Innocent English

These are verbatim transcripts of pull overs of Paris Hilton, transcribed from Police Cruiser Forward Microphone recordings. The transcripts were released under the Freedom of Information Act, from Los Angeles County court records. Paris Hilton Police Transcript 1: March 3, 2007 Officer: Good...

Paris Hilton Joke #1: The Banana Company Q. Why were Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie fired from their “Simple Life” job at a banana company? A. They threw out all of the bent ones. Paris Hilton Joke #2: Paris walked into a library… Paris walked into a library because she wanted to experience...

Lions, crocodiles and Buffalo- Oh my! An amazing, unbelievable battle of the species! This is an amazing, real life show down between a pride of lions, a herd of water buffalo and 1 or 2 hungry crocodiles, all in a life or death tug-a-war for a helpless baby buffalo calf. It begins with the typical...

Oh! Teacher please pick me! ….. Hmp! Find ok pick me. Oh my God! They think I am a tiny cheeseburger! Welcome to Bunway Airlines. I have the floor! I am sulking. Hoppy bunny has ran out of hoppy.

Tiger smiling underwater. Tiger chasing meat underwater. Tiger eating underwater. Tiget about to swallow its food underwater. Tiger goes up after catching food underwater. Tiger crouching underwater. Tiger swimming after meat underwa

Kitten looking for a playmate. Kitten stuck inside a glass. Cute kitty blocking the sunlight. Cute furry little kitty. Two little kittens in shoes. A cute gray kitten. A cute kitten looking at brushes.

Kitten looking for a playmate. Kitten stuck inside a glass. Cute kitty blocking the sunlight. Cute furry little kitty. Two little kittens in shoes. A cute gray kitten. A cute kitten looking at brushes.

Here are more of Guido Daniele’s astounding animal hand paintings. His home page is guidodaniele.com. Animal Hand painting #10 Bobcat Animal Hand painting #11 Cheetah Animal Hand painting #12 Tiger Animal Hand painting #13 Beagle Animal Hand painting #14 Hornbill Animal Hand painting #15 Zebra

Here are some absolutely amazing and beautiful pictures of Guido Daniele’s animal hand painting art. Each animal is meticulously painted in a way that brings out not only the outer detail, but the inner personality of the animal as well. What makes it even more astounding is that he actually paints...

Paris Hilton Jokes and Quotes: Here are 12 things other inmates have overheard Paris Hilton say in Jail: 1. Excuse me, but where is the Starbucks? 2. Is this pork chop and mashed potato stew diet? 3. Could you put those handcuffs on me again? It makes me feel like I’m in my own bed. 4. Wow. This...

Funny Jokes about the South: Southern to English Dictionary Innocent English’s English to Southern Translation Dictionary. Innocen tEnglish was able to track down this rare English to Southern Dictionary, which, incomplete though it is, may help to unlock at least a small portion of the mystery...

  Here are some really funny redneck jokes:   Ahhh, the haiku. Few poetic styles evoke such stirrings of the soul. Someone sent me these lovely and heart-touching red neck and trailer park haikus. I’m happy to give proper credit to the talented poet or poets who so beautifully capture the...

Funny redneck dictionary of medical terms: For those of you who have been staying up late, losing sleep, wanting to know redneck medical terms, here’s the redneck medical dictionary. Benign – What you be after you be eight. Artery – The study of learning how to paint real good. Bacteria – Back door...

We are all familiar with lip syncing. So what is lip dubbing (or lipdubbing)? Lip dubbing is playing a song on your ipod and singing to it, while video recording it. Then later adding in the music. It can be done in a public place, and no one will hear anything (although you might get a few strange...

Funny warning sign: Soft shoulder, blind curves, steep grade, big trucks. Good luck! Well, give them credit for honesty. Funny toilet sign: Toilet! Stay in your car. Um, you have an empty Coke can handy? Funny speed limit hours sign Good thing every watch in that town is exactly synchronized. This...

Diesel Fried Chicken Yum! You gotta love that DFC. But it can give you a little gas. Falling rocks? I feel sorry for the guy in the Smart Car that stopped to get a closer look at that little warning sign. Alignment They should try to find a shop that can fix that. Danger ahead. Fasten seatbelts and...

This video clip of Penn Jillette saying “Shut the fan up!” has an interesting story. He was trying to do a taped interview for PBS News Hour, when a man walking by saw Penn being interviewed and started shouting excitedly to him about being a big fan and wanting free tickets to his show. The...

Here is a collection of funny lolcats with invisible things: Funny Invisible lolcat pictures Invisible shopping cart. Almost ran over you with my invisible bike Everything is invisible Invisible pogo stick Invisible pogo stick Invisible corncob.

Here are some of the best funny LOLcats. Lolcat #1: It’s my birthday. Lolcat #2: I’m in your neutral nation, eating your chocolate treats. Lolcat #3: The bear told me I was fat!!! Lolcat #4: Is this battletoads?!? Lolcat #5: bold kitty pic Lolcat #6: Put down that cam!

Lolcat #11: I don’t want. Lolcat #12: I am hiding and you can’t see me. Lolcat #13: Godspeed, moon cat. Lolcat #14: Didn’t you hear? we’re not nutritious. Stop eating me! Lolcat #15: Magic can owns you! Lolcat #16: Oh no! Lo