Look, , I know… that you’re shy, and I know that you’ve been hurt, so… I’m gonna make this really easy on you. If you come upstairs, you’re gonna get laid
You know, some of us will never, ever find true love… like, take for instance… me. And I’m pretty sure that guy right over there. And the lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at Table 9.
#1 I kissed her. #2 Kissed who? #1 ummm… #3 me, he kissed me! #2 Yah… who hasn’t?
‘Til There Was You.
(1) Do you like Flock of Seagulls?
(2) No, but I can see you do.
(1) is it true that ur having a nervous breakdown??? (2) nervous breakdown nervous breakdown (3) no (1) is it true you going to end up in a mental intstitution (2) cookoos nest cookoos nest (3) no whos been saying that (1)everybody (3) EVERYBODY, your eight years old you only know your parents
(1) so heres to the best man (2) THE BETTER MAN WHOOO
(1)He’s a – playing the guitar now.
Isn’t that great.
You’re doing good.
(2)Yeah? Sounds good?
(1)Yeah.
(2)That’s because I’m the best guitar player
in the world.
Yeah! Self-taught!
No lessons, thank you very much, Pop.
(Dave the best man) When my brother harold asked me to be best man at his wedding, I was like..hoho, of course man, ’cause you’ve always been there for me. Like when I was in rehab and like the time I couldn’t find my car. Harold, y’know, he’s always been like, the dependable one and I’ve always been the screwed up one, right Dad? ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother? Er, Harold would never beat up his landlord!’ But ah, little news flash, Pop – Harold ain’t so perfect. Remember that time in Porta Rico when we picked up those two… well I guess they were prostitutes but I don’t remember payin…
I’m the best guitar player in the world! YEAH! Self taught! No lessons thank you very much POP!
They’ll be divorced within a year!
(Quietly in the background someone yells) You Suck! (Even louder.._) YOU SUUUUCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!
(rapping granny)I said hip hop a hippie to the hippie to the hip hip hop and you don’t stop rockin’ to the bang bang boogie say up jump the boogie to the rhythm by the boogie that BEATS!
(referring to the Rubik’s Cube) No one will ever solve that.
(Singing) … Need you, feed you even let you hold the remote control.
(singing) 1) You don’t know how much I need you, while you’re near me I don’t feel blue and when we kiss I know you need me too, I can’t believe I found a love that’s so pure and true…BUT IT ALL WAS BULLSHIT, IT WAS A GODDAMN JOKE, AND WHEN I THINK OF YOU, LINDA, I HOPE YOU FUCKEN CHOKE!!! I hope you’re glad with what you’ve done to me, I lay in bed all day long feeling melencholy, you left me here all alone, tears running constantly…OH SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE, SOMEBODY KILL ME PLE-HESE, I’M ON MY KNEES, PRETTY, PRETTY PLEASE, KILL ME!!! I WANT TO DIE!!! PUT A BULLET IN MY HEEEAAAAD!!!! 2)I liked it. (1 starts crying) 3)He’s losing his mind…and I’m reaping all the benefits. [evil grin]
(singing) This is ladies night, oh what a night! Shaka khan!
(singing)Everybody spread the word…I live in my sister’s BAAAAAAAAAASEMENT!!!
(singing)Wake me up before you go-go don’t leave me hanging on like a solooooooooo.
(sings) SOMEBODY KILL ME PLE-HE-HEEESE…
(song)I want your money, that’s what I want.
(to the mirror) It’s nice to meet you…I’m Mrs. JULIA GULIA!!!
-Okay, let me just pick up a chick and we’ll get out of here…how do you like the jacket?
-I don’t know..I’d lose that glove you look nuts.
…and get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band & they break up.
…I like old coke better than new coke because it’s old and so am i…
1) …and on a special ocassion she might work up with my nipples- 2) ALL RIGHT, go out I’ll take care of the kids!
1) Are you nervous? 2) I’m actually not that nervous. I’ve been around weddings for a while. 1) I’m not talking about the wedding. I’m talking about the wedding night. Will this be your first time with intercourse?
1) Can I please get 3 prime ribs? 2) More prime rib. Always the prime rib. Make them eat the fish!
1) Glen will be a good-looking older man- like Blake Carrington.
