(Altivio bites Tulio on the butt)Tulio: OW!! Miguel! Your horse bit me on the butt!
1) Maybe Cortez got here before us. 2) and what? took all the REALLY big rocks? The SCOUNDREL!!
1) oh come on, you’re BUYING your own CON! 2) at least I’m not DATING mine! 2) ooh, low low.
1)No, no!! We, uh…we want tribute…it’s just that um…Tulio, tell him! 2)Uh…it’s-the stars are not it possition for this tribute! 1)Like he says…stars…can’t do it…not today.
1)so how’s the escape plain going? 2)wait a minute… *bangs his head against the wall* right, okay, here’s the plan. In the dead of night, we grab some provisions, hijack one of those long boats and sail back to spain like there’s no manana! 1)That’s your plan? 2) yeah. 1) well I like it. So, how do we get on deck? 2)ok, dead of night, we grab some provisions, hijack one of those longboats…
1)You fight like my sister! 2)I fought your sister. That’s a compliment!
1-Did you ever think it would end this way? 2-The horse is a surprise.
1-Uh-uh no! I wouldn’t enter that jungle for a million pasedos. 2- What about 100 million pasedos?
1. I bet you we can make that jump.
2. Two pesetas says we can’t!
*they make the jump*
1. You lose.
1. My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ and I will not tolerate stowaways! First you will be flogged, then when we put into port in Cuba, heaven willing, you will be flogged some more and then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. 2. Alright, Cuba!
1. No! Don’t even move!
2. But ____,you can’t-
1. You’re moving!
2. I-
1. No! Gah! Just! Stay!
2. *standing still in funny positon* …For three days?! *falls*
1. Puh-leeze! You’re buying your own con!
2. At least I’m not DATING mine!
1. I- Ooh, low blow.
1. Uhuh. So I guess you’ll be wanting THESE back? *shows’s 2 his dice*
2. He- How did you get these?
3. And where was she keeping them?
1. Well, don’t blame me!
2. I blame you!
1. What is the object of this game, pray tell?
2. Ya gotta knock the ball through the hoop.
1. What hoop?
2. *Points way high* THAT hoop.
1. That’s impossible. We’re going to lose!
2. Gods don’t lose.
1. What’s going on?
2. We’re both in barrels. That’s the extent of my knowledge.
1. Who’s the God? 2. You da God! 1. No, you da God!
1.well, now you have chel and all your precious gold so what do you need me for!2.well maybe i DON’T need you! 1.fine! i’ll stay here, you leave, and well both get what we want! 2. thats fine with me pal!
1: *looks at map, then huge rock with carvings on it* Hmm. 2, wake up, we’re there. 2: We found it? 1: Oh yeah. We found it. 2: Fantastic! Where it is? How far? 1: Right here. 2: Where? Behind the rock? 1: No, no. This is it. 2: Give me that. *grabs the map* This ca–what? 1: Aparrently, ‘El Dorado’ is native for great…big…ROCK! Hey, but I tell you what, I’m feeling genourous, so you can have my share! 2: You don’t think that Cortes could have gotten here before us and– 1: And what? Taken all the really BIG rocks? The scouldrel.
1: Alright. wait, im getting something (bangs head against wood). ok. heres the plan. at the dead of night u and i grab some provisons, hi-jack one of those long-boats and then we row back to spain like theres no monyana. 2:back to spain ye? 1: ye 2: in a row boat? 1:u got it. 2: great, sensational and thats your plan is it? 1:thats pretty much it 2: well i like it! well how do we get on deck? 1: well at the dead of night u and i grab some provisions, hi-jack on of those longboats…2: oh great!
1: Crush them into the dust. *chuckle* Enjoy.
1: Don’t blame me. 2: I blame you.
1: I have been around boats, believe me, and that, umm, the pointy, tall, umm, the-the-the long up and down thingy– 2: The mast? 1: The mast, yes yes. The mast is good.
1: I want in. 2: In? 1: On the scam. 2: There’s no scam. Why would you think there’s a–Why? 1: So I can get out. 3: I thought she just said she wanted in? 2: She wants in so she can get out. 3: Aha! Got it. *confused look* Why?
1: I’m not sure I trust you. 2: I’m not really asking you to trust me, am I?
1: I-I’ll tell you what. I’ll let you come back to Spain with us, like you wanted, and I can see my way clear to throwing you, mmm, ten percent? 2: You know, maybe I won’t go to Spain with you, and take a third. 1: Ohhhhh. Like you don’t wanna go to Spain. 2: Ohhhh, like you don’t want me to want to go to Spain. 1: I want you to want…what you want.
1: Miguel, you know that little voice people have that tells them to quit when they’re ahead? You don’t have one! (Later in the movie) 1: The little voice? Remember the little voice? For just a minute imagine that you have one. (Still later in the movie) 1: The little voice? *sigh* Oh fine.
1: That’s right! Do not question us, or we shall have to unleash our awesome and terrible power! And you don’t want that. 2: Well, yes, we do! 1: You do?
