Innocent English

1.>Are those clorets in your pocket or you just happy to see me. 2.>Is that a bra your wearing or are you waiting for an assination. #1- Hello everyone. (group yelling) – HI MICKEY! #1- The names Morty, not Mickey. (group singing) – We are the CIT’s so pity us, the kids are brats the food is...

Here’s another good inspirational story: God Is Like… A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results: God is like BAYER ASPIRIN — He works miracles. God is...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Finding God Within and Without How do I find You God? God is Love. If you have ever loved, If you have ever been loved, You have experienced God from Within and Without God is Truth. If you have ever told the truth, If you have ever discovered Truth, You...

I fuck you where you breathe. I guess you could say that things haven’t gone so well tonight, but I’m trying, Lord, I’m trying. I looked away. I met him on a Sunday. johnny boy ; i aint never going on no retreat Jumpin’ Jack Flash. mook? what’s a mook.. you can’t call me a mook! Tell me. Twenty...

I never have seen a shit movie like this!! If you like to loste completly your time, you can watch it. Mambo Mambo…. Si Si, I am a Asshole but everyone here knows how these things work. Questions…Yeah, what if we don’t wanna play? -!!!BANG!!!- Then don’t!! Any, other, questions? Yes, where can I...

Reginas mum:so whats the 411? what are the hot jams? whats everyone listening to? “Oh my god, Danny Devito I love your work!” #1: Do you want to go to Taco Bell? #2: I can’t go to Taco Bell I’m on an all carb diet, God Karen you are so stupid!! (damiens in the girl’s bathroom) girl: Hey you’re not...

Fact 1. The average North American car contains 300 pounds of plastics. Fact 2. The average number of bridesmaids at a wedding is four. Fact 3. The average number of guests that attend a wedding in the U.S. is 189. Fact 4. The average number of people that go to a party for the Super Bowl is 17....

Fact 1. Studies have shown that by putting on slow background music it can make a person eat food at a slower rate. Fact 2. Studies have shown that classical music helps cows produce more milk. Fact 3. Studies have shown that the scent of Rosemary can help in better mental performance and make...

close your eyes Millie, Marty doesn’t wanna go to jail Either you’re hard as hell and pulling my chain or you’re the biggest pussy I know. Hey Rocky, I just had this amazing image of what your brother and Millie would look like all hot and bothered in bed. Ew, thats gross dude! His daddy splattered...

Fact 1. Sales of antacids increase by as much as 20% the day after the Superbowl. Fact 2. Sanskrit is considered as the mother of all higher languages. This is because it is the most precise, and therefore suitable language for computer software. Fact 3. Saturday is the most popular day for people...

(1)he sure is one spartacus looking mutha fucka (2) yeah, now u can blow ya nose and wipe ya ass at the same time 1) Hank ? Hank : I appreciate everything that you’ve done , but is there any we we could get Charlie back here ? 2) Sure , Ok , and while your at it why don’t you climb that power pole...

Alright, I know I’m gonna lose here. But I’ll be the best second you’ve ever seen. Don’t get all excited, otherwise you’ll macaroni your pants again. Geordie maggot! Governor: Oh Probyn, we ought to be seeing about your parole application. Wally: No I don’t think so Mr Graham. Governor: Why not?...

–Any surveillance on him? –Would be if we could find him. –How about intelligence? Why is he here? –Nothing. –How do you stand it, this living in solitary? –Ah, you get used to it. –Lon, I have a little equalizer here. We’re gonna try to sell it to the department. The Ingram. –Ingram, huh? –Lon,...

(1) G.W., you are a ruffian. (2) Cuthbert, YOU are right! (1)You smell of beer! (2)Well naturally, I’m drinking beer –Wrong move. –What? –Chess problem. Queen’s in danger. 1. Who was it said only a trollop would kiss a man before they’re formally engaged? 2. Oh, but we are engaged. 1. Oh? 2. With...

1]You have really beautiful legs. 2]I thought they were gams? 1]Gams, stems, wheels… whatever. Adam: Whatcha readin’ about? May: Amputation. Adam: Is that for work? May: Nope. It’s just for fun. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck! You got any icecubes I can rub on my nipples? i love gross. disgust me please. ok a...

All right, you bastard. Tell all your friends the main line’s open. I get the best shit on the east coast, practically uncut. You got that, fuck face? Curtis? Is he dead? Hey, that knife gone gone rabid on you, sweet thing? Well, it turned itself on and it bit me…. Humans here, humans here, humans...

–Can you make any money in philosophy? –It depends on which one you have. 1) He’s gonna go into philosophy 2) Why? 1) Cause that’s what he wanted 2) Who told you that 1) Mr. Wichenstein 2) Who’s Mr. Wichenstein 1) Mr. Parker 2) Mr. Parker is Mr. Wichenstein! I…eh…what did he tell you?! 1) It has an...

–So, are you gonna miss me? –Are you gonna miss me? –You are gonna miss me! –There isn’t a Mrs. Maverick, is there? –Oh, I’m sure I would have remembered. –What kind of animal are you? –Vulture. –What’s the greatest Western thrill of all? –Kill Indians! –Kill Indians? Is it legal? –Oh, white man...

England for me! I’m walking on a volcano. Music is the highest of the arts. No, no, no. On the contrary, one must talk, talk, talk. What you do is more important than what you say. Your deeds are more important than your words. You are confusing what is important with what is impressive. Page...

stop trying to hit me and hit me!!! stop tryin to hit me and hit me!!!! Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of….inevitability. stop trying to hit me, and hit me #1- Can you fly that thing? #2- Not yet. #1- What just happened?! #2- Send me back in! #1- I can’t! ‘Mr. Wizard, get me the...