2) I’m gonna prob’ly look like Buddy Hackett.
1) Hey Glenn, I hear you’re having your bachelor’s party on Friday before the wedding. You gonna be okay with that? You might miss Miami Vice. 2) Nope, reruns. I’m all set.
1) Hey Sammy, how come you’re not out with your limo, what’s up? 2) That new waitress, that’s what’s up. Is she in trouble! She’s gonna get it and she doesn’t even know it, and I’m gonna give it to her.
1) Hey, it’s about time his best friend
showed up.
2) So, how’s he doing?
1) I don’t know, man. He’s been down in the
basement since it
happened.
Five days now.
I- I think he’s having some kind of, uh,
mental situation.
You know, an episode or, or somethin’.
1) Hey, Robbie, that wasn’t a bad song, you
know.
I’m gonna tell those record company guys
about you.
2) Mind if I give her a kiss first?
1) Oh, yeah, you do what you gotta do.
1) I can’t make Glenn set a date. 2) I know you’re going to hate this idea but how about… a fake pregnancy?
1) I have nothing to offer to anyone. Haven’t done jack shit since high school. Why would anyone wanna marry me? 2) Marry you? I’m just trying to get someone to play with your ding-dong.
1) I still got the spandex, I’ll put them on right now. 2) The point is, this morning I woke up and I realized I’m about to marry a wedding singer?! I’m never going to leave Ridgefield!
1) Is it true that you’re in the middle of
a nervous breakdown?
2) No.
3) Nervous breakdown, nervous breakdown.
2) Who said that?
1) Everybody’s been saying that.
2) Everybody? You’re eight years old. You
only know your parents.
1) Man, he’s takin’ it pretty bad.
I mean, he, he’s acting like a real
robot. A zombie or something.
2) He’s been wantin’ to get married since
the third grade.
3) It makes sense. That’s when Mom and Dad
died.
He wants to start a family of his own.
4) Hey, check out the cake. There’s only a
little groom on top.
1) not about the wedding, about the wedding NIGHT. Will this be your first time with intercourse? 2)(shakes his head) 1)Well, don’t be ashamed! You know, when I got married, I wasn’t a virgin. I already had intercourse with 8 men! 2)You know that’s actually something I don’t wanna know about.
1) Oh, yeah…surely will… Jennifer.
2) It’s ‘Julia’.
1) That is a luscious ass right there, isn’t
it? Mm, my God.
2) That’s grade-A top choice meat.
1) I’d like to bite through that thing, grrrr! You
know, chew on it?
1) Well, I can’t make Glenn set a date.
2) Well, you’re gonna hate this idea, but I
think you should consider
a fake pregnancy.
1) Why do you think you’d be a good hire for
this bank?
2) Well, I’m ready to work hard.
And when I put my mind to something, I go
all the way.
I’ll go all the way for you, sir.
1) Do you have any experience?
2) No, sir, I have no experience, but I’m a
big fan of money.
I like it. I use it. I have a little.
I keep it in a jar on top of my
refrigerator.
I’d like to put more in that jar. That’s
where you come in.
1)(after driving) so how’d i do? 2)uh i don’t know… 1)what? 2)you hit 3 cones! 1)so? 2)they could have been people! they could have been guests at her wedding! 1) So what! they were CONES!
1)But you’re above all that material bullshit. 2)I don’t know. We’re living in a material world and I am a material girl…or boy.
1)Can I borrow your credit card? 2)You’re gonna pay me back, right? 1)No. But if you don’t give it to me, I’m gonna tell everyone what you said at the bar.
1)Can we turn this crap off, please? 2)That’s right, Robbie, you gotta let it out, man. 1)Let what out? 3)Your feelings you know. About what that lousy bitch did to you today. 1)Don’t call her that cuz we’re going to get back together and there’s going to be weirdness between you and me so just watch it.
1)COME ON, ANDY, MOVE YOUR ASS!!! 2)Hang on, huh! I’m watching Dallas! I think J.R. might be dead or something. They shot him!
1)Did everybody leave? 2)Pretty much except for a few cops that are still interviewing some witnesses.
1)Do you like A Flock of Seagulls? 2)I can see YOU do.
