Innocent English

Daddy, my booty itches! That’s because it’s chock full of shit, son. Daddy, we got anorexia? No son, Daddy lost his job. GODDDDD DDAMMNNNN! GUY 1: 52 cents on pump one please GUY 2: What the hell are you driven a lawn mower GUY 1: Nevermind stay out of my God damn business HE WAS TEASIN’ ME! i dont...

(T-Rex) You’re gonna make me cum, or I’m gonna kick your ASS! … and Choda-Boy! 1: JESUS! 2: where? 1: Put your tongue in her mouth, for Christ’s sake! 2: How would Christ benefit from me putting my tongue in someone’s mouth? Are you sancho? No you are not… neither is Scott Baio, Sancho… But I, I am...

(1)He just needs you to tell him you don’t hate him.(2) Hate him/ Mothers don’t hate their sons. (1)What? What was your one mistake?(2) I held on. -Anyway. -Hm, what? -Oh, just anyway. It’s a conversation starter. -Hm, catchy. -I knew you’d like it. I’ve been working on it all day. -I made a 74 on...

A job worth doing is a job worth doing well. Easy as pie. I knew we were a country that respects art. I never thought they’d have gotten this close. It’s the difference between eating and not eating sometimes. Relax! We’re just passing through! Say hello to my little friend. They’d never beat you...

(1)Do you want me to call public safety? (2)Do you want to get naked and start the revolution? (pause) I’ll take that as a maybe. (1)Do you want me to call safety patrol? (2)Do you want to get naked and start the Revolution? I’ll take that as a maybe. (1)There’s no doubt in my mind you’ll be going...

(DEDE) Have you always been a homo? (MATT) Yeeeaah…I guess… (DEDE) You’ve never slept with a girl? (MATT) Nope, never came up. (DEDE) So to speak, right? (MATT) Is just isn’t for me… (DEDE) How do you know if you’ve never tried it? (MATT) Well I’ve never tried communism, but I know I wouldn’t want...

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Good Love quotes: Best famous quotes about Love Love is metaphysical gravity. – R. Buckminster Fuller Love is a game that two can play and both win. – Eva Gabor Where there is love there is life. – Mohandas Gandhi For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you...

Good quotes about Love: Some of the best great quotes about Love All love shifts and changes. I don’t know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time. – Julie Andrews Love takes up where knowledge leaves off. – Saint Thomas Aquinas Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. –...

Here’s another good inspirational story: A Story To Live By My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister’s bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. “This,” he said, “is not a slip. This is lingerie.” He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade...

Here’s another good inspirational story: The Cross Room The young man was at the end of his rope. Seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees in prayer. “Lord, I can’t go on,” he said. “I have too heavy a cross to bear.” The Lord replied, “My son, if you can’t bear it’s weight, just place your cross...

Here’s another good inspirational story: The Diploma I was exhausted from working my two jobs over the weekend and was not looking forward to the graduation ceremony. I have been to many graduations and I know how boring they are for most people. To top everything off, my wife and I had our two...

#1- Am I uh, going down right? #2- Is she going down right? #3- She sure is. #1- But I started to take these pills I have here and they really built me up. #2- No question about it. #1- Good morning, that’s a clever shower schedule you’ve worked out. Conserves water too. #2- Look, Lt. Crandell was...

1. Ibham doesn’t stare off into space because he’s a wise old soul, he’s as blind as a bat! 2. Ibham not blind! Ibham can- Ibham is blind. Gentleman, I’m responsible for anything that goes in this cargo hold, now if that thing even twitches, you’re gonna see an elephant fly. I did not join this...

–What do you use for fuel, Professor?–A mixture of liquid oxygen and alcohol. As a scientist, I was taught to be sure of my facts. Does goodnight mean goodbye? Flying bombs. Have they got a long-range rocket? If you’re not quiet we’ll ahve to gag you If you’re not quiet we’ll have to gag you In...

Boss sure can cowboy Charley: I might be fittin’ to say some words. Boss: Well if you’re gonna talk to the man upstairs, I’ll stand here with hat in hand, but I ain’t talking to that son-of-a-bitch Cows is one thing, but one man telling another man where he can go in this country is something else....

FORTUNE TELLER: (lighting a candle) What do you wanna know, Faith? FAITH: Um, just basic destiny stuff, I guess. But– I don’t want to hear anything bad. (beat) If that’s okay. FORTUNE TELLER:Your destiny’s two dollars. (Whistles) Katarina, the bella italia she’s waiting! Be right down! *on the...

I guess I’ll just have to gain some weight and grow some breasts for you I knew a polish woman once, she was so stupid that she thought chocolate milk came from black cows I’ve Got Dreams To Remember. Ma! Marie’s Wedding. marry that girl, raise some fine irish dago mutts and bring them to florida...

–What about Longworth? –Nothing about him. In the morning, I’ll kill him and then we’ll rob that bank. –You got a lot of guts, ain’t you kid? –You’re the one with the gut, Lon. Get up, you big tugga guts! How’s it gonna look for you Lon? You lyin’ there–kickin’ and a snappin’–and spittin’ out yer...

–You mean I’ve been a capitalist for three hours and already I owe $10,000? –That’s what makes our system work: Everybody owes everybody. Any world that can produce the Taj Mahal, William Shakespeare, and striped toothpaste can’t be all bad. Eins! Zwei! Drei! Fooey! He’s not a Communist. He’s a...