Innocent English

–Forgive me, sir, but to me, the Navy isn’t a business. It’s an organization of people who represent the finest aspects of our nation. We have many traditions. In my career, I have encountered most of them. Some are good. Some not so good. I would, however, not be here today were it not for our...

#1)Ok, strait to the point… You are a former agent of a top secret organization that monitors extra terestrials on earth. We are the Men in Black, we have a situation, and we need your help. #2)There is a free mental health clinic at the corner of violet and east vally. Next! #1)What did you mean,...

Why the big secret? People are smart, they can handle it. A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it. #1)All right, I’m in, because there’s some next-level shit going on here, and I’m with that. But before y’all beam me up, there’s a few things to understand....

(explosion!)AHHH!….Hey, this is shit. It’s shit, Ross! G-Get it off me! It’s shit!! It’s shit!! –Who was Richard Nixon’s chief of staff during the final days of Watergate? –Oprah Winfrey. 1) Golf clap? 2) Golf clap. All the citizens in Las Playas are hard working, with a future in mind. With the...

*blood goes flying everywhere* 1) I wasn’t shot, YOU were shot! 2) No I wasn’t! 1)You’re just in shock, you were shot! 3) Uh, guys. It’s just tomato soup. –And if we don’t drop these bombs right in the pickle barrel, there are going to be a lot of innocent people killed. –What’s the difference?...

–He lives in Los Angeles. –What does he do? –He’s a professional embarrassment. –Who moves to Vermont? –She likes the cold. –She should…she invented it. I’ve lived a thousand different lives in a thousand different places, kid. If I die on a weekday, no one will come to my funeral because everyone...

have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I can’t remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world’s still there. Do I believe the world’s still there? Is it still out there?… Yeah. We all need mirrors to...

You did it didn’t you Focker… You painted the stripe to make it look like jinxy-cat. (Greg)Yeah, you can milk anything that has nipples.(Jack) I have nipples Greg,could you milk me? (Jack)Gregs a male nurse. (Kevin) Wow thats great to give something back like that. Id love to do volunteer work Just...

(on the answering machine) BERNIE: Hello you have reached the Fockers, were not around, so leave us a message, Goodbye…..Roz! How the hell do you shut this thing off? ROZ: I have no idea, just press a button. BERNIE: Alright I’m pretty sure its off. Honey! You want a chimichanga? ROZ: I thought...

1: Didn’t you notice you were sitting on his face! 2: Well, it was a bit uncomfortable but I thought it was my hemmorhoids. 1: Do you really think people are interrested in nasal sex? 2: Sure, boss. It’s the next big fad. 1: Don’t worry if you feel ashamed / It’s been around for years / And...

…even a skinny squirrel makes a fine fur jock strap. 2) Well that makes sense since squirrels hide nuts 3’o to ya bro Hey it’s captain hookie!! I totally crave your wave! Well I think your wave is pretty cravable too! just like jess is short for jessica. yeah, and captain pine is short for...

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1) But I don’t go to school. 2) You will some day. If they’ll take you in. 1) I’m awfully sorry if I hurt you. 2) It’s no worse than football practice, except it’s better with a girl. 1) It’s very kind of you to accept my apology. 2) If you’re not busy tomorrow night, would you mind beating me up...

A half a helot! I don’t read no papers. And I don’t listen to radio either. I protest against the decency in the world. I protest against corruption in local politics. I protest against civic heads being in league with crime. I protest against state relief being used as political football. I...

I know its a cornball thing, but love is passion, obsession, someone you cant live without. If you dont start with that what are you going to end up with? I say fall Head over Heels. Find someone you can LOVE LIKE CRAZY and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? forget your...

Good Death quotes: Best famous quotes about Death Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there’s a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see. – Helen Keller All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that...

Good quotes about Death: Some of the best great quotes about Death A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist. – Stewart Alsop Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in...

-It takes a special kind of person to do that. -I can dig it. -You say you can ‘dig it’. But the fact is that you don’t know what you’re talking about. -You do? -Do I? -Interesting. When he’s cornered, he answers questions with questions. -That was pretty cold. -I knew she wouldn’t do it. -But had...

‘Listen to me you crazy frog! I want food we can eat! Burgers, doggies, home fries, eggs over-easy, I’ll go as far as French toast, but nothing, nothing fancy!’ ‘Listen to me you pipsqueak, pistol-packin’, package of paramilitary paranoia!’ ‘How do you say that so fast?’ (1) Listen to me you...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Packing Parachutes Charles Plumb, a US Navy Academy graduate, was a jet fighter pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent the next...