Innocent English

–How does one get to be a private detective? You don’t mind my sizing you up a little? –Most are ex-cops. I worked for the D.A. Got fired. –I never hired a detective before. What are the rates? –As much as the traffic will bear. –When can you start? –I’ve already started. –I thought detectives were...

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Good Forgiveness quotes: Best famous quotes about Forgiveness Forgiveness means letting go of the past. – Gerald Jampolsky Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr. Thank you, God, for this good life and...

Good quotes about Forgiveness: Some of the best great quotes about Forgiveness Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom. – Hannah Arendt Forgive many things in others; nothing in yourself. – Ausonius I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive....

–What kind of business are you mixed up in?–No kind of business, honey. Every one of those pins is an unsolved murder. I’m gonna tell you something about women. I never met one that didn’t need a rap in the head. And often. Lep, it’s your own rule: No man is bigger than the Syndicate. Well, I’m...

–Did you kill Rufus McCain? –I was the weapon, but I ain’t no killer. –How do you think the Yankees will do against the Redskins this year? –The Yankees are a baseball team. The Redskins are a football team. Personally, I think the Redskins would kick the shit out of them. –I will ask you what I...

Here’s another good inspirational story: The Messenger: A Soulmate Story It was a beautiful sunny day in Seattle, which is so unusual for the 4th of July; a day for fireworks and celebration honoring our country’s independence. That day, little did I know that I was soon to receive a very special...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Five more minutes The radio blaring startled me awake. Just five more minutes, I told myself, as I banged around on the headboard and finally found the snooze button. Four times, I said just five more minutes, only my snooze alarm is random, it goes off at...

Here’s another good inspirational story: God said…I said GOD SAID: Nice touch. I SAID: Thanks. But…what are we talking about? That WWJD bracelet you’re wearing. Oh, Yeah. I’ve got five. I know. You can match ’em with just about anything in your closet can’t you? Yeah. Cool, huh? You’ve got a pretty...

–He doesn’t fit the profile. –The profile doesn’t fit the profile. -Man cannot live freely without embracing suicide and crime. -A pact made with relentless fire that says — while some live, others must die. A Pact Made With Relentless Fire That Says, While Some Live,Others Must Die. Anything but...

–Midnight? Now why should she insist on midnight? –She probably saw ‘The Cat and the Canary.’ But you ought to see those wolves. You can see dollar signs all over their faces. I’m the only sane person in a family of nitwits. The Hays office ain’t gonna like that long kiss. The old lady is crazy...

#1)Any children? #2) One daughter: Irene. But, she insists on calling herself Rita. #1) Just like a dame. #1)I can feel it in my buns. #2)Buns? Where did you get buns? #1)No, monsiuer, the buns in my body. #1)Twain has no pinkies. #2)You mean he’s only got 8 fingers? #1)No, he has 10. He just...

–You were in the Olympics. You know what it means to be a team player. –Sharpshooting isn’t a team sport. -A study at Harvard determined a person’s longevity by the first thing they read in the paper. -I’m an obituary man. -Start with the comics, you’ll live longer. -Jesus, Alvin. You really had...

–Did anything go wrong at lunch? –My frog turned on me. –Yeah, I had some bad tuna myself. 1. Something from the grill, Jill? 2. No, meat makes me ill, Gill. A FROG?!! In love with a PIG?! BROOKE SHIELDS: Is something wrong? RAT: Do you believe in inter-species dating? BROOKE: Well, I’ve gone out...

#1) If I say you’re hungry, you eat. If I say you’re sleepy- #2)I eat? (1)And don’t tell me that you don’t know. (2)I know not? 1) I had that dream again. 2) Oh yeah? You mean the one with the goat, the dwarf and the jar of peanut butter. 1)I swear I had 4 aces! 2)And The King Prawn wins again! 1....

#1 when your a professional pirate…. #2 you dont have to wear a suit. (1) It just feels so weird. (2) You mean that Mr. Aeral’s dead? (1) Yeah, that and my pants are filled with starfish. (2) You and your hobbies. (1) Your finger hired the crew? (2) No, that’s silly. The man who lives in my finger...

A bear in his own habitat, A studebaker #1-I’ve got to catch a plane. #2-With that tongue? No way. #1-I’ve to catch a plane. #2-With that tongue? No way. 1) I’ve lost my direction! 2) Have you tried Hare Krishna? 1)And what in the name of Fats Waller is that? 2)It’s a 4-foot prune! 3)A 4-foot...

#1- Er..ah..I suppose that on the blessed day of Christmas one must drink to the health of a Mr. Scrooge, even though he is odious, stingy, wicked, unfeeling and badly dressed! #2 & #3- (GASP) #1- I fell down the chimney onto a flaming hot goose! #2- You have all the fun. #1- Tell me Ebenezer...

–A team leader who cooks. What a luxury. –Years in the kibbutz kitchen. –All this blood comes back to us. –Eventually it will work. –And it’s Americans you work for? –Yes. See? James Madison. –Did the CIA know about Munich? –The CIA didn’t even know Black September existed before Munich. –You want...

I believe if I can see it and I can touch it, then it’s real. That’s what I believe. LEAVE THIS PLACE! …. LEAVE THIS PLACE OR DIE! These men are a desert people they value water, not gold. #1-Patience is a virtue. #2-Not right now it isn’t! #1: Can You Swim? #2: Of course I can swim, if the...