#1 Don’t do it. #2 But I deserve to die. #1 Not yet. #2 What are you doing here. #1 I thought I’d find you here.
#1 How much are we paying them? #2 They’re interns, they’re free. #1 Yeah, well we are getting ripped off.
#1 I just have one thing left to say to you. I get the left side of the bed. #2 Well you know, we’ll have to see about that. #1 Hey, let’s get outta here. #2 Yeah, I’d like that.
#1 Well I’m not worried, are you? #2 No, absolutely not. #1 We’re dead. #2 Yeah, we’re dead.
#1 Which one of you wants to get bitch slapped first? #2 I’ll go second.
#1 (To person #2) What are you doing tonight? #2 Going out with some friends. #1 Great sounds like fun. (To person #3) What are you doing tonight? #3 Going out with her friends.
(1) In a year and a half we haven’t had a single fight. (2) He doesn’t care enough to fight with you, he wouldn’t know how! (1) God, I can’t believe I’m getting grilled by you of all people. You haven’t had a date since I met you. You don’t know a single thing about relationships, you just sit around with me and play it safe. (2) Yeah well, I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a little tired of playing it safe. (1) So what’re you waiting for? (Long Pause) You know what I have with Charles may not be perfect, but what I have with you is what? WHAT?
(Running down the street with hands on his head)Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (Chickens fly at his head) Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
1) yeckgggg 2) what was that 1) I was yawning
1)(guy) You know what the most spoken line in movies is? 2) (chick) shakes her head 1) Lets get out of here. 2) hmmmm makes sence, it works for a lot of different things, aliens have landed lets get out of here, there shooting at us lets get out of here, I want to make wild passionate love to you lets get out of here 2) those are all good…..espically that last one..
1)you’re the one who made your big gay bed,
2)don’t say it…
1)now you must slumber gayly in it.
1- Oh! Did you hurt yourself? 2- No, no you hurt me.
1: Do you know the story with that guy? 2: He caught a really big fish? 1: No, that’s he hung like an army mule.
A: Wow, thanks coming from you that’s a huge compliment. You used to hold the college record for the most penis in a single season.
B: Um, so you have all my stats?
A: Yeah, I’m a huge fan. I used to have that poster of you …. Did I say penis back there?
B: Yes you did, but I let it slide.
Ah I have a question. What are you doing? #2 Three sounds at once.
Amy: So I take it you HAVE kissed a woman before
Oscar: Not the right one!
(Kiss!)
Are you sure? Cause last night I dreamt that when we walked into this meeting I had no clothes on, well, I was wearing a doily, and then Julie McCoy from the love boat was there and she had three breasts. And then we kinda fell into the hot tub and then all of a sudden she wanted a commitment!! I freaking out, I’m freaking out.
At the gay and lesbian associations annual award ceremony as the gay man of the year declared his love for, a woman. Onlookers were amazed as the gay man of the year, Oscar Novak, leapt from the stage and persued the woman into the lobby where crowds gathered awaiting her response. And it wasn’t pretty. The incident reached a fever pitch as Charles Newman, the renowned international business man, incurred the same wrath of the same unidentified woman. Before police could arrive on the scene the enraged, yet fashionably attired, young woman escaped.
Do you know what the most spoken line in movies is? Let’s get outta here. #2 Huh. That makes sense. It works for a lot of situations. They’re shooting at us. Let’s get outta here. Alien’s have landed. Let’g get outta here. I want to make mad passionate love. Let’s get outta here. #1 Those are all good. Especially that last one.
Don’t make me make you my prison bitch.
Don’t make me, make you, my prison bitch.
Gay..me…what…I’m not gay… 2) its ok…..yeah I mean we don’t care oscar 3) what you do in the privicy of your bedroom..1) gay..I’m not….gay….
Hey I’m sorry about before. How are your balls? #2 They’re fine. Thank you for asking. #1 I had a great time tonight. One catastrophe after the other. I loved it. #2 Me too.
Hey, its not my fault. It was the 80’s. They made you look like that. Like you didn’t look like a dork in the 80’s. #2 I got through the 80’s dork free. #2 Right and you’re making up for it now.
