Innocent English

Here’s another good inspirational story: Find Joy In The Ordinary We played every game we knew. We ran up and down the hall. We played “find me” behind the couch. We bounced the beach ball off each other’s heads. We wrestled, played tag, and danced. It was a big evening for Mom, Dad, and little...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Bike Ride with God When I first met Christ It seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride, But it was a tandem bike, And I noticed that Christ Was in the back helping me pedal. I don’t know just when it was that He suggested we change places, But life...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Todays Prayers Pardon my muddy feet, God of raindrops and wriggle worms. I’ve been outside, Splashing in puddles like a child, trying to rediscover your creations: Cloak of fog, spider web weavings, Birds of different feathers dining peacefully together. I...

Lennie: Can I still tend the rabbits, George? For God’s sake Lennie, don’t drink so much! You gonna be sick like you was last night! George! Tell ’em how you done before! About the rabbits, George! George, you want I should go away and leave you alone? George, you want I should go away and live in...

(1) For God’s sake, do something. Say something. (2) What? What do you say to a man who’s crying in your bathroom? (1) Funny, I haven’t thought of a woman in weeks. (2)I fail to see the humor (1) God help me. (2) Never mind helping you!. Tell him to save my meatloaf! (1) I’m in for a quarter. (2)...

–I hate mess and I hate disorder. I went to a hypnotist to try and cure me. –Didn’t work, huh? –No, he was late. I straightened up his office and left. 1) Look, we have to have a plan. Agreed? 2) Agreed. 1) Okay. What do you think the plan should be? 2) I don’t care. I agreed. I did my part. 1)...

– What can you set your watch by, Harry?!?!?! – THIS FUCKING RAIN !!!!! – What can you set your watch by, Harry??? – THIS FUCKING RAIN!!!!!! 1/_ Anyone got any porn?? 2/_ Christ! The man’s a pervert!! 1/_Ah, do I detect the unmistakable tang of ye olde Tiger? 2/_Bung, you could sniff out a can of...

(referring to 007) You have a rather nasty habit of surviving. –Are you with our group? –No, ma’am. I’m with the economy tour! –We’ve got company. –No problem, this is a company car. General, there’s a bomb in that cannon. Its funny but when im stared at i seem to lose my appatite… Mr. Bond is...

don’t know why they’d drop a bomb on this place, be a heck of a waste of a bomb. 1) What are the chances of us winning that science fair? 2) ‘Bout a million to one, O’Dell. 1) That good, huh? A rocket won’t fly unless someone lights the fuse. And what’s the railroad gonna say when they catch us...

Nina: You can’t choose who you love. One shouldn’t be too hard on oneself when the object of one’s affection returns the favor with rather less enthusiasm than one might have hoped. I want you to be with me, I want you to marry me, I want you to love me the way that I love you. (1)Have you noticed...

PETE Wait a minute! Who elected you leader a this outfit? EVERETT Well, Pete, I just figured it should be the one with capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain’t the consensus view, hell, let’s put her to a vote! #1- But how did he know about the treasure? #2- I don’t know Delmar? the blind...

(1) Are you asking me how I got that scar? (2) Well you do have the best stories (1) When you were little, did you ever ride on your friends handlebars….(2)Yea….(1) Yea me too, but I never closed my eyes, I was always to afarid to…(2)Your freaking me out…(1)I feel like I can close my eyes with you....

*Cletus farts loudly* Grandma: Who there called my name? Anything I can get you? Juice? Coffee? Rack of Lamb? Big, small, medium, midgets. Your sposed to have all that! Buddy:Hey I’ve heard of dreadlocks, but shit locks? Get rid of that shit. Can I get you anything? Juice? Coffee? Rack of lamb?...

1) Oh, did I tell you the news? Leon got one of them penis pumps. 2) Penis pump?! What he do with it? 1) I don’t know. Supposed to pump it up or somethin’. 3) Do it work? 1) Just on the tip. Man, that thing look like a portabella mushroom! 1) This is some scary sh*t! 2) Yeah, like the Outer Limits....

I am a good citizen who is aware of his responsibilities I dont know how you can read with all this row going on Keith Keith, do we have to stick to the schedule? Keith, now I’m not going to go on any more walks with you until you apologise to Ray Kiss Prudence You’re not listening Candice Marie...

1)Do you believe Dr. Morrison is acting out of a personal motive? 2)No, I’m sure he believes what he believes. He thinks whores are girls who hang out on 8th Avenue and stick needles in their arms. He knows whores aren’t nice white girls from nice white families. He knows that just as sure as he...

(1) Nothing like watching the tenpins fall. (2) Hey, that’s a skill. They’re trying to get that in the Olympic games. 1) Where am I? Purgatory! 2) Worse, you’re in Texas 1. I see you’ve met david 2. Funny thing, he introduced himself as george 1. Yeah, he does that Are you having a nervous...

(1) Excuse me sir, Have you ever seen a sluice room? Now this is what we call a bedpan. (2) Budpan! (1) Mmm… We use it to get rid of shit! [Smacks off mans head] Blow away. Faith’s got an interesting sideline she sleeps for 10 quid an hour (faith) Sauce! Five wombs, for short. Goin’ out of my head....

Roberta: No its not ok!(hits mirror with rock)My dad lied to me he said that the angels swooped down to earth and carried her away, before she had a second to feel any pain! Hes all I have left and he lied to me. Chrissy: Hes not all that you have left Roberta: All I have left is you guys Teeny:...

#1 – so what do you put on your passport – mel gibson’s bottom? #2 -actually , mel does his own ass work, i mean ,why wouldn’t he?…its delicious? #1- what mel gibson’s bottom or the ice cream? #2-both ,equally, except this is tart … and fuzz free.. #1. May I stay longer? #2. Stay forever #1....