A-helen had an extra ticket to the usher concert, but she didnt invite me because she was afraid she would mary-kate’s feelings. Even though she know’s usher is my favourite!
MK-I wouldnt have cared!
A- Well its a little late for that now, isnt it. She already give it to lou. Being a twin bits monkeys1
MK-Its not exactly better roses for me either sweety!
A-this is all your fault
mk-dont blame me
a-why cant u get your own life!
A-U told us to work it out, so we did!
MK-Ashley doesnt want a twin thats fine with me!In fact, the more seperate we are, the better!
A-Goodbye mary-kate. I want her bed out of there by dinner!
ASHELY-Fine, raise a fashion failure. I’ll just go to the party with my cheesy leapord skin purse.
MARY-KATE-Well that was a little mean
DAD-Hey Ashley needs to learn how to budget her money.
MARY-KATE-Not that. I’m the one who bought her the leopard skin purse
Ashley- Now dad remember. You have to drop us off a block before school so we’re not seen with you!
Ashley-Carrie, now that you living in our basement, we’re kinda like room mates , can we borrow you CD’s.
Carrie-Sure, take whatever you like
Mary-kate-Great, got any with warning labels
Ashley-Did you haer that, Eric and I have a date for valentines day.
Mary-kate-Valentines day. Eric doesn’t even know it’s feburary.
Ashley-He may not know it’s valentines day when he gets here, but he will by the time he leaves
Mary-kate-No wonder men are scared of women
ASHLEY-Hey Nicole. Are we still going to Magna Records tonight?
NICOLE-Yeah
MARY-KATE-I thought we were going to see the new Ben Affleck movie
ASHLEY-Oh right. Well, Nicole really wants to listen to some CD’S. Want to come with us?
MARY-KATE-Thats OK. Last time I went to Magna Records, I found an old band aid in one of the headphones.
ASHLEY-Ew. Come on Nicole. We’re gonna be late for Spanish.
Ashley-Hey, look at that guy. Is he new. He’s really cute.
Mary-kate-Ashley, this isn’t a single’s bar. No boys even gonna look at you until you start taking karate seiously.
Ashley-Wanna bet. Watch and learn grasshopper. Show me one of those twily, kicky things
Mary-kate-I see you’ve mastered the terminology. OK. This is called a outside cresent kick.
Ashley-ow, ow, ow, ow
Mary-kate-What are you doing. I didn’t even kick you
Boy-Are you OK?
Ashley-I think so. Could you help me over to the bench?
Ashley-I can’t believe it. I only raised half the money. That candy machine was my one campaign promise. Do you realise what this means?
Mary-kate-Your like every other polititian. U lie
Ashley-I’ll be less popular than the kid who does the morning announcement’s
Mary-Kate-Who does those anyways
Ashley-See!
Ashley-I’m getting rid of these stupid pictures i took of him.
Mary-kate-They’re all of the back of his head.
Ashley-Of course thay are. I took them from the closet, otherwise he would have seen me.
Mary-kate-Personally, i don’t know why Taylor likes Megan. Did you see how fat she was?
Ashley-She was perfect
Mary-Kate-Hey, i’m trying to cheer you up here. Work with me.
Ashley-Here throw this out for me. I’m getting rid of this stupid hat too.
Mary-kate-You stole his hat?
Ashley-I didn’t like what it did to his hair.I hate him.
Mary-Kate-Hey look. A picture of Megan. Got milk.
Ashley-It feels like he ripped out my heart and put it in a blender
Mary-Kate-Gross
Ashley-Jennifer Dilber’s been bragging that she’s going to a highschool party. Us going to a college party would really show her up
Mary-kate-Well it’s not going to happen. Dad’s plan to ruin our lives is working
Ashley-Look. I don’t really need to know everything about sports. I just need enough of your mumbo-jumbo to make it look like i do. So i can trick Eric into liking me
Mary-kate-Boy that sounds wrong
Ashley-Mary-Kate you scared me.
Mary-Kate-Good then the day wasn’t a total waste. So, what sre you doing that your not supposed to be doing
Ashley-You know that handbag I wanted on the internet. I’m going to order it.
Mary-Kate-I’ll be right back. Are you crazy. I wouldn’t even try something like that. I can’t believe your dub enough to…Wow, that is a nice handbag. Can i have that after dad kills you
Ashley-see, I’m not actually going to buy it. After i take it to Jennifer’s party i’m going to send it back. It’s just like borrowing from Carrie, except i’m borrowing from Bloomingdales.