1)Don’t worry man, everything’s gonna be allright. (throws the mirror) NOOOO! 2)Ohh, GAHD!!
1)Glenn! Glenn, good morning! Hi, good morning! Good morning! Hello. Hi. 2)Hey, baby. Did you make breakfast in bed? 1)Um…no.
1)Glenn’s in junk bonds. 2)Hahaha. No, Jules, it’s ‘high yield bonds’. Do I tell people you’re in junk waitressing? 1)Nyaaaah!
1)God, I love David Bowie, he is SO sexy. 2)You think the ‘time to make the doughnuts’ guy is sexy.
1)Hey, do you like Flock of Seagulls? 2)I can see YOU do!
1)Hey, these sheets are soft. You use downy? 2)No. All-tempa Cheer. You can wash your clothes at any temperature and the colors don’t run together. 1)Really? 2)Yeah, now leave me alone.
1)Hey, you seem kinda sad. Why don’t you go out there and dance, buddy? 2)I asked that girl over there. She turned me down. She said she didn’t dance with losers. 1)Ooh, man. That hurts.
1)Hey, you’re late. 2)Sorry, I just couldn’t do it. 1)Well, if you need some more time, I guess I can wait. 2)No, I don’t need more time, Robbie, I NEVER want to marry you.
1)How come he’s so nice to you? 2)I let him look at my boobs at the Christmas party last year.
1)How was your bottle of rum last night?
2) I didn’t vomit on you, did I?
1) A little on my shoe, but luckily, I was
wearing your shoes.
1)How you doing sir? Chicken or fish? 2)You better get out of my way, Billy. You’re going to get hurt! 3)Oh yeah?! DON’T YOU TALK TO BILLY IDOL THAT WAY!!!
1)I can learn to deal with the fact that you’re just a wedding singer and not a rock star. I could even learn to deal– 2)You can LEARN TO DEAL WITH THAT? I don’t want you to LEARN TO DEAL WITH THAT! That’s not how it works! Jeez!
1)I can see that you’re drunk and that’s okay. I just wanted to tell you this. I really miss you and I wanna come back. 2)I don’t wanna be alone anymore. 1)No. You’re not alone anymore. Linda’s back! (passes out)
1)I heard what happened to you at your wedding. That was so cold! You must’ve felt like shit! 2)No, it felt really good. Thanks for bringing it up, man. You know, my parents died when I was 10. Would you like to talk about THAT? 1)Why would we want to talk about that? 2)I don’t know.
1)I just thought that teaching was a big part of your life. 2)Well, it was but now I’m doing some stuff to better MY situation.
1)I know you were in love and everything but that wears off. See, me and your sister, we used to be wild. And she was very adventurous…and we got into some crazy shit, but now the thrill is gone. I mean even if we do get a second alone together, we usually go to sleep. 2)Yeah. 1)I mean if it’s a special occasion, she might uh…she might do this exotic dance for me. 2)WHAT?! 1)And sometimes she might uh…you know work with my nipples a little bit– 2)ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH! Go out! I’ll take care of the kids! 1)Yeah. I don’t know what I just said but I said something.
1)I made this for you uncle Robbie! 2)Aw, thanks, Freddy Krueger. (shows him a not nice picture) That’s not nice…very creative though.
1)I puked. 2)Okay. 1)I vomited in my hair. 2)All right. 1)Does my hair smell bad? 2)No, it smells good actually.
1)I went on a double date, right? And the moron she’s gonna marry actually TELLS me he cheats on her. But can I tell her? No, I mean who am I to break up her marrige?
1)I’m a person too, Pop. Goddammit! I’m a person too!
1)It’s called a CD player. It cost me like 700 bucks but the sound quality’s outstanding! 2) You wanna play a record? 1)No, Jules, it doesn’t play records, it plays CD’s. It’s a CD player!
1)Kay. The best man, everybody! 2)The best man–the BETTER man! Arrooo!
1)Look at the girl in that picture. See that? You’re a lot prettier than that girl and she’s getting married. 2)What does pretty have to do with getting married? 1)Everything.
1)No, you’re the BEST! 2)At what? People eat prime rib and I sing I mean it’s a joke! I can’t do this anymore. 1)Glenn and I set the date! So you have to play our wedding. 2)Congratulations but I just can’t do it, all right?
