Innocent English

Read My Lips I have no voice and yet I speak to you, I tell of all things in the world that people do. I have leaves, but I am not a tree, I have pages, but I am not a bride or royalty. I have a spine and hinges, but I am not a man or a door, I have told you all, I cannot tell you more. What am I?...

Behind Who? How can you physically stand behind your friend as he physically stands behind you? Answer By standing back to back. By Letter by Number There is a clothing store in Bartlesville. The owner has devised his own method of pricing items. A vest costs $20, socks cost $25, a tie costs $15...

Always Change Different lights do make me strange, thus into different sizes I will change. What am I? Answer I am the pupil of an eye. Take ‘Em Off! What always goes to bed with shoes on? Answer A Horse. Dangerous Food What can burn the eyes, sting the mouth, yet be consumed? Answer Salt. Shy...

Still Grow A Beard How is it possible to shave three times a day and still grow a beard? Answer If you were a barber, you could shave other men three times a day and still grow your own beard. David’s Father David’s father has three sons : Snap, Crackle and _____ ? Answer David. Run Faster? What is...

Contented Men Desire What does man love more than life? Fear more than death or mortal strife? What do the poor have, what the rich require, And what contented men desire? What does the miser spend, the spendthrift save, And all men carry to their graves? Answer Nothing. Never Say Goodbye I have...

Call Me Again You heard me before, Yet you hear me again. Then I die, ‘Til you call me again What am I? Answer An Echo. In and Out I turn around once. What is out will not get in. I turn around again. What is in will not get out. What am I? Answer A Key. How You Miss Me Until I am measured, I am...

Two Dead Bodies There are two bodies on the floor. They are surrounded by water and broken glass. How did they die? Answer The fish bowl got knocked over. The bodies were goldfish. Enough Fish Two fathers and two sons went fishing one day. They were there the whole day and only caught 3 fish. One...

Foot Size A psychologist goes to a village in Africa and decides to compare foot size to intelligence. He notes that in general, as foot size increases, so does intelligence. How can this be? Answer He is measuring everyone’s feet, including the feet of the very small children. So the statistics...

All Four Sides You are in a room that is completely bricked in on all four sides, including the ceiling and floor. You have nothing but a mirror and a wooden table in the room with you. How do you get out? Answer You look in the mirror you see what you saw, you take the saw and you cut the table in...

Spot was here… If a fire hydrant has H2O inside, what does it have on the outside? Answer K9P (you’ll get it eventually). Our Jobs What’s the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? Answer A jeweler sells watches and a jailer watches cells. Don’t Think Too Hard If you drop a yellow hat in the...

I’m Pretty Important Five hundred begins it, five hundred ends it, Five in the middle is seen; First of all figures, the first of all letters, Take up their stations between. Join all together, and then you will bring Before you the name of an eminent king. Answer David (Roman numerals). The Good...

Capricious Give me an x, I’ll stand to face you. Give me a cross, I’ll turn my back on you. What am I? Answer The Number 9 (9 multipled by 9 = 81, 9 plus 9=18). Medieval I have a heart that never beats, I have a home but I never sleep. I can take a mans house and build anothers, And I love to play...

Everlasting Mountains will crumble and temples will fall, and no man can survive its endless call. What is it? Answer Time Old and Strong This old one runs forever, but never moves at all. He has not lungs nor throat, but still a mighty roaring call. What is it? Answer A Waterfall. One Way What can...

Living Food You are walking through a field, and you find something to eat. It doesn’t have bones, and it doesn’t have meat. You pick it up and put it into your pocket. You take it home and put it on a shelf, but 3 day’s later it walks away. What is it? Answer An Egg Romeo and Juliet Romeo and...

There she is. Sitting there at the bar. Time to make your move. But what do you say? You start to get a little nervous. Then you remember. “Oh yeah. I have a new iphone. And some oh so witty pick up lines.” You relax. You walk up to her casually and say: I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I can make...

These popular redneck pickup lines were obtained by InnocentEnglish- the first site to acquire them- by sending out private investigators into redneck bars across the South. These brave women put on very uncomfortable cowboy boots and 6 times their usual amounts of make up in order to attract...

June 21, 2007. InnocentEnglish.com News Wire Paris Hilton finished a difficult sentence yesterday, which is unusual for the heiress who often forgets what she is saying in the middle of them. She was speaking to another inmate at the prison, when she was overheard by a guard talking about how she...

As one of the first dog breeds ever bred in America, the Boston Terrier has quite a history. This Boston native was the first dog to be bred in the United States for non sporting purposes. It has roots that connect it to the Pit Bull Terrier, but years of breeding have taken much of the Pit Bull...

As one of the most balanced of all of the sporting dogs, the Brittany Spaniel is said to do equally well in both the field and in the home. This dog has a strong desire to have some sort of physical activity, but it will calm down when necessary. In general, Brittany Spaniel puppies are a lot of...

For those looking to own a beautiful, independent companion, the Chow Chow puppy is a great idea for a family pet. These animals are extremely dignified in their appearance, as their large, fluffy coat brings about the look of a lion. As puppies, the Chow Chow is a wonderful companion for just...