Mary-kate-Ashley, I can’t let you do this.
Ashley-Oh yeah. One click of the mouse and it’s a done deal
Mary-kate-Ashley No
Ashley-Mary-Kate let go
Ashley-Mary-kate, I’m going to be the laughing stock of the school. I’ll be snubbed in the cafeteria. I’ll be picked last in gym class
Mary-kate-You always picked last.
Ashley-Yeah. But at least before they were nice about it
Ashley-Mary-kate, Mary-kate, dad’s outside. Double part.
Mary-Kate-OK. Let me get my stuff
Ashley-I’ll tell you one advantage karate has over my ballet class. A lot more boys.
Mary-kate-did you think i was only in it for the belts.
Ashley-You might have told me. This place is a gold mine
Ashley-No!No! Get out!
Carrie- Wow! two no’s and a get out. Must be something serious!
Mary-kate- Yeah!One of ashley’s friends probably overplucked their eyebrows!
Ashley-Oh my god! Where are all the presents?
Carrie-Walters not here!
Ashley-They took walter too!
Ashley-Oh my god. Eric doesn’t care about anything but sports. It’s all he knows, sports, sports, sports!
Mary-Kate-Hmmm, where have i heard that before
Ashley-OK, you were right. Mary-kate was right. All hail Mary-kate
Mary-kate-Thank-you
Ashley-Oh my god. Taylor has a girlfriend.
Mary-Kate-You wanna scream. You can break something if you like. I won’t tell dad. Want me to break something for you. Cause i will
ASHLEY-Oh yeah. We talk on the phone so much. I bumped her up to number 5 on my speed dial.
MARY-KATE-Well lucky her. Would you mind letting me know before you go and blow me off. I’m starvin’
ASHLEY-OK, what does this dress say to you?
MARY-KATE-Hey look at me i used to be curtains.
ASHLEY-No. It says i need the matching handbag.
CARRIE-I think you look great Ashley.
ASHLEY-Great. Great’s not good enough. Jennifer Dilbers birthday party is going to be a showcase for spring fashion. I have to have the handbag
ASHLEY-Taylor. Just the guy. I wanted to see. Could you put this above the door for me. I’d do it myself but i’m not tall and strong like you. You do realise what we’re standing under don’t you?
TAYLOR-Yeah. Spinach. See ya
ASHLEY-That’s looks like the shirt I brought dad.
MARY-KATE-It is the shirt you bought dad, because those are the pants i got to go with it.
Ashley-This isn’t a game, it’s a conversation. Hey, let’s pretend for a second that i didn’t like sports. What do you think we’d talk about.
Eric’Why wouldn’t you like sports.
Ashley-Wow!
Ashley-This place is messier than your side of the room. We’re gonna be here forever.
Mary-kate-Hey.look on the brightside. At least we get to tell Jennifer Dilber that we went to a college party.
Ashley-Yeah, and the cops showed up
Mary-kate-and we almost got arrested.
Ashley-I think we can make this work for us
ASHLEY-Too bad there’s not an allowet in here. I could plug in my curling iron. That’s got to be getting old.
MARY-KATE-I think i’m getting used to it. I didn’t black out this time.
Ashley-What a strange way to celebrate christmas!
Mary-kate- Well at least they have presents!
Ashley-What am i going to do? Eric is going to be crushed when he finds out i don’t like sports.
Mary-kate-Ashley, get over yourself. Eric doesn’t even know you’re gone
Ashley-It’s a tape!
ASHLEY-why didn’t you try to stop me?
MARY-KATE-Because this is the kinda thing that could get me my own room
carrie- you know that saying.. ya old bird
Carrie-Where’s your dad
Ashley-Oh,here somewhere. He’s eh, dressed as one of those old monster guys
Carrie-eh, Frankenstein?
Ashley-Sure why not
Carrie-well you guys stay here and enjoy the party and i’m gonna go look for your dad
Mary-kate-Good luck
Kevin- Ashley have you got everything for ballet?
Ashley- think so1
mary-Everything but natural talent!
Ashley- I havent digested my corn pops and your already taking shots
Mary-kate- He threw me one right down the middle. What was i supposed to do!
Livin’ in desperate times.
Man- whats that about walter?
