do it Doug!
Dude, when are we gonna get out of this womens pantie store, im startin to get a mean hard-on!
Excitement, adventure… A Jedi craves not these things.
Excitement…Adventure…the Jedi craves not these things.
~Silent Bob
Fill this with coke, no ice.
fly fat ass, fly!!!!
FLY FAT-ASS, FLY!!!
FLY FATASS! FLY!
Fly Fatass! Fly!
Fly fly fat ass fly!
Fly, fatass, fly!
Get him Steve Dave!
Get him Steve-Dave
Get him Steve-Dave!!
Give him the stink palm.
Guy 1: Your sure she was getting on GUY 2: May be she was getting off
(and then it cuts to a shot of two people having sex in an elevator)
GWEN-hey brodie. do u remember that costume party? BRODIE-might that be the one where u banged rick deris on the pool table? T.S-nobody remembers shit like that… GWEN- hoy is it tat u 2 alwaqys seem to reember the most trivial events in my life? BRODIE-I’ll never forget it. how often do u getto see smokey fuck the bandit? GWEN-didn’t i look just like burt reynolds? BRODIE/T.S.-scept for th mustache
Haven’t I made it abundently clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don’t know shit? I mean, half the time I’m just talking out of my ass, or sticking my hand in it.
He won the science fair in the 8th grade by turning his mom’s vibrator into a CD player using chicken wire.
he’s got a funny way of showing it by elbowing me in the TIT!!
and y the hell r u glowing???
He’s imitating Wolverine’s berserker attack with his adamantium claws.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for sega.
Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn for Sega.
Hell is that all we were going to do that any way!!!!!!!
Hey look a scooner. You dumb bastard, it’s not a scooner its a sailboat. I scooner is a sailboat stupid head. You know what there is no EasterBunny that over there is just a guy in a suit.
Hey why am I his sidekick? how do you know hes not my sidekick?
Holy shit if it isn’t mon freir.
Holy Shit, it’s the mad fat chick killer.
Holy Shit..if it isn’t mon freir
Holy Shit..if it isn’t mon freir.
How did I let something like this get by me? I must be slipping in my old age!
How is it I go from the verge of hot Floridian sex with Brandi to Man of Steel coital debates with you in the food court?
i 2 am in the framing business
I bet he blows a load like a shotgun, right through her back.
I can’t believe how fast word travels in this town.
I can’t believe you had the nerve to come to my mall and pick up guys!!
I dont fuckin believe it…that kids back on the escalator!
I guarintee you he blows a load like a shotgun straight through her back
I have always taken you with a grain of salt. Your birthday, when you asked me to do a striptease to the theme from mighty mouse, I said okay. On prom night, you asked me to sleep under the bed in case your mother burst in, I did. And even when we were at my grandmother’s funeral and you told my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let it slide. But if you think I’m gonna suffer any more of your shit with a smile, you’re in for some serious fucking disappointment!
I have always taken you with a grain of salt. Your birthday, when you asked me to do a striptease to the theme from mighty mouse, I said okay. On prom night, you asked me to sleep under the bed in case your mother burst in, I did. And even when we were at my grandmother’s funeral and you told my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let it slide. But if you think I’m gonna suffer any more of your shit with a smile, you’re in for some serious fucking disappointment!
I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda.
I hope his pants get caught and A BLOOD BATH ENSUES!
I hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath ensues
i hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath ensues!
I hope his shoelace gets caught and a bloodbath ensues!
I hope to cum laude some day, prefferably in a 69.
I just said the bunny at the other mall looked more convincing
I laugh in the face of danger! Then I hide until it goes away.
I love the smell of commerce in the morning
I LOVE the smell of commerce in the morning!
I love the smell of commerce in the morning.
I love the smell of commerce in the morning…
I must be slipping in my old age!
I think about all of that, and I cry becouse I have nothing better to do than fuck you.
I too am in the framing business
I would have made a sexy chick!
I would of been a sexy chick!
I’m like a jackhammer. I’m in there with some pressure and when it’s all over you’re not the same, you’re changed.
I’ve never met a person who lives in as much fear of his mother as you do.
id hate to tell you what i think about when im in the bathroom
If I remember correctly its titled ‘Borgasms: a Study of the 90s male Sexual Prowess.’
If there’s anyone that can help us out, it’s the two guys who have less to do than us.
Is that kid on the escalator again??
It’s impossible. Lois could never have Superman’s baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle his sperm? I guarantee he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? You think it’s strong enough to carry his child?
