Why y’all look like you’ve seen a ghost? It’s me, dear friends – alive and kicking!… Well, alive, anyway…. We may have lost the war, but heaven knows we haven’t lost our sense of humour! No, not even when we’ve lost a lung, a spleen, a bladder, two legs, thirty-five feet of small intestine, and our ability to reproduce – all in the name of the South! – do we ever lose our sense of humour!!!
(dep voice) I am the president(higher voice) I’m Artomes Gorden.
(imitating crowd) Hang him! Hang him! I oughta shoot you right now!!!
–Gordon…How long does it take for a magnet to lose its power?
–About four hundred years.
–Damn!
–He’s so impetuous.
–Yes, he’s an idiot.
1) he has an 80 foot trantula 2) yes, I was coming to that
1) You go straight to hell sir 2) after you sir (boom!!)
1)You go straight to hell sir!2)After you sir *shoots him*
1. (holding up suit) You could come as my manservant. 2(looking excited and speaking in heavy Negro accent) Why, yessuh, Masah Gordon, Why I swears, I’d be delighted, I’ll sing, I’ll dance for ya sir and I swear, none of the other white folks’ll know that (in real voice) I’d rather shoot myself than play your damn manservant.
1. Are you happy, Gordon? I’m touching your breast. 2. I knew those two were up to no good.
1. AVANTI! AVANTI! AVANTI! 2. Why isn’t this thing AVANTI-ing?
1. Coleman, stop the train, Ms. Escobar is getting off. 2. Who the hell is Ms. Escobar? 3. I’m a frightened, young, starving, half-naked woman who only wants to find her father! 2. HALF NAKED? 1. Coleman, stop the train! 2. We ain’t puttin anybody off in the middle of nowhere, especially if they’re half-naked!
1. Here’s my tool kit! It must have fell out of my pocket. 2. Why wasn’t it on some spring-loaded contraption that shoots out your ass? 1. Thart’s the first place Loveless would have looked.
1. what the hell do u want? 2.oh ive got a telegram for (name) its from his mother she wants him to come home and stop all the foolishness.
1. You drive a hard bargain, ok, 50 cents! 2. I’m very flattered but I’m just not interested! 1. You gotta be interested, you’re a whore! 2.(in normal voice) I may be a whore but I work alone!
1. You sawed off sadistic bastard, you betrayed us! 2. General, who betrayed whom? I give you the best army and how did you and General Lee repay my loyalty? YOU SURRENDERED AT APPAMATOX! 1. You go straight to hell, sir! 2. after you, General. (gunshot)
1.Hey, what kind of fancy name do you got picked out for this thing? Let me guess, an elevation enhancer or a gravity repellor veichle. 2.No, I was thinking something simple: Air…Gordon
1.The collars are what’s attracting them! They contain powerful magnets! As long as we can outrun the blades, we’ll be fine!
2.(Name) How long does it take for a magnet to lose its power?
1. About four hundred years!
2.Damn!
1/_I thought I’d go as a government agent who’s going to shoot and kill General *Bloodbath* McGrath.
2/_An armed Negro cowboy costume in a room full of white, Southern, former slave-owners…. You’ll win first prize.
1/_Mister West! How nice of you to join us tonight and add colour to these monochromatic proceedings!
2/_Well when a fella comes back from the dead, I find that an occasion to stand up and be counted!
1/_Miss East informs me that you were expectin’ to see General McGrath here. Well, I knew him years ago, but I haven’t seen him in a coon’s age!
2/_Well, I can see where it’d be difficult for a man of your stature to keep in touch with even half the people you know.
1/_Well, perhaps the lovely Miss East will keep you from being a slave to your disappointment!
2/_Well, you know beautiful women, they encourage you one minute, and cut the legs out from under you the next!
1/_We have the element of surprise. What does Loveless have?
2/_He has his own city….He has an 80-foot tarantula.
1/_I was just coming to that.
1: She’s really a breath of fresh ass. 2: What? 1: What. 2: You said she was fresh ass. 1: I did not! I said she was a breast of fresh air. gosh… 2: whatever. Let’s get some shut ass.
1: You know, you could put a gun there. 2: Yeah, but then where would I put my pensil?
