Innocent English

I’m going to get my balance. Then I can go back being obsessed with my family. Life is a series of divorces, suicides, promises broken, children abandoned. Love is a stream. It doesn’t stop. Love is dead. Love is a fantasy little girls have. When I can’t be cheerful, I go to the hospital until his...

–Amen. –It hasn’t started yet. –How am I supposed to know? I’ve never been to a do-it-yourself wedding before. –I major in Social Studies. –It doesn’t show. 1)then why did you bulldoze your way into me having coffee with you?2)i like your body.. father, you don’t know the time of day. I just want...

1) Is it safe to come in? 2) Yes, I’m so sorry. Ya know what? I saw that girl and next thing ya know I’m Glenn Close lookin’ for a rabbit to boil! 1)III…. I… III don’t think so! 2) What? 3) And why not son that was a beautiful ceromony. 1) Elvis it was lovely but the fact is that when we broke up...

At sundown. Everybody loves my baby. Gotta give her credit. The girl can sing. About that, I was never wrong. I’ll never stop loving you. I’m sitting on top of the world. It all depends on you. Love me or leave me. Never look back. Sam, the old accordian man. Shaking the blues away. Stay on the...

1) are you gonna give marvin back his ring? 2) girl, i would if i knew where the hell he was or maybe i’ll keep it as a reminder never to make the same mistake twice. 1) get engaged? 2) fall in love ‘cuse that shit is played out like an eight track. 1)It was like his dick called out my name....

–There is an old Chinese proverb: ‘Do not wake a sleeping tiger.’ –Certainly not in a small boat. A great many mistakes are made in the name of loneliness. I am so happy it frightens me. Our gorgeous lie did not even last the night. Tis ye, tis your estranged face that miss the many splendored...

(In an aestern european accent) I do not drink vine, and I do not smoke shit. 1) What could be better than a scorpion, Renfield? 2) Six black widow spiders, twelve fat earthworms, two hairy caterpillars on rye bread with a slice of onion. A triple decker. (1 begins to throw up) 2) Was it something...

(1) is it really true, do blowjobs really cure depression (2) only for the suckee, the sucker always stays depressed (3) told ya so ..mutual Rape…it might turn us on :Kate pushing elevator button repeatedly: guy: You know pushing the button doesn’t make it go any faster. Kate: I know, but it makes...

All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. Which means that all men are homosexuals. To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love, but then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To...

…no, she’s a hoe cause she sends her coochie through the mail. 1) Girls can’t play no ball! 2) Ball better than you. 1) I’ll be so glad when you get over this tomboy phase 2) No, I ain’t. I’m a lesbian! 1)aww man he is a girl 2)man girls cant play no ball 3)i can ball better than you 2)what a dog...

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I don’t like boat whistles. If you can paint, I can walk. If you can paint, I can walk. Anything can happen. It’s not that I’m prudish. It’s just that my mother told me never to enter any man’s room in the month ending in R. My father used to say that wishes are dreams we dream when we’re awake....

I love that word ‘relationship’. Covers all manner of sins, doesn’t it? I fear that this has become a bad relationship. A relationship based on the President taking what he wants and casually ignoring all those things that really matter to, erm… Britain. We may be a small country but we’re a great...

(1)did you find him? (2)only the parts they didn’t like. (1)sarah! sarah! (2)sarah harding!! (1)how many sarahs you think are on this island? -John thought this would happen. That’s why he set up a Plan B. -What’s Plan B? -(loads gun barrel with a loud click) Me. 1) I hope I’m not making the...

1- Can you keep a secret? I’m trying to organize a prison break. We have to first get out of this bar, then the city, and then the country. Are you in or you out? 2- I’m in. a ring a ding ding Bob: It gets a whole lot more complicated when you have kids. Charlotte: It’s scary. Bob: The most...

#1)Will Robinson! I have a joke for you! Why did the robot cross the road? Because he was carbon bounded to the chicken! #2)We have a LOT of work to do. Danger Will Fuckin Robinson! Danger! Will Fuckin Robinson! Danger! Will Robinson! Ewe! They eat their wounded. First yellow aliens, now giant...

–That’s everything? –Except leather. –For what I’m paying, I don’t get leather? –You get Mercedes leather. –Mercedes leather? What’s that? –Thick vinyl. -That’s why I married her. -That’s why I hired her. 22,22,22,22 i hope phil shabano gets eaten by dolphins I lost a woman. A whole woman. I think...

Have I found Shangri-La…Or has it found me? I come to you. I might frighten her away. If I could go back. Question me an answer. Share the joy. The things I will not miss. The world is a circle. Where the knowledge ends, faith begins. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Lost Horizon’: Quotes from the...

Call me. Dial your number. Go ahead. dick laurent is dead give me back my phone he’s getting more pussy than a toiletseat. Man, this guy sees more pussy than a toilet seat. Man: We’ve met before haven’t we? Fred: I don’t think so. Where was it that you think we’ve met? Man: At your house. Don’t you...

‘My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire.’ (1)how are those maggots? (2)huh? (1)maggots, michael. you’re eating maggots. how do they taste? (1)I made you imortal (2)You made me a killer. (1)Is it true that Santa Carla is the murder captial of the world? (2)Well let me put it this way, if...