It’s like mother fucking yoda and shit
It’s like my grandma always said, why buy the cow when you get the sex for free? Of sourse she did turn into a lesbian on her 80th birthday.
It’s not a stage! I’m going to se it if I have to die trying.
It’s the third nipple.
Jay: The Jedi mind trick, holy shit mother fucking yoda and shit
Silent Bob: Adventure excitment a jedi craves not these things
Jay: Well if it isnt the fat chick killer himself
Jay: You don’t know Lafours-is? This guy doesn’t know who Lafours-is! Lafours is only the most feared security guard in all of New Jersey, he’s got 305 collars, all convicted… i hear he’s even got 2 kills!
Just because a guy reads comics, you think he can’t start some shit?!
kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty
Look at the score, its 12-2 and im only in the 2nd period. I mean, Hartford, the Whale, up 12-2, this only happens liek, once, twice in a lifetime.
Look, I wanted to teach you how to handle comics in the sixth grade, but no, you wnated to play little leauge instead…
look..it’s a scooner!/you dumb bastard..that’s not a scooner it’s a sailboat!/a scooner is a sailboat stupid head!/YA KNOW WHAT? THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY..OVER THERE, THAT’S JUST A GUY IN A SUIT!
look..it’s a scooner!/you dumb bastard..that’s not a scooner it’s a sailboat/a scooner is a sailboat stupid head/YA KNOW WHAT? THERE IS NOE SATER BUNNY..OVER THERE, THAT’S JUST A GUY IN A SUIT!
MAN #1: Might that have been the party where you fucked Rick Derris on a pool table?
MAN #2: Nobody remembers that, eh?
MAN #1: Where else am I going to see Smokey fuck the Bandit?
WOMAN #1: Didn’t I look just like Burt Reynolds?
BOTH MEN: Except for the mustache.
Man, there’s not a year goes by — not a YEAR — that I don’t read about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could have been easily avoided, had some parent — I don’t care which one, but SOME PARENT — conditioned him to FEAR AND RESPECT THAT ESCALATOR!
Men are easily amused
mother f*cker thinks a jedi or some sh*t
My cousin Walter jerked off in public once, true story. He was on a plane to New Mexico, when all of a sudden the hydrolics went. The plane started spinning around going out of control. So he decides it’s all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the othe passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. SO ALL THE PASSANGERS ARE BEATING OFF PLUMMITING TO THEIR CERTAIN DOOM. when all of a sudden *snaps* the hydrolics kick back in, the plane rights itself. Everyone puts their pieces or whatever you know away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else
My grandmother always said, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the sex for free?’
oh!You dumb bastard its not a scooner its a sail boat.
Oh, ye have little faith. Want a cookie?
Oh, ye of little faith… How bout a cookie?
One time my cousin Walter got a cat stuck in his ass. True story, he bought it at a local mall so the whole fiasco wound up on the 7 O’clock news. It was emberrassing for my relatives and all. But the next week he did it again. Different cat, same results complete with another trip to the emergency room. So I run into him about a week later at the mall, and hes buying another cat. So I says to him JESUS Walt what are you doing? You know you’re just got get this cat stuck in your ass too, why don’t you knock it off. And he said to me Brodi how the hell else am I suppose to get the gerbil out?…. My cousin was a wierd guy!
one time my cousin walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story, he bought it at our local mall and the whole fiasco wound up on the news and everything. So a week later he did it again, different cat, same result, free with another trip to the emergency room. So I see him a week later and he’s buying another cat, and I says to him, jesus Walt what are you doing? You know your get this cat stuck in your ass, why don’t you knock it off? And he says to me Brodie, how else am I going to the gerbal out? My cousin was a weird guy.
One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embaressing for my relatives and all, but the next week he did it again: different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. So I run into him a week later at the mall and he’s buying another cat. So I says to him: Jesus Walt, what are you doing? You know you’re just gonna get this cat stuck in your ass too, why don’t you knock it off? And he said to me: Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out? -My cousin was a wierd guy…
Person 1) I think I know something that could help ease our simultaneous double loss! Person 2) What, ritual suicide? 1) No you idiot! The fucking mall! 2) I prefer ritual suicide! 1) Oh come on, there’s these new cookies at the cookie stand, you have to try them their awesome!
Quint, I accept the fact that you no doubt fucked my daughter. The two of you have been dating long enough for you to have weasled your way into her panties.
