(1) You french good. (2) You’re not so bad yourself Mr. Man.
-McKinley’s a fag…
-McKinley’s a fag, with Ben!
-What are we gonna do?!
-You guys, I’m really going to miss this place
-Me too.
-Hey, let’s all promise that 10 years from today we’ll meet again and we’ll see what kind of people we’ve blossomed into.
-Yeah!
-What time do you wanna meet?
-You mean 10 years from now?
-Yeah
-Let’s meet in the morning so we can make a day of it
-Okay so what is it? Is it like 9 or 9:30?
-Well let’s say 9 so that way we can be here by 9:30
-Well no, why don’t we say 9:30 and then make it your beeswax to be here at 9:30. I mean, we’re all going to be in our late 20’s by then I just don’t see any reason why we can’t be places on time.
-Okay then, it’s settled. 9:30 it is.
-Agreed.
-Great cuz I have something at 11.
-You’ve just got a trapper keeper full of appointments, right?
-No, I just have something at 11 and I can’t change it because I’ve already moved it twice.
1) McKinleys a fag! 2) McKinleys a fag, WITH BEN! 1) What are we gonna do?!?!
1. Do you love Katie, because I really love her, man.
2. Not really.
1. If you have one shred of decency you will do the right thing and you will let her go!
2. No way, man! She’s hot! Fuck off!
1. NO! my friend jimmy’s in there!
2. You have a friend?
1. Kidding.
1. What are you doing? 2. Just writing my thoughts in my gournal. 1. You mean your journal? 2. Yeah, whatever. I guess we can’t all be as smart as you are.
1. What is she doing? 2. Looks like she’s playing the flute! 1. Kinky!
1. You don’t like sluts? 2. I like sluts! I love sluts! It’s just gotta be the right slut.
1. You know what that means? 2. Yeah, penis and vagina! 1. No dickhead! Sex!
1: Andy, we’re soulmates right?
2: Yeah, whatever babe, If you want…my butt itches.
1: Beth, Today is the least of our worries.
2: Oh God, Don’t tell me you have crabs…
1: Well yes, but that’s not the point. Meet me at the picnic table in ten seconds and i’ll explain it all…
1: i want you inside of me…he he.
2: what?
1: oh hey, whats up?! no, from before.
1: I’ve seen more fucked up shit in five minutes out there than you’ll see in your whole goddamn life. I was in the vietnam war…The Nam.
2: Well Gene, I’m real sorry about that, if I could change history, I would.
1: No you listen to me you worthless ciggarette smoking pile of shit, we’ve got to make 20 gallons of bug juice by snack hour, do you know were the powder packets are?
2: yeah, in supply closet above the sink…
1: that’s right, in the supply closet above the sink. right next to my bottle of dick cream. ignore that last sentence.
1: In your dreams, dooshbag 2: Dooshbags are hygenic products, I take that as a compliment, thank you
1: so i guess you can say we’re all just passengers on spaceship earth!
everyone: oooooooooo!
1: We’re going to hook our pal McKinley up tonight, and i think you know what I mean…
2: Yeah, some penis in vagina.
1: No, dickhead! I’m talking about sex.
1: You french great.
2: You’re not so bad yourself, mister man.
1:this is my only chance
2:what are you talking about
1:neal im gonna tell you something i’ve never told anyone, im a virgin
2:what, no you’re the stallion, thats impossible you must have had 30 or 40 women
1:actually its closer to zero
2:o my god!…you are a loser!..ur a loser
90 minutes? That’s only one mix tape!
90 minutes? that’s only one mixed tape
Show me the fever, into the fire, taking it higher and higher.
Nothing to fear, its only desire, taking it higher and higher…
a douche bag is a hygenic product. therefore, i will take that as a compliment, thank you.
Alexa, maybe you’d like to join in? We do need a druid, and you’ve definately cast a level 5 charm spell on me.
Alexa? You would make an excellent druid as you have already cast a level five charm spell on me.
Any dungeon master worth his weight in gelding always carries around his trusty 20-sider.
Are you the problem or are you the solution!?
Before we start I’d just like to say that the campers you’re about to see suck dick…nevertheless…please…..welcome them.
beth if your going into town can you pick me up something at the drug store? oh come on, my husbands coming today and i need some lube…for my pussy
beth you going in to town? could you pick me up some lube? it’s for my pussy.