1)Now, the kids have been fed, but if they want snacks, there’s ice pops in the freezer or they can have microwave popcorn. 2)Good.
1)Now, who of you out there would like to dance with this fine lookin’ woman? 2)I’d like to do more than dance with her!
1)Oh, my GOD! 2)What? 1)I can’t BELIEVE I never noticed it before! 2)WHAT? 1)You’ve got a thing for Julia! 2)Oh, no I don’t! I don’t. I think she’s a very nice girl but she’s marrying that jerk-off.
1)Oh, yeah. Living in your sister’s basement with five kids while you’re off every weekend doing wedding gigs at a whopping 60 bucks a pop?!! 2)Once again, things that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!!!
1)Okay so it was your first wedding back, of course things are gonna be a little shaky. 2)A little shaky? I hate weddings I hate the bride, I hate the groom, I want them to be miserable cuz that’s what I am.
1)Prime rib please. 2)More prime rib! Always the prime rib! Make them eat the fish!
1)Rosie, congratulations. I gotta go take care of something, okay? 2)I know you do. Go get her.
1)Sir? Is that Billy Idol? 2)I believe it is. 1)OH MY GOD!
1)So are you gonna tell Glenn? 2)About what? 1)About you and that kid and him squeezing your tush. 2)Well, he did have very strong hands for a 13 year-old. 1)I can see that!
1)That is a lucious ass right there, isn’t it? Mmm, my God! 2)That’s grade A top choice meat! 1)Like to bite right through that thing. ARRR! You know chew on it!
1)We get to hang out at work so much but we hardly get to talk cuz we’re always so busy. 2)Well, we should MAKE time to talk, don’t you think?
1)Well, my mother lives 50 miles away and Holly’s not into that kind of thing so, really only leaves one person… 2)George?
1)Well, Robbie, maybe we should talk about this when you’re feeling better? 2)Hey, psycho, I’m not gonna feel better about this, it’s OVER! Now please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up. 1)Oh, okay, so you’re still pissed about that wedding thing.
1)Well, you’ve just inspired me to hire a DJ. So, thank you.2)oh. Well good luck finding a DJ who can move and shake like thissssssss.
1)What about YOU? You’re into material shit. 2)What do you mean? 1)What do I mean? You’re marrying Glenn cuz he’s got money! 2)You ASSHOLE!!!
1)Would you like some champagne or some orange juice? 2)How much is it? 1)It’s free. 2)It’s WHAT?!! Holy shit! This is incredible!
1)YOU ARE THE WORST WEDDING SINGER IN THE WORLD, BUDDY! 2)Sir, one more outburst, I will strangle you with my microphone wire. You understand me?
1)You have to go back to work. You know there’s going to be over a hundred drunk girls at this wedding tonight. 2)I got nothing to offer anybody. I haven’t done jack shit since high school. Why would any girl ever marry me? 1)MARRY YOU? I’m just trying to get someone to play with your ding dong.
1)You know something? You were right. You’ve always been right. 2)What’ve I been so right about? 1)Women! You just have fun with them. You get emotionally involved and they end up–they…and what do they do to you? 3)They’ll rip your heart out of your ass! 1)That’s right.
1)You’re going to the mental institution. 2)BEAT IT!!!
1. Why would anyone want to marry me? 2. MARRY you? I was just trying to find someone to play with your dingdong.
1: Besides, she said she likes YOU. 2: REALLY? She said that? 1: NO!
1: You hit two cones back there. They could’ve been wedding guests.
2: They were CONES!
You need a prostitute!
=Uh, oh. =What? =You like her. =No, I don’t!
A:He’s gonna be so pissed, he won’t even know flowers are gonna be at the wedding.B: Oh yeah! High Five!
Alabama Slammer?
Sounds like a plan. Meet me at the bar I gotta piss first.
All I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything’s gonna be alright.
all i want is someone to hold me and tell me everythings going to be OK
All Night Long.
All right, remember — alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you!
All right, shithead. I haven’t been in a fight since I was in the 5th grade. But I beat the shit out of that kid, so now I’m gonna beat the shit out of you!
