(barman) smoking or non smoking?
(stu) er, non smoking please
(mrs doubtfire) SMOKING!
(miranda)mrs doubtfire u dont smoke!
(mrs doubtfire) no i dont…but i did. i find that if i inhale just that little bit of nicoteen, then it steals my wool REALLY!
(CHRIS) Lydie!! Call the police..now! (LYDIE) What?! Why?! (CHRIS) Is Ms. Doubtfire! She’s a she…she’s a she-she…!
(DANIEL) Could you make me a woman?
(FRANK) Honey I’m so happy!!
(Danny doing an impression of a babysitter): And how many children do you have?
Melinda: I have two girls, and a boy.
(Danny doing an impression of a babysitter):You see, dear, i dont work with the boys because i used to be one.
(DOUBTFIRE) How was he? On a scale of 1 to 10? (MIRANDA) Oh…that part was always….okay.. (DOUBTFIRE) Probably a stud farm compared to my poor ol’ Winston.
(MRS DOUBTFIRE) Ooo look Natty, thats’s called lipsuction.
(speaks under his breath) touch me again and I’ll drown you, ya bastard.
(sweet voice) Oh you go ahead I’ll just sit here and watch you…
(speaks under his breath again) move in on my family.
(sticks face in pie) HEELLLOOOOOOOO!
(STU) Your accent’s a little muddled. (MRS DOUBTFIRE) Really? Well so’s your tan.
(talks to him/herself) what am I doing here? This is beyond obsession!
(throws a lime at Stu) Oh sir, I saw it. An angry member of the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them? Oh the terrorists they ran that way.. (turns that way) it was a run-by-fruiting. I’ll get them sir, don’t worry. (walks off)
(under his breath) Bitch…(louder) No Ma, not you, I was talkin’ about the dog!
…oh how about this black frock. It looks lovely. Miranda: And old, I wore it to my aunt’s funeral in 1976! Mrs. Doubtfire: Well classic never dies dear! Miranda: Let’s ask the kids…Lydia: I’d go with the short, black one…Natalie: Yeah, it’s the most fun! Miranda: See, I agree…Mrs. Doubtfire:..OK, whatever you think dear, I’ll get the frock out of here!
..ya box those, ya ship those. Any questions? (DANIEL)Yeah after ya box them?…Ya ship em! lots of luck smart ass!..i think i made a friend
0o lover boys here
1) Did you decorate this yourself? 2) Yes. 3) Its REEKS of taste.
1) I hope you’re up for a little competition… 2) I beg your pardon? 1) She’s got a power tool in the bedroom. 2) (chokes on wine)
1) It’s time to expand the minds on homework.(turns off the TV) 2) Right after Dick Van Dyke.(turns the TV back on) 1)No,(turn off the TV)now. 2)No,(turns the TV back on)we always watch Dick Van Dyke. 1) Really? Well, not anymore(throws the remote control in the fish tank), the only thing you’ll be watching is deep CNN. I know you’re used to Loosey Goosey, but I run a much tighter ship. Between 3 PM and 7 PM,I’m in charge, and when I’m in charge you will follow a schedule. Those who do not follow the schedule will be punished. 3)Punished? 2)She’s lying, she’d never punish us. 1)Don’t fuss with me.
1) She’s not as good, she always skips parts and she doesn’t do the voices. She smells funny too. 2) That’s the fermeldahyde hunny, that’s what keeps grandma so well preserved.
1) You see these boxes right here, you wrap em’ then you ship em’. The ones over there, you wrap those, you ship those. Any Questions? 2) After I wrap them? 1) …you ship em’.
1)Are we getting close? 2)Any closer, and you’d be Mom.
1-Yes i just want to know how many children do you have? 2-i have two girls and a boy 1-ohhhh a boyyy… i don’t work with the males cause I used to BE ONE..
1. I am Job. 2. Do you speak English? 1. I am Job! 2. I’m sorry, the position’s been filled.
1:But look at you with this wonderful Dances with Wolves motif…whats your Indian name…Shops With A Fist?
39, my age you’re a saint
555-1134.
Mrs.Doubtfire – Its time to expand the minds its homework time
After all that scotch I had to piss like a racehorse!