Beth, I may regret saying this- but how DARE you usurp my authority as producer… direcor/choreographer of this production! I have been bustong my balls, woman! The dance numbers are a mess, my actors are a bunch of amateurs and the last thing I need is some diabetic freak prancing around on stage making my life a living hell! Allright I’ll put him last.
Beth: That was a real nice thing you did Henry.
Henry: Oh please, call me Henry.
Beth: Ok Henry.
Beth: Well, we all survived the summer except for a few children who are lepers.
Nurse: GOOD ONE, BETH.
but Gail, there’s only one crayon…and its BROWN. there are literally HUNDREDS of colored markers….
But there’s only one marker. There are literally hundreds of crayons.
Coop, you like watching me and Andy make out?
Coop: I want you inside me
Katie: what?
Coop: Oh, hey, hwatsup, from before
Coop: I want you inside me.
Katie: Huh?
Coop: Oh hey, whatsup. No, from before.
Coop: I want you inside me…
Katie: What?
Coop: Oh hey, Katie… What’s up?
Coop: Will you help teach me this, what is it, a new way?
Coop: ya know I dated Susie my first year here.
Katie: when you were 10?
Coop: yeah we were 10. we were into some pretty heavy shit.
Katie: did you go all the way?
Coop: yeah we went all the way. we came all the way back too.
Day Bidet
do something!
or get the fuck off the stage!
Do you work at the camp?…Yes I’m the director, how bout yourself?…No I don’t work there…Oh I know like I said I’m the director.
Excuse me, Ladies, you may remember me as the guy who came to dinner a few weeks ago with underwear on my head. My name is Keith Stack, from Milburn, New Jersey, state bird: the mosquito. And as you may have heard, I am recently a crowned class B dungeon master. So if any of you would like to play D&D today, please speak now or forever hold your peace.
Excuse me, ladies. You may remember me as the guy who came to dinner a few weeks ago with underwear on my head. My name is Keith Stat from Milbourne, New Jersey. State bird, the mosquito. And as you may have heard I am recently a crowned class B dungeon-master. So if any of you would like to play D&D today, please speak now or forever hold your peace.
Fuck my cock
Fuck my cock!
fuck you dyke, im gonna go finish my breakfast love you baby…
Fuck you, dyke.
*why are you being such an asshole?
I gotta go finish eating breakfast. love you baby… soo good talking to you.
*Yeah well… see you in macromae…
(Spins around the pole flipping katie off, finishes in a high five with JJ)
Gene-Listen here Mr. Kickass, Mr. RUBBER-BURNER, You wipe that hot shot grin off your face or I’ll shoot it off ya, you got that? Finish up them
taters, I’m gonna go fondle my sweaters…
fondeu with cheddar
Gene: Cookin’ slop for grunts in ‘nam was easier ‘an this
Can of Mixed Vegetables: We had no place being over there, it was a war we couldn’t win, Gene
Gene: Yeah… well I’m gonna go smear some mud on my ass
MV: What?
Gene: I said well… I hear my . . bud’s in class… I gotta go… my bud’s he has grades… GO AWAY! Leave me alone!
MV: Gene, now hold on, look, I don’t care what you do in your private time but don’t lie about it, I mean you clearly said ‘smear mud on my ass’, and I’ll tell you something, if you want to smear mud on your ass then smear mud on your ass, just be honest about it. Look, Gene I’ve never told anyone this before but I can suck my own dick, and I do it… a lot. There, I said it, I was honest, and y’know what Gene? Being honest makes you feel better
Gene: Finish the taters. I have to go fondle my sweaters. Gary: What did you just say? Gene: I said finish the taters. Gary: And then what did you say? Gene: And then what did I say? Gary: You said you had to go fondle your sweaters. Gene: No, I said I had to go fondue a cheddar. That’s right. I was thinking about making fondue with cheddar cheese tonight for dinner. Fonduuueee a cheddar. Gary: Whatever. Gene: I just have to stop by my bunk for a real quick sec.
Gene: Finish up the potatoes. I’m gonna go fondle my sweaters.