Mary-Kate- He’s a great guy
Ashley- And because of him all these people are having a great christmas
Mary-Kate- And so are we!
Mary-kate- Carrie, we couldn’t!
Ashley- These are the ordaments you got from bethlehem
Carrie- U liked them they’re yours!
Both- Thank you!
Mary-Kate- So we just came down here to see if everybody likes their presents!
MARY-KATE-Ashley, what are you doing?
ASHLEY-Just gave Harriet a petticure for her first flight
MARY-KATE-Pink nail polish.
ASHLEY-I wanted her to look good so at least someone in this house will have a shot at getting a boyfriend.
Mary-kate-Can I do it from the pay phone round the corner. I mean, Ashley’s scrawny, but she’s got a great left hook
MARY-KATE-Djin
CARRIE-Mary-kate, we’re playing poker
MARY-KATE-Oh, then i’ll take three
MARY-KATE-Hey dad, hey Eddie. Hi Harriet.
DAD-Hey Mary-Kate, who’s Megan?
MARY-KATE-Oh, that’s Taylors new girlfriend. Now Harriet. Get some sleep. Wev’e got an early flight tomorrow.
MARY-KATE-I say we call Eddie’s brothers
MARY-KATE-I think Harriets gone for good. Dad’s right. I should never be allowed a bird. I’m a jinx
Mary-Kate-I think he like’s me, do you think he like’s me?
Ashley-Does Dawson have a Creek
Mary-kate-Alright. Let’s get home. Iv’e gotta copy your history notes.
Ashley-You were in class Friday
Mary-Kate-Yeah, like I took notes
MARY-KATE-Is he gone?
ASHLEY-Finally. I didn’t know there were that many christmas carols.
MARY-KATE-Quick.Let’s go up before he comes back
Mary-kate-No Ashley. When a player gets hit in basketball it’s called a foul.
Ashley-I thought a foul was when the ball gets hit out of bounds
Mary-kate-that’s baseball
Ashley-So what’s it called when the ball goes out of bounds in basketball
Mary-kate-Out of bounds!
Ashley-Now that makes sense
Mary-kate-It all makes sense!
Mary-Kate-no. probably more of a reality slap
MARY-KATE-Oh Ashley, i’m so glad you made it home. Where the heck were you?
ASHLEY-What?
MARY-KATE-It’s thursday. Every thursday we go to pepporoni joes and split a pizza.
ASHLEY-oh i forgot. I walked home with Nicole
MARY-KATE-Again
MARY-KATE-She’s Ashley. I’m Mary-Kate. The one with the gaping head wound.
Mary-Kate-so Paul. Do you play Black Damon.
Paul-Yeah but not very well.
Mary-Kate-Great, hope you brought your wallet
MARY-KATE-Still putting off that English paper huh?
Mary-Kate-Stop complaining
Ashley-But your movie is stupid
Mary-Kate-Ashley. I like action movies. Deal with it.
Ashley-Great. Another night of senseless vilonce and carcrashes. I like movies that broaden my outlook and enrich my mind
Carrie-Like what?
Ashley-Anything with Brad Pitt
Mary-kate-Well we’re done.
Ashley-Taylor hasen’t left yet has he?
Mary-kate-No. He’s moving kind of slow after that thankgiving dinner you fed him.
Ashley-Forget the cookies. I better bring him a hot towel. OW, OW, OW
Mary-Kate-Well, Ashley, how do I look
Ashley-A little prettier than usual
Mary-Kate-You do know we’re twins don’t you
Mary-Kate-Wow, u’ve had it pretty rough walter
Mary-kate-You hide the guys inhalor one time and your labelled for life
Mary-kate-your going trick-or-treating dressed like that
Eddie-Just because you look like my ex wife does ot mean you have to act like her
MK-Ashley and i talked about it and settled our problem!
K- So whats with all the boxes?
MK-Im moving up to the attic. Would you mind grabbing my bed!
MK-Dont push me!
A- Im not pushing!
MK-Then keep ur hands off me!
A-Oh well excuse me!
MK-Oh hi ashley what can i do for u?
A-Wats goin on in there?
MK-Nothing much. Just invited a few friends over for a party!
A-Your having a party!
MK-Well, its kind of an attic warming!
Shakin’ you.
Take a chance.
Twist of fate.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Two of a Kind’: Quotes from the movie ‘Two of a Kind’