How are your balls by the way?
I guess what I’m trying to say is that a lot of you know what it is like to be in the closet. So you know what its like to have a secret. Constantly worried about slipping up, having to hide your feeling from the people who are supposed to mean the most to you. What I admire about all the people here tonight is that your not afraid to be honest about who you are. You’re strong enough to stand up for the simple dignity of telling the people youl ove, how you feel. I know a little bit about this cause for the last three weeks, I’ve had a secret, and I think its time for me to come out of the closet. I’m not gay. Amy I love you. I haven’t been honest with you. But I love you. I’ve never felt that way baout anyone, and I know that just by telling you this I might have lost any chance I ever had to be with you but I believe you deserve, that everybody here deserves that kind of honesty.
I have tried every type of unavailable guy. A gay guy would really round off my collection!
I was on a bus and this guy comes up to me and says, do you work out. And then youknow, he was staring, I mean staring at my butt and of course my crutch was in his face, I turn around again and my butt is in his face, so it was like butt, crutch, butt, crutch, butt, crutch.
I’m batman.
I’m not GAY.
I’m not gay… I didn’t gay.
It just doens’t get better than this.
It was awful OK? As soon as we left the gallery our cab caught on fire, then she elbowed me in the face, and then we both threw up, then she slammed a car handle into my balls. Ok? The entire night was a total disaster. #2 You’re in love with her. #1 Pretty much.
Oscar, I’m a professional. I went to grduate school. I did 72 all nighters my senior year. I did a semester in Egypt. Do you have any idea what toilet paper feels like in Egypt? I had to live on cinnamon rolls on a chocolate ban suspension for a year. Do you know what that does to your kidneys. My kidneys, my kindeys, my kidneys, my poor friggin kidneys. My poor scarred, bruised kidneys.
Oscar: I’m never going to have sex again!
Peter: Sure you will…just not with a woman.
She has an arse that is so sexy, that I struggle to understand it.
Shit, piss, damn it, for christ’s sake. I thought they were supposed to secure these things.
So I take it you have kissed a woman before. #2 Not the right one.
So, you lied to me to protect your job, you violated my trust and friendship, you tricked me into telling you intimate things which I never would have told you. Now I just want to know, are you proud of yourself? Go ahead.
Stay away from Amy…..and her bewildering ass.
The reality is, you made your big gay bed, now you must slumber gayly in it.
They’re both gay? The goof ball too? #2 Openly.
What about that guy, that guy who paints the flags from around the world on people’s arses and then photographs them. I hate that guy. Not to mention Kevin Cartwright with his big grotesque muscles and his Mr Nice Guy act and.. Kevin, so good to see you. Got a little cold. Great game last week. Congratulations on the new contract.
Which reminds me, are your balls ok?
Wow! Champaigne, music, Amy in a komona. I swear if you weren’t gay Oscar, I would have to kill you.
You got lucky? Oh, she’s stacked. She’s really stacked isn’t she? Oh my god, did she tie you up? She’s a dominatrix isn’t she? You little piggy. You got it on with a hot big breasted dominatrix, didn’t you? Huh? You can tell me? Am I the only one who’s listening.
You know its an honour to meet you in your office. Hey, you have a buddha. I love buddha, they’re like bright cheery naked asian santas. You, know I had a buddy in college whose name was Bob, and we use to call him buddha bob, because he was kinda fat and he liked to walk around naked. We used to rub his belly for luck. Any way, I love buddha. He rocks.
You know what the deal is with that guy? He’s hung like an army mule. They call it the Pondorosa. You know like, from Bonanza.
You know, I knew that tuna melt tasted funny. I’m lucky, I can eat just about anything. You knw why, cause my Mum was a horrible cook. She used to make this chicken thing that smelled like she took and old tennis shoe and a wet dog and some blue cheese and …. I’m sorry.
You stole the blankets. You hogged the couch. It wasn’t pretty. #2 Heh, at least you got the left side.
You used to hold the college record for most penis in a single season.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Three to Tango’: Quotes from the movie ‘Three to Tango’