Mrs.Doubtfire – I know you use to loosy goosey but when I’m in the house i’m in charge
The kids – I wish dad was here
Mrs.Doubtfire – I’m here guys…well..in some form
I’m a hip old granny, who can hip hop, beep bop, dance till ya drop. And yo yo make a wicked cup of coco!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! LAYLOR GET BACK IN YOUR CELL! DON’T MAKE ME GET THE HOSE! Hello?
Aaarrgh!!!! Oh..my..GOD! Daniel? The whole time, Daniel? The whole time? The whole time? THE WHOLE TIME?!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Layla, GET BACK IN YOUR CELL!
ALl right everyone, it’s time to expand your minds. It’s homework time. Okay? Yeah, but after Dick Van Dyke. No. Now. No. We always watch Dick Van Dyke. Really? Well, not anymore. The only thing you’ll be watching is Deep CNN! I know your used to Loosey-Goosey! But I run a much tighter ship. Between the hours of 3 PM and 7 PM, I’m in charge. You will follow a schedule. Those who do not follow the schedule will be punished. Punished? She’s lying. She’d never punish us. Don’t fuss with me.
And who’s your gentleman caller?
Are your kids well behaved? Or do they need a few light slams every now and then?
as i hold this cold meat, i am reminded of poor winston
BACK OFF ASSHOLE!BEAT IT!BROKE MY PUSE,THAT BASTARD!
Broke my bag, the bastard.
carpe dentem seize the teeth
Chis Lydie We Have To Call 911 Now Lydie what what what Chis Shes Shes Shes Shes Have Man And Have girl chis I saw Her Go To The Bathroom Lydie what what what
Chis She has A dick She Has EveryThing chis Hold It Chis Your gonna Get It In The balls Lydie Yeah Mrs.Doubtfire Ok Your Not Who You Think i am chis Yeah No shit Mrs. doubtfire Watch Your Words Young Man Chis and Lydie Dad
Daniel Hillard: Wow, films. Will I be introducing these movies on air?
Tony: Not exactly.
Daniel Hillard: What do I do?
Tony: Well you take all these cans, you box ’em, you ship ’em. Then you take those cans over there, ship them, then more will come in. You box those, you ship those. Any questions?
Daniel Hillard: After you box them…?
Tony: You ship ’em! Lotsa luck, smartass.
Daniel Hillard: I think I made a friend.
Daniel: Come on, you’re on my time mow! YOU’RE MY GODDAMN KIDS TOO!!!!
Daniel: I… am… job. Miranda: …Do you speak English? Daniel: I… AM… JOB!
Daniel????? Why in God’s name are you dressed like a woman?!!!
dnadnadn I eat wood! dnadnadn It tastes good! dnadnadn No meat! Big feet! I eat wood! bumbumbumbump
Do you ever wish you could just freeze-frame a moment in your day, look at it and say, ‘This isn’t my life’ ?
Don’t FUSS with me..
Don’t tell me not to live, just sit and putter. Life’s candy and the sun’s a bowl of butter. Don’t bring around a cloud to rain on my paraaaaaaaaaaaaaade!!
Dont forget to bring the cocktail sauce, Shes got a bit of the crabs! (chokes on wine)
Ever wish you could freeze frame a moment in your day, and look at it and say this is not my life?
Excuse me, Dear. Call of nature.
Excuse me, I found this outside(holds up Mercadies hood ordiment)
Does it belong to you? 2.) Yes, it’s off my Mercadies. 3.) You know what they say;A man who drives a fancy car is only making up for smaller genitals.
He’s a he he’s a he-she she he…
help is on the way dear !! HELP IS ON THE WAYYYYY!!!!!
I am job.
I can’t take it orally, dear.
I come from a band – Severe Tire Damage. And I was wondering, are your kids well behaved or do they need a few light slams every now and again..?
I do a great impression of a hot dog!
i do a great impression of a hotdog!
I don’t need a hand, I need a face! 2.)Miss Hillard? 3.)[puts face in cake]HEEELLOOOO!
I don’t work with the males cause I used to be one.
I get a call from Ms. Selner telling me that Daniel has got some woman living with him claiming it’s his sister! I tell her Daniel doens’t even have a sister. She’s supposed to be old and very unattractive.
I just hope you’re up for a little competition, dear. She’s got a power tool in the bedroom.
