Innocent English

Ain’t nothing free in this world but Jesus. aint nobody gonna have pity on you just ’cause you blind better put these glasses on before they scare somebody half to death Can he see? Do you know what it’s like to be blind and still be afraid of the dark? Don’t jive me, man. He’s an amazing cat. Hey...

#1 I don’t know why they advertise all those sleeping pills on TV. I mean, chemicals are no good for you. A couple of bottles of champagne wipes you right out. #2 Exactly. #1 & #2 Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! #1 I got a charity softball game in the morning with the Dade County Sheriff’s. #2 Cops against cops,...

1: What’s the medal for? 2: Cowardice. A little too much bourbon in his bourbon. Bon Appetit! Breakfast… lunch… and reinforcements. Did you check around outside? No … Thencheck around outside woman !! Eat to live. Don’t live to eat. He was licking me! He was tough– but a good soldier ought to be...

Artie:It’s a piece of shit,Bob.Jim:Yeah,but it could be our piece of shit. Dark star. Guy #1: I’m looking for the blow. Where’s the blow? Guy #2: It’s in the file cabinet under ‘S’ for stash. It was your brilliant idea. Remember? Jackass,moody doesn’t mean an hour of blackness! Jim!Listen to me, I...

1)-all you have to do is walk across the floor, and slip on that glass 2)(gibberish)1)yea, you might get hurt.but it’s a risk i’m willing to take… 1)dad i gotta go to the bathroom. 2)cant u wait?1)dad i gotta go real bad 2) well then $hit out the window Cad Driver: You want to take the highway, but...

#1- Why? #2- Because it’s Hitler’s harmonica. #1- You’re driving his car. (after losing a heart for a transplant) 1. I have lost my heart many times before, i make a joke so you forget how screwed you are (The busload of Lucys are starting to get on Owen’s nerves) OWEN(to himself):Two million...

I got the word for you because it’s what you is, you is a rat pfink! you is a rat pfink! Lonnie will sing a song anytime, anywhere. Lonnie… likes to sing. Oh, won’t somebody SAVE me!? Rat Pfink: Remember Boo Boo, always look both ways before crossing the street. Rat Pfink: Remember Boo Boo, we only...

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Good Sports quotes: Best famous quotes about Sports Tennis and golf are best played, not watched. – Roger Kahn Is it normal to wake up in the morning in a sweat because you can’t wait to beat another human’s guts out? – Joe Kapp Tennis is a perfect combination of violent action taking place in an...

Good quotes about Sports: Some of the best great quotes about Sports My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging. – Hank Aaron The triple is the most exciting play in baseball. Home runs win...

Ain’t that a kick in the head. Come fly with me. Eee-O-Eleven. GOT IT BABY! Hell, they’d vote for Adolf Hitler in Chicago if Mayor Daley told them to. Hey there! High hopes! I say screw the movie, let’s just pull the job. I want to help Jack get elected. I’m a saloon singer, but I’m not stupid. I’m...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Regret City I had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year, and yet I found myself packing rather hurriedly. This trip was going to be unpleasant and I knew in advance that no real good would come of it. This is my annual “Guilt Trip.” I got...

–Chicago PD thinks you’re a cop-killer. You know what that means? –I’m off the department’s Christmas list? –We are with the FBI. This is agent Wesley, and I am agent Stewart. –Oh, cops in suits. Can’t find my way. Don’t fear the weapon. Fear the man. Oh, great. More cops. Pop-tarts…More pop-tarts....

Here’s another good inspirational story: The Road Of Life At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong; so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was there sort of like a picture of a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Room At The Table Have you ever noticed that dining room tables seat six, eight, or twelve-not seven, nine, or thirteen? I’ve been single all my life, usually not thinking much of it. But on holidays even the place-settings conspire against me, rendering a...

Black Guy: You got any Frankenberry cereal with the marshmallows? Sean: Can I have a chocolate bar? (Recognizes lady near him) Hey, I know you. Bad Lady:/: No, you don’t! Don’t look at me! Gets duct tape Don’t look at me. Puts tape over Sean’s eyes Chocolate bar? What, do you think this isn’t...

–What happens if you don’t get elected? –The country goes to hell. –You’re not a Democrat, are you? –What if I am? –We’ll talk. I’ll give you book to read. Daddy’s little girl. Just friends. We are SURELY friends. You keep looking for a reason why. There is no why. You know those drugstore kits...

(1) How will you live? (2) Day by day. 1)You look like Hell Rambo. (2)Tough night. Bin Laden-BoooooooM- I’m coming to get you……….. Co: What bring you good luck? Rambo: (holds up knife) I guess this Co: You look like hell rambo. Rambo: Tough night Find them… or I’ll find you! From the first Rambo:...

1)one man against three commando’s who do you think this man is god 2)god would have mercy he won’t (entire Soviet army advances upon them) What do we do John? (Rambo loads a grenade into his M203 grenade launcher) Rambo: Fuck ’em (John, got any ideas?) Yeah, Fuck em 1. Are you listening? 2. Who...

1) The kids were making samosas at Nilma’s 2) Just one? 1) Well they were hungry, so we ate them on the way 1) Who do we know that owns a jaguar? 2) Could be a celebrity, coming to knit with you 1) Oh shutup! 1) You can tell me all of your problems, really, I’m a solver. I once got an axle grease...