Rene: I have always taken you with a grain of salt. On your birthday, when you wanted me to do a striptease to the theme from Mighty Mouse, I did it. When you made me sleep underneath the bed after prom in case your mother burst in, I did it. When we were at my Grandmother’s funeral, and you told everyone you could see her nipples through her burial gown, I let it slide. *WHIP* But if you think I’m going to suffer through any more of your shit with a smile, now that we’re broken up; you’re in for some serious fucking disappointment.
Renee: What are you doing? You promised me breakfast.
Brodie: Breakfast, shmreakfast. Look at the score, for Christ’s sake. It’s only the second period and I’m up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Renee, but Hartford,’the Whale’, they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime.
Richard Dawson go back to your podium until it’s time to play the feud!!!
RICHARD DAWSON!! Just go back to your podium until its time to play the fued!
Richard Dawson, just go back to your podium until it’s time to play the fued.
say good bye to the baby kitties silent bob show some respect!!!!!
Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel? They’re a little melty, but damn are they exquisite!
Say, would you like a chocolate-covered pretzel? They’re a little melted, but damn are they exquisite!
Sega boy, God Renee’s got a big mouth.
Shannon Hamilton: You wanna say something?
Brodie Bruce: Yeah! About a million things, but I can’t express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand it all.
She called you callow / You say that like its a bad thing / well it means frightend and week willed / Damn that was the only part that I thought was a complement.
She challenged my libido, I felt obligated to defend myself against her accusations.
Shithead here watched Empire and Jedi last week and ever since he’s been trying to do the Jedi mind trick.
Shithead here watched Empire and Jedi last week and ever since he;s been trying to do the Jedi mind trick. Crazy fuck thinks he can levitate shit with his thoughts. Knock it off!
Silent Bob is an electrical genius! He won this science fair in the 8th grade by turning his mother’s vibrator into a cd player using chicken wire and shit. Mother fucker is like MacGyver, no mother fucker is better than MacGyver!
Small price to pay for the smiting of one’s enemies.
Snoochi woochies Broadie noochies!!
Snoochie Boochie Noochies!
SNOOCHIE BOOCHIES
Snoochie Boohies
Snoogens!
Snooochy Boootchy!
Snootchie Bootchie Brodie Nootchie
Snootchie Bootchie Nootchies!
Snootchie, boochie, nootchies!!!
snuchy buchys
Sounds like his M.O.
speaking of, where is that tubby bitch?
Steve-Dave: I was warned about you, take it easy before I have you removed from the mall.
Brodie: Warned?! What the fuck are you talking about?
Walt: Tell ’em, Steve-Dave!
Brodie: Fuck you, Fanboy!
T.S.: Will you 2 testosterone-seething, he-man comic books finish up this display of tough-guy back and forth? I got some questions that need answering.
Brodie: Look, who is in there?
Steve-Dave: You gotta ask me nicely.
Brodie: Fuck You! You Fuckers think that just because a guy reads comics means he can’t start some shit?! C’mon I’ll fuckin’ take all of you on!
Man: Somebody call a medic, there’s a little boy caught in the escalator!
Walt: Come back here and arrest this goon!
Brodie: You’re fuckin’ next!
Sweet fucking Christ, would ya knock it off!
sweet fucking christ, would you knock it off!
Sweet fucking Christ, would you knock it off?
T-What does plam reading have to do with being topless?
B-No man, It makes the news easier to take. She could tell me I was going to die in 10 minutes, So long as she told me topless.
T-Your maleness amazes me sometimes.
T.S.- I bet he’s happy as a pig in shit that you’re not going away with me.
Brandi: Are you kidding? He’s absolutely devastated about Julie!
(Mr. Svenning Comes out of the shower, doing karate moves)
T.S.: I can’t believe you! Brandi, the guy hates me! You know what? I bet he says this whole tragedy as an excellent opportunity of keeping you from going away with me.
Brandi- Would you calm down? I mean you’re being a complete ass.
(Mr. Svenning kicks and his towel falls, and shows his butt, which was downright unnecessary)
T.S.: But they’re engaged.
Brodie: Doesn’t matter, can’t happen.
T.S.: Why not? It’s bound to come up.
Brodie: It’s impossible, Lois could never have Superman’s baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I gurantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it’s strong enough to carry her child?
T.S.: Sure, why not?
Brodie: He’s an alien, for christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth’s yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him!
Tell’em SteveDave!!!!!!
that asshole from Fashionable Male!?
That kid is back on the escalator again!!!
That kid is back on the escalator again.
That kid…that kid is back on the escalator again!
That kid…that kid is BACK on the ESCALATOR AGAIN! / Leave it alone!
That’s it, mallrat, I’m gonna fuck you up beyond repair!