I need a face, a FACE, a FACE!
i saw it, it was a run by fruiting
I saw it. It was a drvie by fruiting!!!
I was in a band; severe tire damage. tell me something: are your children well-behaved? Or do they need a light slam every now and then.
i’ll be back but i’m comin as oil!
I’m a hip old granny who can hip-hop, be-bop, dance til you drop, and yo yo make a wicked cup of co-coa
I’m a rapta doin’ what I can. Gonna eat everything ’til the appearance of man. Right now, I’m livin’ beneath the soil. I’ll be back, but I’m comin’ as OIL!
I’m being blunt as a spoon, aren’t I?
I’m very happy to be in America! Don’t ask for green card!
If I find the misogynistic bastard that invented heels I’ll kill him.
Im a hip, hop granny who can be bop, hop till you drop, yo,yo make a great cuppa cocoa!
It could be the voice of God! No Pudgey, don’t smoke!
it is the phemaldihyde, it is what keeps granny so well preserved
It was a run by fruiting!
It was a run by fruiting.
It was a run-by fruiting!
It was a run-by fruiting!!
It was a run-by-fruiting!
Its a dinasaurs line da da ta ta da ta da da and please welcome the king dun un dun dun un dun dun un dun this is a different show thank you thank you very much but right now please put your paws together uh please welcome james brontsoaris i eat wood dun un dun undun dun it tastes good dun it dun un dun no meat be feet i eat wood uh i got help myself cant go on cant go on im going extinct… im a rapture doing what i can gonna eat everything until the appearance of man yo yo see me im living below the soil ill be back but im coming as oil. (clap clap) Very impressive Mr hillard
its my birthday, ooooooo, stus taking me out to dinner, oh
knock knock!! Frank can you make me a woman. Frank) ohh honey iam so happy!!!!
LAYLAAAAA!! GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE BEFORE I GET OUT THE WATER HOSE!
LAYLOR GET BACK IN YOUR CELL! DONT MAKE ME GET THE HOSE!
Look Natie, that’s called lyposuction
Lotsa luck smartass. i think i made a friend
Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. Find me a find. Catch me a catch.
Matchmaker,Matchmaker,Make Me a Match. Find me a find,catch me a catch!
Miranda: Would you like to come in?
Daniel: No, I’ll wait outside.
Miranda: Okay.
Monkey Puppet: Alright, I’m gonna give you TWO kisses. Here’s a kiss on the CHEEK… And here’s a MONKEY BITE! Mrs. Doubtfire: Oh, you wicked, wicked monkey!
Mr Hillard, do you consider yourself humerous…there was a time when i found myself funny, but today you have proven me wrong…thankyou
Mr Lundy : Does your girlfriend have a girlfriend?
Daniel : Hey, it’s the nineties!
MRS D: It was the drink that killed him.
MELINDA: Oh, he was an alcoholic?
MRS D: No dear, he was hit by a Guinness truck.
Mrs Doubtfire : and tomorrow covax, we’re going to england, we’re i came from. Do u know what language they speak in england?
Covax : Pakistani
Mrs Doubtfire:Holding this cold meat reminds me of poor old winston. He liked the drink
Miranda: Oh he was an alcoholic
Mrs doubtfire: No he was hit by a guiness truck
mrs. Doubtfire … He’s a she, she’s a he, she’s a he=she
Mrs. Doubtfire: Please excuse me, I have to go take my medicine. The Mom (whatever her name was): Well, we have water here at the table. Mrs. Doubtfire: I can’t take it orally, dear.
Mrs. Doubtfire: Sink the sub. Hide the weasel. Park the porpoise. A bit of the old Humpty Dumpty, Little Jack Horny, the Horizontal Mambo, hmm? The Bone Dancer, Rumpleforeskin, Baloney Bop, a bit of the cunning linguisitics?
Stu: Mrs. Doubtfire, please.
Mrs. Doubtfire: Oh I’m sorry, am I being a little graphic? I’m sorry. Well, I hope you’re up for a little competition. She’s got a power tool in the bedroom, dear. It’s her own personal jackhammer. She could break sidewalk with that thing. She uses it and the lights dim, it’s like a prison movie. Amazed she hasn’t chipped her teeth.
Mrs. Selner: Do you find yourself humorous, Mr. Hillard? Daniel: I used to. There once was a time when I found myself funny. But you’ve proven me wrong. Thank you.