Gary: What did you say?
Gene: Finish up the potatoes.
Gary: And then what did you say?
Gene: And then what did I say?
Gary: You said you were going to fondle your sweaters.
Gene: No I didn’t. I said
[pause]
Gene: I’m gonna make fondue with cheddar, fondue with cheddar cheese for dinner tonight.
Gary: Gene, that’s not what you said.
Gene: [stares blankly] Fondue.
Gene:I’m gonna go fondle my sweaters.
Gene’s Helper:What did you say?
Gene:……..I said I’m gonna go fondue some cheddar. I was thinking of having it for dinner tonight.
getting away from camp is so much fun, even if it is just for an hour!
he’s my ex husband..ex..ex..i have to get used to saying that
hey coop, was that katie you were talking to? Does she want to fuck me? I know she wants to fuck me. You know what, tell her i will, no, in fact, tell her ‘I might’. I bet she wants to fuck me, i mean, why else would she be talking to you, no offense…
I can SUCK MY OWN DICK…and I do it ALOT
i dont care that you’re bowlegged, and i dont care that you’re bilingual, and i dont care that sometimes for no reason at all you’re late for shuul…
I have been programmed not to speak to lifeforms Ben and Mckinleyazoid
I hope you aren’t serving jumbo shrimp, I’m allergic to oxymorons.
I hope you won’t be serving jumbo shrimp because I’m allergic to oxymorons!
I hope you’re not serving JUMBOSHRIMP! i’m allergic to oxymorons!
I hope your not having jumbo shrimp ‘cuase i’m allergic to oxymorons!
I love sluts, Sluts Rock! It’s just got to be the right slut.
I may regret saying this, but how DARE you usurp my authority as producer…director/choreographer of this talent show. I need you to know, I have been busting my BALLS, woman. The musical numbers are a mess…my kids are a bunch of amateurs…and the last thing I need is some diabetic freak prancing around onstage making my life a living HELL!
i went to camp so long ago fucking jesus christ was my camp counselor, my best friend hadn’t fully developed yet, his name was ug, he walked on all fours. When i went to camp there were two diseases. head lice and the plague, the bubonic plague.
I would like to start off by thanking everyone for making this, without comparison, the best summer of my entire life!
I would like to thank everyone for making this summer, without rival, the best summer of my entire life!
I’ve never told anyone this before, but I can suck my own dick…and I do it a lot.
I’ve never told anyone this, but I can suck my own dick. And I do it . . .ALOT.
If you want to smear mud on your ass, then go and smear mud on your ass. Just don’t lie about it.
Im gonna go fondle my sweaters i mean fondue and cheddar were having fondue and cheddar for dinner
It’s always fun to get away from camp! Even if it’s just for a half hour!
It’s for my PUSSY
It’s great to get away from town, even for just and hour. (After the drug sequence where it appears they were gone for days)
it’s not about the girl coup.
it isn’t?
well, it is.
oh.
see if you can follow me here…it isn’t.
so it is AND it isn’t!!!
Jesus Christ Katie, you’re smothering me. Give me some breathing room, i’m choking here.
*I just want to spend time with you.
My butt itches.
*Hey, we’re soul mates, right?
Yeah sure… I mean, whatever, if you want. Hey JJ, save me a waffle.
JJ: McKinly’s a fag!
Gary: Mckinly’s a fag…with Ben! What are we going to do?
Katie: hey, I just want us to spend some time together later…
Andy: Fuck you, dike.
Katie: Why are you being such an asshole?
Andy: I’ve gotta go, but I love you, baby.
Katie: I’ll see you in macrame!!! (Andy flips her off…)
Katie: Listen, Coop. Last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that’s great. But I’ve thought about it, and my thing is this. Andy is really hot. And don’t get me wrong, you’re cute too, but Andy is like, cut. From marble. He’s gorgeous. He has this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don’t care that he’s kinda lame. I don’t even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I’m 16. And maybe it’ll be a different story when I’m ready to get married, but right now, I am entirely about sex. I just wanna get laid. I just wanna take him and grab him and fuck his brains out, ya know? So that’s where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you.
Katie: Wow, this is a great shirt.
Coop: Yeah, it’s my favorite……so you’re gonna have to give it back to me.
