-what is this your seventh year here?
-carry the two, yes seventh
1) All right look, that old bag, is stronger than she looks
2) I’m doing a human interest piece…on you.
3) Oh, I’d love for your…piece to be on me. But sadly I don’t do interviews, I do lunch though..
1) EAT THE PINEAPPLE EAT THE PINEAPPLE
2) dont you think i know that
1) god you treat me like a child
1) Get in. 2) I’m not getting in there with you. 1) If you want the interview you’ll get in here with me………What happened? Is everyone okay?
1) Sometimes you gotta follow your heart. Even if it leads you to a place you’er not supposed to be.
2) And how many times has it lead you to the girls locker room?
1) This would be a first.
2) Why do I have a hard time being that?
1) I’m not saying this is my first time here. Usually its a different part of my anatomy that does the leading.
1) there is NOTHING too big we can’t handle
2) and we mean NOTHING
1)what we’re trying to say is we won’t blow the job
1) Who was that girl? Was she a freshman?
2) She reads at a sophmore level.
1)Apathy is the glove into which evil slips its hand! 2)I’ll write that down.
1)I’m not getting in that thing with you. 2)If you want the story, you’ll get in this thing with me.
1)It’s like this itchy, burning, rashy sensation. And it hurts when I… 2)Dance? 1)When I pee! 2)Hooked up with a burner, didn’t you? 1) Yeah. 2)Seemed like a nice girl, said it was her first time? You should always check the quality of the turf before you step out onto the field. Listen, go to the campus hospital, see Stu. Tell him _____ sent you. And remember, don’t be a fool, wrap your tool. 1)Thanks, ____! Thanks a lot! 2)Don’t thank me. Thank penicillin.
1)Second date with Emily – red or blue? 2)Blue. Goes with his eyes. Kid’s got killer eyes, not unlike yourself. Anyone ever told you that? 3)Yeah, my boyfriend. 2)Oh.
1)This ball club is the heart of this institution. You win, it beats. You lose, it breaks. You’re not boxin out, Big Poppa. You’re my Windex man, I want you shining glass. Quentin, we gotta D up out there. Darius, I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake. What’re you looking at, Suzie? Your mom called, said you left your legs at home. For God’s sake! I’d do anything for you guys, which is why I’m throwing you a little soiree tomorrow night. But not without a W tonight. You wanna know why? Cause nobody likes to celebrate a loss, guys. 2)Hey, man, you gonna invite those freak honeys from Mt. Holy Oak? 1)I already did. They said they would try to make it if they weren’t humping the Matadors. 3)The Matadors! 4)Come on, guys! We got a ball game to win!
1)You are A: an asshole, B: an asshole who isn’t staying at my place tonight, or C: all of the above. 2)What was B again?
1. I’ve done alot in the last 7 years. 2. If you haven’t gotten your doctrine you haven’t done enough, now pack up your panties son, we are going home
1. there is no job too big we can’t handle
2. and we mean nothing
1. we promise we won’t blow the job
1.)Alright!, hey Gwen! You’re just in time, take off your clothes. 2.)I’m not taking off my clothes! 1.)Well, it is the Naked mile run…everyone’s in their Birthday Suits haha……cept for that guy.
1.sorry i was late i was figuring out which undies to wear.
2. which did you decided on?
1.none
1.write that down. 2. i don’t have a pencil. 1. well, remember it then.
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I’m BLEEDING!!!!!
Are you stalking me, because that would be awesome!
Are you stalking me… because that would be super!!
Are you stalking me? Because that would be super!
Are you stalking me? Cause that would be Super!!
aww poor guy just needed some TLC
congradulations tagh! you just got your first blow job!
CONGRATULATIONS TAJ! on your first blow job
Crazy Kids and their crazy..VD.
Damn circus midgets!!!!
Do you know where I can find Van Wilder? In the Guiness Book of world fucking records for being the raddest fucking dude alive!
don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.
Don’t be a fool… STAY IN SCHOOL!!!
Don’t take life to seriously, you’ll never get out alive!
don’t take life too seriously – you might not live through it
Dont be a fool, wrap your tool. Crazy kids with their VD.
experiences don’t make life… they are life. write that down.
Fill this out. It’s the standard extenction payment plan.
You mean we didnt have to do all that?
But arn’t you glad we did?
For the first time in my life, I’m glad I’m deaf. I can’t hear the BOO’s.
G: what do you think you’re doing out there R: proving a point. you’re friend doesn’t fit in. pop quiz true or false…you and him have been spending an ordinate amount of time together G: true; here’s a question for you: you’re either A) an asshole B) not sleeping at my place tonight or C) all of the above R: what was B agian
Gwen: Is it true you’ve been at Cooliege for 7 years?
Van: Carry the 2.. yes thats correct
He is the White Berry
Her name’s Naomi .. that’s ‘i moan’ backwards
her names naomi that I Moan backwards. (looks away then back) yeah
Her names Naomi…..thats I moan backwords.