And about the whole slavery thing i don’t even mind about that i mean i mean why wood u get up early in the mornin 2 pick ur own damn cotton
Bless you.
Bloodbath McGrath: (Cocks revoler and aims at Dr. Loveless) You go straight to hell, sir!
Dr. Loveless: After you. (Opens small twin-barreled cannon from his wheelchair and opens fire on Bloodbath Mcgrath)
Don’t you just HATE that song?
Fine looking spider you have there
Good Lord!
Hey, Gordon, when you tell this story to your grandchildren you can leave this part out.
I have a telegram for Dr. Loveless from his mother, Irene, she says come on home and stop all this foolishness.
I love this train.
I shall call it ‘air …… gordon’
I’m an entertainer.
I’M THE MASTER OF THE MECHANICAL STUFF! And you want me to help you, you the master of the STUPID stuff!
If we are pursuing Loveless, then why is he behind us?
James: (In a sophisticated way) I’m sorry sir. I was hoping, I was hoping, (whack) (in normal way) I would have to break your nose.
Jim West- I don’t know about you mam but i’m certainly gonna sleep better assuming that Loveless barges in here and wants to play a game of pool.
Let’s break it down into two words. First, red. Red is like fire,
passion. Neck is…I can’t think of anything for neck right now.
Let’s just get some shut-ass.
Mr West, although you are as black as the night on the outside…. inside… you… are… yella! You just don’t have it in ya, do ya, boy??!
Mr. West not every situation requires your patented approach of shoot first, shoot later, shoot some more and then when everybody’s dead try to ask a question or two
Never drum on a white ladies’ boobies at a redneck dance.
Never drum on a white lady’s boobies at a big redneck dance. Got it!
Never drum on a white lady’s boobies at a redneck dance. whew!… sure am glad I got THAT cleared up!
Nice horse.
Not every situation calls for your patented approach of ‘Shoot first, shoot again, shoot some more, and then when everyone’s dead, try and ask a question or two’.
Now don’t you fret none, Dr Loveless… we have a nice little half-a-jail cell all picked out for you
Now I’m working.
Now once upon a time in the west,
A mad man lost his damn mind in the west,
Loveless, kidnap a dime nothing less,
Now I must put his behind to the test.
Then through the shadows, in the saddle ready for battle,
Bring all your boys in, here comes the poison.
Behind my back all that riffin you did
Front and centre now where your lip at kid?
Who dat is a mean brother bad for your health
Lookin damn good though if I can say it myself
Told me Loveless was a mad man, but I don’t fear that
He got mad weapons too? Ain’t tryin to hear that!
You trying to bring down me the champion
When ya’ll clowns gonna see that it can’t be done
Understand me son I’m the slickest there is
I’m the quickest there is
Did I say i’m the slickest there is?
Now THAT’S a whuppin!
Now what?
Now, in my native land, we used to bang on drums to communicate to the other tribes. With these lady’s breasts, we could communicate all the way to Baton Rouge!
That is a mans head.
That would be an awful career decision, darling.
The President went to West Point…not Harvard.
There might night be a woodshed onboard but, YOUR GONNA’ GET AN ASS WHOOPIN’ ANYWAY!
This is not the way to transport nitro!
We may not have a wood-shed on board, but that boy is gunna get a whuppin’ anyway!
West*pulling his gun*:Who are you mister?
Gordon*dressed as Grant*:What do you mean who am I? I am the president of the United States!
West:Wrong answe.*shoots the ceiling and then points gun at gordon again*Who are you?
Gordon: I am the President of..*gun clicks* I’m Artimis Gordon, how did you know?
West: *taps glass with gun*President went to West Point, that says Harvard.
Gordon: Clever.
What a marvelous train, you don’t mind me borrowing it, do you gentlemen? Oh, by the way, I’ll be seeing President Grant soon at Promotory Point, what should I tell him? I’m afraid that it can’t be that you are alive and well. hahahahaha
Which one of you guys wants to strip down and go next?
White folks?
Why, Captain West, I haven’t seen you in a coon’s age!
You looked nasty, your breasts were hard and stiff and were sticking out like a couple of rusty cannons on a sunken ship.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Wild Wild West’: Quotes from the movie ‘Wild Wild West’