That’s the worst answer to an honest question i’ve ever heard.
The asshole from Fashionable Male! Son of a bitch!
The cookie stand is not part of the food court. Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court anything operating outside the said designated squareis considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking .
The Force is strong with this one.
The only way Superman could bang regualr chicks is if he used a kryponite condom, that would kill him
This is one wacky game show.
Touch not, let ye be touched.
Unlike you I didn’t even get a letter filled with obscure adjectives.
Waste of time if you ask me, my grandmother always said, Why buy the cow when you can get the sex for free. Couse she became a lesbian on her 60th birthday, but that’s beside the point.
We’re duckin’ Tricia ’cause she wants to talk to Obi-Wan about her video setup.
Well my friend, hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn for Sega
Well, I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda.
were going to have to bail on the whole stage trashing buisness lucnhbox here is lible to kill himself
What gives with the cover boy?
What he’s doing is imitating Wolverine’s Beserker attack with his adamantive claws.
What is this monstrosity?
What kind of man are you anyway, I’m talking about comics and you bring up chicks and romance?!?!
what kind of man are you? I’m talking comics and you bring up chicks and romance, and while we’re on the subject, why do you want to get married anyway, your still in college?
what kind of man are you? I’m talking comics and you bring up chicks and romance. And while we’re on the subject why do you want to get married anyway? Your still in college.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
What you know that kid or something?
I hope his pants get caught and a blood bath ensues
What is with you today
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish the kid harm, but his mother should suffer that horrific ordeal so she’ll learn how to manage her child!
sort of a harsh lesson, don’t you think?
Man, there’s not a year goes by, not a year that I don’t read about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could’ve been easily avoided had some parent, I don’t care which one, but some parent, conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!
WHAT YOU NEED IS A FATTY BOOM BATTY BLUNT! I GUARENTEE YOU’LL SEE A SAILBOAT, AN OCEAN, AND MAYBE EVEN SOME OF THOSE BIG-TITTED MERMAIDS SOME OF THAT LESBIAN SHIT!
what you need is a fatty, boombatty blunt. im sure you’ll see a sailboat, an ocean, and probably some of them big tittie mermaids doing some of that lesbian shit. look at me..look at me you sloppy bitch*
What’s a pretty girl like you doing sitting alone in the middle of this monument to consumerism?
What, you mean fucking?
WHAT, YOU THINK JUST ‘CAUSE A GUY READS COMICS MEANS HE CAN’T START SOME SHIT?!
What…like the back of a Volkswagen?
What? like the back of a Volkswagon?
when a girl says its a good size thats just a nice way of saying its small
WHEN DO I GET TO SEE THE GOD DAMN SAIL BOAT!!!!
Where do you get those wondeful toys?
Where do you get those wonderful toys?
Where the hell did that come from!? Whats going on here!?!
Who’s your favorite New Kid. Call me Joey. Call me Donny. Oh please don’t go girl.
Who’s your favorite New Kid?
Who’s your favorite New Kid? Call me Donny. Call me Joey.
Who’s your favorite New Kid? Call me Donny… Please don’t go girl…
Why buy the cow when you get the sex for free?
Why can’t they bring back or remake good shows like BJ and the Bear? Now there’s a concept I can’t get enough of – a man and his monkey.
Would you like a chocolate covered pretzel? They’re a little melty but damn are they exquisite
Wow, she calls you callow in here. You say that like it’s a bad thing.
Wow, That’s A Great Question, Tough One Though,
How Does One Gage His Response On Psyical Prow Less, Keene Detection Skills, And The Ability To Manger With Super Villains?
Y-O-U D-U-M-B BASTARD!! it’s not a schooner it’s a sailboat. 2: a schooner is a sailboat.
You are gonna listen to something I said? Haven’t I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don’t know shit?
you are such an anal retentive bastard
You called down the thunder, and now you’ve got it
You can call me Wolverine. Snicky snicky snor…
You dumb bastard, its a sailboat not a schooner.
you face forward, or you face the possibility of shock and damage
You have your mission. Go forth. Wreak havoc.
You know what? There is no Easter Bunny! Over there, that’s just a guy in a suit!
You tell em Steve Dave
You think just ’cause a guy reads comics means he can’t start some shit!
you two are retarted for each other
You’re going to listen to something I said? Haven’t I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don’t know shit?
You’re such an anal retentive bastard.
You’re the kind of guy who begs for sex!! I know, we can smell our own.
Your dumping me is this because I didn’t intorduce you to my mother
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Mallrats’: Quotes from the movie ‘Mallrats’