Alright asshole. I haven’t been in a fight since the 5th grade, bu i beat the shit outta that kid, now i’m gonna beat the shit outta you. (old man sucker punches guy)
Alright. I haven’t been in a fight since the second grade, but I beat the shit outta that kid and now I’m gonna beat the shit outta you.
And forks, you can’t eat without forks
and it all was bbullshit. it was a goddam joke and when i think of you LINDA I HOPE YOU FUCKING CHOKE!
Aunt Linda, you’re a bitch.
Aunty Linda, Your a Bitch!!!
But the sad thing is that me, fatty, side burns lady, and the mutants at table 9, will never find a way to better the situation.
Cindy and Scott are newlyweds! WHOOPIEDEEDOO!!!
Cindy and Scott are newlyweds.
Whoopidie do!
dfsdf
Do You Believe In Love.
Do you like Flock of Seagulls?
I can see you do.
Do you really want to hurt me?
Everyday I Write The Book.
Excuse me sir, I have to serve the drinks
Get out of my Van Halen T-Shirt before you jinx the band and they break up
Glen: You wanna do some gambling and have some fun right away or do you just wanna get married?
Julia: I just wanna get married.
Glen: Hey, you can make up a song about this…you can call it uh, I Got Punched In The Nose For Sticking My Face In Other Peoples’ Business! Old Guy: Sounds like a country song!
Glen:Hey, Why don’t you write a song about this? I got punched in the nose for sticking my face in other people’s business.
Old man: Sounds like a country song.
Glenn: I got punched in the nose, for sticking my face in other people’s business! Old Man: Sounds like a country song
grow old with you
Grow Old With You.
Have a few drinks and, you know…DRIVE HOME!
He just had his heart broken…why would he even think about coming back to work?
He loves her but she loves this guy right here
and he loves somebody else! you just can’t win!
and sooo it goooes until the day you diiiieee
this thing they call love is gonna make you cry.. i hate you
He’s been wanting to get married since the 3rd grade
He’s gone crazy……………(w/ wide eyes) and I’m reaping all the benefits
He’s losing his mind and I’m reaping all the benefits.
he’s losing his mind and im reaping all the benifits
He’s losing his mind! And I’m reaping all the benefits!
He’s losing his mind. And I’m reaping all the benefits.
He’s losing his mind. And I’m reaping all the benifits.
Here we go. [singing] You don’t know / How much I need you / While you’re near me / I don’t feel blue / And when we kiss / I know you need me, too / I can’t believe I found a love / That’s so pure and true. / But it all was bullshit / It was a goddamn joke / And when I think of you, Linda / I hope you fucking choke / I hope you’re glad / With what you’ve done to me / I lay in bed / All day long / Feeling melancholy / You left me here / All alone / Tears running constantly / Oh, somebody kill me, please / Somebody kill me, please / I’m on my knees / Pretty, pretty please / Kill me / I want to die / Put a bullet in my head
Hey Linda! You a bitch.
He might have Terrets, we’re looking into it.
hey linda, your a bitch…ah he might have terrets syndrome were still looking in to that
Hey Robbie, you better get back in there…they are starting to turn on George
Hey Robs…..I just got off the phone with Linda’s mom….Linda is not there but….there was a note….
Hey somebody put some pants on that kid!
Hey you know what you must do…relax! Don’t do it!
Hey you know, wedding singer…AROOOO!!!
Hey! Why don’t you write a song about this?!!! You can call it, uh…I GOT PUNCHED IN THE NOSE FOR STICKING MY FACE IN OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS!!!
Hey, asswipe, don’t go snitching to Julia about this. I know you got some little crush on her, but you gotta face the facts, she’d rather go to bed with a REAL man, not some poor, singing orphan!
Hey, buddy, I’m not paying you to hear your thoughts on life I’m paying you to SING!!!
Hey, Linda! You a bitch!
Hey, psycho, it’s over. Now please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.
Hey, these sheets are soft, do you use Downy?
Hey, you better do something! I don’t want to be known as the brother-in-law of the town nut-job! I got enough problems already! Oh, shit! I got water all over myself.
Hey… have another drink and drive home.
Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Missus Glenn
Guglia. Hello, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Julia
Guglia. Julia Guglia.
Holiday.
