(FREDDY) Cape Cod? Why are you going to Cape Cod? (ALLEN) I don’t know, I like Cape Cod! (FREDDY) Well let me drive you.. (ALLEN) No it’s ok… (FREDDY) You sure- (ALLEN) yeah, I’ll take a cab (FREDDY) do you have money? (ALLEN) yeah.. (FREDDY) Okay good…can I have some then?
-Freddie, you and I have to talk.
-What is it? Missing petty cash? It was the cleaning girl.
-I don’t care about that.
-You don’t?
-No.
-Then it was me. I admit the whole thing.
-Well, I still don’t care about it Freddie.
-How long we’ve been playing?
-About five minutes.
-Oh, God. My heart’s beating like a rabbit. Do you want a beer?
-I’ll serve. You hold the beer. That will be your handicap.
-Oh, we’re going to play?
-Yeah. I’ll teach you a lesson in humility. Humility 101.
-It was embarrassing when you were ten, Freddie.
-Look, if something works for me I stick with it.
…Bloomingdale’s?
1) ALLEN?!! 2) Yeah, of course it’s ‘Allen’! What are you doing, sweetheart? 3) Taking a bath…. 4) Whooo-oooo….can I come in? 5) NOOOO!!!!!
1) Are we considering how the subject is responding to the experiment? 2) I’m considering everything! 1) Oh that’s right, I’m sorry, Dr Ross. How stupid of me! But have you consider the possibility that you might be a sadistic pig!
1) hey baby brain! You see this hose? 2) Yeah..? 1) Is so that I can breathe under water 2) uh-huh.. 1) DO YOU MIND GETTING YOUR CHAIR OFF IT?!!!!
1) Hi Freddy. Hey Allen. Where’s Victoria? 2) Oh..uh…she’s home sick with a cold.. 1) Oh that’s too bad, I’m sorry to hear that. 2) why didn’t I love her, Freddy, huh…she had everything…She was sensitive. She was bright. She was beautiful- 3) Hi Allen! Where’s Victoria? 2) Oh, uh..she’s unable to make it. 3) Well, give her my love, will you? 2) I couldn’t even give her MY love, Freddy 4) Hey Allen! Where’s that pretty lady of yours? 2) She’s NOT coming. What you want your money back? 5) Hey Allen! 2) SHE LEFT ME! SHE EMPTIED THE APARTMENT AND SHE LEFT! OKAY! ANYWHERE BUT THE FIRST THREE ROWS!!!!
1) I take it you know this girl. 2) yeah, I do! 1) Who is she? 1) I don’t know…
1) I’m sorry Dr. Kornblue, but I can’t let anyone in until Dr. Ross arrives with the Sweedish people. 2) These ARE the Sweedish people. 1) Uummm…but..isn’t that one right there kind of…dark? 2) He’s dirty from the trip! Now let us in.
1) You know by the time I got home she was gone 2) Victoria moved out, huh. 1) Do you know why she left me, Freddy? Because I didn’t love her. 2) That bitch!
1)Ms. Stimler, are there any messages? 2) Yes 1)…what are they? 2) Huh…OH, your father called! He wants you to call him back. 1) Ms. Stimler, our father passed away five years ago. Do you remember? 2) Right….should I get him for you??
1: There’s a guy down the beach that runs people out to the island. 2: What’s the name? 1: The guy or the island? 2: I’ll find him.
A) I’m gonna go get the little boat. B) The LITTLE boat?!!!
Aaaaw Freddy! I never wanted it to be perfect but it’s usually human!
AB: I didn’t even like you when I first met you. WK: NOBODY likes me when they first meet me!
Allen) So how long are you here? Madison: Six fun-filled days. That’s all? Madison)Six..days…..When the moon is full. If I stay any longer I can’t ever go back.
Allen: i got you something*
Madison: its beautiful, i love it*
Allen: no… you open it*
Madison: theres more??*
ALLEN: I want at least two children… MADISON: What kind? ALLEN: Uh well, you know…the little kind. The big ones are hard to deliver.
Allen:i got you something
Madison:its beautiful, i love it
Allen: no… you open it
Madison: theres more??
Allen:i got you something*
Madison:its beautiful, i love it*
Allen: no… you open it*
Madison: theres more??*
BEHOLD THE MERMAID!!!
Botchy balls!!
by the time i went home she was already gone.
Do you know why she left me Freddy because i didn’t love her..
FREDDY—-That bitch/
by the time i went home she was already gone.
Do you know why she left me Freddy because i didn’t love her..
That bitch/
Clean up this desk it looks like a pigsty in here…
I HAVE A SYSTEM ON THE DESK…
Shuuuu phones ringing…
Hi oh i am sorry Victoria i meant to call you back i forgot.
What now you’re moving out of the appartment now while we’re are talking on the phone yeah i know we were gonna talk about it, but victoria this is a little impulsive don’t you think i mean if we were married you just wouldn’t move out like this…
(Freddy cutting in) You might do that sure…
WOULD YOU GET OFF>
was that you?
