Innocent English

Big sentimental occasion…our moment of triumph…and what do I find you doing? Flirting with a stuffed dinner jacket! I don’t know. I’ve done it before without you two. Ladies and gentlemen, this meeting of the Mutual Admiration Society is now adjourned. Thank you and good night. Pick, pick, pick on...

Here’s another good inspirational story: The Butterfly A man found a cocoon for a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Shake It Off And Step Up A parable is told of a farmer who owned an old mule. The mule fell into the farmer’s well. The farmer heard the mule ‘braying’ – or – whatever mules do when they fall into wells. After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer...

Here’s another good inspirational story: LOVE OF LIFE It all started when I was 16 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we...

1/_ Pain is God’s megaphone…. 2/_ …to rouse a deaf world 1/_ You know my writing too well, don’t you? 1/_ This is how I explain the otherwise puzzling differences between the sexes… where men have intellect, women have a soul 2/_ As you say, Professor Reilly, I’m from the United States and...

(1)Am I in Hell? (2)Not yet! –Hey, how will you know where I am? –I’ll know. 1) Coward! Chicken! Sissy! Come out here and fight like a man! 2) You’re a fool, Claymore! Get out of my sight! 1) Margo, you don’t return my calls anymore. 2) Oh, that’s not true. I’ve never returned your calls. 1) I...

Ah, details. I’m glad to see you’re a man who understands details, Mr. Green. They’re most important to me. Most important. All the little details. Everybody was sweet and pretty then. Horrible, faded, fat, greedy women. The cities are full of women, middle-aged widows, husbands dead, husbands...

I have a masters in manipulation from the University of Bilko. 1) Speaking of Doberman, can I please have another roommate? 2) …What’s the matter with Doberman? 1) He wet the bed! 2) Oh, well, every once and awhile… 1) No, he did it from across the room. 1)Ernie you got Popperellie to dress in drag...

Don: I fucked Jackie. Dirty cow. During what we were doing, she tried to stick her finger up my bum. I nearly hit the roof, you can imagine. I mean, what have you got to think of a woman who’d want to do that? Don: Shut up, cunt. You louse. You got some fuckin’ neck ain’t you. Retired? Fuck off,...

–Don’t you ever stop asking questions? –No, I never stop. –Have you come for me? –I have been walking by your side for a long time. –Wait a moment. –That’s what they all say. I grant no reprieves. –Who are you? –I am Death. –You drew black! –Very appropriate. Don’t you think so? Faith is a torment....

1) I asked you a question – do you know who Judas was?!? 2) Yes, I know who Judas was – he was a man I worked for and admired until he disgraced the four stars on his uniform. 1) You got something against the English language, Colonel? 2) No, sir. 1) Then speak it plainly, if you will. 2) I’m...

1) Don’t you like girls? 2) We ain’t hardly ever seen one. 1) Well, it wouldn’t hurt you to learn some manners, too. 2) What do I need manners for? I already got me a wife. 1)Going Courtin. Going Courtin Dressin up to see a girl! 1)If you’ll just follow me. 2)To the ends of the earth....

Ernest Hemmingway once wrote, I agree with the second part. Ernest Hemmingway once wrote, The world is a great place, and worth fighting for. I agree with the second part. Ernest Hemmingway once wrote, THE WORLD IS A GREAT PLAVE AN WORTH FIGHTING FOR, I agree with the second part. Ernest Hemmingway...

alright Louise, take Thelma over there and y’all go rob some banks, if you all that CLEO! Sit. Dont you ever fucking raise a gun to me agin Frankie: I nearly got blown away at your tired ass fucking bank! And you’re gonna fire me???? You couldn’t even WAIT!!! Frankie: Well, now you got a gun at...

-I’m a marked man in this department. For what? -I’ve already arranged a transfer for you. -To where? China? -That gun takes a 14-shot clip. You expecting an army? -No, just a division. B.C.I. Frank, let’s fact it. Who can trust a cop who don’t take money? The reality is that we do not wash our own...

(telephone rings / 1 answers) 1. Hello? 2. Is this the Cocksucker residence? 1. Goddamn you! Stop calling here! 2. Isn’t this 4215 Pussy Way?!? 1. You bitch! 2. Now, let me check the zip code… 212FuckYou!!! 1. You can’t wear white shoes after Labor Day. 2. That’s not true anymore. 1. Yes, it is!...

Ain’t nobody ever cut five centers, lessen’ it were Daniel Boone. aint it funny how the people on the bottom always look down on the people on the top Dance with that there big women Alvin. Why oncst around her is twicst around Bear Mountain. Folks back home used to say I could shoot a rifle before...

#1- Come holler at me. How’s life been treating you? #2- It’s been cool Cal, me and my girlfriend’s husband got into a fight, he only won you know ’cause she helped him. #1- Hey ya’ll don’t want to admit it but black folks just as crazy as white folks. GROUP- WHOA! #1- Mike Tyson, he’s like three...

Oh, it’s not pain that breaks them. It’s fear. Knowing that they are absolutely helpless. You are helpless, aren’t you? I can do anything I please to you. And there’s nothing you can do. Since you refuse to use the sceptre to save yourself, you’re certainly never going to give the secret to us. And...