My first day as a lady and already I’m getting hot flashes.
My first day as a woman and I’m already having hot flashes.
My first day as a woman, I’m already having hot flashes.
My fisrt day as a lady and already I am getting hot flashes.
My name is Ilsa Ableman and I vont to know how many children do you haff?
Two girls and one boy.
Ah, a boy…I dont vork vith the males, cos I used to be one.
Nancy and I are still looking for the other half of my head.
Off your Mercededes! You own that big expensive car out there. Ya know they say that men with big cars like that are usually trying to make up for smaller genitals
Oh my God! Oh my GOD! OH MY GOD! The whole time! The whole time you were – THE WHOLE TIME!
Oh no sir i think they have outlawed whaling!
Oh no, I killed the bastard!
OH SSOO SAD WHEN THAT HAPPENDS! HAHA
oh thats great she calls you bust the birthday party, thats great!
Dont you dare make me out to be the monster here daniel dont you dare, you have all the fun and i get what ever is left over, i bring home a birthday cake and a few gifts you bring home to god damn san diego zoo and i have to clean up after them!
Oh it’s not toxic waste just a few party favours!
Why am i the only one that feels that has to be ruled why do you always make me out to be the heavy..
Oh i dont do anything you do it yourself!
Ohh…you set me up daniel everytime..
oh lighten up will you, just realize your spending to much time with those carpet clowns you use to despise.
I spend to much time with you daniel its over…it’s over!
Oh, I don’t work wit the males ‘cuz I used to be one.
Oh, sir, I saw the whole thing-it was a run by fruiting. Probaly by one of the members of the kitchen staff, you must have forgoten to tip them.
Oh, so sad when that happens! Ha.
Oi! Never buy grimavitch from a moyle
oy.. it was such a shandra, i shall never buy grimace from a moil, it so chewy!
Response to 12045 entry. The line She’s just upset because someone
dropped a house on her sister is actually from Betelgeuse.
She’s a hip old granny, who can hip hop, bee bop, dance ’till ya drop, and yo-yo make a wicked cup of co-coa!
So sad when that happens!
sorry dear i cant take it orally
Stew sounds like a thick soup then a name really
STU is more of a thick soup then a name, really.
Stu…It’s more like a thick soup than a name, really.
Stu: ‘the accents a bit muddled’ doubtfire:’really well so is your tan’
tell me what was your previous job? i was in a band severe tire damage i just wanna know one thing are your kids well behaved or do they need like a few light slams every now and then? umm i’ll have to get back with you. wow..
The restaurant Bridge’s?
The restaurant Bridges?!?
The whole time, Daniel?! The whole time?! THE WHOLE TIME!?!!!
The whole time, the whole time, the whole time, THE WHOLE TIME!!!
this is my nightly meringue mask…what it is is egg whites, powdered sugar, vanilla and a touch of alum…as you can see I’m melting like a snow cone in phoenix..I’ll go get Danny…Danny, Danny boy!
To correct a previously posted quote… (1)I hope you’re up for a bit of competition. (2) I beg your pardon? (1) She’s got a power tool in the bedroom, dear. She uses it when the lights dim. It’s like a prison movie. Amazed she hasn’t chipped her teeth. I hope you bring cocktail sauce. She’s got the crabs, dear, and I don’t mean dungeonous. Ohhhh, I’m being blunt as a spoon aren’t I? Forgive me! (sips wine) It’s the wine. Oh, gosh! Be back in a flush, all right? My tiny bladder…. I know this movie…. I’ve watched it MANY MANY times. So, there!!
uhaaa, i look like Norman Bates!!!
Uncle Frank and Aunt Jack.
We come to this planet in a search for intellgent life. Oops! We made a mistake
We’ve come to this planet looking for intelligent life. Oops, we made a mistake.
We’ve come to this planet looking for intelligent life; oops! We made a mistake!
well in the word’s of porky pig abde abde abde piss off lou
Well, in the words of Porky Pig, pp-pp-p-p-p piss off, Lou.
were his goddamn kids too
Were Is goddamn Kids Too
Whoa! You’re pretty big for a lady. You could play for the 49ners.
you skallywag…
ohh…bullie…
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’: Quotes from the movie ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’