GET OFF THE PHONE…
no no no no not you victoria no… what do you mean do i love you well no i mean it’s a very complicated thing…
Hey do you love me hey well there you go…
She went…
Do yourself a favor and stop by the lingerie department. A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be wearing boxer shorts.
Don’t go in there man, she’ll melt your face right off!
Excuse me sir. I never went to college, but wasn’t that English?
Freddie: Find something you’re good at, stick with it.
FREDDY: What’s with her? ALLEN: Oh she accidentally had an electric shock over the weekend… FREEDY: Waaahahhhaahahaha!! ALLEN: That’s NOT funny!! Besides, she can still do some things around the office. FREDDY: Was that…jump-start a car?
Hey what a wonderful day dan da darada everybody mr mango on my shoulder freddy dance with me…
I got the business wanna check em out…
No, no, no you check em you check em your the business man..
Well what about that lawers meeting tonight at 8pm…
eight 8pm no, no, no, no that’s too late for me freddy.
Listen i am gonna go upstairs to take a nap you wake me when it’s time to go home.
hey why don’t you keep her on a leash, hey madison avenue lighten up.
I am not a fish!
I love this guy did you here me i love him give me a kiss…
Oh freddy
Give your older brother a kiss um um um ma ma ma
I love this guys head here is a pound to wash my car.
I suppose you’re just some harmless beach-comber who happens to wear a tuxedo!
I want to stay with you. Your the reason I came here.
I’ll be back with nuclear weapons!
I’m just changing.
I’m really a nice guy! If I had any friends, you could ask them!
I’m really a nice guy. If I had friends you could ask them!
Is anyone here from Penthouse magazine?
It just so happens I come from a very long line of married people.
Just what kind of a place is this madison.. they don’t have rain and they don’t have ice..
Let her go. Show some dignity.
Let me tell you something. Many of your finer nudie films come from Sweden. Well, after you see ’em four-, five-hundred times, the stuff starts to sink in.
Let’s pee down his airhose.
Love came for me.
M:Your nose is blue…
A: Well i don’t wanna talk about my nose.
M: your ears are all red.
A: i don’t wanna talk about any part of my face, but i do wanna talk about what happened in the restaurant.
M: oh i am sorry that’s how we eat lobster where i come from.
A: Oh no no, no no no i don’t care about that i wanted to ask you if you wanted to get married.
Madison will you marry me.
M: No
A: what just no you don’t wanna think about.
M oh alan.
A: what.
M: i can’t tell you.
A: are you married were you dying you were once a man whatever it is i don’t care you can tell me.
M:Alan i only have three days left please make them wonderful.
A: Ok.
M: You wanna skate some more.
A:yeah
Madison..
(hey those skates are rented…)
Just give me one second ok… Madison..
Madison please i’m sorry..
(Let her go show some dignity..)
Madison
Madison: Allen, I don’t want you to feel guilty for not loving me anymore.
Allen: of all the time we spent together you have always known how I was feeling. How am I feeling know? (Madison smiles, they kiss):)
Mr. mango on my shoulder…
Nobody here ‘cept me and the Moron Twins.
We’re not twins!
Nobody said love was perfect!
Oh Mr. B___, you had a million messages. I wrote them down right here. You got calls from CBS, NBC, ABC, AP, UPI, Ted Turner, Time, Newsweek, Marineland, Ripley’s Believe it or Not … and Mrs. Paul.
People fall in love everyday, huh….Yeah? Well, that’s a crock. It doesn’t work that way. Look, do you realize how happy you were with her? That is, of course, when you weren’t driving yourself crazy. Every day? Come on. Some people will never BE that happy. I’LL never be that happy. What am I talking to you for? You don’t know anything.
Put that down put that needle down
Stay away from me
No i said let’s talk put it down.
(ALAN CHASES KORNBLUTH)
You alright…
AHHH OW AH AH…
AH HA AH AH AH AH what a week am having.
Run along now, Kornbluth…and see if you can find a Unicorn.
She works hard for the money.
She’s very hungry!
Some people will never be that happy – I’LL never be that happy!
The LITTLE boat?!!!!!!!
The LITTLE boat?!?
They printed my letter!! They printed my letter!!
They published my letter! Here it is, ‘A Lesbian No More’! They
published my letter!
Wait, come back! Can I call you!? What’s your number! I don’t know how to swim! I don’t know how to swim, come back! PLEASE! Oh WHY didn’t I learn how to swim!??!
Welcome to the Statue of Liberty. The statue was a gift from French citizens, and has come to symbolize hope for naked women everywhere.
What a week I’m having!
What a week I’m having.
What you looking at? You never seen a guy who slept with a fish before>
What you looking at? You never seen a guy who slept with a fish before?
Wher’re you going, Mr. Fat Jack?
Where’re you going, Mr. Fat Jack?
Who put this damn fruit here? I’m alright if anyone’s concerned.
You were shy?! After the car, and the elevator, and the bedroom, and on top of the refrigerator, you were shy?!
[In Swedish]
1] So what are two Swedish scientists doing so far away from Sweden?
2] Hey babe. I got a twelve-inch penis.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Splash’: Quotes from the movie ‘Splash’