Holiday. Celebrate. Holidaaaay. Celibraate.
hookers
I always envisioned ‘the one’ as somebody I see myself growing old with
I always envisioned the right one…being someone I can see myself growing old with.
i don’t know. we’re livin’ in a material world and i am a material girl. or boy.
I don’t think anyone can puke more than that kid. I think I saw a boot come out of him.
I got a confession to make, that song was about you.
i got PUNCHED in the NOSE for stickin’ my FACE in other peoples BUISNESS!
I hate the out seat every time the drink cart comes by it bangs me in the elbo
I have a confession to make. That song was about you. I love you!
I have a confession to make. That song was about you. I’m in love with you. 2).I’m so in love with you!!!
I have the microphone,and you don’t, so YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!
I just want somebody to hold me, and tell me ‘everything’s gonna be alright’ (old guy puts his arm around him) ‘Everything’s gonna be alright’
i just want someone to hold me and tell me everything’s gonna be alright.
I just want to say that when I wrote this song, I was listening to the Cure a lot.
I know you’re shy, so I’m gonna make this really easy for you. If you come upstairs, you’re gonna get laid.
I let him look at my boobs at the Christmas party last year. Not my finest half hour, but it’s been a pleasant working environment ever since.
I like money..i keep it in a jar on my fridge
I still got the spandex, I’ll put them on right now.
I think we all know that when you fall in love, the emptiness sort of drifts away. That’s all I’m talking about. I’ve done some crazy things in my life too, but then I met a very special girl, a girl who I’m actually marrying next week. So all I’m saying is that when people fall in love like you guys, the emptiness drifts away because you find something to live for: eachother. And the way I’ve seen you two look into eachother’s eyes all day long, I can tell that you’re going to live for eachother the rest of your lives. So cheers.
I think, uh, Fonzie wants to be a director, and Vinnie Barbarino…the mechanical bull movie? I haven’t seen it.
I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad, carry you around when your arthritus is bad, all I wanna do is grow old with you. I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches, build you a fire if the furnace breaks, oh, it would be so nice growing old with you. I’ll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold, need you, feed you, even let you hold the remote control. So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when you have too much to drink. Oh I could be the man who grows old with you… I wanna grow old with you.
I wanna make you smile, whenever you’re sad,
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad,
Oh, all I wanna do is grow old with you.
I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches,
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks,
Oh, it could be so nice growing old with you.
I’ll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you, even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink,
Put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink,
I could be the man who grows old with you,
I wanna grow old with you.
I woke up this morning and realized I’m about to marry a wedding singer?!
I’ve been talking to my friends the last couple of days…and I figured out what’s been bothering me, I’m not in love with Robby now…I’m in love with Robby six years ago. Robby Hart, the lead singer of Final Warning…when I used to come watch you..in your spandex pants…and silk shirt unbuttoned…licking the microphone like David Lee Roth…
It basically indicated that Linda was….not…coming today…
It’s a scone
It’s just that, I wrote half of it while I was with Linda and the other half after we broke up.
Julia : Did I throw up on you?
Holly: A little bit on my shoe, but luckily I was wearing your
shoes.
Julia: Good
Julia Sullivan (Drew Barrymore- Greatest Actress ever) Not porno tongue, Church tongue
Julia’s Mum: The Wedding Singer?!! You’re thinking of leaving Geln for the WEDDING SINGER!?!
Julia: I have a bad headache. A really bad headache.
Julia: I puked. I vomited in my hair. Does my hair smell bad?
Kay, I just wanna warn you that when I wrote this song I was listening to The Cure a lot, so…
Kiss my grits.
Ladies Night.
Little boy: Hey Linda…you a bitch!
Little Kid Says: Hey Linda, you a bitch.
Little news flash, Pop. Ha. Harold ain’t so perfect. Remember when we were in Puerto Rico and we picked up those 2, uh… well, I guess they were prostitutes, but I don’t remember paying.
LOVE STINKS!!
MAZEL TOV!!!
MMMMMMM…Yummy
My grandmother gave me a savings bond
when I was a kid.
I get, uh, twenty-five dollars in
nineteen ninety-three, so that’ll be
good.
No, it actually felt pretty good thanks for bringing it up. You know my parents died when I was 10, you wanna talk about that?