1: This could be our destiny, our fate. 2: 1, if I believed in fate, I wouldn’t be playing with loaded dice.
1: We need a miracle. 2: No, we need to cheat.
1: You worry too much. 2: No, I worry exactly the right amount. You can never worry too much.
Chel: So whenever you guys are ready to go back to… Wherever you came from… I’m going with you.
Tulio: Ha ha ha! Nooo… Don’t think so.
Chel: Alright, fine. After all, I’m sure you know the proper rituals for blessing a tribute, the holiest days of the calender, oh and of course you know all about Xibalba? (pinches Tulio’s cheek) Okay?… Good luck… See you at the execution.
Chief: You know, Lord Miguel… If you wish to stay… you only need to say so. Miguel: You mean… forever? Chief: Of course! Miguel:… Ugh, no, I can’t, I have to go back with Tulio. We’re-…we’re partners. Chief: Big plans in the other world, huh? Miguel: (smiles and nods sadly) Yup… Big plans. Chief: Well, then… I’d better go get some more rope, huh? Miguel: Oh Chief, um, forget about the rope, um… My mistake. Chief: Hey, to err is human…
Miguel: Hey, not bad for my first commandment, huh?!
Miguel: Hmm hmm hmm! Maybe they should call this place Chel Dorado! Tulio: Heh heh heh, she’s wooo… Whoa! She’s trouble, wait a minute! Miguel: What? Tulio: The little voice? Remember the little voice? J-j-j-just for a second imagine if you had one. What would it be saying about Chel? Miguel: (thinks for a moment then makes a sexy smile and rolls his shoulder) Grrrrrr…..
Miguel: Now that was an adventure. Tulio: Hmm, yes. Yes it was, and um… (starts to bawl) IT WAS SO MUCH GO-O-OLD!
Tulio: My plan was that we should lie low! But your plan was to run off, and be all (imitates Miguel’s accent) Oh look at me, look at me! I’m a god!
Tulio: Look, change of plans. We’re gonna grab what we can carry and get out of here now! Miguel: What?! Why?! Tulio: Because the High Priest is NUTS!!!
Tulio: Oh for Pete’s sake, Miguel! He’s a ruthless war horse, not a poodle! Now c’mon, before he licks you to death!
Tulio: That’s it! We’ll crash the boat into the pillars! Chel: That’s it? But… what about the gold? Tulio: Well…(Starts to cry)(whiny voice) CHIEF!!! (pauses and clears throat) Chief? I gotta plan.
Tulio: What is the object of this game, pray tell? Chel: You gotta knock the ball through the hoop. Tulio: What hoop? Chel: That hoop. (Points to a hoop that’s mounted on a wall about twenty feet high) Tulio: That’s impossible, we’re gonna lose! Chel: The gods don’t lose.
Tulio: (swordfighting) Not the face! Not the face!
Tzeckle Khan: You cannot know imperfect humans are. Like snakes they are, spineless and slippery. They are as untrustworthy as rats. Stealing and cheating with no remorse. Spinning webs of lies, like spiders!
Tulio: Stop that! That’s disgusting.
Tzeckle Khan: They’re beyond disgusting!
Tulio: Yeah, yeah. Way beyond.
Tzeckle-Khan: My Lord, these people will not respect you if they do not fear you. Tulio: And of course we’ll make them fear us, by…? Tzeckle-Khan: Well, sacrifice! As it is prophesized. The history of the Age of the Jaguar will be written in…? Tulio: Ink? Tzeckle-Khan: Blood! Tulio Blood! (slaps forehead) Oh, right! Of course! I should probably consult, though, with Lord Miguel, this is fairly important stuff, uh, I, um, should discuss the entire, uh… blood… issue… right away!
Tzekel Khan: My lord, YOU are perfect. Tulio: (chuckles modestly) Well… (poses) Go on.
Tzekel-Khan: This is unacceptable! Tulio: Yeah, yeah! Like he said! Tzekel-Khan The gods should not be playing ball like this! Tulio: Well exactly! (Scene changes to the group standing inside a huge arena) Tzekel-Khan: This is how the gods should play ball!
Tzekle Khan: Do you know why the gods demand blood? Acolyte: I dunno. Tzekle Khan: (slits his hand and smears blood on Miguel’s portrait) Because gods… don’t… bleed.
Zaragoza: I said one more roll. My map against your cash. Tulio: (pause) Alright Pee Wee, you’re on!
(The natives are tossing gold into the whirlpool) Miguel: (with a fake smile) Hey Chel, um… Wh-what are they doing? Chel: (angrily) They’re sending it to Xilbalba! The SPIRIT world! Tulio: (despairingly) Spirit world…
(Tulio and Miguel are confronted by a bull) Tulio: I got a plan. Miguel: What is it? Tulio: W-well, uh… You… pet him. Miguel: Yeah? Tulio: Aaaand I’ll… RUUUUUUN!!! Miguel: OH, WELL THANKS A LOT!!!