Hey guess what I’me feeling a cold soar coming on. Maby we hould do thi for 3 to 6 weeks.
Hey guess what. I’m feeling a coldsore comming on. Maby we shouldn’t do this for another 3 to 6 months.
hey wanna go shit in the bathrooms and make the pledges clean it up…hey com’on it’ll be fun
Hey! The doctor told me that Canine semen was pefrectly safe and actually prett…..Whoa you went clepto on my transcripts.
hi, my name is Tara………… MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I hear milk, I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving! To To, smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I want to do, how is it park the porpus you know. I want to take it through the car wash baby you know and get it waxed. Wax it wax it! And air dry, air dry that shit. And and… I would like to be your assistant very much mr. van wilder.
I just wanted to bring my A game
I know Mrs. Packman is special. She’s fun, she’s cute, she swallows…
I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere. Write that down.
I like it here.
I once partied with this guy who said dont take life to seriously, you will never get out alive, he always youst to ramble on about the difference between light beer and dark beer, weird, but good advice.
I think I’ve had these before!
I want to learn the American art of muff diving.
I want to take it to the car wash, wax that shit!
I was the first male cheerleader ever….EVER!
I’m gonna need a few cocktails before I start coughing for you guys.
I’m just trying to light this bong….thats no bong thats for my slong….you mean I put my mouth on your cock pump
If he is here, who’s running hell?
If he’s heer whos running hell
If he’s here then who’s running hell?
If he’s here, who’s running hell?
If he’s up here, who’s running Hell?
if milty can SHOVE himself into that weenie bikini then you don’t have to be shy about making your donations NOW…donations are accepted in cash, credit card, check, and full frontal nudity
if the glove don’t fit, you’re full of shit
If the glove don’t fit, your all full of shit!
If the glove dont fit, who gives a shit
no dude, its if the glove don’t fit, you’re full of shit
If the glove dont fit, who gives a shit
if you can’t see the potential in yourself, then you are a blind man
if you think to much about the future you might forget about the precent.
in my country a woman’s mastery of her gastronomic reflexes is an aphrodisiac
Is that all you people think about? Now I agree I applied for this job because I wanted to cut loose and shake my rump, but I do not believe that this dilemma can be solved by partying.
Is that all you think about? I know I took this job because I wanted to cut loose and shake my rrrump, but I dont think this problem can be solved by partying!
It’s a date.
It’s and interview.
Gwen first dates are interviews
It’s a good day to die McDougall
It’s the Internet, dude. Fries their brain cells.
It’s the internet. It fries their brain cells.
Jeanie will you shut the hell up I’m tring to pleasure you
Sorry richard pleasure away!
PS. this room rocks!
P.S. shut the fuck up
jeanie: is there anything i can do for you guys…anything at all?
jeanie: this party so rocks richard
richard: this party sucks rectum jeanie
jeanie: O. k.
Lady: So Van are you in Richard in the same Faternity? Richard: No No Van is not quite Delta Iota Capa material. Van: Richard you rascal you never told me you were a dick..not like ya had too
Look, the vet reassured me that canine semen is perfectly harmless…
MAIL IT IN! MAIL IT IN!
MAIL IT IN….mail it in
muff diving
My brothers play hockey…for the Rangers.
my dad sort of gave up on me and my mom years ago. 2) well maybe 7 years of tuition is your way of getting back at him
Never better my little Jasmine Flower.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself!
Never take life to serious, you’ll never get out alive
never take life too seriously, you will never get out alive!
oh van can handle a load
Ohh, all this time I thought it was because I messed around with your daughter freshman year…….you messed around with my daughter?…..hahahaha WHAAAT?
Okay, look, that old bag is a lot stronger than she looks…
oooh gwen, you’re labia feels soo good around my swollen…shit i forget what he says……oh yea, i’m releasing my seminal fluids into you now, oooh OOOHHHHHHH……are you ok?…..yea, why? didn’t you?….its kinda hard in 15 seconds
party for a couple of years
R: well didn’t you?
G: well it’s kinda hard in 15 seconds
Remember my creedo Timmy – Don’t be a fool…stay in school.
Richard, you didn’t tell me you were a dick
Richard, you rascal, you never told me that your a DIK! Not that you had to!
Right that down.
Sally- Cool song.. Whats it called? Van- Its called Gwen used me for her story and then ran over my heart with a big metaphorical truck. Redone by Air Supply. Im all out of love, Im so lost without you
So pack up your panties son cause were heading home!
So you must be pre-med-dick
Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you even if its someplace your not supposed to be.Im not saying Ive never been in the girls locker room before, im saying its usually a different part of my anatomy that does the leading.
Sometimes you have to recognize a bad investment and simply cut your losses. Write that down.
sometimes you just have to follow your heart, even when it leads you somewhere you know you shouldn’t be
sometimes you just have to follow your heat, even when it leads you somewhere you know you shouldn’t be
Sorry boy’s the bakery’s closed.