Why would I want to talk about that?
I don’t know.
no, sir, i have no experience, but i’m a big fan of money. i like it. i use it. i have a little. i keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. i’d like to put more in that jar. that’s where you come in.
No…it felt really good..my parents died when I was 10 do you want to talk about that too?
Not porn tongue, church tongue.
Now let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink, and oooo it could be so nice growing old with you, i wanna grow old with you!!!!!!!!!!
Now let’s cut the stupid cake because I know the fat guy is going to have a heart attack if he doesn’t eat again soon.
Now let’s cut this stupid cake cause I know the fat guy’s gonna have a heart attack if we don’t eat again soon.
Oh! Your payment!
Oh do you think I could get it to go?
You’re such a sweet boy, letting an old woman pay you with meatballs!
Well they taste so good it’s like I’m rippin you off Rosie.
I don’t have any clean tupperware
Alright definately next time then okay?
Oh don’t be silly… now hold out your hands!… Now, please, take a bite, so i can watch you enjoy… that’s my favorite part!
That’s a good meatball… that’s a good meatball
Oh, no. She made me a present. I am an assHOLE!
Oooh kinda like the incredible hulk huh?
Yeah… only i’m not helping people
Aww that’s not true… because I saw you inside, you were helping people. You were giving them fish and coffee and forks… people can’t eat without forks
And they can’t drink without a fish!
Yeah… i think… wait what does that mean?
Person 1: You want to be Fonzie, don’t you? Person 2: Yes, I do.
Remember that time in Puerto Rico when
we picked up those
two, Uh
Well, I guess they were prostitutes,
but I don’t remember
payin’
Robbie: I think I’m in love with her but I gotta get that outta my head!
Robbie: She just looked way too happy – I couldn’t do it.
Robbie: That was fun today! Wasn’t that fun today?! That was fun!
Robbie: That’s not selfish! There’s a lot of money out there – I just want to get my hands on some of it!
Robbie: Hey man. I kissed her. But it didn’t mean anything. I just brought her the jacket.
Glen: Kissed who?
Holly: Me.
Glen: Who hasn’t?
Robbie: In 1993 I’ll get about $25, so that’ll be good.
Glenn: heh, whoa.
Robbie: You see, some of us will never find true love. For example: Me…and I’m pretty sure that guy right there.
ROBBIE:Hey,I don’t know your last name.
GLENN:It’s Gulia.
ROBBIE:Gulia!Julia’s last name’s gonna be Gulia!Julia Gulia!That’s funny!
GLENN:Why is that funny?
ROBBIE:I-I don’t know.
ROBBIE:We’re living in a material world and I am a material girl.Or boy.
Say hi to your brother Tito for me!
Say hi to your brother Tito.
See? Billy Idol gets it, I don’t know why she doesn’t get it.
See? Billy Idol gets it, why doesn’t she?
See? Billy Idol gets it, I don’t know why she doesn’t.
She made me a present. I am an asshole!
She’s a cool chick with a hot ass.
She’s gonn get and she doesnt even know it yet.
She’s Holly Sullivan’s cousin.
If she’s half as easy as Holly, I’ll
close this deal by the end of
the week.
Singing: But it all was bullshit. It was a God Damn joke. And when I think about you Linda. I hope you fucking choke.
Sir, one more outburst and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!
Sir, one more outburst and I will strangle you with my microphone wire.
Sir, one more outburst I will strangle you with my microphone wire.
So it was a bad note…
So now you’re not gonna GIVE IT TO ME?!
some of us will never ever find true luv take for instance me and im pretty sure that guy right there and that lady with the side burns and basically ever one else at table 9
Somebody get some pants on that kid!
Somebody Kill Me.
something that coulda been brought to my attention YESTERDAY
Sounds like a country song.
Suck my grits!
Take off my shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.
Tell him, I’ll give him a raise. Three meatballs a lesson.
Tell you what, I’ll give you ten singing lessons for one business card.
Thank You…you’ve just inspired me to hire a DJ.
that’s grade a top choice meat!!! (talking about butts in bar)
They rip your heart out of your ass.
They were cones!!
They’ll rip your heart out of your ass.
This is Jimmie Moore saying that ain’t no sock in my crotch.