Katie: Right now?
Coop:…Yeah
Lindsay, you’ve got barbecue all over your face, it’s pretty foul.
Lindsay: Hey, whatcha writing on? Andy:My gurnal, I write my thoughts in it every day. Lindsay: You mean your JOURNAL? Andy: Yeah. whatever. I guess I’m not as smart as you.
Listen here you fucked up cigarette smoking piece of shit, I was in the Vietnam War…the nam.
I know gene.
Little Boy: Gale, not to put down my own gender or anything, but men can be real -excuse the yiddish here- insensitive schmucks.
Little Boy: Where are we going? Andy: To a super secret pizza party. Little Boy: Wow.. i love pizza
Mckinley and Ben this is for you!..(worried looks)..its a chase lounge, we weren’t sure if maybe you already had one
Mckinley’s a fag!
my name’s not sammy
No Gene, that is not what you said
Now if you’ll excuse me…i’m gonna go hump the fridge.
NURSE: hey beth! since you’re going into town, i need you to pick up something for me. see, my husband’s coming to town this weekend, and i need some lube… for my pussy…
oh fuck my cock!
Ok. AS long as its not jumbo shrimp. I’m allergic to oxymorons.
Prof. Neuman: You see, this is us, and we’re travelling around the sun– that’s a one-point-three million mile trip, every year! You might say that each and every one of us is a crewmember here on ‘spaceship earth’…
Neno-Neno kid: When would we say that?
PN: Anytime… dinner… literally anytime
So be prepared. Be enthusiastic. And leave you bullshit baggage and attitude at the door ’cause we don’t need it!!!
summer
Susie: And FYI you guys, this is not an excuse to get out of your regular activities, this is an excusse to do some good musical theatre. So be prepared, be enthusiastic and LEAVE YOUR BULLSHIT ATTITUDE AT THE DOOR CAUSE WE DONT NEED IT….hey you guys….
Take a shower. You’re covered in dirt.
Take me for example, I can suck my own dick….and I do it alot
That’s right. I said I’m gonna go hump the fridge. I also keep a bottle of dick cream, I fondle my sweaters, and I like to smear mud on my ass.
THE PHONE! THE PHONE! WHERE’S THE FUCKING PHONE?!?!?!?!
the phone, the phone, where’s the fucking phone!
The phone, the phone, where’s your fucking phone?
This can’t be possible! It IS possible..and it HAPPENED on my shoes
Victor: Abby! My trip doesnt get bqack until the morning
Abby: Dont Go!
Whacha writing in?
My gournal. I write my thoughts in it every day.
Oh you mean journal?
Yeah I guess I’m not all smart like you.
Can I see what you are writing?
Actually only like three people are allowed to look at this, me myself and I.
what did you just say, did you say dick cream? no, i said stick team, stick ball, stick team-shut up, go away, leave me alone! I swear he just said dick cream, but whatever man.
What time do you wanna meet?
You mean 10 years from now?
Yeah
Let’s meet in the morning so we can make a day of it.
Ok so what is it is it like 9 or 9:30?
Well let’s say 9 so that way we can be here by 9:30.
Well no, let’s say 9:30 and make it your beeswax to be here at 9:30. I mean we’re all going to be in our late 20’s by then and I just don’t see any reason why we can’t be places on time.
Ok then it’s settled, 9:30 it is
All agreed?
Yeah, sure.
Great, cause I have something at 11.
You just got like a trapper keeper full of appointments right?
No, I just have something at 11 and I can’t change it cause I’ve already changed it twice.
What time is it? (looking up) Ohh…about 9:30, 9:32
Whatcha doin?
writing in my gournal…its where i keep all my secret thoughts…
isn’t it called a journal?
yeah whatever, guess i’m not all smart like you…
You got a stick of gum?
You guys aren’t supposed to be out of your bunks. You’re in trrouble.
You listen here Mr Kickass..Mr Rubberburner. You wipe that hot-shot smile off your face or I’ll shoot it off.
You taste like a burger. I don’t like you anymore.
You’ll come back to me gail….I know you will
No, Ronald Vonklonenshtein….I won’t
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Wet Hot American Summer’: Quotes from the movie ‘Wet Hot American Summer’