(Tulio catches Miguel playing ball with some kids) Tulio: WHAT do you THINK you’re DOING?!?! Miguel: (chuckles) Lying low!
All in favour of getting back to the boat say aye.
alright! cuba!
Alrightttt CUBA!!
Before we strike you….. with a…. lightin bolt… Bewear of the wrath of the gods BE GONE… Chuchu…
Chel: Oh, then I suppose you’ll be wanting these back?
[produces dice in her hand]
Tulio: [pats pockets, shocked] Hey… how’d you get those?
Miguel: [raising eyebrows] WHERE was she KEEPING them?
cortez- you will be flogged…and when we go into cuba to resupply, god willing you will be flogged some more. and than enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives.. miguel- *smiles all excited* allright! cuba!
He gave me LOADED dice!!!
i’m ok!!! *gets stepped on* i’m still ok!
I’m sorry! Sooooooooooooo sorry!
KCC-KCC
Miguel and Tulio…mighty and powerful GODS!
Miguel! he’s a ruthless horse-warrior…not a poodle!
Miguel)Miguel and Tulio! Tulio) Tulio and Miguel! Both) Mighty and powerful GODS! Chel) Hello… Both) AAH!
Miguel:Tulio, did you ever imagine it would end like this…?
Tulio: The horse is a surprise…
no no – we want tribute.
They should call this place Chel Dorado
To Shibalba!
Tulio! Da Hip! Da Hip!!
Tulio: Come on baby! Papa needs that crappy map!
Tulio: I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death.
[Grabs tiny dagger, looks at it]
Tulio: But not with that.
Tulio: Miguel and Tulio. Miguel: Tulio and Miguel. Together: Mighty and powerful gods. *laugh* Chel: Hello. *Tulio and Miguel scream like little girls*
Tulio: Miguel how are we gonna keep this up for three days?
Miguel: You worry too much.
Tulio: No! I worry exactly the right amount! You can NEVER worry too much! We just have to lie low.
Miguel: *Beautiful music flourishes in the background* But Tulio, this place is amazing! I mean I wonder what’s-
Tulio: NO! *Music stops with a record player screech* DON’T EVEN MOVE!
Miguel: Heh, Tulio-
Tulio: *points* You’re moving!
Miguel: A little but-
Tulio: HEY HEY HEY!
Miguel: Come on-
Tulio: Nyuh uh!
Miguel: But-
Tulio: Stay!
Miguel: *Steps*
Tulio: GRRRR!!
Miguel: I just-
Tulio: Just… stand there!
Miguel: *Balancing on one leg* For three days?!?! *falls over*
Tulio: YES! Exactly! For three days! Don’t even breathe! All right?
Miguel: *Brushes himself off* All right. We lie low.
Tulio: Nuh uh uh! *places hand over heart* Promise?
Miguel: *muttering* Yeah yeah yeah, all right all right all right……..
Tulio: Miguel how are we gonna keep this up for three days?
Miguel: You worry too much.
Tulio: No! I worry exactly the right amount! You can NEVER worry too much! We just have to lie low.
Miguel: *Beautiful music flourishes in the background* But Tulio, this place is amazing! I mean I wonder what’s-
Tulio: NO! *Music stops with a record player screech* DON’T EVEN MOVE!
Miguel: Heh, Tulio-
Tulio: *points* You’re moving!
Miguel: A little but-
Tulio: HEY HEY HEY!
Miguel: Come on-
Tulio: Nyuh uh!
Miguel: But-
Tulio: Stay!
Miguel: *Steps*
Tulio: GRRRR!!
Miguel: I just-
Tulio: Just… stand there!
Miguel: *Balancing on one leg* For three days?!?! *falls over*
Tulio: YES! Exactly! For three days! Don’t even breathe! All right?
Miguel: *Brushes himself off* All right. We lie low.
Tulio: Nuh uh uh! *places hand over heart* Promise?
Miguel: *muttering* Yeah yeah yeah, all right all right all right……..
Tulio: Miguel, you know that little voice people have that tells them to quit when they’re ahead? You don’t have one!
Tulio: What’s happening here?
Miguel: We’re both in barrels. That is the extent of my knowledge.
Tulio:I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death-but not with that!
Tzeckle-Kan: My lord, you are perfect, but in your perfection, you do not know how imperfect humans are. They are like snakes, they are, spineless and slippery. They are as untrustworthy as rats, stealing and cheating with no remorse, spinning webs of lies like spiders!
Tulio: Stop it, that’s disgusting.
Tzeckl-Kan: They’re beyond disgusting.
Unfortunately, El Dorado is native for GREAT BIG ROCK!
We are Miguel and Tulio. And they call us… Miguel and Tulio!
Well, it’s not a prybar.
Where was she keeping them?
You drank sea water didn’t you?
Your horse bit me in the but
your horse bit me in the butt!
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Road to El Dorado, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Road to El Dorado, The’