To the new lord of the ladies!
u suck!!!!!!!!
We better cut the cake because i know the fat guy’s gonna hav a heartattack if we don’t eat soon
We live in a material world and I am a material girl, or boy whatever
we’re livin in a material world and i’m a material girl… or boy
We’re living in a material world and I am a material boy or girl.
We’re living in a material world and I am a material boy ot girl.
Well good luck finding a D.J who can move and shake like this!
Well good luck finding a DJ that can move and shake…Like this!
Well good luck finding a DJ who can move and shake like THIS!
Well good luck trying to find a DJ who can move and shake like THIS.
Well I have a microphone and you don’t. So you will listen to EVERY DAMN THING I HAVE TO SAY!!
Well I have the microphone and you don’t so you WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I SAY!!!!!
Well thank you… you’ve just inspired me to hire a DJ.
Well, I have the microphone and you don’t, so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!
Well, I’m a big fan of money. I like it. I use it. I have some. I keep it in a jar above my refrigerator. I’d like to put some more money in that jar. That’s where you come in.
What the hell’s that fruit doing here?
What you need is a prostitute.
When he asked me to be the best man, I was like ‘Hey man, of course’ because he’s always been there for me. Like the time I was in rehab, or when I couldn’t find my car.
When I got married I wasn’t a virgin…I already had intercourse with 8 men! That was a lot back then…that would be like 200 today.
When my brother, Daryl, first asked me to be his best-man at his wedding, I was like, ‘of course, man’ because he’s always been there for me… like when I was in rehab.. and the time I couldn’t find my car..
why dont you call it i got punched in the face for sticking my nose in other peoples business. old man: sounds like a country song
WOOOOHOOOO! Cindy and Scott are newlyweds…WHOOPIDIE DOO!!!
Yeah he said he was gonna give it to you and you wouldnt even know it
Yeah, go have some drinks and, you know, drive home.
You can’t drink without a fish
You can’t expect him to live forever with his sister and the nipple twisting that goes on there.
You can’t expect him to live in his sister’s basement — what with all the nipple twisting that goes on there.
You can’t talk to Billy Idol that way
You don’t know how much I need you.
While you’re near me, I don’t feel
blue.
And when we kiss, I know you need me,
too.
I can’t believe I found a love that’s so
pure and true.
But it all was bullshit.
It was a goddamn joke.
And when I think of you, Linda, I hope
you fuckin’ choke.
You don’t know how much I need you/While your near me, I don’t feel blue/And when we kiss I know you need me too/I can’t believe I found a love that’s so pure and true
But it all was Bullshit!/It was a goddamned joke!/And when I think of you Linda/I hope you fucking choke!
I hope your glad with what you’ve done to me/I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy/You left me here all alone tears running constantly
Oh somebody kill me please!/Somebody kill me please!/I’m on my knees, pretty, pretty please/Kill me!/I want to die!/Put a bullet in my head!
You dont know how much i need you. When you’re near me i dont feel blue. And when we kiss i know u need me too. BUT IT ALL WAS BUULLSH**! IT WAS A GOD**** JOKE! AND WHEN I THNK OF YOU, LINDA, I HOPE YOU F***ING CHOKE!
You gotta get married before your hips start spreading and you get facial hair, which, by the way, comes from your father’s mother. She looks like magnum P.I. for God’s sake.
You guys are off to a great start, don’t you think? I mean Cindy showed up so right away, Scott, you gotta be pretty psyched, right?
You have to get back to work. You know there’ll be at least a hundred drunk chicks at this wedding tonight
You have to get married before your hips start spreading and you grow facial hair, which by the way comes from your father’s mother, looks like Magnum PI for god’s sakes.
You Make My Dreams Come True.
You need a PROSTITUTE!
You Suck! YOU SSSUUUUUUUUUUCK!
You wanna be like Fonzie, don’t ya?
Yes I do.
You’ve got what is know as the jitters. Cold feet. Everybody has them. I had them…’course I should’ve run screaming down the street instead of marrying your father.
You’ve just inspired me to hire a D.J.
{Old man} Come on let me take him like a man
~Hey, do you like A Flock of Seagulls? ~No, but I can tell you do!
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Wedding Singer, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Wedding Singer, The’