Sure you’ve made millions of friends who at the drop of a roofy would do anything for you.
Sweet Joseph my son’s a fairy
Taj: This is the culmination of my being.
that is not a bong, that is for my schlong
That looks amazing. That is perfect. You’re a pro. A pro. Hey, look at me. PRO.
That’s not a bong, It’s for my shlong.
That’s not a bong, its for my shlong!
this is some bachloer pad wilder. decorated in early fuck
This vaginal discharge won’t let us partake in the par-tay!
This vaginal discharge wont let us partake in this PARTAY…Graphic
Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze!
Those circus midgets canNOT hold their booze!
Those crazy kids and their crazy…VD.
Those damn circus midgets cannot hold thier booze!
Those damn circus midgets, they cannot hold their boose! (Courtesy of Anie and ZuZu)
TIMMAY!
Tit! Oh, mommy. Most Indians would say cow because they are sacred, but I hear milk, I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder.
Van is not what you would call Delt Iota Cappa material.
Richard you never told me you were a dic.
Van, I just…..NOOO!!! (door slams)
Van-How old are you, Sally?
Sally-Old enough to be jealous of that Gwen girl.
van: great…then its a date
gwen: its not a date its an interview
van: gwen all first dates are interviews
Van: Somtimes you have to let your heart do the leading…even if it leads you somewhere your not sapossed to be
Gwen: Does your heart always lead you into the girls bathroom?
Van: Im not sayin Ive never been in the ladys locker room before, but its normally a different part of my inatamy that does the leading.
Van: Somtimes you have to let your heart do the leading…even if it leads you somewhere your not sapossed to be
Gwen: Does your heart always lead you into the girls lockerroom?
Van: Im not sayin Ive never been in the ladys locker room before, but its normally a different part of my inatamy that does the leading.
van: what is that intoxicating scent you’re wearing
*i have cats
van: meOW!
*mr. wilder you wouldnt be trying to seduce me would you?
van: who me?! NO!…
*(licking her lips)
van: HEY HEY HEY! you-ou know im feeling a cold sore coming on
*(takes a swig of whiskey) ahh that’s the shit
van: may-maybe we should wait 2-3 weeks
*shut up
*oooh goo baby goooo!
*fill this out..it’s the standard form extension plan
van: you mean we didn’t have to…
*but aren’t you glad we did?
Van:: Taj, Im going to have to let you go, I just dont have the resources for your services anymore. Taj::A good soldier does not leave his commander just because he is wounded, arms ripped at the sockets, intestine spilling out onto the mud, picked at by birds..I will go on at no charge!!
Vans still in school?…..for the better part of a decade
WE’VE GOT A JUMPER!
what is that entoxicating scent youre wearing doris? I have cats. MEOW WA WA!
What is that girl, a freshmen?
She reads at a sophmore level
whats that intoxicating scent your wearing doris?….i have cats…Meow
Why Doris, what is that intoxicating scent? Doris: I have cats.
MEOW!
wilder is nothing but a rectal itch
Wo! If he’s here, who’s runnin’ Hell?
Woman: Are you and Richard in the same Fraternity?
Richard: Oh no, you see Van here isn’t Delta Iota Kappa Material..
Van: Richard you rascal you never told me you were a DIK!
Not that you had to.
Worring is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesnt get you anywhere.
worrying is like a rocking chair, gives you something to do but it doesnt get you anywhere
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere. Write that down.
Wow if he’s up here…who runnin’ hell?? HAHAHAHAHAHA
Wow! If he’s here, who’s running hell?
WOW, if he’s here who’s running Hell?
Write that down.
write that down.. 2) i dont have a pencil 3) well remember it then
You are most amazing to make m feel so Damn Hot!
You can tell a lot about a person by the type of underwear they wear.
you can tell alot about a person by the type of underwear they wear. like you granny panties i bet…does that allude to me being the plain boring type…no i just wanted a visual
You can’t treat everything in life like it’s life or death, cause you’ll die alot.
You cant treat every situation as a life and death matter, because youll die a lot of times.
you have a thousand friends who in a drop a ruby would do anything for you
You have no idea what Gwen wants, say hi to your girbil for me
You have shown me a life i could only dream about back home while masturbating in my fathers woodshed!
You know, you haven’t lived unless you’ve shotputed blitzed on jager
You must be Gwen, the truck driver.
You really should think about getting him neuterd. That’s his decision! They are getting bigger, arent they.
You score, I give you the full story. Miss, and it’s dinner for two. Clothing optional.
You see Timmy, worrying is like a rocking chair, it will keep you busy, but it wont get you anywhere… write that down.
You’re all I love, I’m so lost without you, I know you were right…believing for so long
you, you, Pussy Ass Mother Fucker!!
your the only guy thats makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time!
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Van Wilder’: Quotes from the movie ‘Van Wilder’